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January 22, 2009

Pink for Red

This is my almost best attempt at a table piece. I couldn't find red fluffy 'ribbon binders' so I had to settle for pink. My gf kept telling me it should be red but well, we can always improvise - and pink is within the same spectrum anyways.

The ang pow packets are a must, although I cannot figure the significance. I'm so hopeless at significances......for superstitions and traditions - left that too far behind in my mind. I'm sure I have it somewhere, just too tired to think.

I'm almost set except that I haven't finished painting one more wall. It's been postponed day after day, because of work - excuses, excuses, excuses.

My gf wondered why I am really working hard at this CNY observance - and it's probably because I need to have something to look forward to.

January 21, 2009

A warm welcome at the end of a long day

If there is something that warms my soul, it would be walking home with this awesome sight. Pictures do not do justice to how beautiful it really was, the sun slowing setting.

I have had weeks of 'harassment' and finally some respite over this long lunar new year weekend is in the horizon. I was planning to ease my schedule into the holidays, but as with all plans, it went to putts. I have been working overtime every single day.

But whatever madness each day brings, this always calms me down. it's not the sunrise that perks me up, it's the glow of a beautiful sunset against the backdrop of high rise housing that does it for me.

Unfortunately, it's not everyday that I catch this beautiful vision, since the clouds are not always laid out the same - but today, after a tough 10 hours, it laid itself out perfect.

January 20, 2009

Miss Spongy



A new year, a new plant.

Frankly, this is totally herbaceous, so I really was skeptical about bringing it home - I'm not great with plants from this family, simply because my tight schedule doesn't always allow me to water them on time.

I got them anyway because a colleague of mine thought that I needed a different type of feng shui plant. Last years' plant is doing great, so I decided why not. Of course the pot is not going to support the plant for too long, so i would probably do a pot transfer after this season. I have no idea what it's called, but if it's the plant to have, then it's the plant to have - I was not going to muck around with it.

Although I'm not gravely superstitious, I would hate to think that I would deliberately go against fair recommendation - I could have gotten something else, but well, my colleague was kind enough to share with me his thoughts about this coming lunar new year, and it was like he was 'helping' me grow my luck this year - if only luck could grow!

And so, I shall welcome Miss Spongy, as I will call her and hope that she will bring as much luck as believed. Meanwhile, I shall find her actual name so that I could perhaps tend to her with more care.

January 19, 2009

Rodent almost gone

One week to the Lunar New Year - the busiest time for ethnic chinese - although I do not celebrate festivals per se, the observation of the Lunar New Year is a must - at least the bare minimum of a Reunion Dinner and all other superstitions, which sounds like a joke, but it's not - tough to get tradition out of the system, grew up too many years having it drummed in.

This year because we have a guest, my gf's kid, it will be a steamboat dinner at home. Last year, dinner was traditional, but no steamboat. I have started on spring cleaning yesterday, since I have been working non-stop throughout christmas - yesterday was one day of reprieve although my phone did keep me busy in the morning. I managed to re-paint a wall, good therapy, missed painting actually. Will continue with it this morning, before rushing out for a meeting in the afternoon. I have half a wall left, so better just get a move on with it.

This year's reunion dinner will also be a celebration with my new dining table. It's probably the best dining table I have ever owned, so I would definately want to 'break it in' with an auspicious meal at a traditional time. If anything is making me excited, it's this new table. Strange how little things make a huge difference.

So, as everyone is busy preparing for CNY, I'm sure they are because the supermarket check-out counters queues were long, we have this hope that the year of the Ox will bring us more stability than the Rat ever gave. One week, I can't wait to actually get rid of the rodent.

January 16, 2009

Take Out Dinners

I have had such a tight week that I didn't have time to really think about anything much except for whether my cell would just 'die' on me before 3pm. This tight schedule didn't allow me much space to do anything except to come home, eat, finish paperwork, drown myself in a pot of coffee and sleep. If not for the fact that my gf was cooking this whole week, it would have been take-out dinners. The great thing about her is, she knows when I'm swamped and without having to ask, she shows up in the afternoon and fixes dinner for the teens. Some people would say it's expected, since her daughter is living with me, but I say that she knows I would buy dinner if I don't have time to cook and the gesture is good enough for me.

It's no big deal, most families have take-outs for dinner, but in my home that's always a last resort. Out of 7 days, I serve home cooked meals on at least 5 days. Some of my colleagues are amazed that it even happens since I certainly do not come from the housewifey mould - well, cooking is a matter of preference, and I prefer that my son eats the food I cook, since it would have been done with care and love. It's only food, people would say, but it's different. My son would eat take-out 2 days straight, on the 3rd day, he'll waste half of it - but even if I made the same food everyday, for 5 days, he would finish everything.

It doesn't matter if the family doesn't dine together every day, but it's important that when the kids come home, they have food on the stove. Chinese New Year eve is when the family dines together. And next weekend, we'll do just that not in some restaurant, like what I do during christmas season, but at home with food prepared by request. I do not even bother with ordering a turkey for christmas, preferring to roast the kid's bird of choice. Perhaps my son is spoilt, but I think it's because it's the least I could do for him and now, for my god-daughter as well. There will be no take-out of anything - everything will be made from my kitchen.

January 13, 2009

sms culture

We have been reduced to sms text messages, instead of actually speaking over the phone. My friends, long time ones and acquaintances, prefer to text me, instead of picking up the phone and saying what they have to. I find it extremely strange that people would rather send me a text message which costs just over 5-cents instead of calling.

This 'culture' has seeping into our children, who also have picked up this very bad habit of sending text messages instead of just talking. I don't find sending text messages extremely cheap, since and OK would cost as much as a 10-word sentence. And since sms messages would mean using abbreviations which are not universal, misreading happens and then the text message would have to be further clarified by more text messages. So, how does that save cost or get the message across effectively. To me, effectively means, saying it once and it's loud and clear.

So, I have now done this with my gfs who just cannot break the habit. I don't reply to their sms messages. This is done with some warning, of course - I told her not to send me sms messages anymore, but to call instead. Each time she sends me an sms, she never gets a reply.

I can understand when it is not convenient for us to speak loudly like during a meeting or discussion and some information is required - fine, send an sms message then - but otherwise, why bother? What happened to our social skills? Have that gone down the tubes too?

We cannot be so hopeless that we have zero communication skills and that we prefer to be indifferent and insensitive and unconnected with the party we are communicating with. Talking is about connecting with the other person. Give a thought to it. We do have the email system for more complicated issues which can be discussed essay style, but let's keep sms messages to the really urgent type, where conversation is not possible.

January 12, 2009

someone for everyone

Is there someone for everyone?

This is the question that pops up everytime we find ourselves in a state of loneliness. Thankfully it's a state, therefore it should be transient. I think the question should not be whether there is someone for us, but whether we have enough coping skills to first, be at peace with ourselves. When we don't, then we find ourselves in this state - but when we do, it's not so much the being alone that will eat us up, it's the inability or our choice of being socially unreacheable on a permanent basis.

I am one such person - who longs for some company, yet unable to bring myself to be totally committed, simply because I'm not prepared to shed a tear and I have lost my ability to be patient. Unless we are discussing my relationship with non-human animals, there is no such thing as patience in my vocabulary.

As I meet single women, who are older than me, I find them to be so dedicated to their task, whatever it may be. They are adaptive and doing well yet we are quite likely to pick them out. It could be because they are all impatient like me and are more achievement focused. They tend to be strong and able to hold their own - curt and direct.

I wonder why this is so. Does being alone cause a person to be like this, because it seems to be so across the board. There is nothing socially inept about them, it's just that they are more together where work is concerned and they dare speak their minds, as opposed to others in permanent relationships who tend to balance their thoughts according to who is in the audience.

There is no good or bad in this, just that perhaps, when we are accustomed to being in a relationship, we tend to take into account another person's opinions before reconstructing and verbalising ours. I have not really looked deeply into it, but perhaps this is so. Those not in a relationship would have given thought to any opinion to be expressed just differently.

so perhaps there is someone for everyone - and for those who do not, it's because their someone is themselves. They choose to depend on themselves and because they do, they are more sure-footed than those who rely on little boosts from people around them. so there is someone for everyone, just not the way we think it is.

January 11, 2009

the lost sheep

My ex-maid called me at 2am this morning. I haven't spoken to her for a little more than a year and was recently thinking about how she was doing. Life has been tough for her since she returned to her home in 2002 - We kept in close touch over the years but I could always hear her pain over the phone. Finally, she managed to get a job in Qatar - has been there for 4 months. In some sense, it's a relief for me, since she became my god-daughter the last year she was here. Before her pre-paid card ran out, I managed to make her take down the address again, just in case she didn't have it with her, so that we could keep in touch by letter. She asked about my son, whom she help me raise when he was in pre-school.

Perhaps it's correct to say that whatever good or bad in the past, tends to catch up with us in time. Helen calling me is a good thing, because she stayed with me for years - she is 12 years younger than me, and always reminded me of myself at that age. I'm really happy that she's got a job although leaving her daughter back home isn't the ideal thing. The girl is probably 6 now - it must be hard for her, I'm sure.

Well, that's another person that found me, sort of and perhaps the past few years have been a time for me to figure things out and perhaps I took a wrong turn somewhere only to return to some spot where I can fix things. I know she knows that I'm not in the best frame of mind and for whatever reason, she needed to call. She has been trying for sometime, I did get those missed calls, but never thinking it was her.

I wonder if all this means that I need to start taking stock of things - in some strange way, perhaps I need to draw some strength from the problems of others, so that I am able to cope with my personal situation. I just find it so impossible that at a time when depression has taken over my mind, that my close friends, gone for years have surfaced and because they have personal situations which they cannot deal with, I have found a reason not to dwell in my misery. Misery is correct because I was almost at maladaptive.

Although I do not have plenty of friends, the few close ones are always with me and pop up in the most unexpected ways. That's the difference between a ha-ha friend and real friends. We don't have to know so many, just those few who are here, rain or shine - in their own little way, which converts to a lot, to our life. Helen is the last lost sheep to return.

January 10, 2009

With Depth, there's clarity

I believe that most people prefer to work with as much information as possible before starting on a project. I'm the same. However, when working with a 'patient', I usually do not wish to take-in verbal information, because such information would tend to contain some verbal slant. I always prefer to read more technical casenotes and make my own deductions after working with the patient. I feel that it helps me focus on the task without relying on someone elses opinions. Conversations with the patient is, without question, crucial.

But there is a difference between withholding information and what I have just expressed. I was pretty mad with my gf because she deliberately omitted to tell me a very critical part of the story. My observations could not balance the equation and because of that, it probably contributed to my being unable to actually get to the crux of the matter (with the kid).

Trouble is, people are people - they are sometimes unable to face up to the truth and ugliness of the situation, choosing to only talk about what's on the surface and mid-level of the mind. The deeper part of the story is usually embedded and safeguarded - that's understandable. But if you have expectations for someone to help you, honesty helps. For one, it will certainly cut short the time to find solutions.

I have got myself into a real messy situation, but thankfully, all I lost was time. I was getting there, but just couldn't balance stuff, so I left it and almost thought that I should work on my therapeutic skills, which probably is rusty. Thankfully, it wasn't me - and so, chapter two has finally begun and for me, it's a race - let see how effective I can be.

January 07, 2009

To know or not to know

When dealing with confidentiality of clients, there is no question if they are adults. The confusion begins when it concerns a minor. Should 'authorities' withhold vital information or should they exercise discretion and inform concerned parties? It's an ethical issue for sure, probably with differing opinions, depending upon which part of the world the case originates from.

But I always strongly feel that we need weigh the matter closely and if it will benefit the child then it should be disclosed on a confidential level. I feel very strongly about this when it concerns the mental well-being of a kid - because events and experiences will shape their future behavior and without a full understanding, full 'assistance' cannot be rendered and it may add to the confusion and imbalance.

I would rather know than not know. Although, if I didn't know at the outset, I'm experienced enough to pick it up.

January 06, 2009

Teenage girls and SMS

It's amazing how the world has shrunk to using abbreviated text messages instead of picking up the phone and cut to the chase. This seems to be a prevailing problem with teenage girls, not so much boys - who probably prefer to 'not speak' or be 'social' at all.
Give them a phone and they will immediately use the sms. I don't know what there is to sms. One word "K" is one text message - wouldn't it be more sensible to load the entire message so that it contains everything that you need to say?

I have experienced this love affair with the sms before and the trend hasn't changed one bit. A teenage girl can do without make-up but not without a mobile phone. I feel that that is probably the reason why they fail terribly at other things - and that the modern day 'woman' has lots to grapple with, once they actually grow up which usually occurs when they get married later in their lives. The shot-gun marriage or marriage of convenience doesn't count as a real relationship.

I'm sure telcos make millions just from SMS text messages - more than the actual phone call bills. It's no wonder, teenage girls do not speak all that well these days anymore.

January 05, 2009

4th Feb - Year of the Ox

Just when I thought Jan 25th would be the last I would see of the "rat" year, I read that the actual day when the Ox takes over is Feb 4th. Apparently, we celebrate CNY to acknowledge the start of a new Lunar New Year calendar, nothing to do with the 'governing' animal, so to speak. That didn't just dampen my mood, it got me into a whirlpool spin coz the year of the rat did nothing except to cause upheaval in my life.

I must say that I do not follow feng shui to the T, neither do I have that many superstitions, yet to think that I have to bear with the Rat another week or so wasn't something that washed down well. People say it's just superstition and ancestral beliefs, yet that is the very grounding of chinese culture. I was raised to observe all these beliefs and although I refuse to obey the no sweeping thing I still do not pick up the broom unless it's really critical to the cleanliness of that space. How does a person get rid of all these cultural beliefs without seeming to be superstitious? Tough call - I do it unconsciously because having lived in the parental home and grand-parental home for too many years, it certainly becomes something you just do. And so, religiously, I would read up on any material I can get my hands on for the new lunar year with the hope that life wouldn't look so bleak.

We have many little blessings that allow us to live day by day, yet we do need that boost sometimes just so the day becomes a bit more bearable. Mine occurs before the CNY season, which for 2009, is now. All my excitement has simmered down by leaps and bounds - when will this painful rat get away from me? If I could just use a glue trap and flush the damp thing down the toilet, I would - but then again, I may not, simply because that's cruel and it wouldn't be good for my karma - so I should club the rat who is stuck on the trap before flushing him down the toilet!

Well, the up-side is, there is always a way when we have the will.
So, Feb 4th it is.

January 04, 2009

InTolerant Singaporeans

Someone wrote in a forum that his/her neighbour smokes in their HBD apartment and the smoke fumes filter into his apartment (vertical). The writer wanted to know how to complain against that smoker.

What is unbelieveable is the fact that the writer wanted to complain and didn't know which authority to direct the complaint to. What is happening to our society here? Does that mean that when we hear our neighbours TV and we do not like the M18 movie he's watching on his dvd player, that we have a right to complain? If our neighbour keeps fish and we think his fish is lazy and doesn't eat mosquito larvae, do we then suggest to the authorities that our neighbour should not be allowed to keep fish? What if we heard our neighbour playing some mantra music and we are not either hindus or buddhists, do we then complain to the town council to limit what kind of music they can listen to? Or do we all have enjoy music with headphones only?

Our society has become so intolerant and selfish that it's no wonder, I prefer to stay at home. Although I'm a home bird - I stay in more these days, simply because whatever's out there will only cause me stress. When walking, people bump into you - and they don't apologise. Then there are parents who drag their undisciplined kids out to the mall screaming. Then there are those who have children who run amok and you can hear their parents yelling after them. Then there are those who are queueing but just pretend they didn't know where the queue ends so that they could stand at the back of the line.

How did we get here?
This isn't alarming - this is a disaster that may not get corrected, since behaviour takes generations to set in. Just because something is not something we like, we condemn. If we don't like cats, we complain until the cat gets put down. If we don't like dogs, we do the same. Crows attack people sometimes, so we shoot them. We don't smoke, so we complain about smokers. We don't drink, so we complain about drink drivers.

We are so messed up in our heads it's no wonder the youngsters these days are messed up. Don't blame the internet. It has nothing to do with the internet - it's got to do with adults who behave so badly and are so intolerant of others that the kids are screwed up.

January 03, 2009

Is Ignorance really Bliss?

I have just started on Part 2 of my work - defects. I must say, the level of ignorance, our young singaporeans are harbouring is disgusting. One young and an apparent professional called me after hours on a saturday, because he heard the sound of dripping water - he wanted to register that as a defective pipe. I asked him where the water is leaking from and he told me he didn't know. I asked him where the water is collecting and he still couldn't tell me but repeated that it's water dripping. I explained to him that unless he could tell me where it's collecting, it may not be a leak, but water in the sewerage pipes which are made from PVC. Then came the winning question. WOULD I BE CHARGED FOR THAT?

I think it's okay to be great in academic work and get ourselves all proud on convocation day, but we need to also ensure that we are equipped with some common sense. Sewerage pipes are obviously for the discharge of waste, water and otherwise - and does he not have that in his dictionary? It's a shame that our society is breeding such people who will eventually form a huge part of our working population, and who will be breeding more such people for isn't is so that kids do learn by example, common sense?

This chap just crossed his 30th birthday and I'm just surprised that he's so inadequate. When parents fix things up for you, you don't take it for granted, you should have an interest so that you are aware of how things are. Has he lived his 30-odd years just oblivious to how everything works?

Ignorance is not a sign of intelligence but a sign of a person who has a poor attitude towards life thinking that there will always be someone who is on call 24-hours a day to change his soiled diaper for him. Ignorance is not a remarkable trait to have or a convenient excuse to use. It's something we all should work to minimise, because it's telling on just how interested we are in actually developing our minds. Perhaps some people are not interested in developing their minds, perhaps if that is the case, these people should not be allowed to procreate.

January 02, 2009

Fireworks & pollution

Finally we are in year 2009 with one small catch though, the lunar calendar is still very much the Rat year, not Ox until the 26th of this month. But psychologically, it's still a relief and hopefully the bad of 2008 have left us all 2 days ago.

All over the world, cities welcomed 2009 with huge displays of fireworks - which coincided with the start of the smoking ban in more public spaces. I wonder if people who are screaming "YAYY" or those who came up with this idea, gave a thought to that 10 minutes of shooting fireworks on our National Day, Chinese New Year and New Year contributed to more air pollution than whatever bans they have so far implemented here for smokers. After the fireworks display, the trail of smoke is so obvious in the dark sky, yet I haven't heard a single person complain about keeping our air clean - how convenient for basic humans to only notice when they are not being inconvenienced - how convenient for basic humans to support any ruling that doesn't affect them directly.

I was watching all the clips of new year celebrations and cannot help but think about why this necessity to spend too much money to ruin our already sick planet and her air. Do we need to welcome the new year with a bang? Are we so lame that we need to light up the sky, pollute the air before we are able to loose our minds and enjoy the evening?

There is something obviously wrong with humans here who on one hand runs an ad to save our air by implementing more bans for smokers and then goes right ahead to smoke out the Marina Bay - and within the same time frame, all smokers who lit up at the same time, couldn't have contributed this much of damage to our environmental air for days!

Goes to show, just how lame things really are - happy new year.