The Bottom Line

Therefore, it's probably not a matter of whether we are full time or part time, because students will be students. We never devote sufficient time for school. Which is really our fault.

I could ask myself, where my priorities were - and the answer would be, in my work.

Or I could ask myself, why not delegate the work - well, some things just cannot be delegated, like PR - it's a personal touch.

Or I could ask myself, why I didn't start the data collecting prior to ethics - well, that would be unethical although I would have then been able to do my submission on time.

So, the clock is not just ticking now, it's going at warp speed, and i'm still on neutral gear - why, because it takes time for the engine to warm up. And it's no wonder we have this saying, Burning the midnight oil, because we students, NEVER learn, no matter how many times we go back to school.

I saw banners from last weekend selling the Noble Fir from $48 and it really didn't seem too expensive to 'buy' into a fresh start.

That was, of course, last week. Today, they were OUT of trees, except for 2 Nordman Firs, which is a bit more costly for the same height - What devastated me was the fact that, I obviously wasn't the only person who wanted a Fresh Tree for a Fresh Start - they told me another container will be arriving soon, without committing on a date - so I decided to get one, there and then....why leave my Fresh Start to chance?

But that is just the start of my problem. Never mind that I needed to get a base and had to read a brochure on 'care of live trees' - I had to move the furniture because 'he' had a wide base, as you can see. And the recommended type of lights are LED, because the bulbs don't get hot - and what do you know...I have just one set of LED - so OUT I went to get another, only to come home and find out, that with 2 sets of 88 LED lights, only 2/3 of the tree was covered as can be seen in the picture. Unbelievable.

I have not done the ornaments yet, because I need this tree to sit right i.e. he must be in the correct part of the living room - which I'm not convinced he is yet. But the fragrance of the fir, is divine....I have always wanted a fresh tree, all my life, but never actually got around to it, because I will always become all practical, telling me that I'll have to sweep up the dead pine leaves and it's expensive because it's for one time use only.

So, I suppose that's why the saying goes - no pain no gain and that if something is good, it's never easily obtained - which should translate to mean, I will be getting a really good fresh start...right?

For people who do not care which soil the tree was on when the apple fell, an apple is an apple. And isn't milk from a cow, still milk if we do not care what the cow was grazing on?

Society is changing not because of better economy or new preferences, but because people read more and have obtained more information to assist them in how they wish to live. There are some who just eat organic food, because they feel it to be healthier all around. Vegetarians may or may not consume eggs, depending on how into non-meat they really are which again may depend upon their religious beliefs or just again, for health's sake.

So how do we measure QoL?

I think it's a personal thing - because there isn't a standard level - if we can afford to buy fresh milk for our consumption, it won't matter what the packaging is if QoL is about buying and drinking fresh milk.

A person with 10 handbags costing $20 each may feel that she is living it, yet another person with one bag costing $200 feels just the same. We can't say that the first person has a lower QoL or that the latter has a higher QoL.

I think if we can argue about QoL, then we are already doing fine and we should not use that to justify or validate anything.

For me, milk is milk - an orange is an orange. But whether the bag is leather or pvc would bother me. I am prepared to pay for a $30 lunch, but I would rather make lunch - no wastage and I could zest it up any way I please in the quantity that I can consume.

At the end of the day, it's not QoL that matters, but whether we are living our life the way that makes us want to wake up and do it all over again the next day.

For the past weeks, I have been extremely busy with work, leaving me time in the evening to just unwind and breathe. Even as a multi-tasker, I need breathing time before jumping into a non-work related task like study. Work can pack itself in like sardines and it wouldn't affect me one bit because my work life has always been 'on the feet' kind of thing - it doesn't matter if it's in social services or business environment - this kind of work gets itself attracted to me.

Perhaps that's just how I have lived my life so much so, whether conscious or not, i have built my career and interest only in fields requiring intensity - failing which I would probably change jobs. I have not discounted that thought, because it's not possible to always be in a rush by default.

People, business people always say TIME IS MONEY - and for that reason we make TIME valuable by adding stuff to the second. If this has been drummed into my head from my early 20s, it's no wonder I am not able to even have a vacation without dreaming of work.

I am not a real Type A personality - I may have some traits but I am sure, I am not a true type A which is why it bothers me when I'm getting too anxious sometimes like Type As. I was probably born a Type B but got bulldozed into the A classification because TIME IS MONEY.

Perhaps I'll just do an assessment and see what the result says.

There has to be more to me than a perpetual rush.

There must be some hope for me, if I ever want to be able to stop and smell the roses for a second.

What stumped me was when no one seem to have a clue of how to then connect the washer/dryer for use when we clearly had a square 'peg' and a round 'hole' situation. The first thing that came to my mind was to find a workable solution, by that it means something less expensive (calling an electrician was not inexpensive) and a solution that is almost instant like an adapter - but when in district 9, where does one find a hardware shop which won't charge you an arm and a leg for a simple adapter?

And so, I had to go to the nearest 'local' street store some 10 mins away by car. Believe it or not, solving this wasn't easy - no one sold a square to round adapter until the third shop who suggested that I just change the square plug to a round one - which is a great idea, except that, I have never attempted such a feat before. The shopkeeper was really kind, told me it's colour coded, like it would help an nonelectrical oriented me. And to make things worse, my colleague had no clue either and for an owner of a car, he certainly didn't drive around with a tool box containing a basic screwdriver.

We take many things for granted, like that every electrical appliance will come like the computer gadgets, plug and play. There is no moral of the story here - whether you are in a skirt or not, tenants assume you know how to change the plug.

It started when I was trying to find a term - for weeks, I couldn't remember the word in psych jargon. It wasn't important even for my paper, but somewhere whilst mind-mapping, I couldn't bridge 2 roads because this word just vanished from my memory bank.

When it did sort of return, I wasn't even sure if it was the correct term - which meant, I had to go back to reading, not just reading one text, but a lot of it, since I couldn't recall, which part of Psych it came from.

Perhaps that's how things should be - back to basics. It's from the basics that gives us the foundation to read further and understand deeper. Yet, the word I was searching for wasn't even this serious - it was a very very basic psych term. That could mean either of 2 things:

FIRST

I have 'left' Psych for too long and my brains are wired for business now.

SECOND

There never really was a term.

I am still believing that it's the FIRST reason, yet as I plough the textbooks, I'm beginning to think it's the SECOND.

Until I find it, I will assume it's the FIRST and if it turns out to the be SECOND, then I think a THIRD reason will be more appropriate.

THIRD

I'm so lacking in confidence to do a good paper that I am sure it's my fault, no matter what.

Well, I do not find the age-old profession of body-trading appalling, in fact I find it very lucrative and I do understand why some are compelled to do so - but when we have other options and an otherwise a decent life, why compete with others, who probably have a more valid reason to do so.

When we are in a relationship, it's important to stay true to each other. When we do that, we are able to figure out what's wrong in that relationship and make the correct decision to rectify our discomfort or dissatisfaction. Forget about the male having an ego and will not be able to handle his woman sleeping around - think about what that will do to us, at the deepest level. We will not be able, henceforth, to look at the relationship squarely and say we didn't contribute to it's failure, because the minute we two-time, we give up our right to expect better.

For the many uncompromising traits that I have - the one thing I can say is, I'm a one man woman - I do not start hunting until I have cooked, eaten and spat out the bones of my last dish. It doesn't mean that I am faithful - it's got nothing to do with that - it's about fidelity - it's got nothing to do with taking an oath but sincerity to the person I am committed to, either legally or not.

Commitment to me, is about the physical relationship.

Nothing else matters - a guy could send me a zillion emails or take me out for too many lunches - but he would not be able to cross that line.

A guy could be my very good friend, but he would not be able to get me out to a dinner date - lunch is as good as it gets.

These are boundaries I set for myself - because I am volatile and need markers to let me know where I am, with my current commitment.

As a teacher wrote on my testimonial - I'm conscientious, diligent - she's right.

If I could pass a marker, then I know my current relationship is in trouble and if that is not alarming enough and I move toward the next marker, then I know it's best the current relationship ended.

There isn't a better person for us, but there is a better fit for us.

No one is perfect and no relationship can be perfect. The flaws would either bother us, or allow us to compromise. If it's neither, then our markers will not be within reach.

Nothing wrong with sleeping around - if we like to think of ourselves as commodities which could be bought at anyone's whims. I may be many things, but whoever I'm seeing, will always be assured that he is the only one - even when i don't see him often and we do not have a relationship that is spelt out - it's not necessary just to label something, because the socially requires it to be.

It's enough for me to know and enough for him to know.

THAT is being in a relationship. Not marriage or engagement. Just trust.