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November 30, 2007

'strong' women

Is it a crime to be a 'strong' woman?
As with everything, there must be a difference, either subtle or stark, to colour the world. Some women always play the role of a lady in distress. Some others are like wallpaper, that they just blend in with everything surrounding them. There are probably a whole lot in between, when they adjust to the conditions and react accordingly i.e. lady in distress or quiet enjoyment of their situation.
Then, there are the few who are labelled 'strong' women.
Women who speak up, confront, and are aggressive (by male standards). I have been labelled such, not by one person, but by most who have met me.
The saddest thing is, no one knows just how broken up my spirit is.
I am sure, the few strong women out there, know what I am talking about.
We get the job done.
We have energy levels that's amazing for a female.
We would take an axe to a rotten tree.
We never give any impression that we feel.
Empathy comes easily, yet not seen readily.

When people look on, they think, ah she can fend for herself.
Which is usually true.

BUT very few people would stop to think about what goes on inside her.
That inside is a constant battle - between being harsh, and still having the need to be held - to be pacified, to be tended to.
It's almost a crime that when you are such a woman, people think you don't have an emotional need. It is assumed that you are able to stand alone all the time.

When days become years, the emptiness gets too much, it begins to eat you up from inside.
But as survivors, these women will find coping skills to manage this situation for as long as they can.

Bottom line is, they will cope and survive.
Bottom line also is, but it doesn't mean they are really ok.

November 29, 2007

Asking the correct question

I shall go back to the fact that people do not change. There is no such thing as writing out a program to do function A, and then by the stroke of luck, the program does function B. It never happens.
Phenotypes, that's us, have a complex genetic make-up ; change one click, and something entirely different surfaces. That's the complexity of genes. Simply put, We are coded. For whatever reasons, two people come together, it may be because of those very reasons that it doesn't work out - it doesn't even have to be a fresh reason.

I am a sucker for strays - and that doesn't just include the four-legged furry specimens.

I believe that two people can have a good relationship - provided it's a correct match. BUT we never do know that, because most times, we are so caught up in the working world, social circles, that we do not give ourselves time to seriously dissect the situation.

Pressure would come from peers, family, workplace, that we become a 'groupie' for a moment.
BUT that moment could be the start point of what could otherwise be an uncomplicated life. The cost could be pain, disappointment and discomfort.

I have been there, too often - yet I do believe that there is love somewhere out there for me. I have lived half of my life, and everytime I opened the door, what looked like love was in a box - after some time, when I unwrap it, it's like a stray, needing to be housed. After doing that relationship after relationship - I decided to focus on my work.

There have been many who think I am who they want their wives to be, but never have I met anyone who ever asked me, if they would be the person I was looking for.

My life illustrates that I didn't change, neither did anyone of those people who have come into my life - simply put : No one ever asked me the correct question.

November 28, 2007

Pretty Paper

The best thing about christmas season are the bright coloured lights, beautifully decorated christmas trees, christmas carols and the pretty paper they sell for wrapping gifts. I'm never a victim of commercialised christmas, but it does help in keeping spirits up during this dreadful month. Dreadful, because you are either extremely happy or sad, this month. Sure, it's bonus season, meaning, more mullah going around - but sometimes, when being nostalgic, it can tug really hard at our emotional health.
Frankly, even before we actually set foot in the month of December, I feel my heart being tugged so much, it pains me.
I have given thought to my best friend, who perished in a car accident some 15 years ago - never got to say good-bye to her.
I have given thought to my grandmother, whom I dreamt about just 2 days ago - without her, I would probably never have grown up right.
I have given thought to my favourite cat, whose heart just stopped right where I sit every evening - the cat with the worst attitude, yet the most loving of all.
I have given thought to the sadness I feel, in the souls of a lot of people, yet, not be able to fix it.
I have given thought to a sweet, old man, who didn't have anyone to see him off, so I ended up scattering his ashes for him.
Too many thoughts.
These are not unhappy thoughts, they just tug the strings of my heart so much, every December.
To balance this, I need lots of pretty paper.
Pretty paper to draw smiles.
Pretty ribbons to tie happiness in.
Pretty paper, that is a symbol of love, laughter and joy.
It doesn't matter what's beneath the paper - its looking at the pretty paper, that brings a smile to any face.

November 27, 2007

Male ego, again.

At the work place - differences of opinion are plentiful and common. It is uncommon to have everything moving like clockwork, without the need for grease now and then.
If money is the root of all evil, then it's definately the ginseng that's causing this war.

Head or not a head, doesn't give anyone the right to just force their opinion for acceptance. As experienced professionals, each would have their own rule book that they operate by.

A good leader would listen and make adjustments where necessary - apologise if the need arises and move forward.
Unfortunately, the head of my department isn't half like that, and operates with a manual that has failed time and again.
My colleague fell into this mess and although I'm not part of this equation, I became part of it because both were speaking to me, on an 'aside' basis.

I did what anyone would do. Set the record straight.
When the subject was brought up, I had to input. Otherwise, I felt that I failed as a colleague and a friend.

To no one's surprise, voicing my opinion didn't bring any thunderstorms.
Perhaps, because it was expressed from a friend to another, not from a subordinate to a head.
Perhaps, the lesser of the evil was to give in to what could otherwise be a lengthy exchange with a female who will bash the male ego to pulp.
It was the right opinion and yes, before I laid out my opinion, I had the mincer on the counter-top, in plain sight (of course).

My boss has told me he prefers working with men ; simply because they are not emotional.
Debriefing what went on between the males yesterday - it was emotional - in my book - because in the professional arena, there is no room for : you said, I said; you didn't do, I did; and the one liner that says it all " I"M YOUR BOSS".

And so, with my flippant attitude, I "walked" into this mess and spoke my mind.
He's my boss too, but he crossed the line and someone had to tell him.

November 26, 2007

Gift Exchanges

This morning the topic was on the giving of christmas presents in the office - whether people were for it or not. One DJ mentioned that for such gifts, it's probably something people cannot use anyway - therefore, should we actually give such presents.
I cannot understand, why in this time and age, any office (for that matter) would come up with such an idea and not perfect it. In my office, we do have gift exchanges during christmas - but just to make sure the gift is not 'useless', we draw names from a box - then go shopping for that colleague, whose name was drawn. This way, everyone gets a gift from someone, that will not be something that's just a waste of money. Our office sets the minimum amount the gift should cost - and leave the rest to the giver.
The eve of Christmas Eve, we would gather at our reception area for gift-exchange, food, alcohol and laughter. It will close our business year on a 'high', literally. And so I ask - What's in a gift?
Actually, it's just good, warm thoughts all wrapped because it means we took the trouble.
It doesn't matter if it's a bottle of scented liquid soap from the Body Shop, because it's about having someone else who doesn't know us well enough, to take this trouble. It reminds us that gift-giving doesn't have to be expensive.
And when we do shop for our colleague, rest assured, for all other years to come, in that office, we will know one more person, a bit better. THAT is what christmas is about. It's not instant gratification that the season brings with it - but warmth that lasts.
That helped me and I'm sure it will help others who do not mix too easily in a busy office environment.

November 23, 2007

Casual relationships

Is there a need for 'casual relationships'?
When we refer to intimacy as 'casual' does that mean we do not exercise choice?

For most males that I have come across, casual means, anybody in no particular order, plus the no-strings condition.
The relationship is casual enough to be categorized at the same level as platonic, yet it involves touch and some exchange of bodily fluids. It's the same grade, but a different product.

I think social acceptance of this new classification is as widely accepted as any VISA, MASTERCARD or AMEX.

Back to the question. There may be a need for casual relationships, because hormones have deemed that a necessary part of life with approving nods from society - but individuals may vary in how that need will be addressed.

For me, just because it's casual doesn't make it easy in that we loose our ability to choose - even when using credit and debit cards, we have a choice of banks to select for use.

So, yes, casual is ok, but lets not make it indifferent.

Unexpected christmas gift

It's definately christmas season - and a time for surprises. Although very few things surprise me in life, this little envelope did.
The receptionist left mail on my desk yesterday afternoon - usually it's invoices etc for us to clear. BUT this white envelope had my name, company address written in, not typed, which made it look different from the regular stuff. Obviously, that was the mail I picked up first to open.
It was a christmas card from one of my associates.
Unexpected, because they see me often enough.
Unexpected, because this associate will always choose to be the annoying one in the group.
Unexpected, because this meant he actually took the trouble to buy a card, buy a stamp and drop it for the postman.
Unexpected, because it wasn't the usual christmas card that said Merry Christmas.
It said "Christmas used to come only once a year......till I met you"
He even penned in "and wednesdays too - since wednesdays are our sales meeting days.
THAT was a surprise.
Because I'm not the easiest person to work with.
Nor am I the easiest person to be with.

I'm glad the christmas spirit has not been lost in some of us - it's comforting to know that as much as I hold the spirit of christmas very dear, and so silently in my soul, there are others out there who are like me.

Christmas is not about spending our bonuses.
Gifts cannot be measured in monetary terms.

It's little things like this card, that would matter the most to me - that tugged my heart so much, I was actually stunned.

People who observe christmas because the shops are decorated so well, should stop and think about why christmas came to be - because until we understand that, we will be buying gifts just because we think it's about exchanging presents.

November 22, 2007

notes about love

I picked up an article about how relationships have become disposable, and here are my comments to the question "DOES LOVE DIE?"

Love does die, like every other 'living' thing. When cared for, it will flourish, when left, it will wither away, when 'fighting for space', it will struggle and if the fight gets too much, it will give up, not always by choice.

Love is very delicate. She arrives silently and leaves the same way.
Sometimes we think people marry because of love - because why else right?
Well, there are many facets of love and obvious reasons may not be the real reason – which usually resides in our subconscious mind. It sounds complicated and may even put some people off this drug. With that, I don’t mean cliché love – I’m referring to true love.

Some people may suddenly realize they are in love and then just as quickly, fall out of love. Some people decide that it’s time they fell in love and so they do. Some people just make the best of their current circumstances and slip love somewhere in between; only to realize it doesn’t fit after some time. It’s common, hence the high divorce rates.

This doesn't mean we should give up on love entirely. It's intriguing to us because love itself is evasive. If it were so easy to understand, we wouldn’t be half as interested that we end up having many articles written about it.

Love is not a Valentines Day commodity, neither is it a Christmas present – it doesn’t come gift-wrapped – it’s not an emotion that can be exchanged, or bought.
We cannot choose when or who we love.

Love chooses us.
Does that mean we have no say? No choice? What does that really mean?

It simply means, when we want to be the driver to an unfamiliar destination, we better have good directional sense. Otherwise, use a street directory.

Law of Gravity

Just a few mths ago, the real estate market was bouyant - there was talk about owners seeking very high capital gains, we heard of agents having a difficult time closing the gap between the asking and the offered prices and some owners even were gloating about how the tables are now turned and they finally are in the position to 'call the shots'.
Over the past 2 months, the confidence in the market slipped, inch by inch ; start point : the US.
For owners who have survived the slow market over the years, the peak early this year was what they saw as 'payback' time i.e. time to fleece buyers. They were creaming the market, maximising the profit margins and even turned away good offers.
Now, there is near silence again.
What took the market so many years to recover, reverted too quickly that some owners are still living in their 'heaven'.
Published reports are always positive - after all, it's to keep the economy stable.
I'm glad this happened, because it's a reality check for a lot of owners.
We live in a material world, but let's make money fairly - obscene amounts are great, but when done at the expense of another, becomes greed.
I say, those who are stuck, deserve to be in this position.
Why empathise with people who are greedy?
It's time we separate the realists from the dreamers.
AND at the end of this exercise, we'll find lots of dreamers at fire sales.
Perhaps the heat might wake them up.
BUT perhaps by then, they would need some skin grafts done too.
What goes up, must come down.
Law of Gravity.
Common sense.
Which a lot of them obviously didn't have.

November 21, 2007

so what went wrong?

This is part 2 of the ME and WE syndrome - what went wrong?
For starters, life was much simpler some 40 years ago - People did not have high expectations from life. Their objective was to work all day, get married, have children, bring home the bacon. Their life cycle was complete - they have come to this world and done what they were meant to do. Never mind if they had an imperfect family unit - it was their fate. Remember this word?
Over the years, with progress, open economies and Education - expectations change. From being contented, people moved on towards 'near perfection'. Our society was the educator, the world set the example - of always moving ahead - "a rolling stone gathers no moss".
AND so, settling for second best was never good enough. Years and years went by, and the new concept of 'being the best' became the mantra for everyone.
If people demanded more from the workplace, economy, government, what makes us think that we would stop at wanting more from a relationship. We all have relationships with our workplace, economy and the government, don't we? Don't we strive to get the best workplace choice to work in? Don't we hope for a better economy? Don't we vote for the best government? So why can't we want a better relationship? It goes with the territory.
Its strange how society demands Excellence, yet when couples need the same from a relationship, it's seen as a problem.
Break-ups are not pretty.
But unhappy relationships are ugly.
Bottom line is : grow up and move on.
I do not remember a time when the slogan was "anything goes" - it has always been excellence, the best, etc etc etc. AND so, we grew to expect the best out of anything, Relationships included, because there was no Exception clause.

November 20, 2007

How did old news become new?

There was this discussion about how the "I" and "We" causes divorce in young couples. In my opinion, that isn't the reason. The "I" and "We" issues have been so, many moons ago. It's nothing new to marriages. The real answer lies just beneath the surface, you don't even have to look deep.
Before we can understand why people choose to go their separate ways, we must first understand why they got together in the first place. Once you've done that, you'll understand how they got to their predicament. It's as simple as that. As the cliche goes, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that.
If the marriage was to serve a purpose, and only that purpose, then when the purpose has been realised, the marriage is baseless. Once a person cannot equate in a purposeless relationship, it's only a matter of time before the 'ties' dissolve. Whether it will be made official or not, would again depend upon the current circumstances. If there is yet another purpose to keeping the legal bond, then they will hang on.
It may sound clinical, but relationships are that way.
There was talk about career women having the ability to survive after a divorce, which could contribute to the breakup. Thats again, not just about working women. It's about how our society has come out of the Victorian times and accepted divorced women as people too.
I know of women who walked out of marriages without a single penny in their pockets.
That decision is a personal decision, nothing to do with career or bank accounts.
Once a person accepts that it's what's best, and they execute it, then that's it.
How did we become a DIVORCING society - simple.
We just grew as a society, accepting reality and moving on thereafter.
Forget trying to understand pseudo reasons which makes the 'fairer' gender seem bolder.
We are, after all, reasonable people, with reasonable expectations, and when that fails, just reasonably end the marriage.
Men do that for lame reasons too - we just don't make an issue out of it.
Perhaps society needs to stop having a gender divide when it comes to relationships.
Male or Female, it's someone's expectations and feelings that's being toyed with.

November 19, 2007

lights and the way

Everyone was of the opinion that it was too early to put the Christmas tree. BUT as a person who seldom takes 'group' consensus, I went ahead to set the tree up - just the lights. It's pointless to just set it totally up, since the tree symbolises many things and we need to get into the meaning of Christmas.
Each season, it takes less than an hour to actually assemble everything - after all, each household has had many years of experience in setting it up and taking it down. This year, being almost a 'turning point' in my life, I have decided to engage myself with this task.
Once lit, I could actually feel a sense of peace. Perhaps it's how Christmas is meant to be - Peace for All.
Perhaps the lights are supposed to show us the way, like the star did, for the three wise men then. We do, after all, secure a huge star at the top. Perhaps, the lights are like how the star was for them, lighting the way.
We need our path to be lighted, so that we go the right way.
It may not be the way that is correct for the people around us, but they are not us.
What's most important is, that wherever we decide to go, it's correct for us.
That's because at the end, it's always about having lived our lives the way it was meant to be.
So this season, lets take in the bright lights, the choir of angels and remember that there is always a way.

November 16, 2007

Way in Way out

It's terribly annoying when you're caught in a situation where you wake up each morning with no light at the end of the tunnel. It's worse when you realise batteries aren't going to help because the mechanism on the torch has failed. So what do we do? Dispose of the torch and batteries? Might as well, since they are of no use.
There are some people who focus on solutions, some others who prefer to find the source of the problem and others who just don't care and think GOD made them 'takers'. They are only concerned with eating and sleeping. Even if they are microbes like parasites, they would need assistance to feed themselves - that is what I'm talking about - people who have no purpose in anyone's life - it's so bad, they cannot even make another person miserable.
It's surprising, but there are such people in existence - who do nothing.
At the very worst, I got irritated - I wonder if such people find that an achievement to finally be able to succeed at something.
The key is in our ability to classify such an organism.
Once you have the classification, then you know what you're dealing with.
So what if we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If we walk further enough, we will see it, because it's a tunnel, not a cave, and if there is a way in there is a way out.

November 15, 2007

messiness

What does being messy entail?
Basically, it reflects upon the person surrounding that mess - we may conclude that the person is disorganised or worse, lazy.
If a person is too busy and cannot keep even a table-top clear of clutter, that's not being disorganised - that's pure laziness. How did a person become lazy? I have no clue.
Perhaps it has everything to do with having 'pride in one's work'. If we take the trouble, we will clear up the mess. If we have the 'couldn't care less' attitude, we would leave the mess with the other mess.
I wonder then if a messed up attitude equates to a messed up brain cells. Perhaps their brain cells just cannot fanthom why they must put the garbage in the bin and not in some bag hanging on some hook, to later be put in the bin. Why take 2 steps to solve a problem when there is one single step?
It's in the messy brain cells. The cells probably got so messed up that like arterial roads, they become so criss-crossed that the neat information met with some major accident on the way to the thinking area.
I conclude that if we have the correct attitude, mess could never take over.
A couch is for one to rest on, not clothes.
A dining table is kept clear for dinner plates, not mail.
A plastic-bag is for lining the bin, not to be hung like a basketball net.
Cabinets are for storing, not for show.
When I walk into a mess, it's almost like a Prozac call. I really don't know which is worse, depression or staring at the personification of messy.

November 14, 2007

Mynah (minor) to Major

These two innocent looking Mynahs, frolicking in the hot afternoon sun - they were having such a great time yesterday. Who would think that they indirectly caused my very very long conversation with my phone operator.
I tried to send this picture to my email, but it failed and failed and failed. Frustrated, I went to the shop for a solution. By then, my amusement (from watching this pair) was temporarily forgotten. After 30 mins, they still couldn't fix the problem. I went home, only to continue this with their technical support department - and after trying settings after settings - the patient techy found a solution.
He didn't have to go through 2 hours of trouble, hanging on to the phone, reading a 120-page manual and trying to educate a phone idiot like me.
See, if every single service staff has the motivation to just assist in the real sense - I think many many more consumers will be so pleased. I had to go through 2 customer services staff, before I got lucky.
After hours of frustration - I cannot remember why I took this picture. Mynahs becoming Majors - some progression - probably not a surprising one - but we did start out with different 'instruments' - minor problems when left become major obstacles - and by the time it reverts into the minor position - the very essence would have been lost.

November 13, 2007

putting up the tree means?

It's almost mid-november - and there was this conversation I had about when, we should put up the tree. I have put up the tree as early as now - simply because looking at it brings some sense of comfort to me. Aside from freshly fallen snow, the sight that takes my breath away, is a tinsel covered tree, with twinkling lights.
Someone said, putting up the tree too early takes the fun out of the season. I wonder how that is, because if we could for the next 6 weeks, get into the season of giving - perhaps we will be more forgiving and less selfish. If we could do that for 6 weeks, because of a tree then I think that's something.
Coming in to work today, I noticed that Orchard Road, is slowly being decorated with silver baubles against a red backdrop. I suppose, being a shoppers alley, such decorations will encourage spending - after all, christmas is a time for spending. BUT at each home, the tree must remind us of something quite different, otherwise, we have lost the meaning of christmas.
I will put the tree up this week.
Because I need to smile when I am so deep in thought.
Because I need to remember that I need to give love to those in Need.
Because I need to thank GOD for all the wonderful gifts he has bestowed upon me.
Because I need to know that there is hope.
Because I need to feel that I am loved.

November 12, 2007

when is overreacting, Over-reacting?

People have this notion that Women Over-react. I don't think that is the correct explanation.
I think there are some of us who are just interested in setting the record straight - nothing wrong with trying to be precise.
When we try to expand a statement/action it's for clarity, it's not for argument. BUT when the other party refuses to see beyond that, then it's misunderstandings galore.
As a woman, I take the trouble to never give anyone a wrong idea/impression about any subject; to do that, I need to be extremely explicit when making a statement. However, often, if the other party is male (like my boss), he would say that's me being super-reactive, followed by the phrase "AH YOU WOMEN"
My boss is so fixated on AH WE WOMEN, that he always misses the point.
If we had an exclusive right to sell a development and the owner puts up a sign to sell an unsold unit himself (breaching the contract he has with us) - how would one react?
Professionally, I didn't give out a clue about how annoyed I was - but privately, I was scheming to fix this. That one sign upset 6 associates, who squat there rain or shine.
Are they over-reacting when they tell me that they are refusing to work there anymore?
I don't think so.
They have as much a right to be there as the contract permits. As an owner, he can do whatever he wants, but it has to be within contractual boundaries, since there is a contract in existence.
To think that these people didn't even mention this 'new strategy' in a courtesy phone call is appalling.
I had half a mind to just explode, but then, it wouldn't solve the problem.
Therefore, I shall devise an appropriate reaction - which would involve verbal exchanges with my boss (for starters).
At the end of this verbal exchange, he will think that I have overreacted again.
Perhaps in his male domain, silence is the action plan, for whatever the situation - even if a judge is going to send you to the gallows and you're innocent, keep silent.
after all, silence is golden and perhaps there is this need to feel rich.

November 09, 2007

Round vs Square

Since I've begun preparations for my PostGrad reading, life has been full of surprises. For starters, I realised that I didn't have a 'study table' to use. What used to be my table, is now my sons table - and as with most teenagers, it's never cleared. Putting that aside, I cannot work on someone elses table either - it may be a stupid rule, but my workspace is quite personal to me. And so, yesterday, being a public holiday, saw me taking out a garbage bag, trying to clear out rubbish, just to find me some place.
My colleague just asked me about using my dining table.
That brought up an interesting point - because I gave my dining table away and am now using a kopitiam marble top round table for dining. Besides being a cute size, it's round, and I cannot work on a round table top.
Perhaps it's got to do with the surface area that's limited i.e. not enough space to spread out the books. That's one logical reason.
BUT I have another strange reason which has to do with a round top not having straight lines as sides, but a circumference which has no end/beginning. It doesn't make sense, but it's me we're talking about, and I'm what most would term "strange". How do I study, on a table top that doesn't have an edge? It may affect me psychologically and have me going in circles!
This may have some measure of truth in it, because when we search for a work table, how often do we come across one with a round top? Honestly, is there one?
I may not be so strange after all, because from today, I will begin to take note of furniture shops and the range of study tables they carry - I'm confident I won't find any which is round.
I rest my case.

November 07, 2007

dog eat dog

Many would have come across a situation where sharpness of mind and quick reaction is much required. This is especially so in the sales and marketing industry - where it's fondly termed a "dog eat dog" world.
What I cannot understand is the absolute necessity for it.
I am on the camp that says - equal opportunities and professionalism.
As a department which relies a lot on advertisements - there would be a certain person we liase with over the phone for placements. Over time, rapport is built between this person and members of the department. Suddenly, when a huge advert appears, a dog comes barking around the corner, offering the department corporate services for future placements. When told politely that we are comfortable with the current arrangements, this dog went on to say that he could offer us artwork input etc, silly thing though, since the current person does the same.
Perhaps he missed the module that mentioned the importance of building rapport with the clients.
He must think he's some pedigree since he kept bulldozing his way into getting an appointment with me. Pedigree or not, on principle, if someone has been serving you for so long with no confusion, why change?
It's almost like how some banks work.
When you need money, they don't lend you.
When you have money, they want you to be their client.
It's a dog eat dog world.
He may need a new account to manage, but I'm happy with my current arrangement.
Although this lady may just be a tele-sales person, our account is hers, because she worked hard to gain our support. He may have a higher designation than her, but so what?
Let's be fair in work - everyone is earning a living - why do we have to grab income that isn't ours?

November 06, 2007

years end

We are definately at years end, because the weather's cooled a bit and we are seeing wet days more. The great thing about getting here is the thought that we get to start a fresh year soon, and hopefully with better achievements at the next year's end.
I don't see it as another year gone by, another year older - as much as the new year being 'fresh'. Although time is of the essence in life, any opportunity to do something differently is an opportunity to be enjoyed.
After all, life is to be lived in tandem with the passing of time.

As a person who doesn't make resolutions, it doesn't mean I have no objectives set. It simply means, I do not make an occasion out of it.
I will get to next years end, hopefully with an arm load of decent grades, and use that to chart my target for the following year.

There isn't anything else that I look forward to except for my passion in further readings.
Sadly, I have come to that point in my life, where everything is laid out and on auto-pilot - no fresh outbursts or surprises that could change the entire direction of where mundane-ness changes route.

Let the countdown begin - to year 2008 and something new for me to do.

November 05, 2007

explain Intelligence

When is a person 'intelligent'?
Some would say, its academic - which is the general opinion.
Tell a parent "your child is intelligent" and 99% of the time, they will assume that we have used an academic yardstick to come to that conclusion.
That brings me to the next part - is it better to be intelligent academically, or just intelligent. Is there such a thing in the first place?
I think there is.
People who are intelligent academically, may not be intelligent practically. This simply means, in life, there are 2 schools : The academic school, and the school of hard knocks. There will be some who excel in both, but most times, it's one or the other.
The school of hard knocks is one institution where there are no books, just plain common sense and the drive to get ahead. It may be an easier route to graduate from, not requiring many hours of midnight oil burnings, but it's really not that easy, because the variables are many.
The academic school operates within a given, set syllabus - digest that and you are almost home free.
So, when a colleague asked me if I was ever an intelligent kid - I answered in the negative. I only managed Bs with an occasional A. Got very involved in inter-school activities, and basically, hardly spent much time digesting materials.
Whatever I learnt, it was from the school of hard knocks - mucked around, figured things out and just drove myself nuts trying to 'graduate'.
I think the most important thing is not whether we are academically intelligent but whether we are driven.
If we are driven, we can achieve.
And with that, we survive and do well.
That, is intelligence - the ability to adapt CORRECTLY to the situation.

November 02, 2007

priorities

We are 2 months shy of 2008 - and after a long while, I do have something to look forward to. My postgrad term begins in Feb and I have confirmed my place.
I think it's important to get right down to 'business' instead of just floating, a state I have been for at least 2 years. The strange thing is, I have been going after this program since year 2000 when it was about to be offered.
Imagine if I had gotten right down to it years ago - today, I may have completed the entire programme. BUT we know it's too difficult to make such a commitment when we have budgets to balance and a child to oversee. My priorities the past 2 years have been my son. I needed to stabilise him and even if that meant postponing my plans, it is the responsible thing to do.
Perhaps it's not always about getting down to it now, in the present.
Perhaps it's always about priorities and responsibilities and how we adjust them to the present.
There is never a right or wrong time to pursue our ambition - because an ambition could last a lifetime.
According to my initial plan, I am overdue for this programme.
BUT in reality, it's probably the soonest I could commence the course.
4 years ago, the dynamics of my home environment changed.
That affected my son.
I had to settle him down, get him to focus on his PSLE, then settle in to secondary school....this year, was a secondary 2 streaming for him.
Time flies, but never fast enough when it comes to kids.
He's alright now, and I thank GOD for giving me the strength to put all my dreams on the back-burner for a few years and still have a warm pot today.

November 01, 2007

how it's supposed to be.

Do things usually work out the way it's supposed to be?
Often, I wonder. I'm very sure, all of us do, at some point in time or other.

It's different from being a believer of FATE & DESTINY.
People who believe in fate and destiny, may not necessarily fight for what they really want. They may be the type who just cruise through life and accept whatever life offers them.

I work towards a goal and try my best to achieve it.
I may even steer clear of other options whilst on course, so to speak.
Never will anyone catch me sitting down and hoping for the best.
I am not a believer of FATE & DESTINY. I believe that no matter what happens, it'll turn out to be the best solution for me, although it may not seem that way in the present.
It may seem like a comforting stance to take, especially when things don't work out the way we had planned.

We hold high aspirations for our child, hoping against hope that they will excel in school. It's what all parents do.
When the child returns with exam results, which doesn't meet our expectations at first glance, do we get upset?
Yesterday, my son told me he missed making it into a class taking A-Math i.e. no double math for him.
I remember that through out this term, I was harping about getting into the best class - yesterday, I was relieved.

Probing my mind, I understood why.

Next year, I'll be having exams of my own - in fact every 10 odd weeks, leaving me with much less time to help him unstuck A-Math.
I know there is such a thing as tuition, but it's not my preferred option for him.
He has managed fine on his own, and just because A-Math was offered to only the best, doesn't mean its bad news.
He's able to continue self-studying, whilst I busy myself with my post-grad. How bad a news can that be? It just worked out for both of us - it's how it's supposed to be.