Consistency again

Impression Management
It is what we all hear about in the corporate world.
Which is also why executives n the like make sure they are dressed appropriately and always looking spiffy and neat.

This is a little like how we are personally - in terms of hygiene and grooming.

What is sad is, outside the corporate limelight, a lot of people just let themselves go.  Even if the 'audience' are children, I believe that a base personal grooming is important; after all, won't these same children grow up to hold jobs as well?

Unkempt people are generally not quite as organised since they obviously lag in the self-respect/self-pride department.
This also affects their colleagues who are neat and organised, since aren't colleagues people we also work as a team with?

There really is no need to spend tons on clothing - its never about the cost, but how tasteful the attire looks on us.  People pay others, to tell them what to buy - personal shoppers - personal groomers - personal hairstylist etc etc etc
There is a darn good reason.
If we are not willing to pay for such advice, then we should depend on others who are willing to be honest about whether or not we should dress in a certain way.

Generally, it is not difficult to know what really looks better.  There is google and many women's magazines.  Magazines also recommend a certain type of dress code for a certain
body type.

To be out there in the social world to be judged by anyone sounds traumatic.
BUT it is the truth that everyone judges; only difference is whether they say it out loud.

I rather someone appreciate that I took the time to look my best, bad hair day or not, than for someone to think I didn't care about myself and showed up for work only because I had to.

We expect our children to show up in school with uniforms all neatly pressed.
Our children deserve to look at teachers and know that the rules apply across the board.
Our clients in the corporate world deserve to know that they are important enough for us to show up for a meeting neat and groomed.
Impression Management - a lot have forgotten it exists.

social networking sites

I don't understand why people my age would be interested in social networking sites and be religious about it, since isn't our real-time lives busy enough?

Teenagers, young adults who are just jumping into the fast-track of life, might feel they need to be connected with every breathing soul they have met; but after so many years of the same ole' nonsense, one would think that people grew up and started to get real on what really matters in life.

The one thing I have learnt from the WWW is, that people take on a persona they definitely do not have or remotely own.  AND quite frankly, if that person is so adaptable and well adjusted to real people and the demands of the real world, there is no need to 'get lost' or allocate inaccurate qualities to themselves over their profile.

I have done a brief 'study' of randoms who post in such sites and unless they are really your friend in real time, its a toss up in the air on what their agenda really is.

The people who brag so much about casual sex and being all romantic are really quite lame and if not taken or ever taken, would translate to : something is seriously wrong.  If a person is such a hot-shot, why is that person still so available?

My single friends are never on sites like that and even refuse to chat tirelessly over the sms-text.  We set a place and time and date and meet; paying for overpriced caffeine to keep things real.  We do not need to meet strangers just so we could go over introductions and hopefully perfect them after the 100th try.

It is the new, soon to be old, hype - and the worst thing is when a self-proclaimed 'professional' goes on such a site.  Seriously.  What constitutes a professional? Even a cleaning supervisor is a professional because if you had a stained marble tile, you'd want him to tell you how to get that pristine again.

Everything is over-rated these days.
I have had a guy tell me how he is not sorry he has a large tool.
OMG
I am sure there are tons of others who would take him on that challenge.

Any person can equip themselves with tools.
Its not how large a tool is that will matter but what you do with it that counts.
Its also not how great an intro you can write, but whether or not, your intro eventually sells.
To sell it means, you must be whatever you say you are.

A lot of people choose to write something that is inaccurate, and when questioned probably will side-track or just ignore the question as if it was never asked.

So the theory I came up with in my 20s about people not being taken in any way is true - going by what I have uncovered of late.
Of course, its true to form, only when such people keep 'changing' bazaars to sell their wares when the real life bazaar becomes too transparent for them.

Lazy vacations

Well, the time of the year has come around again - to look for vacation spots.

Instead of going for a vacation and be rushing here n there even when we are not with any tours; I thought to experience a vacation in its rawness.

So, I started searching for beach resorts - away from shopping - self-contained - so that days and nights will be spent just on the beach - no sports, nothing - beach, sun, breeze and a good book.

It will give me some much deserved break from the city noise - noise of conversations - and basically - quality time with nature.

I have trawled the internet for beach resorts as far as Vietnam - which might be torture since the commute to the resort is like 3-5 hours from landing point.  So perhaps, I'll be more realistic and locate a resort that has vacation time from the get go.
Might cost a wee bit more though.

It looks like its going to be Club Med.
I do recall a movie set similar to the Club Med style - where they have activities etc - which is 'scary' for a person like me, who may go there to get quiet.

It will be a great experience I'm sure - to add to my collection of vacation places.

So maybe - Club Med in July.

If you can't beat them - REPORT

My lesson of the day is : IF YOU CAN"T BEAT THEM, REPORT.

That has always been my 'policy' actually - and having been an Internal Auditor for Organisational Procedures, its a difficult habit to shake off.

I do not subscribe to the 'close one eye' idea since it never teaches anyone anything.  If a behavior is unacceptable, one cannot expect the same to not be repeated in the future, until some corrective measures are in place.

This is the reason why relationships break down badly.
Relationships do not just mean a male/female relationship or a marriage since any ties that 'bind' us at any level to another individual, qualifies to be in some sort of a relationship.

A child NEEDS TO BE corrected so that he learns to mend his ways over time.
Adults who behave badly were children who either got away with behaving badly until they thought themselves to be 'unable to ever be caught' OR they are just born selfish and self-centered thus will not be able to stay in a long-term relationship unless the other party is always giving in.

People choose to think they are right even when societal polls (if ever taken) says they are wrong.  And instead of sounding pompous, they go on to use the phrase "but thats your perspective'.

They fail to understand that in some instances, 'collective perspective' overrides 'your perspective'.  Social norms exist because they supercede the minority norms.  If people do not walk on the street naked, its because social norms warrant some dress code.  The minority might love walking naked in the sun along Rodeo Drive yet they HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE to the majority social norms of wearing something.

There is no excuse for bad behavior or inappropriate retorts.

I have faced many situations I could opt to 'live with' yet for each one of them, I chose 'lesson plans'.  I don't see why I have to be 'supportive' of anything that is socially negative whether or not I benefit from it in the longer term.  This is mainly because I believe that people come into our lives either to teach us something or vice versa.  I have learnt many hard lessons from people who have been in my life only to realise years later that I'm thankful for them.

So its not about me having the desire to be the know it all either.
I'm constantly learning and making adjustments as society changes.
Its about me not willing to let people believe they are flawless because NO ONE is ever flawless.  People have a right to be delusional about how great they are, but sorry mate, not on my turf you don't. Try humility.  It always works better in any setting.

Consistency

CONSISTENCY - is lacking in our educators.

I do wonder, if someone should make some kind of recommendation to actually have appraisals done by an external person or someone not linked to the person being appraised.  I understand that teachers today, are required to 'do more' than teach in the classroom to chalk up points for extra performance bonuses.

With the implementation of this system of appraisal - the teaching standard has gone down the 'toilet' because teachers seem to be geared more towards 'poking their noses' where its not necessary just so they are 'seen' to be looking out for the school etc.

20 years ago, teachers were interested in teaching and took pains to ensure their class were motivated to learn.
Today, teachers have 'other interests' high on their priority list.

One teacher told me today : We are doing this back-checking just so parents don't call you to ask about it.
They had to back check because their colleagues (trained) apparently did not keep to some consistency in how work was being marked.
Now, why would they concern themselves with whether or not, parents call me?
Not unless there is something to hide.

Whether or not, a sum is marked the same way ie one tick two ticks or three ticks, doesn't really matter IF the child knows and its clear to the child, that the tick means he got it correct.

Why would parents be bothered if a sum required 3 ticks for full marks, IF full marks have been awarded, given that this is daily work AND NOT a term paper.  Parents would be concerned IF their child is confused by getting a tick but not the mark!

Also, teachers who suggested allowing students to erase incorrect answer for English scripts, are mainly teaching children, that erasing a marked question and filling in the correct answer is the RIGHT WAY.

At age 7, a child is not able to discern between a legal erase and an illegal one.
Why are teachers confusing them?

Educators have lost consistency in the meaning of TEACHING.
This is just one grievance - I haven't even gone over teachers' inability to actually send a grammatically correct sms-text message OR to be in-charge of the assembly and not sound ridiculous in how they address the children.

To have received training would mean clearing the basic in the ability to convey the message accurately as well as to be equipped with the dynamics of learning and how best to maximise the brains ability to absorb information.

It is time for everyone to demand consistency.
It is time for policy makers to ensure that our children are not the victims of GARBAGE IN AND GARBAGE OUT.
At the moment, its trash that still can be salvaged, but if left unchecked, it will be garbage.

Teach - what it actually means

It is sad, that for many years now, the teaching profession in my locality has gone downhill.
I witnessed a teacher say about 40-years of age, using her index finger, 'screaming' at an eight year old boy, because he thought (aloud) that another boy took his lunch money.
For a split second, I thought I was in a Mental Institution doing my internship.

Teaching - is a lot about role modeling.
It cultivates socially constructed behavior and it sets a standard for the little ones to follow.
It gives the child room to say "I DON"T KNOW" so that the knowledge can be shared.

Another teacher, when told that a donation card was handed in earlier than the collection date, yelled at another teacher.  She said loudly "If you can't tell them I can go into your class to tell them, do you want me to do that?"

One day, I should record it and post it on YouTube.

What happened to the careful selection of candidates for the teaching position?  I guess, as long as the candidate meets the base criteria - which is usually just a Diploma or Degree.  For the most, I have yet to witness Degree holders, behaving badly, perhaps because we do not need to prove anything to anyone.  Most of us who return to teaching, do so, out of the interest to teach.

Parents should be aware that these days, its not always the child that is lazy.  If the teacher fails at motivating the student, even I will get bored.

Yelling, screaming does not earn anyone respect.
AND I still firmly hold the belief that RESPECT IS EARNED.

A teacher should set good examples - in thought, word, deed.
A teacher should be able to laugh with students and listen to their concerns, just as teachers expect students to listen to them.
Teaching is not about that Diploma one obtains from the teaching institute/academy.

Unfortunately, most are there for the pay-check more than to actually teach.

To be Misled

Feb 14th - every year it slips by - just because I can let it slip by.  Yet, this year, I was surprised when a colleague came to my desk, hugged me and handed me a little box - full of cute, colourful stickers and wished me Happy Valentines' Day.
That was totally unexpected.
It mattered to her I guess, to include me, since I'm new in the common room. That meant a lot to me - because I am picking up the slack for them and for me, it's appreciation for the work I have done and more that I will be doing.

The day before, I received a probable auto invite from LinkedIn - a social networking site; I'm guessing similar to how FB works - auto goes through the contact list and does random invites. The auto invite was from the person who didn't know how to be grateful to a group of people who have bailed him out literally from an inevitable spiral to doom.  So I checked the site and apparently its a professional social site.  I laughed.

He, a professional?  What a joke.
A professional is one who knows ethical and moral boundaries; carries out the job task by task acknowledging the team and has high situational awareness.

This chap, doesn't meet the base requirements at all, yet apparently joined this site.  Of course he posted a picture of the flight deck, since that IS his only redeeming quality.

I trashed the invite, of course, since I have never had the need to be on any social networking sites, preferring to always remain private, when I am off work.  I do not even own a FB account nor do I Skype outside work.

Which brings me to the next point.
Such people have to resort to such sites, because its the only way they can expand their social network without really doing all the leg work.  People are more blazen over the internet and many negative traits are easily lost over the internet.  People need to read 'sweet nothings' to feel good - a false reality.

The traditional way of gathering personality data is still the best.
Little gestures, supportive body language and behaviour which corresponds to the circumstances are seldom wrong.

V-Day is just another calendar day.
Nothing matters, until it matters.
and THAT can happen on any calendar day.

So yes, some trawl the internet to find new friends.  Some find their soul-mates there.  BUT start off knowing that if there is ONE person I know, who is so self-centered, a user of people and one who expects help yet turns around to say he didn't ask for it - be careful.
Ask if that person ever had a long term relationship, why he never got promoted in his job since most designations are rather clear.  A decent man doesn't need to hold a pilots' licence or be in top management.  He is the man on the street, earning an honest living, he knows how to appreciate the fundamentals in a friendship and what being responsible entails.
Don't be misled, that a 'professional' is single on a social site.
He is single, because there is a huge problem with his personality.

Social Gamers - they ruin games

GAMING IS NOT A GAME!

People play games for many personal reasons : kill time; leisure/hobby; compensation tool; family bonding.

Gamers can be divided into : Social Gamers ; Serious Gamers (rated); Trolls

I jumped right into the virtual gaming world of MMORPGs thinking it is like playing Tetris or Bejeweled.  

Top-rated pay to play games are WOW (world of warcraft) and lately FFXIV (final fantasy 14) and of course there are the free to play games like Fiesta, ScarletBlade, Tera and so on.

From the forums I have read, Trolls reside mainly in WOW, which made it successful - to-date it has like 13million gamers.  Trolls are a specific breed of gamers.  People who are actually decent in their game aptitude so much so that they tend to be pests in a game.  Serious gamers mainly focus on the game content and that's what they log into for.  They do not get involved in general chats much except to organise a group to get the game content done. Social gamers are those who use the game arena to make friends and virtual friendship will take precedent over real life common sense sometimes.

It is the social gamers that break games.

These people tend to rally around like-minded social gamers.  Usually they do not have a real life that is exceptional and that drives them into the virtual world.  A world where they can assume another persona, to be someone they are not for real, yet occasionally brush with reality as they exchange Skype contacts or emails.  Social gamers depend on the bonds they have in-game to add value to their real life.  They become very distressed when caught out and when confronted, they become aggressive and will lie to maintain their virtual persona.

After 3 years, I know I am a troll.

I do not tolerate social gamers well and I certainly do not have the time to be a serious gamer.  I started gaming too late in life and I will never be able to have that split second 'situational awareness' that all rated gamers have.  They know how to read tiny icons (buffs or debuffs) that appear on the bars like a circuit board and they know just what it means.

So each time I log into a game, I wait for an opportunity to troll.  Trolling in a game is pretty much like how we are sarcastic in real life during a conversation.  Its the only thing that keeps me from getting bored, doing repetitive dungeons day in day out.  

Unfortunately, the social gamers always spoil the fun by either being too sensitive OR outright rude and obnoxious.  The famous words social gamers use always insult one's parents, making themselves sound like they are matured adults by calling one a KID or simply name-calling i.e retard (its a favourite insult word).  Social gamers like to feel like they know it all.  They are dead sure, they excel in the game, when in actual fact, they are just mediocre.

Lesson in point : as in real life, face facts squarely - no single person is perfect in every facet of life.  We can try to be, but it doesn't mean we are.  Gaming is the same.  I had to tell a group of self-proclaimed game elitists that people constantly join games and people need time to learn the game.  It doesn't mean they are better than the newbies.

People who game these days have an agenda - be popular since most won't know who they are anyways; its easier to be someone we are not over the internet.  Its easier to fib over the internet.  Just like how it is easier to proclaim love over the internet before conning them of money.

Social gamers should get their life in order and stop ruining game-play for others.  They paid for subscription so they feel they have the right to be there and be their virtual social self (which cannot exist in their real world usually).

News is, we trolls paid subscription too.  So next time we troll, try to 'fight back' with quickly thought out rebuttals, instead of name-calling.

Oh wait - they can't think up of a structured rebuttal quickly - if they did, they wouldn't be that desperate to have a social life in a virtual game.

The ME factor

For the first time, I found this movie available on my cable channel.  It is a lazy Sunday and I thought a 'soppy' movie is better than the hot sun out there.

A darn good choice.

The story, reminds me a little about me.  Its almost like my story, only that, I haven't come 'full circle' to loose my balance because of love yet.

I am not hopeful, since I am a firm believer of 'contentment' and not 'wanting' more than what is ever going to be available.

Through the tumultuous years of putting another's needs before mine - I have lost myself.  His needs were always greater; his troubles always more severe; his time was always more precious than mine.

Since I rarely dwell emotionally - I reverted to WHO I am - a thinking person.
I dwell on how to manage people who have failed me; I dwell on how to move on without the emotional scarring.  I dwell on how to better handle similar situations.

I needed alone time and I gave myself that time - not in Bali but at home, away from my social network and people in general.  It helped me think clearly.  The silence of hearing only my own voice.

One day, I will go to Bali - I have never been there before - Being a city girl, I felt that Bali would be too quiet, too holiday-ish for me to survive alone.  In any city, I could get lost in traffic noise or the voices of strangers but on beach-front resorts, it can get lonely; so I always thought.

I am ready now to venture onto a different terrain.
All the broken relationships I have had, broke, because NONE of them, ever made me loose my balance even for a second.  There has been no one, special enough for me to say 'you take the lead because I trust you will care for my heart'.  NONE of them ever got even a portion of my heart.  What I did for them, I did out of responsibility, never love.

So, if love has been so evasive all my life, till this point - what makes me think I will be able to find it?

Because now - I KNOW what I need.  I KNOW what I want.
The freedom to be ME.
I used to feel that the years gone by have been wasted on people who didn't deserve my time.
NOW, I know that its their loss, not mine - and I believe in it.
Knowing is nothing IF we don't believe that.

V-Day ?

FF14 lamp decoration

One week before Valentines Day and FF14 (final fantasy 14) is decorated with pretty lamps emitting hearts as illumination.  Its a wonderful thought and in-game it looks great and makes one feel the lovey-dovey-ness of it all!

I have never bothered about festivities and especially V-Day - because having been in a few long term relationships, its just too testy for me.

I find it pointless to be given over-priced flowers on a designated day, when money could be well spent elsewhere.  Also, I rather have 365 days of love and consideration without the bells and whistles than ONE DAY in a calendar year of commercial 'love'.

About 6 days ago, my neighbour had an 'internal' family matter - from the loud voices exchanging words, I made out that the wife and husband was apparently not in agreement about something and what made it suspicious was - a gurney outside their door with 2 ambulance aids.  

I always knew they had their issues, like a lot of families; but that seemed more severe than I had anticipated.  I found the wife to be insecure and a little haphazard at best.  As neighbours I try not to poke my nose into their affairs and chose to remain 'clueless' and polite.  

The sad thing is, the inability of the mother to feel secure transfers onto their daughter - who by the way, may be returning great grades at age 12 but will somehow be less adaptive to others as she grows.  She is already showing signs of this. My training does not allow me to turn off my antennae even when I'm being civil.

Anyways, my point is : people stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons.  People have babies for all the wrong reasons.  

A relationship is good, ONLY IF it brings out the best in you.

A baby did not ask to be born, so as parents, we HAVE to be there to nurture them.  How they turn out after that, is out of the parents' hand, but at least the tools have been 'imparted'.

Children look toward their immediate care-giver as role models.

If the parents have done their duty than its more than good enough.

NO one can forecast the trials and tribulations that may encroach upon that child, once he is an adult.

So, I chose to forget about petty celebrations, because in my search for my better half, I found disappointments.  People who either see me as a 'meal ticket' OR those who take advantage of my 'good nature'.  

As with all Valentines Day gone by, my day will start and end, like every other calendar day - full of laughter and thankfulness, for the blessings that GOD has bestowed upon me.  People have failed me but 

GOD gave me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change (people don't value kindness, they abuse it)

COURAGE to change the things I can - I did bail out on relationships that were unhealthy for me

WISDOM to know the difference - because in spite of all that, I am eternally grateful to GOD for never taking away laughter from my life.

Until we find happiness within ourselves, we will forever blame another for not allowing us to enter that state.  As the saying goes, charity begins at home - we cannot be happy, until we are happy with ourselves; we cannot feel secure with another person, until we are secure as individuals; 

So if some are alone on V-Day, not by personal choice - trust me, its not a big deal - All those people I walked away from, are the same ones who have bought me expensive lilies and roses year in year out.  

Where are they all now? 

In the numerous trash bins with the wilted flowers !

Because I refuse to hang on to relationships just because I need flowers on V-Day 

Plant a seed, watch it grow

Plant a seed, watch it grow.

This statement does not just apply to plants in the literal sense, but can be applied to our day to day lives.

In the case of nurturing - some think - what does that really mean.

Well, give a child boundaries to observe and it will be learnt.  As the child grows, the boundaries strengthen and form a part of his moral/ethical/social/civic make-up.

From day one, parents nurture the child - first few nurturing words (besides feeding) are : YES ; NO ; GOOD etc etc.  In the case of seeds, we give it enough water, sunshine and nutrients (of course some people talk to plants).

So as much as we like to watch it grow, it will not be able to do that if we do not provide the necessary conditions.

Children - no matter how busy we are - it is our responsibility to nurture them - just so they have the basic tools to adapt into their environment.  There can be no valid excuse for not having the instinct to do so.

Our time on this earth is to learn - learning is a continuous process.  With each new idea we process, we are being nurtured; our minds are being shaped - good or bad.

Therefore, each time, we dish our advice, remember that if the advice is good but still unclear, it means we need to nurture it, so that it has room to grow.

Facts - get it right

Mother Teresa

I hold the belief that facts must be explicitly conveyed to avoid unnecessary confusion or garbled comprehension.

Schools have Moral Education or Ethics or Catechism.  It was in a Catechism class that a Catechist (volunteer) explained to a class of 8-year olds that "Mother Teresa is Indian".

I find that 'disturbing' because Mother Teresa was of Albanian descent which does not make her Indian.  She may have had a few Permanent Residencies in the course of her life but it doesn't change the fact that she is of Albanian descent.

To have made such an impression on young minds is the beginning of saying 'facts don't matter' especially when this is during a formal instruction.  Yet even in informal discussions, facts should remain facts regardless of the age of the audience.  

Imagine the 8-year old going through years of Catechism before their First Holy Communion then Confirmation with this idea.  The oddest thing was, a student did say something like "She is not" yet the Catechist never corrected herself but chose to ignore the retort.

In this age of technology where almost any information that we require is easily found using the internet, I am surprised that there are people who still do not validate facts before attempting to impart information.  It goes to show that some people just do not bother about accuracy.  Horrifying would be the case if the reason for such disregard is : they are children what do they know.

As adults, it is our responsibility to be role models.  It is our responsibility to get our facts right.  When we don't, it reflects upon ourselves as lazy and not conscientious enough to be responsible or prideful in carrying out our tasks.

When I am 'sticky' about facts, some people think I'm just too meticulous and highly strung.  

Such people should attempt to qualify, what all that life experience is for IF we are not going to take things squarely and face it directly - good or bad.

If I have been lazy, then that is what it is - I am Lazy - no other excuse should be promoted to be a reason.  It is an excuse no matter how inside out we turn it.

Respect for the teaching profession, whether academic or lifeskills or just current affairs has to be earned, by the value of the teachers' and their due diligence.   When adults do not take that seriously, then the question falls upon those who hire by face value eg. A Catholic since birth SHOULD qualify enough for a Catechist.   I am not implying that Catechists should have a Degree in Bible Studies but that anyone who engages in teaching OR in imparting knowledge SHOULD at least have the pre-requisite of actually believing in what they teach to be true to fact or as far as current day research has that information to be.

It is like having a qualified school teacher address a class in grammatically incorrect sentences.

It happens a lot.

Yet, they have been certified to teach in their respective countries.

How so? YOUR guess is as good as mine.

  

Recycle - the best step forward

This cost me a dollar at a school fund-raiser.  There were like many bears in different poses, but none posed quite like this by the time I got to the lot.

Its not that I need another ornament to wipe down but that it was for a fund raiser and a dollar isn't really a lot at all.  In fact, a can of Coke at the coffee shop costs a dollar thirty!

I have always been very mindful of what pictures I have on the walls or what figurines are displayed - simply because years ago, a Feng Shui master (one of my gfs insisted I spoke to one for fun) was very specific about what I could or could not have in the form of 'deco'.

Is it about superstition? Perhaps, because most Asian culture is grounded deep with superstitions.  I may be very western in my thinking and execution of beliefs yet I will not deliberately do something that will upset the balance of energies around me.  This is also why I tend to steer away from people who are negative in their thinking to the extent that its psychologically unhealthy.  Its OK to feel 'down in the dumps' now and then, but to wallow in that feeling is another matter.

The other people-type I stay away from are the ungratefuls.  People who are retentive at the "MY ONE" "ITS MINE" stage of development.  People who have aged in years but remained irresponsible in their execution of civil behavior.

For example, someone is in dire need of help.
You offer your help.
Some will say "Nah, I can manage on my own" albeit reluctantly.  Some will use other lines like "you don't have to" - which doesn't really tell the helper anything definitive.  So does the helper help or not? What does 'you don't have to' really mean?  These are the ones we should look out for, because they are not likely going to fully comprehend what the help is going to translate into.

For the matured, adaptive people - help is extended from the heart with NO expectations of any kind of returns.  Its like when you loan someone $$$ you should have enough so that you don't expect to see it returned to the kitty.  Yet, in civil society, there is a minimum expectation of gratitude which should be expressed clearly.  In Asia, mostly people give 'treats' in the form of drinks or a simple meal - which is more than good enough between friends.

So I have reverted to being super cautious about traits and what they personify.  Its not a regression but progression since my weakness is to always help when I can even if its to my own detriment.
So no figurines of horses, rabbits, dogs or tigers for me - no posters or wall pictures of those either.
From here on, its either positive energy or into the Recycling Bin - people included.