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February 29, 2008

living in the past

When do we know that a person hasn't learnt any lessons?
Most times, it's obvious if you know where to look.
We find clues in verbal and non-verbal cues.

When a person accuses you of "LIVING IN THE PAST" only because you choose to be unresponsive, then that is a cue. Logically, if anyone is holding a grudge from the past, that grudge will definately prevent the accused from moving forward.
If the accused has moved forward in leaps and bounds, then how could we say the accused is living in the past?
The phrase "LIVING IN THE PAST" infers that a person is stagnating, which isn't so if the variables in that person's life has seriously changed for the best.

We learn valuable lessons from the past - and that's why we strive to improve our lifestyle and social standards.

So for those who have offended family or friends and would like to make amends, telling them that they should forgive you because if they don't, then it means they are living in the past is out of context.

The first sign of having moved forward, is to have made progress.
And frankly, unless the accused is a person who needs social validation, that is certainly not the way to bridge the years.

February 28, 2008

the last laugh

Is it bad to be correct, at another's expense?

In my life, it happens so often that I'm immune to it. It's not about being deliberately correct but more of having intuition and foresight.

Besides paper qualifications, I have done many semesters at the School of Hard Knocks. It's about constant learning and having the need to get ahead without mincing another person in the process.

This morning, I received an interesting sms message, from a girl I came to know when she was a rule-breaking teen. She left her home to go the wrong way but have repented and her parents have taken her back. I'm happy for her, because she just needed to learn things the hard way. I told her that this morning.

Some people just need that 'break' from doing the correct thing for a bit, before coming back and living out their lives as contributing people.
BUT there are others who are vindictive and will always be abusers of others.

See, when we break away because we need to, for growth and hard lessons, it's okay.
But when, in the course of doing that, we resort to lies and deceit, then it's never going to be okay, ever.

We cannot assume that after trying to ruin another person's life, that that same person would welcome us without hesitation. That may happen in novels but in real life, I don't think anyone would volunteer to be a sitting duck for another to take pot-shots at. We all have too much at stake.

It's not about being selfish because it's a personailty flaw, but more because we learn well.
I'm having the last laugh now, but only because I like to look back on the years and smile, not cry.

February 25, 2008

SWOT

It's amazing how SWOT comes to play almost everytime. Last week, my gfs had a huge disagreement between them, which left a client-friend very concerned. I was in the middle of that spat and being the middle person, chose not to take sides but worked on bridging the differences.
He then sat each of them down separately and requested for a SWOT analysis to be done, so that such differences will not be a common occurence in future. The saying 'too many cooks will spoil the broth' came to mind instantly, yet in this circumstances, it may not be as true, because each of these cooks have a speciality - and unfortunately, for this stew, all 3 cooks are needed.
It's very important that each member of any group keep in mind that we should never magnify another's weakness, but focus on strengths. The magnification of strengths mean that we are capitalising on opportunities which we have spread on the table. If we loose sight of each others strengths, we will be threatened and our goals will not be met.
Therefore, although SWOT may be the cliche in the context of studying business, it's really not in practice.
It works and it makes sense.
In less than 6 hours (including sleeping time), the spat was resolved.

February 20, 2008

Moving

The most frustrating thing in a workplace after 'office politics' is changing of assigned seats. In the 3.5 years that I have been here, we have moved at least 6 times, which works out to 2 moves a year.
We spend at least 8 hours in our offices - our desk space is our 2nd home - but in my case and those of my colleagues, it's our mobile 2nd home. I wonder if this has anything to do with an organisation not having enough real work to do OR simply having men who are as fickle as the regular woman is thought to be.
Each time we move, our extension lines are re-directed to the new seat - yet we still do that too often - all our printers, workstations move along with our papers and files. We spend at least half a work-day transferring all this stuff and setting it up again.
Perhaps corporate organisations are just huge set-ups with huge funds with not enough work to spread around.

February 18, 2008

drawing the line

How do we effectively manage time so that scheduled tasks get done as planned?
It's tough when the hours in a day are fixed but the task list is never ending.
Management books will speak of planning and working efficiently, but it's easier said than done.
I believe for most, our 5-work days in the week is not the issue.
The problem begins over the weekend, when the homefront is supposedly the priority and work somehow encroaches upon that time.
Just recently, a colleague mentioned that he's 'unable' to work on sunday, because it's the Sabbath. On a bad day, I wonder if that's an excuse. On a good day, I would reserve my comment.
Even when we do not have to show up at any worksite, the cell never does stop ringing. When I was growing up and the phone rang, it was probably a friend or relative chatting someone in the family up - never work-related. These days, weekend calls would mean work, 80% of the time. I could be having my hands in a stew and having a conversation about work.
Where do we draw the line?
Perhaps, because my work is in the marketing and sales, it's a 24/7 job.
Perhaps if the work was centered around another profession it would be less engulfing.
I guess, in order to draw a line, we first must find a new whiteboard.
Otherwise, it's not possible to start fresh; a precedent has been unconsciously set.

February 14, 2008

planning

Which is worse? Having an unexecuted plan or none at all?
I have learnt about the importance of planning the hard way. Living life without goals or even an outline may work to a certain degree, but for real results, there must be some measure of planning involved. For the obstinate who believe that life is fated and that our lives are pre-destined, this advice is a joke. For me, who have lived the first 30 years of my life unplanned - it's time wasted.
When we aim to get into a university/college; it constitutes having a plan.
When we select a job opening to apply for in the papers, that's a plan too.
When we sit back, cry and wait for social services, that's planning as well - because we opted to sit and do nothing but hope to be bailed out.
So, having an unexecuted plan is far better than none at all.
When we don't plan or have no plan; we have to be people who love surprises, otherwise, life may just shock the living daylights out of us and before we can react, we find ourselves drawn into some whirlpool, just hoping to find some straw to hang on to.
It doesn't matter if plans need to be tweeked, shelved or re-drawn.
The little time we spend thinking about it, is sometimes enough to help us move in the correct direction. At least we did spare a tiny thought for it.
I'm sure even animals plan - because they would go find a den before winter, gather all the food up for storage or eat till they are almost bursting before the cold wind blows. That's not even them having to build a career - but just trying to survive.
Therefore, for people, who need to do more than just survive, having a plan is the bottom line.

February 13, 2008

Chinese New Year holidays

Today is the 7th day of the Lunar New Year - what the celebrants refer to as Everybody's Birthday. It is also the day our office starts work for the 'year of the rat' - a day management picked for heng kang. As we have officially crossed over to the new year, it is technically a fresh start and everyone would be wishing for a better year in terms of wealth and health.

After having been away from the workplace for more than a week, it's never quite so simple to fall back into the work routine. We all need time away from the hectic worklife, and perhaps if money wasn't necesary to make the world go around, we would all stay away for far longer - if just to totally engage ourselves in just lazing about.

Of course, I had my annual CNY fix - my college best friend is back again from Chicago and we did our annual meet with food and conversation. Many other chinese families would have their own visiting rituals. Perhaps this is about the only time in any year, where families would gather around - exchange mandarins and catch up on the year.

Perhaps all holidays are meant for visits/meets and conversations - whether we actually follow tradition or not, is another story.

Most importantly, we have to be comfortable with ourselves and our space - Personally, I am looking forward to a better planned year and traditionally, wish for a prosperous year of the rat for myself.

Selfish, nope - realistic.

February 05, 2008

stepping up

If there is something severely wrong with a system of work, would a person affected 'step up' to the challenge? I have heard of management telling employees that if they didn't think something worked, they had an option to continue working for change and improvement, instead of resigning.

Perhaps for management, if the employee cared enough about what happens to the organisation, then they should stay and fix it. On the employee's plate, it's whether the management valued him/her enough to take them seriously and render the appropriate support.

Most times, when people stay to tie up the loose ends, they indirectly subject themselves to office gossip. It's never as clear cut. Someone has to leave and someone has to stay - who is whom?

The best solution is to look at the situation and put weight on what's important to the individual. Not many are keen to lead by default, on the same salary but with increased responsibility. BUT if everyone is to wait for someone to react, then we may never solve the problem. Someone is going be arrowed, and as long as the arrow hits on the best person for the job, there will be hope yet.

We all do not like change.
We all have this little voice inside of us, that wants to believe we are the arrow's target - if anything, it's recognition.
Those not near the arrow's path should give full support and not gripe, because at the end of the day, it's always the bottom line.
For a ship to get to it's destination, she would not only require a captain, but a captain with the correct map.

February 04, 2008

Have you started...?

You know when you're overdue on something, when everyone asks you the same question. The question I have had to answer the past 2 weeks was : "HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR COURSE YET?"
It's fine if I get from colleagues because they probably spend the most time with me, but it's coming from almost everyone in my social circle. That could only mean one thing - it's too important to me.
My gf is back again from Chicago, her yearly pilgrimage back here, for the lunar new year with her family. We do not correspond except in the last 4 weeks prior to her return. It's been like this for many, many years. For 11 months after she leaves, there will be silence. She gets back to her life there, and me to mine here. During Christmas, we will exchange emails to wish each other and she will let me know when she's due back. A week before she leaves chicago, she will email me to let me know when she's arriving. When she arrives, she will call. It's our ritual. The first thing she asked me after the 'I'm back' is : HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR COURSE?
I'm amazed that she remembered - but then we have been friends for more than 20 years, so it's no surprise that she knows me very well and what would be most important to me.
I'm glad to finally be able to tell her - it's 12 mths delayed, but I'll be on it February 15th 2008, with none other than the university she graduated from.
She sounded a bit shocked that it was a year's worth of delay, but perhaps the point is that it's now on the cards.
A very good friend, who was privileged to be at the receiving end of my endless bitching 2 weeks ago, came back from outstation and his first question was the same.
Another gf whom I see weekly for meals and coffee, also asked me about it, because I was keeping silent on the subject for too many weeks.
So, when people who mean something to us, start getting concerned, then it's best we get ourselves pushed to getting it done. People don't have to be bothered, after all, how does it affect their lives right?
That's why we have the inner circle and the outer circle of friends.
Friends who are in our inner circle, do not have to be with us all the time, because we are in each others' minds and hearts. They are the ones who quietly support us, without fuss, without incidence.
And because it's them, I feel comforted that they asked, because I know they care.