This is the season for all Chinese to look forward to a new year. The lunar new year brings with it wishes for a prosperous new year for all. It's obvious in the symbolic mandarin oranges, lucky bamboo plants and everything that is served up during the reunion dinner.
For me, a person who doesn't celebrate anything festive except to observe and respect another's beliefs, it's just another long weekend, free off days and extra hours of sleep.
Sure, I am chinese and do have my own superstitions or rather feng shui beliefs, but that has never compelled me to go all out and be festive.
What do we do, when there is a reshuffle at work and rumours of having a lower basic with promises of a higher sales commission, just days before the Rat takes over? How do we look forward to this Lunar New year when everyone around me looks like they've been served a death sentence?
I think that's what the new year is all about.
Out with the old, in with the new.
What we do not know, will always scare us and cause us sleepless nights.
BUT we must always look at the big picture - and make sense of it all.
It may sound terrible, but on the flip side, sales people should have the desire for more commission - after all, that is a variable component which can go up and down - a personal choice.
I may not have a quick fix for them, but I know I am not able to let them face the new year with this load alone.
Let's look around us and see what we can do so that there is something everyone can look forward to - not necessarily the picture they wish to see, but another one, which may actually look better on closer inspection.
January 31, 2008
January 30, 2008
building a team
What's a team?
I think more pertinently, it's who makes up the team.
Members in a team are important to determine the result.
There will be members who do nothing except sway with the wind.
There will be others who would agree just because they have no other ideas.
The worst are those who would jump ship when the light breeze changes to a gusty wind.
To build a successful team, there must be no hidden agenda - but a collective goal that is not only visible, but clear as well. Doesn't matter if the members do not speak the same language, because conveying the issues at hand and understanding the task is most important - there is such a thing as translation.
The heart and soul of the team is vital to the survival of the group.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
BUT the way may not necessarily be smooth or an easy ride.
Still, we need to walk that road - or skid across it - but the rough ride is always shorter when shared among the few.
Conversations will help bridge the start and end point.
A helping hand will ensure that no one gets left behind.
BUT how do we build such a team?
It's never done through panic - because a clear mind is the key ingredient for most situations.
How will we narrow differences, swallow pride, burn egos and think collective so that the common goal is attained?
Sacrifice.
Without sacrifice, there can be no success.
I think more pertinently, it's who makes up the team.
Members in a team are important to determine the result.
There will be members who do nothing except sway with the wind.
There will be others who would agree just because they have no other ideas.
The worst are those who would jump ship when the light breeze changes to a gusty wind.
To build a successful team, there must be no hidden agenda - but a collective goal that is not only visible, but clear as well. Doesn't matter if the members do not speak the same language, because conveying the issues at hand and understanding the task is most important - there is such a thing as translation.
The heart and soul of the team is vital to the survival of the group.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
BUT the way may not necessarily be smooth or an easy ride.
Still, we need to walk that road - or skid across it - but the rough ride is always shorter when shared among the few.
Conversations will help bridge the start and end point.
A helping hand will ensure that no one gets left behind.
BUT how do we build such a team?
It's never done through panic - because a clear mind is the key ingredient for most situations.
How will we narrow differences, swallow pride, burn egos and think collective so that the common goal is attained?
Sacrifice.
Without sacrifice, there can be no success.
January 28, 2008
crossroads again
Crossroads are inevitable. We come across them often, and we do not always take the correct turn. Sometimes we do not even stop to think about the 3 alternative routes, preferring to just let someone else take the wheel or let the steering go and see where the vehicle takes us. It's not always dead ahead - because if the wheels are not properly aligned, the vehicle may skew towards one side.
Point is, we may have a general heading, but we do not necessarily have to go that way.
For people who do not go with the flow, it's tiring when we are often required to decide on a route. Times like this, I'm almost envious of people who are always on the fence, never wanting to make any decision on anything, preferring to just sway with the wind, like fallen leaves. I'm not a fallen leaf, and I certainly do not appreciate swaying in the wind, lest I get motion-sickness.
As a matter of principle, I always prefer to know what I'm getting myself into and walk the path I wish - so that I'm answerable to myself and have only myself to blame, when I don't succeed.
Walking the path I wish, may not always be my first choice, because in life, what we want is not necessarily what the moment will allow.
Today, will be another turning point in my work life.
I have zero emotions - because work is never emotional for me.
Work aside, emotions are personal - not something I share.
Crossroads or not, any decision will affect someone. We cannot shield everyone.
Point is, we may have a general heading, but we do not necessarily have to go that way.
For people who do not go with the flow, it's tiring when we are often required to decide on a route. Times like this, I'm almost envious of people who are always on the fence, never wanting to make any decision on anything, preferring to just sway with the wind, like fallen leaves. I'm not a fallen leaf, and I certainly do not appreciate swaying in the wind, lest I get motion-sickness.
As a matter of principle, I always prefer to know what I'm getting myself into and walk the path I wish - so that I'm answerable to myself and have only myself to blame, when I don't succeed.
Walking the path I wish, may not always be my first choice, because in life, what we want is not necessarily what the moment will allow.
Today, will be another turning point in my work life.
I have zero emotions - because work is never emotional for me.
Work aside, emotions are personal - not something I share.
Crossroads or not, any decision will affect someone. We cannot shield everyone.
January 24, 2008
intimacy
There was an article in the papers yesterday about local women and intimacy. The reports were not surprising (to me) and another section wrote about how drugs are not quick fixes to the growing problem, which is also, not surprising to me.
What the article didn't express, was that for those with a diagnosed dysfunction, therapy + drugs may be the solution but a lot of times, it's a choice by the individual. Not everyone thinks the same of everything.
In long-term relationships, demand for intimacy may fade, not always because we are in the mad career race, but perhaps because the relationship has suffered too much for the woman to be involved with the person emotionally. There are many levels in a relationship - it either progresses or regresses and there may come a time, it stagnates.
It's almost impossible to think intimate, when emotionally, the woman has been 'exposed' enough to hurt and disappointment.
Imagine that you have taken a beating (not literally), would you have any desires to shed your clothes, because sex is as natural as breathing for mammals? It's not about feeling ugly or fat. It's about feeling safe enough to expose ourselves to the very pinnacle of satisfaction without having to feel compromised.
What the article didn't express, was that for those with a diagnosed dysfunction, therapy + drugs may be the solution but a lot of times, it's a choice by the individual. Not everyone thinks the same of everything.
In long-term relationships, demand for intimacy may fade, not always because we are in the mad career race, but perhaps because the relationship has suffered too much for the woman to be involved with the person emotionally. There are many levels in a relationship - it either progresses or regresses and there may come a time, it stagnates.
It's almost impossible to think intimate, when emotionally, the woman has been 'exposed' enough to hurt and disappointment.
Imagine that you have taken a beating (not literally), would you have any desires to shed your clothes, because sex is as natural as breathing for mammals? It's not about feeling ugly or fat. It's about feeling safe enough to expose ourselves to the very pinnacle of satisfaction without having to feel compromised.
January 23, 2008
The Rush
Rush rush rush.......
We never seem to have enough time for everything that we wish to fill the day with. Work aside, most do not have time to relax, like a soak in the tub.
I'm sure this is normal for almost every household - we meet all targets, deliver results AT WORK. Our personal life takes a back seat most times. There is no time for leisure - even shower times are rushed.
I wonder if it would 'hurt' us in anyway, if we decided to put our leisure activities on a schedule. For example, have our organiser read "8PM-9PM BATH" and not leave it open ended - like decide to take a shower only when we think the phone isn't going to ring.
Having started this year catching an influenza bug & gastrointestinal pains; made me think about how a good friend told me that I was burning the candle at both ends. I was and I still do. My leisure time in a nutshell is sleeping at 10pm.
Of course it's more painful to fix a problem - preventive is always better.
So, burning the candle at both ends is not a bad thing, if we could do it totally; that is, make sure our relaxation time is included too.
We never seem to have enough time for everything that we wish to fill the day with. Work aside, most do not have time to relax, like a soak in the tub.
I'm sure this is normal for almost every household - we meet all targets, deliver results AT WORK. Our personal life takes a back seat most times. There is no time for leisure - even shower times are rushed.
I wonder if it would 'hurt' us in anyway, if we decided to put our leisure activities on a schedule. For example, have our organiser read "8PM-9PM BATH" and not leave it open ended - like decide to take a shower only when we think the phone isn't going to ring.
Having started this year catching an influenza bug & gastrointestinal pains; made me think about how a good friend told me that I was burning the candle at both ends. I was and I still do. My leisure time in a nutshell is sleeping at 10pm.
Of course it's more painful to fix a problem - preventive is always better.
So, burning the candle at both ends is not a bad thing, if we could do it totally; that is, make sure our relaxation time is included too.
January 21, 2008
both working - problem or not?
Is it an ego problem for men, when their wives are independant and self-sufficient?
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about her hubby, who was complaining that she refused to take money from him, because he felt that she wanted to tell the world that she made it on her own, without his help.
For a start, I cannot understand where that idea came from.
If a woman is self-sustaining, doesn't that reflect that she obviously didn't marry for money? To make it worse, it's not that her husband has a bottomless bank account, he works like any average singaporean - and she has her own little 'business' which provides for her basic needs and sometimes a little more.
They had a huge argument about this and the lady is clearly upset.
If I were a man with a 6 digit income, then I probably couldn't care less if my wife wasn't contributing. BUT in our society today, most are not earning even 5 figures and having both working, does help to pay for vacations, odd lunch treats and little luxuries. There is nothing wrong with both helping to make a more comfortable life for each other - with more income, there will be a higher chance of putting some money aside as savings.
This couple has been married some 10-odd years - and for this to happen now is rather strange - because this has been the way they were before they married. It wasn't a new situation. What was the trigger?
In my opinion, being self-sufficient is the best way to go. BUT to make an issue of it after a decade is really beyond me. Perhaps then, the male ego had ideas to change the equation over time, and now that time has lapsed, and things are still the same, he is feeling inadequate.
Well, that is a personal deficiency and one should not blame the other person.
If we walked the wrong track and just find ourselves back to square one, then blaming the other person is not justified. We may plan a career path, yet get side-trackked along the way, never meeting our goal. Whose fault is that?
The bottom line is this: If we fail, then we should take a good hard look at where we went wrong.
When our spouse is contributing to the household, it's not a real problem.
It's a problem because the male ego cannot accept it's inability to fully provide.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about her hubby, who was complaining that she refused to take money from him, because he felt that she wanted to tell the world that she made it on her own, without his help.
For a start, I cannot understand where that idea came from.
If a woman is self-sustaining, doesn't that reflect that she obviously didn't marry for money? To make it worse, it's not that her husband has a bottomless bank account, he works like any average singaporean - and she has her own little 'business' which provides for her basic needs and sometimes a little more.
They had a huge argument about this and the lady is clearly upset.
If I were a man with a 6 digit income, then I probably couldn't care less if my wife wasn't contributing. BUT in our society today, most are not earning even 5 figures and having both working, does help to pay for vacations, odd lunch treats and little luxuries. There is nothing wrong with both helping to make a more comfortable life for each other - with more income, there will be a higher chance of putting some money aside as savings.
This couple has been married some 10-odd years - and for this to happen now is rather strange - because this has been the way they were before they married. It wasn't a new situation. What was the trigger?
In my opinion, being self-sufficient is the best way to go. BUT to make an issue of it after a decade is really beyond me. Perhaps then, the male ego had ideas to change the equation over time, and now that time has lapsed, and things are still the same, he is feeling inadequate.
Well, that is a personal deficiency and one should not blame the other person.
If we walked the wrong track and just find ourselves back to square one, then blaming the other person is not justified. We may plan a career path, yet get side-trackked along the way, never meeting our goal. Whose fault is that?
The bottom line is this: If we fail, then we should take a good hard look at where we went wrong.
When our spouse is contributing to the household, it's not a real problem.
It's a problem because the male ego cannot accept it's inability to fully provide.
January 18, 2008
Premonitions
Is there some truth in premonitions?
What constitutes a premonition? Commonly, we would think it to be either a dream of an event that's going to happen or a quick flash about what's to come. However, unless a person is into Freud, a dream may reflect the last thought of our conscious mind - and not necessarily an accurate prediction of what could happen later. When the mind is in over-drive, even whilst awake, we may be able to construct what we hope to happen, usually it's not a negative wish.
Could a person actually have an accurate 'bad feeling' about a situation?
In Asia, this idea is not new - most cultures do have some form of supernatural base - it's never been questioned. Some people may be born with 'gifts' to look far ahead - like in fortune telling. Of course, as with all professions/trade, there will be rogues but the only way to actually know, is when we are confronted with an accurate fortune reader.
So, what do we do, if someone had a premonition and we are told about it? By nature, we would take heed, especially if the premonition is a warning of an event that will affect us badly. No person in his right frame of mind would expose himself to a life-threatening situation by choice. However, there will always be the few, who achieves an adrenalin high by fuelling the very idea of such a happening.
Whether it's a premonition or just a cautious warning, would depend on what actually happens.
If someone said, be careful when driving - it could just be what we would tell our friends, like saying hello. BUT if that came from a person who told 'fortunes' then it may be a good idea to just take some extra precaution - after all, it doesn't hurt us to do so.
Premonitions are usually safety nets - it never seeks monetary gain at all.
What constitutes a premonition? Commonly, we would think it to be either a dream of an event that's going to happen or a quick flash about what's to come. However, unless a person is into Freud, a dream may reflect the last thought of our conscious mind - and not necessarily an accurate prediction of what could happen later. When the mind is in over-drive, even whilst awake, we may be able to construct what we hope to happen, usually it's not a negative wish.
Could a person actually have an accurate 'bad feeling' about a situation?
In Asia, this idea is not new - most cultures do have some form of supernatural base - it's never been questioned. Some people may be born with 'gifts' to look far ahead - like in fortune telling. Of course, as with all professions/trade, there will be rogues but the only way to actually know, is when we are confronted with an accurate fortune reader.
So, what do we do, if someone had a premonition and we are told about it? By nature, we would take heed, especially if the premonition is a warning of an event that will affect us badly. No person in his right frame of mind would expose himself to a life-threatening situation by choice. However, there will always be the few, who achieves an adrenalin high by fuelling the very idea of such a happening.
Whether it's a premonition or just a cautious warning, would depend on what actually happens.
If someone said, be careful when driving - it could just be what we would tell our friends, like saying hello. BUT if that came from a person who told 'fortunes' then it may be a good idea to just take some extra precaution - after all, it doesn't hurt us to do so.
Premonitions are usually safety nets - it never seeks monetary gain at all.
January 16, 2008
empathy & emotions
What is empathy?
Put simply, it's having the heart to feel for another's pain.
Although I have been in social work, I separate Empathy and Emotions.
I am able to empathise, without being emotional.
Some people are so full of empathy, that they are able to get teary-eyed. BUT crying at deaths of strangers, does not mean we have lots of empathy - it simply means we are emotional.
For a bottom line person, crying never does resolve anything for anyone. Finding a solution does. When Empathy is in gear, and emotions are on a high, then the correct solution may be clouded from vision.
It doesn't matter if we are not able to express our deep-felt emotions openly. Of course, for some others, it may seem cold-hearted or even abnormal to be non-reactive, so to speak.
BUT with non-reaction, comes calm. With calm, the mind is able to think clearly and make the correct decision. When rain beats down hard on the windscreen, visibility drops, even when the wiper is in use. It may not be the best of examples, but I'm sure the point is clear.
We are inhuman if we cannot empathise.
BUT just because we are not emotional, doesn't make us cold-hearted, it just means we are stronger emotionally and probably more practical than most.
Put simply, it's having the heart to feel for another's pain.
Although I have been in social work, I separate Empathy and Emotions.
I am able to empathise, without being emotional.
Some people are so full of empathy, that they are able to get teary-eyed. BUT crying at deaths of strangers, does not mean we have lots of empathy - it simply means we are emotional.
For a bottom line person, crying never does resolve anything for anyone. Finding a solution does. When Empathy is in gear, and emotions are on a high, then the correct solution may be clouded from vision.
It doesn't matter if we are not able to express our deep-felt emotions openly. Of course, for some others, it may seem cold-hearted or even abnormal to be non-reactive, so to speak.
BUT with non-reaction, comes calm. With calm, the mind is able to think clearly and make the correct decision. When rain beats down hard on the windscreen, visibility drops, even when the wiper is in use. It may not be the best of examples, but I'm sure the point is clear.
We are inhuman if we cannot empathise.
BUT just because we are not emotional, doesn't make us cold-hearted, it just means we are stronger emotionally and probably more practical than most.
January 11, 2008
spherical thoughts
I have often wondered who ever coined the term 'cycle' - the term is used to describe just about any situation that seems to go back to a certain square one, without inferring the negative. Some examples are life cycle, viral cycle, karmic cycle, water cycle and so on.
I do wonder, why everything must go in a circle/spherical motion - why not just move forward or backwards, why always round and round? Perhaps living on a spherical planet doesn't help our imagination much, but is there another planet which is not spherical?
If planet earth was a cube, would we then say, life cube? or the virus will have to expand in the cube, so no antibiotics are required?
Perhaps where we orignate, populate and live, would determine how our mind would relate to the events that are happening. If that's the case, then I do wonder what people were thinking when the earth was thought to be flat.
Such information never intrigued me because I always held the opinion that what's in the archives cannot possibly affect my present situation so much that it will steer it onto a different course - hence, history never caused a ripple in my breath.
If we moved away from thinking spherical, we cannot say, what goes around, comes around.
we would probably say : you will fall off the edge if you're looking to push someone else over.
that doesn't deliver quite the same thing, but then, it could be because my mind has been conditioned on a spherical rhythm - so thinking flat is a problem.
I do wonder, why everything must go in a circle/spherical motion - why not just move forward or backwards, why always round and round? Perhaps living on a spherical planet doesn't help our imagination much, but is there another planet which is not spherical?
If planet earth was a cube, would we then say, life cube? or the virus will have to expand in the cube, so no antibiotics are required?
Perhaps where we orignate, populate and live, would determine how our mind would relate to the events that are happening. If that's the case, then I do wonder what people were thinking when the earth was thought to be flat.
Such information never intrigued me because I always held the opinion that what's in the archives cannot possibly affect my present situation so much that it will steer it onto a different course - hence, history never caused a ripple in my breath.
If we moved away from thinking spherical, we cannot say, what goes around, comes around.
we would probably say : you will fall off the edge if you're looking to push someone else over.
that doesn't deliver quite the same thing, but then, it could be because my mind has been conditioned on a spherical rhythm - so thinking flat is a problem.
January 10, 2008
Clinical Laziness
Laziness should be classified as an illness.
I say this because like depression, there are varying degrees of laziness.
When a person is depressed, the person is left to manage and cope with the state. Treatment is required only when it approaches clinical levels or when the person is likely to be in a state where they lack coping skills to manage that state.
Similarly, with laziness, there is a scale.
We get lazy sometimes, but that's not a long-term state.
There must be 'clinical laziness', because some people are perpetually lazy and they think it's okay to be at that point. They find nothing wrong with just wasting away precious time doing nothing. Also, the miniscule bit that they do, is a huge deal to them - that they probably need to take leave the rest of the day. At this point, I think the diagnosis should be clinical laziness.
Everyone needs a time out, we take breathers, we rest, we unwind.
Clinical Laziness means, breathers last for days, rest time is never enough, and each second is a second to unwind. Nothing much gets done, yet that person feels like too much was done.
THAT is not just a simple error of perception if it recurs on a daily basis.
Unfortunately for us, there is no institution for such people - unless boot camps would take them in, and off our hands. These people are seriously in need of a reality check, but because their reality is too far off-target, we have to first make sure they have the same checklist!
We need to have boot camps for such people - one where they will be rostered to fill their time with more meaningful work other than sleeping and eating. Regular people sleep and eat to recharge. Clinically lazy people sleep and eat, because they don't believe there is anything else that they can do, since even eating is tiring for them!
No one really knows how a person gets to this stage - perhaps it's because no one ever thought this to be a psychological state.
At it's worst, a person with clinical laziness would probably drive the people around them to their grave. Isn't that enough for it to receive official classification?
I say this because like depression, there are varying degrees of laziness.
When a person is depressed, the person is left to manage and cope with the state. Treatment is required only when it approaches clinical levels or when the person is likely to be in a state where they lack coping skills to manage that state.
Similarly, with laziness, there is a scale.
We get lazy sometimes, but that's not a long-term state.
There must be 'clinical laziness', because some people are perpetually lazy and they think it's okay to be at that point. They find nothing wrong with just wasting away precious time doing nothing. Also, the miniscule bit that they do, is a huge deal to them - that they probably need to take leave the rest of the day. At this point, I think the diagnosis should be clinical laziness.
Everyone needs a time out, we take breathers, we rest, we unwind.
Clinical Laziness means, breathers last for days, rest time is never enough, and each second is a second to unwind. Nothing much gets done, yet that person feels like too much was done.
THAT is not just a simple error of perception if it recurs on a daily basis.
Unfortunately for us, there is no institution for such people - unless boot camps would take them in, and off our hands. These people are seriously in need of a reality check, but because their reality is too far off-target, we have to first make sure they have the same checklist!
We need to have boot camps for such people - one where they will be rostered to fill their time with more meaningful work other than sleeping and eating. Regular people sleep and eat to recharge. Clinically lazy people sleep and eat, because they don't believe there is anything else that they can do, since even eating is tiring for them!
No one really knows how a person gets to this stage - perhaps it's because no one ever thought this to be a psychological state.
At it's worst, a person with clinical laziness would probably drive the people around them to their grave. Isn't that enough for it to receive official classification?
January 08, 2008
'more in life'
Is there more to life than zapping through each day like a rat on fire?
Besides meetings, clearing paperwork, meeting targets and winding down the madness with online games - what else does life have to offer on a personal level?
Is there some other form of satisfaction that we need to attain before we can truly say that we are at peace with ourselves. This has got nothing to do with conscience. That, we must have on a daily basis.
There is this point we will arrive at, when we simply want to skip the next hurdle and get going. It's like waking up in the morning and realising that it's another day, full of predicted surprises, which we will take into our stride (as usual) waiting for the whole cycle to begin again, when the sun rises. It has nothing to do with boredom either. Work is work - Work is as boring or as interesting as we wish for it to be. If work is boring then the job match is wrong to begin with.
Life must be about wanting to live, not just breathing in and out.
Life must be about a balance of laughter and tears, without which we probably wouldn't be enriched with gratitude.
With that philosophy, why do we still feel so incomplete sometimes?
There are somethings in our lives we quietly struggle to manage - the bridge that's missing; leaving pieces unlinked.
Sometimes we never get to find those pieces - or those pieces are visible but just not within our conscious reach. What do we do then?
We end up doing what everyone does.
We stay quiet.
We plod along.
We lie in wait, for what we think is the right time.
Perhaps "more in life" means hope.
Hope for a more complete life.
Besides meetings, clearing paperwork, meeting targets and winding down the madness with online games - what else does life have to offer on a personal level?
Is there some other form of satisfaction that we need to attain before we can truly say that we are at peace with ourselves. This has got nothing to do with conscience. That, we must have on a daily basis.
There is this point we will arrive at, when we simply want to skip the next hurdle and get going. It's like waking up in the morning and realising that it's another day, full of predicted surprises, which we will take into our stride (as usual) waiting for the whole cycle to begin again, when the sun rises. It has nothing to do with boredom either. Work is work - Work is as boring or as interesting as we wish for it to be. If work is boring then the job match is wrong to begin with.
Life must be about wanting to live, not just breathing in and out.
Life must be about a balance of laughter and tears, without which we probably wouldn't be enriched with gratitude.
With that philosophy, why do we still feel so incomplete sometimes?
There are somethings in our lives we quietly struggle to manage - the bridge that's missing; leaving pieces unlinked.
Sometimes we never get to find those pieces - or those pieces are visible but just not within our conscious reach. What do we do then?
We end up doing what everyone does.
We stay quiet.
We plod along.
We lie in wait, for what we think is the right time.
Perhaps "more in life" means hope.
Hope for a more complete life.
January 07, 2008
Awful Truth about Closet Parasites
What can a person do, when they realise the awful truth about another?
I'm sure we have many moments where we just want to be selfish for ourselves. Sometimes it's about time we did. Other times it's out of necessity. When we hear of someone receiving some good news/fortune, we should sincerely be feeling glad for that person - it's civil to do so. After all, that person probably is deserving (of the news) and we should convey our congratulations, green eyes or not. It's not about being emotional or detached - it's about having a heart and the ability to 'share' another person's moment of pride.
The awful truth about some people is : they are born with this specific disability - an inability to feel happy for another person, the inability to feel concern except for themselves and the inability to relate to another.
We are dealing with one rung lower than the anti-social group.
This group doesn't have the gall to openly break social rules - they 'innocently' sneak this maladaptive behaviour into a situation - and if found out, will assume ignorance of the situation in the first place.
It doesn't cost us a cent, to enquire about a person's health, well-being or state of mind.
Yet, for these people, they see no need, since another person's well-being doesn't affect them. They will simply exist in everyone's life yet if we truly removed them from the circle, we will realise that their presence never had an impact on anyone.
That is the awful truth about such people.
They are worst than parasites.
At least parasites are openly feeding off another living thing.
There is a new classification for such people ; CLOSET PARASITES - they are so subtle, we cannot even begin to figure out how to get rid of them. That's evolution for you.
I'm sure we have many moments where we just want to be selfish for ourselves. Sometimes it's about time we did. Other times it's out of necessity. When we hear of someone receiving some good news/fortune, we should sincerely be feeling glad for that person - it's civil to do so. After all, that person probably is deserving (of the news) and we should convey our congratulations, green eyes or not. It's not about being emotional or detached - it's about having a heart and the ability to 'share' another person's moment of pride.
The awful truth about some people is : they are born with this specific disability - an inability to feel happy for another person, the inability to feel concern except for themselves and the inability to relate to another.
We are dealing with one rung lower than the anti-social group.
This group doesn't have the gall to openly break social rules - they 'innocently' sneak this maladaptive behaviour into a situation - and if found out, will assume ignorance of the situation in the first place.
It doesn't cost us a cent, to enquire about a person's health, well-being or state of mind.
Yet, for these people, they see no need, since another person's well-being doesn't affect them. They will simply exist in everyone's life yet if we truly removed them from the circle, we will realise that their presence never had an impact on anyone.
That is the awful truth about such people.
They are worst than parasites.
At least parasites are openly feeding off another living thing.
There is a new classification for such people ; CLOSET PARASITES - they are so subtle, we cannot even begin to figure out how to get rid of them. That's evolution for you.
January 04, 2008
Freeing closet space
There will be moments in our life which causes us much to regret about - yet with that regret doesn't come a 'want' to un-do something - but more 'coming to terms with the past'.
If I could sum up the year 2007, it would be one year of meeting up with the skeletons in my closet on an unexpected basis. Although we are on the 2008 calendar in societal terms, the new year never really begins until AFTER Lunar New Year (for me). So, for the next 4 weeks, I'm on the look out for more skeletal surprises.
I'm generally good about picking on bones. My rule of thumb has always been 'social' and 'civil'. That way, no negative or ill-feeling would overwhelm me. It's pointless to bump into an EX and have him ruffle you up the wrong way because those were probably part of the reason he got dumped by you in the first place. Just before New Years' I had the luck of an arse - my EX came to sit at the next table at the coffee shop.
I was with colleagues, he was with his friends.
All I could think of was, why the hell did I choose to meet my colleagues at that place.
I don't have problems bumping into him, I just don't appreciate having to make polite conversations with people I've written off! So I didn't. I just nodded and smiled and continued with my group.
Perhaps I should have been better advised, when I was younger - be more attentive to reasons. I thought life was a huge closet for me - and left tiny bones all over the place, hoping I would never stumble upon them since the closet was huge. Better still, I thought once I shut the closet door, all this rubbish would stay out-of-sight. I thought I had an expandable closet.
WRONG.
Sooner or later, we will have to address all these issues - because that is what life is about - the closet is a fixed size and the space shrinks as we dump things into them;
I left all my relationships without talk/discussions/explanations.
With each new year that goes by lately, little past-packages have been appearing - perhaps, there will be a time, SOON, when the last past-package arrives - and I will have more free space in the closet.
If I could sum up the year 2007, it would be one year of meeting up with the skeletons in my closet on an unexpected basis. Although we are on the 2008 calendar in societal terms, the new year never really begins until AFTER Lunar New Year (for me). So, for the next 4 weeks, I'm on the look out for more skeletal surprises.
I'm generally good about picking on bones. My rule of thumb has always been 'social' and 'civil'. That way, no negative or ill-feeling would overwhelm me. It's pointless to bump into an EX and have him ruffle you up the wrong way because those were probably part of the reason he got dumped by you in the first place. Just before New Years' I had the luck of an arse - my EX came to sit at the next table at the coffee shop.
I was with colleagues, he was with his friends.
All I could think of was, why the hell did I choose to meet my colleagues at that place.
I don't have problems bumping into him, I just don't appreciate having to make polite conversations with people I've written off! So I didn't. I just nodded and smiled and continued with my group.
Perhaps I should have been better advised, when I was younger - be more attentive to reasons. I thought life was a huge closet for me - and left tiny bones all over the place, hoping I would never stumble upon them since the closet was huge. Better still, I thought once I shut the closet door, all this rubbish would stay out-of-sight. I thought I had an expandable closet.
WRONG.
Sooner or later, we will have to address all these issues - because that is what life is about - the closet is a fixed size and the space shrinks as we dump things into them;
I left all my relationships without talk/discussions/explanations.
With each new year that goes by lately, little past-packages have been appearing - perhaps, there will be a time, SOON, when the last past-package arrives - and I will have more free space in the closet.
January 03, 2008
looking for a toilet?
Yesterday, I had the first glimpse of desperation and experienced the full impact of how low a person could go.
As we well know, December has ended, gone to history, together with the last burst of fireworks in the sky. We are in a different year now, and a fresh month. For most organisations, all targets/sales, are compiled up to the 31st December. It's a crucial month for companies whose performance is judged based solely on figures.
December is a typical slow month because of staff leave clearances, year-end trips & festivities. Most were focused on celebration after 11 months of hard work. Unfortunately, my boss did a bad forecast on the figures and got the departments' books in the red (again). Never mind that, we are quite used to his inefficiencies - but he wanted me to rig a deal I was working on, so that I could submit the income for December.
I wonder which school of management taught him this module, because how much good will it do? The deal wasn't even going to save the department's shortfall for 2007. Also, doing a submission for December in January is really not to my advantage at all. If it's a January deal, we should submit that into the 2008 target, isn't it?
This brings me back to the 'want to shit then look for toilet' theory ; It doesn't sound wrong, but even toilet time should be timed - we don't wait till it's too late to find a toilet time, do we?
After 4 phone calls back and forth, between my boss, our accounts department and me; I came out having the correct principle - we do not submit income of incompleted deals.
It's the same idea, we do not spend money we do not have.
We do not get married, if we haven't found someone to marry.
We cannot drive to work, if we don't have a car at our disposal.
By the time we have soiled ourselves, the toilet would do nothing except to ease the embarassment.
As we well know, December has ended, gone to history, together with the last burst of fireworks in the sky. We are in a different year now, and a fresh month. For most organisations, all targets/sales, are compiled up to the 31st December. It's a crucial month for companies whose performance is judged based solely on figures.
December is a typical slow month because of staff leave clearances, year-end trips & festivities. Most were focused on celebration after 11 months of hard work. Unfortunately, my boss did a bad forecast on the figures and got the departments' books in the red (again). Never mind that, we are quite used to his inefficiencies - but he wanted me to rig a deal I was working on, so that I could submit the income for December.
I wonder which school of management taught him this module, because how much good will it do? The deal wasn't even going to save the department's shortfall for 2007. Also, doing a submission for December in January is really not to my advantage at all. If it's a January deal, we should submit that into the 2008 target, isn't it?
This brings me back to the 'want to shit then look for toilet' theory ; It doesn't sound wrong, but even toilet time should be timed - we don't wait till it's too late to find a toilet time, do we?
After 4 phone calls back and forth, between my boss, our accounts department and me; I came out having the correct principle - we do not submit income of incompleted deals.
It's the same idea, we do not spend money we do not have.
We do not get married, if we haven't found someone to marry.
We cannot drive to work, if we don't have a car at our disposal.
By the time we have soiled ourselves, the toilet would do nothing except to ease the embarassment.
January 02, 2008
here comes 2008
Another year.
That means, another 12 months to December.
That also means we will be back to our tropical weather - heat and humidity.
That also means new targets, quotas and hopefully a new view on life.
Is there anything to really look forward to in the year 2008? Prices of most household goods are escalating. This morning the 'char bee hoon' lady was complaining about the increase in the prices of tofu. Who would think that 'tofu' would be a topic of conversation, first thing in the morning, on the 1st work day of the year?
It's true, we are experiencing a mild inflation - which most didn't notice, because we were too excited about the extras in our montly pay packet that the slight price difference was just not noticeable. BUT now that we have spent that extra or locked it in some a/c somewhere, I'm sure it will become obvious. It's like having a purse that has shrunk!
There are no resolutions to make, because that's so yesterday.
In today's society, we don't really make resolutions because we are more organised than that - we just set everything out in our palm-top; blackberry; lotus notes and work through the calender, day by day.
So 2008 or not, there's really not much difference.
It's just another beginning to another matter.
That means, another 12 months to December.
That also means we will be back to our tropical weather - heat and humidity.
That also means new targets, quotas and hopefully a new view on life.
Is there anything to really look forward to in the year 2008? Prices of most household goods are escalating. This morning the 'char bee hoon' lady was complaining about the increase in the prices of tofu. Who would think that 'tofu' would be a topic of conversation, first thing in the morning, on the 1st work day of the year?
It's true, we are experiencing a mild inflation - which most didn't notice, because we were too excited about the extras in our montly pay packet that the slight price difference was just not noticeable. BUT now that we have spent that extra or locked it in some a/c somewhere, I'm sure it will become obvious. It's like having a purse that has shrunk!
There are no resolutions to make, because that's so yesterday.
In today's society, we don't really make resolutions because we are more organised than that - we just set everything out in our palm-top; blackberry; lotus notes and work through the calender, day by day.
So 2008 or not, there's really not much difference.
It's just another beginning to another matter.
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