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January 31, 2014

Significance

The celebration for Lunar New Year began at dinner time today although the actual 'new lunar year' falls either on the 4th or 5th of Feb.
Anyways, I observe festivals BUT I do not go 'hog wild' since I know better (ha ha)

The little things I observe include having the popular cookies on the dining table, having MORE than enough rice grains in the rice container AND most importantly, this pineapple.

The belief is prosperity and wealth AND what I found out today, is gambling luck !  (Thing is, I don't gamble literally or otherwise)

AND so, I was wondering where to park this cute pineapple, since I didn't think about that before purchase.  Armed with pineapple in hand, I surveyed the home and finally thought to park it with the lucky bamboo.

Now that I am looking at the picture - its actually looking like its a perfect fit.

My life goes on pretty much the same after this last item that's lunar new year.  Hopefully, the significance of having this and that WILL make this year a little less dramatic.

Its strange how everyone observes Dec 31st as the last day of the year - perhaps that's keeping with the global celebrations.  New Year for me, has always been Lunar New Year.  1st Jan is not significant for me, except it means school-going children will be in Malls less during the weekdays and that air tickets will not have a holiday surcharge.

I don't get nostalgic about Lunar New Year because its always been about the faith I have which is technically my personal relationship with a higher-being or 'GOD' as we know Him to be.

For all that I have had to put up with the past year,  I hope that will be the last.  This pineapple should bring me wealth in intellect, mind and happiness besides being able to survive day to day.


January 29, 2014

Know what I know or too bad

A beautiful scene taken in Sri Lanka
Perhaps what keeps us going when we loose sight of the 'beauty in life' are snapshots like this.
Simplicity is always beautiful.
I am a city person yet the times I have been off-city have always been memorable - unfortunately, I didn't vacation with my best friend but she kept me in the loop with photographs.

Over the course of my life, the different phases of my life, I have many times lost faith in the human race only to bounce back because the far n few made a difference in an otherwise cliche society (to me).  There will always be someone, usually an acquaintance who would remind me (by way of deed towards another) that maybe I just attract the bad apples, people who know that the little ounce of empathy that I have should be exploited.

I have 2 very good pals - we've been pals for years and years ; through almost everything; No matter how bad our personal situation can be, we still had our customary meets/lunches or vacations - none of us tries to be the 'know-it-all' because we know that we are individuals who have chosen to walk different paths, yet managed to keep our friendship sane.

As the lunar new year draws near, I can feel myself getting nostalgic for the good ole days, when everything was home-made.  That meant, everyone was around to help out in baking, cooking, marketing.   The past week, I have done nothing but buy the lunar new year goodies, because I am far too lazy to bake.

No matter how 'evolved' my thinking have become over the years, the sense of the approaching new year always gives me hope.  Hope that I will have learnt to let people be; don't help them unless they really spell it out and that people deserve what they get most times.

Its not a harsh thought, but more one to keep me from being swallowed by people who just use use and use.  Thoughtless people.

Do I wish ill upon them?
Yes, to be brutally honest.
Because they would be in jail and jobless if not for the help my friends extended.
Where I come from, the alleged crime carries a sentence of caning - and sure, he would have been caned too.

What have I done?
I have contributed to helping this person through his darkest years (3 years) and he learnt ziltch from that experience.

SO, I feel terrible for not having thought that a person like that had it coming and that at least, a convicted killer has the gall to admit to his crime with pride, instead of lying about it after the fact.  BUT then, a convicted person has been convicted, its what he wants - acknowledgement; unlike this fail-case of a male who goes on prancing about the place like he was wronged.

Well, that's why this picture of a sunset is so apt for me.
Sunset is NOW - so if it is setting, it is setting.
I am not going to say 'look, that means sunrise is soon' - I'm just going to assume that if I know, they know.  I was told, I always expected people to think like me, so I tried to make minute adjustments and that worked out very poorly for me.

January 28, 2014

AGAIN - people never change

I have been thinking about a lot of things - but mainly more because I need to know why I chose to 'miss' blaring loud traits that would have saved me a lot of time, effort, disappointments and also, more importantly, my friends, circle of friends' helping hands.

Thing is, this ungrateful person dropped hints about his failed personality from years ago.  None of us picked it up.

First hint - he would drink senseless - usually with his own group of friends at the popular St James or some small pub along the East Coast where he has his 'bottle' parked at the bar.  What we know is, most times he gets pissed drunk and sometimes, he 'looses' his way to his unit in his apartment block.   What is baffling - he is able to recount the embarrassment that he was, as table talk and it doesn't bother him.

Second hint - he expects people to 'do favors' for him - like pick up his mail, send it to him - he never thinks for a second, that people drive out of their way to do it, only because friends help out whenever.

Third hint - for the many festivities that people celebrate here - he has never once offered to buy a cake for his neighbor or a bar of chocolate or anything.  Usually someone has to twist his arm to get him to agree to giving someone something and he never was included in the money pool.  We are the type of people who engage in simple social gestures and we don't really bother to count the pennies in our kitty pool.

Fourth hint - a few times, when he disagreed with his aged mother, he raised his voice and gestured with his finger at her.  Those few times, I was there, and I corrected him, to his disgust.

BUT when he got into trouble with the authorities, he bawled his eyes out and swore to get revenge on those who wronged him.  That alone was odd because if one is drunk, how would one recall, if one committed a crime?  Given that one had a history of being pissed drunk, till one would fall flat on the ground and then pass out.

As friends, we all try to look at the better side of another - in the hope that they learn - there is enough misery in the world.

I should have known, he would revert to his selfish self, where he is above all.  Many of us, went to our respective praying houses to offer prayers for him, throughout the 3 years, waiting for the investigation to conclude.  He never accompanied any one of us; not even once. 

Lesson in point : Follow your gut, especially when troubling behavior did catch your eye before.  People do not change - they adapt to survive - but once they are on the 'freeway' they will revert to their useless being.

January 27, 2014

Snob FLEEs after public comment

It only takes ONE disrespectful person or ONE self-centered individual or ONE snob to remind us how very 'sick' society really is.  This is one person, who just got 'too smart' and instead of silently gloating about his career success and wealth, chose to push his good fortune further by promoting himself to position of ROLE MODEL for the world by his insensitive remarks/posts and typical 'penny wise pound foolish' ideas.

http://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/singapore-showbiz/local-actress-oon-shu-ann-open-letter-anton-031951568.html
The culture here is to work hard, save what we can and spend usually only during the Lunar New Year.  Most of us live in public housing and use the public transport as a means of getting from point A to point B.

My aunt made cookies, baked cakes for the entire family from the 70s.  Every meal was home-cooked and everyone came home to eat.  We lived in an extended family - everyone was there for everyone.  We learnt to take what we can finish (to eat), we had chores for dishes, garbage.  We had to kneel before our elders on the first day of the Lunar New Year to seek forgiveness.   I continued that practice until my granny passed away.

Today, my aunt still doesn't work, after toiling after her sons, who are now, both professionals.  They still live in a 3-bedroom HDB flat but her cooking is still something I miss every time the topic of food arises.  I speak of her a lot, because my parents were working and my aunt and granny, fed me, kept me safe and well.

Never have I heard my grandparents or parents say that we were richer than our neighbours or that the people in our neighbourhood were less well-off than we were.

We keep busy, working till we cannot work anymore, because thats our culture.  There are retired uncles and aunties, who work because there is nothing for them to busy themselves with at home.  Working engages their mind and their body - we are physically and mentally engaged when we are working.  There is nothing wrong with working till we are past the age of legal retirement.  We come from hardworking roots and that isn't going to change too easily.

Expat means, they come over here to work but their wages are usually disproportional to that of the locals.  They are supposed to be our 'foreign talent' which are hired, to boost our economy, but well, looks like we need to include some degree from the School of Hard Knocks as well.  Perhaps such personnel should be interviewed more carefully about whether they deserve that employment pass here.  Oh wait, this senseless expat married a Singaporean.

You know what, I think we locals should actually be proud of our humble Asian roots instead of trying to integrate into another culture by forgetting where we come from.  Poor kid - to have to grow up in an environment where its OK to not respect others and its OK to be a snob. Also, right after we do something wrong - R U N !  That is what that man is role modelling for his kid.

January 26, 2014

Frozen Ground - the movie

This movie is based on the hunt for Robert Hansen, a serial killer.  I found the movie to be exciting and not as predictable as most crime-based serials/movies I have watched but perhaps its because the story line is real.

As we well know, life may seem to be similar, in that we live and we die; we have our fair share of joys and sorrows, sometimes even more than we can chew....the point is, its the little grievances, stressors and how we react that makes the story of our individual lives, unique to ourselves.

I will not 'glorify' the serial killer by discussing his methodology or victim choices not because I am not a qualified forensic professional, but more because any life form deserves dignity and to reduce any person or animal to the position of helplessness and/or hopelessness is not something I could stomach.


Movie Cover
I have always been intrigued by the mind of the psychopath because it functions devoid of empathy.
Perhaps it is almost similar to some subcultures, where inflicted pain creates excitement which causes adrenalin levels to increase.

Some sexual games that couples play include asphyxiation, needles that penetrate the skin, use of hot wax, use of low voltage electricity and usually its done with restraints.

Perhaps its just as well that such sub-cultures are thriving in our society so that people are able to 'act out' their 'fantasies' OR their 'dark side' more openly than before.  Also, there are such social groups dedicated to the practices not so much to encourage but more as a safety net as well by providing safety guidelines, toys which are safer to use etc etc.

That does not mean that I am able to understand how a person is able to be totally unmoved as life is being snuffed out of another person.
Back to how I would draw a parallel.

Perhaps, some of us have a need to exert total control over another.  Some of us do it by being domineering at home, at work; some traits could include making insensitive remarks or just using pure, blunt, hurtful innuendos directly.  When that isn't enough, some might become physically abusive - the power of being able to inflict physical pain, the ability to 'toy' with the other person's fear by being the decider of what's to come next.

Till today no one really knows, how the mind of a serial killer ticks.  What drove him to such darkness before he could feel alive.  It has been said that serial killers are not simply just made yet I do believe that the deeper into the dark the need becomes, is similar to the theory of marginal utility.

In this movie, there was a segment where the killer was shown to have let a victim go, only to shoot her down like a hunted game.

Well, whats the thrill in hunting game?  I have no idea, since where I come from, we do not have such sports.  BUT I will continue my reads and hopefully, be able to come back with a personal opinion on that.



Behind nicknames

Whats in a name?
We have heard that many many times.

Actually, a lot.

Whats in a nickname?
That is a really loaded question and possibly a lot more 'telling' than a name, since most times, our parents came up with our names.

Drawing a parallel with nicknames and the recent person me and my friends 'bailed' out, here is what I have found.

His email nick is XXXXXjock.
Let us focus on JOCK.

According to Wiki, it is a classical stereotype of a male athlete.  It includes negative characteristics like snobbish, self-centered, rude, arrogant, unintelligent, abusing alcohol, earlier and more casual sex and more popular characteristics like handsome, muscular and athletic; popular with girls.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jock_(athlete)
I do like the description by the Urban Dictionary though - the link is here:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jock

He obviously has now proven this little 'theory' of mine.

SNOBBISH/SELF-CENTERED
When he needed help, he was always available to meet up with the rest of the group, just in case someone has a fresh idea or a new lead which might help him in the case the police was investigating against him.  After everything blew over, he forgot who they were and celebrated his victory with his own group of friends, months on.

ABUSING ALCOHOL
The few months he was grounded because of this incident, he was drunk 23 hours a day.  It was so bad, he was almost crawling.  He goes to a nearby beach resort where the conversion rate is great, stays there for a drunken week and then flies back.

UNINTELLIGENT
When I first met him, he was insecure and I remember him telling me "You think I'm stupid".  Funny thing was, I never quite bothered because I was not in a lecture or among my peers discussing interesting research topics, so it never crossed my mind to check his IQ score.

CASUAL SEX
I always suspected him of doing this on the side - which is fine, since he is not someone I'm latched on to.  BUT its more the quality of females he HAS casual sex with.  Its never someone his equal but someone who is from a third world country or who is holding a work permit pass here.  That is degrading for the girls and its his ARROGANCE that allows him to do this without thinking that every girl has a sister, mother, aunt; in short a family, who cares for her and wants her to keep well.  His modus operandi is disgusting and degrading to women.

Is this guy HANDSOME?
He is your average Joe.
Is this guy Muscular?
Well, he is rather scrawny, except for his biceps, thanks to the gym.
Is this guy athletic?
He plays tennis now and then, but I don't think that qualifies as being athletic - when its just a social game and not even a match per se.  Also, he never was part of any school tennis team.
Is this guy popular with girls?
Only because of the size of his pay-check.  Most professional women have dumped him from what I have gathered from his past.

Nicks, short for nicknames does reflect what we would like to convey over the www.
Gamers would choose nicks like Death or Slayer for example - just so people have this idea that they are great at killing people in game.  
So XXXXXXJOCK = someone who is not just anal retentive but someone who is so insecure that he needs to hype up who he is to the rest of the world.

RPGMMO

I stepped into the realm of MMORPG or Massive MultiPlayer Online Role Playing Games about 4 years ago, on my crappy laptop.  Crappy because its not meant to support MMOs well since lappys are for work mainly.

This is my character in FF14 or Final Fantasy 14, my first paid to play MMORPG.

When I first started, it was with a 'free to play' (FTP) which means, anyone (unless restricted by regulations of the country) can download the game and play.

That is the upside.

The downside is, that if one wants to get better gear, better outfits or better everything, one has to upload real money (usually through PayPal or direct debit or game cards) and that could be expensive in the long run.

I have, so far, played 2 free to play MMOs; and I stopped playing once I have obtained the 'end game' gear and the content is no longer 'new' to me.  I never thought about going back to play - because in my book, its done, finished and there is nothing else for me to want to 'achieve'.

In this paid to play (PTP), FF14, gear is distributed more evenly and there is no way to try to outsmart the game play.  If you have obtained your special gear (end game as well) you just cannot get another.  It helps keep the game balanced and busy in a fair sense.  Real money will not save anyone who is not cut out to be great at gaming because the end game best in slot gears are never tradeable.

I have learnt a few things about gamer behavior in such games.  At first, it was baffling even for me, a Psych Major.  BUT as years went by, I began to draw parallels.

We tend to meet more 'impressionable' people in Free to Play games - people who do have serious real life issues and are basically stalking the game arena to either take it out on another or just to prey.  Most of the time, gamers are people who do not have the opportunity to take the lead in their real life and they try so hard to be the 'know it all' in such games.

There are similar people in pay to play games - only thing is, their preying is at a slightly higher level.  The idea is the same.  They have this need to make another gamer feel totally useless by usually being insulting and verbally abusive.  In game, its called "trolling".

Pay to Play games are different in that you do need to have more gaming sense to get to end game content/gear.  Given that adults do play both FTP/PTP games its shocking that adults behave worse than the average teenage gamer.

It is inaccurate to say that only maladaptive persons get into the groove of gaming because I have met my fair share of regular people, with no chip on their shoulder, playing PTP, only because they prefer to spend the evening at home gaming, instead of going out or watching TV.  These adults have children, hold professional jobs - you can suss them out because they are not the ones who troll badly in general chat and they rarely are insulting to others.

The few bad apples, who use games to bully others are a handful, not enough to totally turn me away from gaming, but enough for me to eventually move on to another game or server.

I used to type to such gamers to kindly seek professional help for their real life issues instead of being a bad troll.

So RPGMMO is a great way to spend a quiet evening - but again, be ready to bump into people who need attention or people who are just there to get sympathy.  I have come across a mid-20s gamer, who went on to Skype inappropriately with another gamer, only to have her husband log into the game to vent it all in general chat.
I have also come across gamers who have children with special needs, which is why one of them (the gamer) is at home gaming and minding the children; leaving the game to fetch them from school etc.

Its a great platform to socialise, yet until the platforms are cleaned out of bullies and elitist gamers, less mature young adults and teenagers could be swept up by this and pick up the bad habits a lot quicker; for isn't the bad always the first we pick up?

Sari Ater Hot Spring

Sari Ater
The next best thing to 'grab' besides a soak in a hot bath, is a hot spring.

It was chilly, not cold that morning in Bandung and we decided to visit this natural hot spring, a few minutes drive from our hotel.

It was mid morning and to my surprise, there were already locals and tourists getting their therapeutic dip.

Getting into the 'pond' to dip is tricky, since the 'rocks' can be a little slippery.  We didn't take a hot bath, instead, we sat at the side and had ourselves a warm foot bath.  Just knowing it would be the most enriching water from the ground somehow made it all the more a worthwhile visit.

The place was generally free of litter and its great to know that the people who visit this area are mindful and socially responsible.

Imagine a natural hot spring with its surrounding areas littered!  That would have ruined the trip.

I do recall having Physical Geography as one of my mainstream subjects in Secondary School (High School), how we read about geysers in New Zealand.

I have not been to NZ but at least our trip to Bandung has given me a first-hand experience of what it feels like to be a little cold from the higher altitude (above sea level) yet be in an open area, where there is a little warmth.

The water is warm, almost like when we are having a hot bath.  This park has other activities for visitors to engage in like horse riding or just repelling down to a lower level area.  It was too early, but I am sure, some people, like us, just enjoy the walk and the fresh air, this area offers.


January 25, 2014

Bandung Break 2013

Perahu
On our first day in Bandung, Indonesia, my best buddy from college decided to visit volcano peaks.  For a bum like me, scaling heights never means doing it literally!

We were not the only 'certifiable' ones up there to my surprise - the pungent of sulphur was sharp. From where we stood (where the picture was taken), there were visible fumes as well.

I enjoyed the cool breeze very much - a change from back home - then we were plagued by the haze.
Because I was really excited, being on the peak of a volcano which is dormant/active not extinct, we decided to hire a guide to walk the trail to another peak.  It took us 30 minutes to hike down hill on a heavily used clay path.  The trunk of trees were somewhat carbon coated from the last eruption some years back.  It does make the idea sound so intriguing although halfway down, I almost decided to go back up!
Anyways, my BFF refused to stop there because the next morning, I found myself in our hired cab, on the way to another peak.  It rained overnight and when we got there, I thought I was in Copenhagn in winter!  It was almost freezing cold for me.  She was fine - having lived in Minnesota for 10 years !

I forgot about the cold after robbing her of her winter coat (I AM THAT HOPELESS IN THE COLD).  Also, the now familiar 'aroma' of sulphur stung me enough to bring me back from the dead-cold.
What I felt was awesome, was the colour the crater lake reflected - As you can see, its actually a sight to remember.
Sulphur deposits were lined along the shore like artwork.  I have not seen anything as breathtaking as that.  This peak was less crowded, just us and another group of 6 tourists.  It was almost like the view was ours.

It was the best 4 days I have had in a long time.  Our last vacation was about 2 years from Bandung.  If anyone is planning a vacation in SE Asia, visit Bandung - hire a driver - and dare to go out there to experience what would otherwise just be information we have learnt from the media.

Bad seed, bad fruit

Book Cover
Whatever happened recently, somehow propelled me, in the reverse (not in a bad way) back to what I strongly believe - that not all forms of role-modelling, parenting or education is absorbed into our person.

Many times, we find parents baffled, because hard as they tried to raise their child well, to be respectful of societal mores and to be ethically in line with moral codes, they sometimes face defeat.

On most days, I try not to judge and I do what I can, within my reach, to lend a hand.  Sometimes, my gut tells me that people cannot change so bail out, yet other times, I empathize.

My reading material is usually Psych-based - since I am passionate about it, besides being a Psych major.  This book intrigues me because it discusses simply, why a person could have had the best home to grow up in, loving family and good opportunities, yet fail so much to be 'contributing' citizens of society.  By that, I do not mean, just by their paying their taxes on time.

I do know many people, who do not have a full-time professional job, yet spend hours a week doing voluntary work to help those in greater need (than themselves).

What I have learnt again is :
People will use people if they are self-centered individuals and there will be no qualms on their part.
People will attempt to be more of who they are not, when they are desperate. In this case, this person pretended to care about the people who were lending him a hand, yet once he was in the clear, those same people were 'worthless' to him; not even good enough FOR him, because he flies a plane for a living and to him, thats a huge deal.

People will pretend to care, by asking after your friends (who are assisting him in his problem) often yet after the tornado tides down, he is back to his status quo of them not really being his friend in the first place.

People who cry (hes a 48 year old man btw) when thinking he might go to prison, then after that tells you he appreciates their help but he never asked for it - are worse than crocodiles - Put a crocodile next to him and I now know that I am 'safer' sitting next to a crocodile.

This person, flaunts the law, got slapped with a fine (on another matter, during the same time frame) yet now turns around to say he was unjustly accused and paid the fines for something which is not his fault.

Traits like these, should have been picked up by the interviewing panel 20 years ago when he applied for this flying job.  There are jokes about flight deck personnel being alpha male etc, but at least when I read about alpha males who are serial killers, I have yet to come across them bawling their eyes out like a toddler who needs his pacifier.

Help only those deserving of help.  People you know who are humble to begin with.  People without a chip on their shoulder.  People who know how to be appreciative and people who Play it Forward.

Am I bitter?
Hardly.
Just intent on passing the word around - that just because someone is an expensive hire, doesn't mean he has much worth on the Scale of Life.

Time Flies - Dawn of a New Day

2 years have passed since my last post.  Life has kept me busy - and as usual, it was because of someone elses' 'troubles', not mine.
I need to log the events, briefly, just so it becomes a lesson in point.

Dawn of a New Day for me


When I posted my last entry, I was 1/3rd along, in assisting a friend solve his flat problems, promotion troubles and an alleged molest charge.  Then, I wondered, how GODs hand worked in unfair swings; since He obviously swung in this persons direction threefold. BUT my faith never wavered - I offered prayers for God's Mercy on this chap, connected with my social circle of friends, who hooked this friend up with a criminal lawyer, while I supported this person, determined to help him get back on his feet, psychologically and emotionally.

After the dust settled, this person, chose to celebrate all the case closures with his circle of friends, not the ones who provided him the support and assistance.  Never mind that, when I asked him, not because my circle of friends needed him to buy them a round of drinks (he told them he would buy them a round of drinks after all is over), his response was rather like a 'brush-off'.  He retorted that 'oh its because I did ask and you said you didn't want to meet so and so'.

Well, I didn't on that particular day and time (it was last minute) and I would like to think that if over 3 years, we leaned on another group at least once/twice a month, that we would remember to do the same, once we are out of the woodwork.  To add insult to injury, he told me he never asked for my help or that of my friends.  I also told him that not asking but taking the help/assistance anyway makes no difference to how a reasonable, thoughtful person would react, after the fact.  He ended this argument with "TAKE THE BLINKERS OFF ALREADY".

I never walk around in blinkers nor use it for sleep.  If he wasn't in dire need of legal assistance (top end criminal lawyer, with whom he consulted because of my contacts, for free), why would I search my black book, ask for help, on his behalf.  There was no way I could drag him to meet with the lawyer IF he didn't need one or IF he didn't want to go or didn't need the help.

I have decided to then walk away - it is NOT a friendship that is worth keeping.  In fact, looking back, I understand why GOD was so unforgiving when GOD decided to dish out trials for him. GOD probably wanted him to learn humility and guess what? He failed terribly.

In case people think this is about your average Joe, NO.  This is a person who flies a plane for a living.  AND he wonders why he was never given a promotion at work after more than 10 years - I spat out, that such behavior is NOT management material.  He is self-centered and self-absorbed.

We wonder why Singaporeans try not to help - this is why.  People don't know how to say THANKS or be grateful for those who don't judge you when in a bad situation.

I get it now GOD.  I get it.
I apologise for meddling and providing him assistance when YOU knew the best way to teach him a life lesson.

Its now the Dawn of a New Day for me - no more mercy.