I know of a woman who married a man 20-odd years ago, worked her way up, but seeked the help of the dark world to manage the man from the day she met him. Coming from a culture rich in such beliefs, she sought assistance from sources to secure her livelihood. It gave her all the luxuries of a life she dreamt of.
In Asia, seeking help from the dark realm is common to some cultures - and as much disbelief a lot of us have in such stories, it exists, in it's darkest form. From what limited understanding that I have of this, it's a fact that such mediums exist either as hoaxes to bleed money from unsuspecting persons, or real, in that they actually adopt the assistance of some spiritual being loafing around.
In some cultures, the mediums are able to request for the beings to control another person. They call this 'tying'.
It's not a good thing to do, because we are all basically souls, with a balance sheet. We need to do penance for sins that we have committed so that when our soul is ready to return to our Maker, it's smoked it's peace-pipe. For every action there is an equal reaction. And for such people who seek such assistance from the dark spirits, the pay-back is great, too great that it can send a person's soul into a spiral into hell.
My question is, why so much of desperation to live a comfortable life? She must really be scoring low on the ability scale to sell her soul (almost literally) to get what she wants. What happened to good ole hard work?
It's rather disgusting to think that people do stoop so low so that the rest of the world would think of them as achievers. Well, what do we do, when we find out?
I think we should always remind ourselves that we have succeeded only when we put in our sweat to get to where we are. Along the way, we meet friends, who support our work and we build a business, relationships and strength to become better people.
That is a self-made person, deserving of mention.
But when a person seeks help from lost souls - that person better go join them, since they obviously don't have living souls who are interested enough to support them.
Maybe they just don't believe in GOD, but well, if there is no GOD, where the hell did the lost souls come from? Mars?
July 26, 2008
July 25, 2008
fiction or not
I was watching Oprah this morning and she was recommending a good read - something about love in the times of cholera. It's about this young man, who glanced at a woman and knew she was for him, pursued her, but she got sent away, she married some doctor, and some 40/50 years later, in their twilight years, he found her again, and finally they got together.
That is soppy - but I'm sure it's a good read. Sometimes, we need soppy to get out of the reality check. Honestly, what is life about? It's should not be a dream, yet it cannot be all harsh reality because I think we all have a need to be in an unreal situation now and then, just to keep the boredom at bay.
I use to read tons of romance novels - probably built my ideals on them, but circumstances never allowed me to actually pick a great ideal and weave it into my life - I'm too much of a pragmatic to do that with success. Which makes me wonder now, if following my heart would have given me a different outcome. I have no regrets - because whatever choices I have made were validated, at least at that point in my life.
For a person who's cut and dry; there is a very deep part of me, which never gets to be shared. Somewhere, between growing up and watching people get bruised, I got myself a box and locked everything up - I'm sure it was as young as 16 - my best friend got dumped and that cost her the O-levels. Perhaps, it's just being selfish for oneself to some extent. Everything is fine, until it comes to emotions - it's not something I toy with, nor something I would like to be open about, because too many years have gone by, and I have become what I thought was safe for me.
So, maybe that's why a lot of women enjoy romance novels - because I'm sure, many have such a box - although the degree of this control would vary. When we read, it's us and the words which flow into an almost endless stream which tugs at the heart-strings. There is no worry, nothing, we just read and flip the pages - run the imagination and let ourselves get lost in a different era.
Perhaps I should go pick up that book.
Because for all the fiction that it gives, there may be a measure of reality for someone else in the world. Nothing is ever fiction in romance - it's whether we want to take ourselves on that road, circumstances and all - if we don't, then it's fiction, if we do, then it's our reality -
That is soppy - but I'm sure it's a good read. Sometimes, we need soppy to get out of the reality check. Honestly, what is life about? It's should not be a dream, yet it cannot be all harsh reality because I think we all have a need to be in an unreal situation now and then, just to keep the boredom at bay.
I use to read tons of romance novels - probably built my ideals on them, but circumstances never allowed me to actually pick a great ideal and weave it into my life - I'm too much of a pragmatic to do that with success. Which makes me wonder now, if following my heart would have given me a different outcome. I have no regrets - because whatever choices I have made were validated, at least at that point in my life.
For a person who's cut and dry; there is a very deep part of me, which never gets to be shared. Somewhere, between growing up and watching people get bruised, I got myself a box and locked everything up - I'm sure it was as young as 16 - my best friend got dumped and that cost her the O-levels. Perhaps, it's just being selfish for oneself to some extent. Everything is fine, until it comes to emotions - it's not something I toy with, nor something I would like to be open about, because too many years have gone by, and I have become what I thought was safe for me.
So, maybe that's why a lot of women enjoy romance novels - because I'm sure, many have such a box - although the degree of this control would vary. When we read, it's us and the words which flow into an almost endless stream which tugs at the heart-strings. There is no worry, nothing, we just read and flip the pages - run the imagination and let ourselves get lost in a different era.
Perhaps I should go pick up that book.
Because for all the fiction that it gives, there may be a measure of reality for someone else in the world. Nothing is ever fiction in romance - it's whether we want to take ourselves on that road, circumstances and all - if we don't, then it's fiction, if we do, then it's our reality -
July 24, 2008
'cut n dry'
Yesterday, my entire day was filled with meetings back to back. The first meeting of the day, involved a client of mine, someone I haven't seen in at least a year. Most of my clients keep in touch with me by way of phone or email notes. Some I get to meet more often, depending on the dynamics of their portfolio. This one, I do not meet or rather, avoid meeting, simply because over the years, he's become a friend but who prefers to take the friendship to a more 'casual' level.
He's got ego oozing out of every pore that it annoys me sometimes - because although I do take referrals (from him), I'm just very uncomfortable when the relationship travels outside work. I'm rather sticky about who I get comfortable with, even if that means sitting down having a stress-less cup of coffee. Preference is NOT to get stuck listening and rehearsing patience everytime the cup of coffee becomes sticky.
He describes me as a 'cut and dry' person. The kind who says just what she means, no room for negotiation. The last time I heard that descriptive used on me was from a close gf.
Probably, in this context, it would mean, everything that warmth doesn't emulate. I guess the same still holds for men, who cannot get what they want - even in later life - that it's never them who's the problem, its' the cut n dry woman. Portfolio or not, I'd rather be cut n dry, because although it's always a great feeling to know that we are looking yummy - it's not a good thing to know that we are less selective in closing the gap between what's work and what's not.
I don't have problems drawing the line - some people have problems dealing with that clear line thus the label, cut n dry. Ask me and I'll say no - doesn't even have to be anything more complicated than dinner - when that happens, it means I've done classification. The label doesn't change.
I got drawn into this meeting because I happen to know this guy. My colleagues, being men, picked up the cues right away - and one even told me, after the meeting that this guy has a very soft spot for me. What else is new? It's a male thing - you tend to be a little more interested in un-won conquests. Yes, I always get a phone call after he has a visual brush with me. He's very open about it, and I'm very open about where I'm coming from too. Which makes this even.
Perhaps he's right, I'm cut n dry, but he omitted one small thing - that there is another side of me, which I keep very low-key - which is everything, I'm openly not.
He's got ego oozing out of every pore that it annoys me sometimes - because although I do take referrals (from him), I'm just very uncomfortable when the relationship travels outside work. I'm rather sticky about who I get comfortable with, even if that means sitting down having a stress-less cup of coffee. Preference is NOT to get stuck listening and rehearsing patience everytime the cup of coffee becomes sticky.
He describes me as a 'cut and dry' person. The kind who says just what she means, no room for negotiation. The last time I heard that descriptive used on me was from a close gf.
Probably, in this context, it would mean, everything that warmth doesn't emulate. I guess the same still holds for men, who cannot get what they want - even in later life - that it's never them who's the problem, its' the cut n dry woman. Portfolio or not, I'd rather be cut n dry, because although it's always a great feeling to know that we are looking yummy - it's not a good thing to know that we are less selective in closing the gap between what's work and what's not.
I don't have problems drawing the line - some people have problems dealing with that clear line thus the label, cut n dry. Ask me and I'll say no - doesn't even have to be anything more complicated than dinner - when that happens, it means I've done classification. The label doesn't change.
I got drawn into this meeting because I happen to know this guy. My colleagues, being men, picked up the cues right away - and one even told me, after the meeting that this guy has a very soft spot for me. What else is new? It's a male thing - you tend to be a little more interested in un-won conquests. Yes, I always get a phone call after he has a visual brush with me. He's very open about it, and I'm very open about where I'm coming from too. Which makes this even.
Perhaps he's right, I'm cut n dry, but he omitted one small thing - that there is another side of me, which I keep very low-key - which is everything, I'm openly not.
July 23, 2008
Juggling
Could anyone possibly work on two different agendas and make both meet targets?
On hindsight, I have 3 huge items on my agenda - and being me, it's not really a tall order BUT.
My agenda flips faster than the clock's second hand - I remember talking about a WC almost falling off the wall at 10am during a budget planning for an upcoming conference - and right after that, my partner reminds me in another phone call to sign the cheques. After that, another call comes in to confirm the meeting schedule for today, plus confirmation for WC repair man. That's just the first 2 hours of my day - it goes on throughout the day, if not the WC it's some other thing.
Managing this isn't a struggle, but after 8 hours of constant flipping, I'm crashed out by 9.30pm - brain dead - cells refuse to communicate anymore.
Each of my work scope right now, has an entirely different bottomline, although they all amass around the respective income targets - industries are different - so I have become like a flip switch - some relay...
Well, having a solid reputation for getting the job done is one thing, maintaining that is another. We need to always keep our eyes on the ball - so that we don't loose sight of that, not even for a moment. That moment could cost us our target. If there's one thing I definately learnt in marketing was that the ball is round, so keep your eyes peeled very very closely.
So for people who don't just juggle time with one workspace - being organised is key. Anyone can get anything done, provided we know whats where all the time. A staff told me before that I run a very tight ship - which may not be something people like - but well, no one likes to fall short on the balance sheet and take a pay cut either, I'm sure.
Therefore, good things never come easy - forget the bells and whistles - just go for the home run.
On hindsight, I have 3 huge items on my agenda - and being me, it's not really a tall order BUT.
My agenda flips faster than the clock's second hand - I remember talking about a WC almost falling off the wall at 10am during a budget planning for an upcoming conference - and right after that, my partner reminds me in another phone call to sign the cheques. After that, another call comes in to confirm the meeting schedule for today, plus confirmation for WC repair man. That's just the first 2 hours of my day - it goes on throughout the day, if not the WC it's some other thing.
Managing this isn't a struggle, but after 8 hours of constant flipping, I'm crashed out by 9.30pm - brain dead - cells refuse to communicate anymore.
Each of my work scope right now, has an entirely different bottomline, although they all amass around the respective income targets - industries are different - so I have become like a flip switch - some relay...
Well, having a solid reputation for getting the job done is one thing, maintaining that is another. We need to always keep our eyes on the ball - so that we don't loose sight of that, not even for a moment. That moment could cost us our target. If there's one thing I definately learnt in marketing was that the ball is round, so keep your eyes peeled very very closely.
So for people who don't just juggle time with one workspace - being organised is key. Anyone can get anything done, provided we know whats where all the time. A staff told me before that I run a very tight ship - which may not be something people like - but well, no one likes to fall short on the balance sheet and take a pay cut either, I'm sure.
Therefore, good things never come easy - forget the bells and whistles - just go for the home run.
July 22, 2008
Pre-occupation
That basically means, other things taking up space in the mind other than the obvious.
Although most of us dive into our work when our minds are pre-occupied with less than ideal thoughts, I still manage to juggle everything, keeping myself on-top of even 'pre-occupied'. Few of us can honestly say it's what they are able to achieve, simply because this goes way beyond multi-tasking.
Our brain is like a huge sponge, it's able to soak up more than we can begin to imagine - we won't know just how great this system is, until you put it to task. In my life, entire life, up till this point, I have never had the luxury of being free from multi-tasking. Perhaps it all started from my deciding to grow up much earlier than my peers. I chose to walk this path, always believing that I'd rather get over with the nitty-gritty of life whilst I still had abundant energy.
In some sense, it was a blessing because I learnt to manage pre-occupation whilst getting what little responsibilities I had then - responsibilities grew with time and I just added that on and today, it's almost engulfing my entire being.
I think it's okay to be pre-occupied, within reason, if we are able to still function and get our tasks done i.e. meeting deadlines. Thankfully, it doesn't make me a moody person, just a little quiet, seeking whatever peace in silence, that I can gather.
And so the question should be, if I have any regrets about how I have lived my life so far - well, no. Because for all the wrongs that I have to fix today, I have one right in my son. If not for the path, I chose to walk, I would never know the joy and laughter that he brings into my life. Except for his laziness, which is common to most kids his age, he's really why I take all this pre-occupation in my stride and make sure his comforts are not compromised. Whatever difference I may have caused for him, in changing things, should never become his pre-occupation. His pre-occupation should just be to live out his life, and bring laughter into someone elses life, like what he has done for me all these years.
Although most of us dive into our work when our minds are pre-occupied with less than ideal thoughts, I still manage to juggle everything, keeping myself on-top of even 'pre-occupied'. Few of us can honestly say it's what they are able to achieve, simply because this goes way beyond multi-tasking.
Our brain is like a huge sponge, it's able to soak up more than we can begin to imagine - we won't know just how great this system is, until you put it to task. In my life, entire life, up till this point, I have never had the luxury of being free from multi-tasking. Perhaps it all started from my deciding to grow up much earlier than my peers. I chose to walk this path, always believing that I'd rather get over with the nitty-gritty of life whilst I still had abundant energy.
In some sense, it was a blessing because I learnt to manage pre-occupation whilst getting what little responsibilities I had then - responsibilities grew with time and I just added that on and today, it's almost engulfing my entire being.
I think it's okay to be pre-occupied, within reason, if we are able to still function and get our tasks done i.e. meeting deadlines. Thankfully, it doesn't make me a moody person, just a little quiet, seeking whatever peace in silence, that I can gather.
And so the question should be, if I have any regrets about how I have lived my life so far - well, no. Because for all the wrongs that I have to fix today, I have one right in my son. If not for the path, I chose to walk, I would never know the joy and laughter that he brings into my life. Except for his laziness, which is common to most kids his age, he's really why I take all this pre-occupation in my stride and make sure his comforts are not compromised. Whatever difference I may have caused for him, in changing things, should never become his pre-occupation. His pre-occupation should just be to live out his life, and bring laughter into someone elses life, like what he has done for me all these years.
July 21, 2008
making space
Monday - the start of another work week - brings some relief to me - since it keeps me more than just constructively busy. Weekends are for home maintenance - and I spend hours just sorting the household out. Yesterday, was closet day. Finally, I got my entire closet space - to myself. Although I've been 'living alone' for years, my closet says otherwise until yesterday, when I filled it all up with only my stuff. That must be very telling to anyone who walks into my room, since it's really now just my room.
Imagine how selfish that thought even is, when this change is not just drastic, it's probably a turning point kind of event for everyone concerned, yet I have time to blog about closet space. You can never have enough space when you have as many clothes as I do - my wardrobe is an almost walk-in and it's heaven when finally everything has a proper section - at least for me, that's a perk.
I have decided to take my time in looking for the ideal apartment - after all, the mortgage on this house has to be paid still, and why settle for a less than ideal, when I will end up paying 'rent' both sides. So instead of stressing myself out searching every other afternoon, I decided on contingencies i.e. label what's personal space. At least that would make things clear that I am dead serious and there is no turning back.
In my previous walk-out, I left with just clothes - didn't even bother to fight for the flat - never liked the idea that someone can drag the finale because you want half the proceeds from the sale of the flat. I started over, with nothing, literally.
I was about to do the same here, except that, I won't, because people don't appreciate when you don't ask for anything - they still think you owe them something - so, having learnt that lesson, I have decided to take what's rightfully mine, since I bought them myself.
So, until the ideal apartment comes my way, I made space for me. Finally, I can factor myself in somewhere, because all these years, I had extra furniture I didn't quite pay for that was hanging around.
Imagine how selfish that thought even is, when this change is not just drastic, it's probably a turning point kind of event for everyone concerned, yet I have time to blog about closet space. You can never have enough space when you have as many clothes as I do - my wardrobe is an almost walk-in and it's heaven when finally everything has a proper section - at least for me, that's a perk.
I have decided to take my time in looking for the ideal apartment - after all, the mortgage on this house has to be paid still, and why settle for a less than ideal, when I will end up paying 'rent' both sides. So instead of stressing myself out searching every other afternoon, I decided on contingencies i.e. label what's personal space. At least that would make things clear that I am dead serious and there is no turning back.
In my previous walk-out, I left with just clothes - didn't even bother to fight for the flat - never liked the idea that someone can drag the finale because you want half the proceeds from the sale of the flat. I started over, with nothing, literally.
I was about to do the same here, except that, I won't, because people don't appreciate when you don't ask for anything - they still think you owe them something - so, having learnt that lesson, I have decided to take what's rightfully mine, since I bought them myself.
So, until the ideal apartment comes my way, I made space for me. Finally, I can factor myself in somewhere, because all these years, I had extra furniture I didn't quite pay for that was hanging around.
July 19, 2008
Classification/Certification
The great thing about depression is; if anything else goes wrong, it will come as no surprise. Otherwise, it can be a rather pickle of a situation to be in.
In the course of my work, I have met irrational depressives, suicidal depressives, angry depressives, emotional depressives and pseudo-happy depressives but unfortunately for me, I do not fall into any of the categories. Frankly, I cannot seem to categorise me.
I have zero emotions which accurately reflects the turmoil that's supposedly beating me up. When we loose something, no matter how trival, it should matter, isn't it? I have lost 20 years of my life CONSCIOUSLY and all I can say is, nothing. Yes, I think about it all day, I think about it when I'm at work, at the meeting - but no one has a clue - because I'm me, always putting responsibilites first and me second - I always deal with myself second. Perhaps that's the root of the problem - I'm never important enough for me because I'm perfectly capable to fix any darn thing.
I spent the morning with my gf of 25 years and all she said repeatedly was that she felt so very sad that no words could convey that verbally. She almost cried because she never picked it up, when she was right there all this time. Now THAT bothered me - because why am I causing her this guilt - she has nothing to do with this, or how difficult a person I have become.
My saving grace right now is my work, which keeps me too busy for anything else except meeting the deadlines. Already a workaholic, it doesn't improve things, but why would I want some free time, when all that it will bring are perhaps more depressive symptoms - and I definately do not wish to CONSCIOUSLY or SUBCONSCIOUSLY make it to the DSM-IV.
It's always easier to blame someone else when something goes terribly wrong - but it's always best to actually face reality and find the root of the problem, not the origin of the blame. Perhaps that's why I don't offer any depressive symptoms - I'm busy finding the root of the problem within me - not within an external factor - because external factors change.
So, to be totally different from the rest of the depressive population - the DSM-IV should be left on the bookshelf, because maybe one day, I'll write a paper on why not everyone needs to be classified albeit requires some certification - which are two different things :)
In the course of my work, I have met irrational depressives, suicidal depressives, angry depressives, emotional depressives and pseudo-happy depressives but unfortunately for me, I do not fall into any of the categories. Frankly, I cannot seem to categorise me.
I have zero emotions which accurately reflects the turmoil that's supposedly beating me up. When we loose something, no matter how trival, it should matter, isn't it? I have lost 20 years of my life CONSCIOUSLY and all I can say is, nothing. Yes, I think about it all day, I think about it when I'm at work, at the meeting - but no one has a clue - because I'm me, always putting responsibilites first and me second - I always deal with myself second. Perhaps that's the root of the problem - I'm never important enough for me because I'm perfectly capable to fix any darn thing.
I spent the morning with my gf of 25 years and all she said repeatedly was that she felt so very sad that no words could convey that verbally. She almost cried because she never picked it up, when she was right there all this time. Now THAT bothered me - because why am I causing her this guilt - she has nothing to do with this, or how difficult a person I have become.
My saving grace right now is my work, which keeps me too busy for anything else except meeting the deadlines. Already a workaholic, it doesn't improve things, but why would I want some free time, when all that it will bring are perhaps more depressive symptoms - and I definately do not wish to CONSCIOUSLY or SUBCONSCIOUSLY make it to the DSM-IV.
It's always easier to blame someone else when something goes terribly wrong - but it's always best to actually face reality and find the root of the problem, not the origin of the blame. Perhaps that's why I don't offer any depressive symptoms - I'm busy finding the root of the problem within me - not within an external factor - because external factors change.
So, to be totally different from the rest of the depressive population - the DSM-IV should be left on the bookshelf, because maybe one day, I'll write a paper on why not everyone needs to be classified albeit requires some certification - which are two different things :)
July 18, 2008
Revelations
It's been a good, busy week. I prefer full schedules to being free, unless I'm on vacation. Busy for me means meeting deadlines and completing a scheduled task. But being a successful multi-tasker doesn't mean my mind doesn't have time to think outside the schedule. I'm so damn good that I can do two thinking things at one time - provided only one requires a solution - not both.
Anyways, after 5 days, I realised that I have been stuck in a relationship that doesn't offer me anything at all. Imagine that. It took me 16 years to realise that and make some decision on it.
I asked myself, if I was basically stupid or just plain ignorant of what makes a relationship work - it's neither, because when I search my mind, I remember the reasons I got married - and none of it came from the standard checklist.
Whatever it was that compelled me to get that piece of paper, was not on the SOP, and because it was never written down by anyone in a successful relationship, it didn't have a chance to work in the first place - so am I still the one to be blamed?
For 16 years, I have emotionally supported myself, intellectually supported myself, financially supported myself and definately, did not require to be physically engaged as a reason. I didn't know how much this would bother me - that I'm a sucker for strays, and may just do better doing animal shelter work.
Getting the papers drawn is a piece of cake - because for me, I draw up papers all the time - it's just another thing to get out of the way.
I just cannot deal with the fact that I have failed to take care of myself, thereby allowing another person to take full advantage of my good nature and ability to be self-maintaining.
I don't bother about stigmas or whatever it is that people attach to other people who file for more than one divorce - but I bother that I made the same mistake twice - that as important as I place other people/friends in my life according to where they fit in, I have blatently omitted myself in this equation. Do I subconsciously detest myself so much that what I need is never important enough? Is that me? Always more bothered if the cat ate, or that the bird is comfortable, or that everyone receives their pay-check on time, or that they have eaten but never about what I need for my sanity.
It's pathetic, that this doesn't even have priority because I slipped in a thought or two in-between building 4 concept papers for the conferences. We need to have some priority in our lives for ourselves - because that's like a time-out.
Revelations are tough to swallow, but prozac won't do it now because I want to be fully conscious when I conclude this session with my thoughts.
Anyways, after 5 days, I realised that I have been stuck in a relationship that doesn't offer me anything at all. Imagine that. It took me 16 years to realise that and make some decision on it.
I asked myself, if I was basically stupid or just plain ignorant of what makes a relationship work - it's neither, because when I search my mind, I remember the reasons I got married - and none of it came from the standard checklist.
Whatever it was that compelled me to get that piece of paper, was not on the SOP, and because it was never written down by anyone in a successful relationship, it didn't have a chance to work in the first place - so am I still the one to be blamed?
For 16 years, I have emotionally supported myself, intellectually supported myself, financially supported myself and definately, did not require to be physically engaged as a reason. I didn't know how much this would bother me - that I'm a sucker for strays, and may just do better doing animal shelter work.
Getting the papers drawn is a piece of cake - because for me, I draw up papers all the time - it's just another thing to get out of the way.
I just cannot deal with the fact that I have failed to take care of myself, thereby allowing another person to take full advantage of my good nature and ability to be self-maintaining.
I don't bother about stigmas or whatever it is that people attach to other people who file for more than one divorce - but I bother that I made the same mistake twice - that as important as I place other people/friends in my life according to where they fit in, I have blatently omitted myself in this equation. Do I subconsciously detest myself so much that what I need is never important enough? Is that me? Always more bothered if the cat ate, or that the bird is comfortable, or that everyone receives their pay-check on time, or that they have eaten but never about what I need for my sanity.
It's pathetic, that this doesn't even have priority because I slipped in a thought or two in-between building 4 concept papers for the conferences. We need to have some priority in our lives for ourselves - because that's like a time-out.
Revelations are tough to swallow, but prozac won't do it now because I want to be fully conscious when I conclude this session with my thoughts.
July 16, 2008
5-star nightmare
What will it take for a small player in the industry to gain recognition in another larger industry? Well, for most times, when it comes to business - contribution of overall income would be a good yard stick. If one could constantly provide a flow of income i.e. patronage of service, the other party would automatically offer you their corporate card, so to speak.
My long time friend decided that his organisation is in dire need of some recognition from hotels. He felt that hotels gave his organisation the run around every time they had a function, which is quite often - they are conference managers. He wanted the dynamics changed, tables turned so that the client (which is him) gets some kind of priority service.
I think any organisation would automatically give that priority rating when it comes to huge stat boards, but for the private company, it has to be earned by sowing business ties with the downline - i.e. be a trouble-free customer yet use their premises often enough.
It's frustrating for him because when a conference is in progress or winding up for the day, the hotel staff is rushing to get the payment done, etc - something most up-there bosses detest since it's networking time. Perhaps the hotel concerned forgot that sending repeated sms-es does not make the situation better for anyone right after the event. They might have missed him for the bill, but it wasn't the first time he booked an event there either.
Both are from the service industry - they should exercise discretion when reacting - that way, no one walks away feeling short-changed in service or professionalism and there will be continued business. btw, it was a 5-star hotel that gave him this 5-star treatment. For that, he has vowed never to hold another event there, ever.
My long time friend decided that his organisation is in dire need of some recognition from hotels. He felt that hotels gave his organisation the run around every time they had a function, which is quite often - they are conference managers. He wanted the dynamics changed, tables turned so that the client (which is him) gets some kind of priority service.
I think any organisation would automatically give that priority rating when it comes to huge stat boards, but for the private company, it has to be earned by sowing business ties with the downline - i.e. be a trouble-free customer yet use their premises often enough.
It's frustrating for him because when a conference is in progress or winding up for the day, the hotel staff is rushing to get the payment done, etc - something most up-there bosses detest since it's networking time. Perhaps the hotel concerned forgot that sending repeated sms-es does not make the situation better for anyone right after the event. They might have missed him for the bill, but it wasn't the first time he booked an event there either.
Both are from the service industry - they should exercise discretion when reacting - that way, no one walks away feeling short-changed in service or professionalism and there will be continued business. btw, it was a 5-star hotel that gave him this 5-star treatment. For that, he has vowed never to hold another event there, ever.
July 15, 2008
apartment saga continues
With the property prices finally approaching reality, there is reprieve for everyone, home buyers and renters alike. Strange how people would turn their backs on good offers, with the hope of making a killing. I have joined the group looking for an apartment to rent therefore, I'm glad that more supply is coming into the market and that finally, things can return to normal. Many share my sentiments, because some of my friends live in developments trying to go enbloc from last year and still trying this year.
For these group, it's not the money they will get from the collective sale that's important, it's having to move out of their home, something you have built-up over the years and finding another shell to breed familiarity which could never be the same. For me, moving to the east coast has nothing to do with having the sea close by - I'm not a beach lover, nor one who could just stand at the patio daily to admire the seaview. I'm relocating because shuttling my son to school from the north to the east twice daily is quite a feat besides the fact that my marital status is about to change. That is secondary - it has always been me and only me giving myself consideration in this relationship.
And so the apartment hunt continues - was quite set on a 2-bedroom apartment, although space would be a major constraint - never mind my shoes - what the rest of my household gadgets?
Everyday I pray, that there is a nice landlord who can appreciate that I'm finding a temporary home, not just a roof and that for the rental he will be collecting, his apartment will be in tip-top condition - since make-do is really not in my vocabulary.
For these group, it's not the money they will get from the collective sale that's important, it's having to move out of their home, something you have built-up over the years and finding another shell to breed familiarity which could never be the same. For me, moving to the east coast has nothing to do with having the sea close by - I'm not a beach lover, nor one who could just stand at the patio daily to admire the seaview. I'm relocating because shuttling my son to school from the north to the east twice daily is quite a feat besides the fact that my marital status is about to change. That is secondary - it has always been me and only me giving myself consideration in this relationship.
And so the apartment hunt continues - was quite set on a 2-bedroom apartment, although space would be a major constraint - never mind my shoes - what the rest of my household gadgets?
Everyday I pray, that there is a nice landlord who can appreciate that I'm finding a temporary home, not just a roof and that for the rental he will be collecting, his apartment will be in tip-top condition - since make-do is really not in my vocabulary.
July 10, 2008
home search
After reckless house-hunting, reckless because it seemed more like an accident waiting to happen, I have decided to slow down. After all, the dynamics of how I live will not affect paperwork as housing is not something to joke about here. With the constraints of land and stock, rentals is the potential killer for any regular family/person.
Many have told me NOT TO confirm unless it's THE apartment for me. Why make do when you are forking out good money to live there? It's not that I've sold this flat or anything and will be on the streets anytime soon. I'm still thinking about the not so perfect ground floor unit - but will take good advice and keep on searching.
This little extension means that my schedule is going to get crammed, because every day, I will have to make one trip to the east coast, to fetch my son home from school - it's not just the travelling time, but the cost and opportunity costs forgone as well. It's a small sacrifice when we slam that against paying $36k a year, more than what a lot of locals earn annually, to make-do for 365 days.
And so the hunt continues - on alternate days, I slip in 3/4 apartments in-between appts, meetings and paperwork. My colleague told me that I'm the most difficult tenant he has met - well, we are not buying shoes that we can chuck aside - but searching for a place I can call my home for a while and home is where I work, relax and enjoy - it's my space, and I cannot trade that for half-measures.
Many have told me NOT TO confirm unless it's THE apartment for me. Why make do when you are forking out good money to live there? It's not that I've sold this flat or anything and will be on the streets anytime soon. I'm still thinking about the not so perfect ground floor unit - but will take good advice and keep on searching.
This little extension means that my schedule is going to get crammed, because every day, I will have to make one trip to the east coast, to fetch my son home from school - it's not just the travelling time, but the cost and opportunity costs forgone as well. It's a small sacrifice when we slam that against paying $36k a year, more than what a lot of locals earn annually, to make-do for 365 days.
And so the hunt continues - on alternate days, I slip in 3/4 apartments in-between appts, meetings and paperwork. My colleague told me that I'm the most difficult tenant he has met - well, we are not buying shoes that we can chuck aside - but searching for a place I can call my home for a while and home is where I work, relax and enjoy - it's my space, and I cannot trade that for half-measures.
July 09, 2008
market standards
It's appalling when you find out that in this day and age, people do not really care about how badly maintained their apartment is and just want to charge market rental.
I have seen apartments without a proper shower area, those with rotting mirror frames, pieces of parquet which are rotting, cooker hob with the enamel corroded, curtain rails held together by cable ties and refridgerators fit for beer but not quite storage of food to feed a real family.
Appalling is actually already a very polite choice of word.
When a landlord decides to rent out his apartment in a sub-prime district at market prices, he must at least have some interest to maintain the apartment. Sure, he's not living there, but if you're charging a good sum as rental, don't you think the tenant deserves a fair shot of upkeep?
The best part is, landlords are not prepared to replace the rotting wood, preferring to allow the wood to continue rotting, and maybe if the entire frame falls off the wall, the tenant will be liable to pay under minor repairs. Mirrors are spotted from the back-side - which will surely become a source of irritation when you start using it daily. I'm not talking about a spot or two. I'm talking about a spot the size of an adult palm.
It's shameless, now landlords expect tenants to have to put up with it with no rent reduction for flaws.
Bottom line is, when we expect to receive market rate for rents, we should then expect to provide the equivalent comforts in the apartment for the tenant.
I'm still apartment hunting and believe me, this is more traumatic than studying for my exams.
I have seen apartments without a proper shower area, those with rotting mirror frames, pieces of parquet which are rotting, cooker hob with the enamel corroded, curtain rails held together by cable ties and refridgerators fit for beer but not quite storage of food to feed a real family.
Appalling is actually already a very polite choice of word.
When a landlord decides to rent out his apartment in a sub-prime district at market prices, he must at least have some interest to maintain the apartment. Sure, he's not living there, but if you're charging a good sum as rental, don't you think the tenant deserves a fair shot of upkeep?
The best part is, landlords are not prepared to replace the rotting wood, preferring to allow the wood to continue rotting, and maybe if the entire frame falls off the wall, the tenant will be liable to pay under minor repairs. Mirrors are spotted from the back-side - which will surely become a source of irritation when you start using it daily. I'm not talking about a spot or two. I'm talking about a spot the size of an adult palm.
It's shameless, now landlords expect tenants to have to put up with it with no rent reduction for flaws.
Bottom line is, when we expect to receive market rate for rents, we should then expect to provide the equivalent comforts in the apartment for the tenant.
I'm still apartment hunting and believe me, this is more traumatic than studying for my exams.
July 02, 2008
changes
Change is never something that comes to anyone with ease. We struggle with change because change means adjustments and stepping onto unfamiliar ground.
I have opted for change because I know it's for the best - it may not seem to look that way at the moment, but the picture gets better as it gets completed.
I have chosen to file for a divorce.
For those contemplating divorce - one must always think ahead, far ahead. Look back, far back too. Then decide if that is the only solution.
Divorce is not for the faint-hearted, because when it comes to the bottom line, it's always awful.
The kid has to be uprooted, thrown into a different environment - everything changes at once.
It's never easy for them to accept this, but in my case, it's either this or I'll spend the rest of my life regretting that I was never firm about this and know that if I could never be happy, it's because I gave up wanting to be.
This may not be the perfect time to actually do this massive change, but perhaps it's like I needed to do a whole re-vamp of the wardrobe. I have recently changed my occupation, and now this. I have no idea why I choose to start from scratch right now, but I felt that I wanted a clean slate of everything - it was necessary to do it, so that things will be set right.
At the end of this, I know I'll be fine. But for now, it's a mess.
Someone hand me the garbage bag, please.
I have opted for change because I know it's for the best - it may not seem to look that way at the moment, but the picture gets better as it gets completed.
I have chosen to file for a divorce.
For those contemplating divorce - one must always think ahead, far ahead. Look back, far back too. Then decide if that is the only solution.
Divorce is not for the faint-hearted, because when it comes to the bottom line, it's always awful.
The kid has to be uprooted, thrown into a different environment - everything changes at once.
It's never easy for them to accept this, but in my case, it's either this or I'll spend the rest of my life regretting that I was never firm about this and know that if I could never be happy, it's because I gave up wanting to be.
This may not be the perfect time to actually do this massive change, but perhaps it's like I needed to do a whole re-vamp of the wardrobe. I have recently changed my occupation, and now this. I have no idea why I choose to start from scratch right now, but I felt that I wanted a clean slate of everything - it was necessary to do it, so that things will be set right.
At the end of this, I know I'll be fine. But for now, it's a mess.
Someone hand me the garbage bag, please.
June 27, 2008
to stay or not to stay
Why do people stay on in unhelpful relationships? I will not use the word 'bad' because in relationships, people are either helpful or not - i.e. we either become better people or we stagnate. Relationships are about growth.
There was mention somewhere that it could be the old bedroom slippers syndrome but there is always more to it than just that. The very basic explanation is also helplessness - like when women stay on in abusive relationships.
I think that the fear of change is what we all dread. Before things can get better, it has to get worse. That's logic. There is also another saying about when you're at the bottom, the only other way is up. No one likes change - that word implies so many unknowns - like in math, don't we hate algebra, where we had to find the value of an unknown or two?
People like to deal with what they know or are aware of.
It's the devil and the deep blue sea syndrome - if you choose devil, your expectation is some horned wicked creature. As for the deep blue sea - we don't really know what's below a certain depth - what's below the safe level before we get nitrogen poisoning.
Change is not a comfortable thing - it upsets schedules - it rearranges everything we have known for sure in our lives. But sometimes, we need to make such changes to move forward. It may not help when we are almost alone with no family support, but if it has to be done, it has to be done.
I say that because this is the situation I'm in.
Do I stay and tolerate life or do I make a change and live life?
Do I stay because it's the less stressful choice or should I just disrupt everything and think for myself.
There was mention somewhere that it could be the old bedroom slippers syndrome but there is always more to it than just that. The very basic explanation is also helplessness - like when women stay on in abusive relationships.
I think that the fear of change is what we all dread. Before things can get better, it has to get worse. That's logic. There is also another saying about when you're at the bottom, the only other way is up. No one likes change - that word implies so many unknowns - like in math, don't we hate algebra, where we had to find the value of an unknown or two?
People like to deal with what they know or are aware of.
It's the devil and the deep blue sea syndrome - if you choose devil, your expectation is some horned wicked creature. As for the deep blue sea - we don't really know what's below a certain depth - what's below the safe level before we get nitrogen poisoning.
Change is not a comfortable thing - it upsets schedules - it rearranges everything we have known for sure in our lives. But sometimes, we need to make such changes to move forward. It may not help when we are almost alone with no family support, but if it has to be done, it has to be done.
I say that because this is the situation I'm in.
Do I stay and tolerate life or do I make a change and live life?
Do I stay because it's the less stressful choice or should I just disrupt everything and think for myself.
June 26, 2008
Corporate bull
My ex-colleague called me yesterday telling me that there were people trying to reach me about some loose ends. Strange thing is, I don't have any missed calls from their office, neither did anyone sms me asking for a return call. On that account, they concluded that I left things in a mess.
Those same people are the ones who could stay on working there, in that environment, year after year after year. To me that's not loyalty - it's about not having any better options. Such people externalise so much that only they can do no wrong. When they don't understand something, it's never because they did not take interest when I was there (leaving me to do it all by myself), but because I never transferred the work to them before I left.
They then complain that they had to chase another corporate client for money so they couldn't do their own work. Imagine that, with 8 work hours in a day - making one extra phone call caused them to stop dead in their tracks in their own work. That is so lame and inefficient - no wonder all the better ones left before me - some barely surviving half as long as I.
That's what huge companies are about - they look good in their swanky offices but all the hired help are not quite as efficient as the decor in the reception area.
Thank god I'm gone from all this bull - I may not have a fixed income every month, but I have my freedom of speech and action - in my line of work, that's critical - some occupations are great when they are in huge packages like social services, insurance, retail, for example, but for real estate sales, it's a different ball game....one can be huge and successful only when you actually dirty your hands to do the job and not be a mail-box, passing emails & work around the spurs.
I'm really glad I've moved on - should have done it much earlier though - but again, anything that happens has a reason and a time.
Those same people are the ones who could stay on working there, in that environment, year after year after year. To me that's not loyalty - it's about not having any better options. Such people externalise so much that only they can do no wrong. When they don't understand something, it's never because they did not take interest when I was there (leaving me to do it all by myself), but because I never transferred the work to them before I left.
They then complain that they had to chase another corporate client for money so they couldn't do their own work. Imagine that, with 8 work hours in a day - making one extra phone call caused them to stop dead in their tracks in their own work. That is so lame and inefficient - no wonder all the better ones left before me - some barely surviving half as long as I.
That's what huge companies are about - they look good in their swanky offices but all the hired help are not quite as efficient as the decor in the reception area.
Thank god I'm gone from all this bull - I may not have a fixed income every month, but I have my freedom of speech and action - in my line of work, that's critical - some occupations are great when they are in huge packages like social services, insurance, retail, for example, but for real estate sales, it's a different ball game....one can be huge and successful only when you actually dirty your hands to do the job and not be a mail-box, passing emails & work around the spurs.
I'm really glad I've moved on - should have done it much earlier though - but again, anything that happens has a reason and a time.
June 25, 2008
skeletons in the closet
There is an interesting question - about skeletons in the closet. I'm sure many of us have some odd bone here and there - bones we do not want to ever look at again lest it brings awful memories. Most times, these bones never get discovered unless luck runs out on you.
Given this situation where after 35 years at least, you meet with old friends from the same kampong. Then people start talking about who's doing what - and reminisce on the good ole days. Then comes gossip about everyone's closet. Then comes the talk that someone's kid got pregnant and they had to send her away, but later registered that same child as their own child when it's actually their grandchild.
In this day and age, I would think that it's not possible to make such a declaration which is not just a simple lie - how could it have happened?
BUT the problem is not whether they paid their way out of their embarassing situation, but what happened to the seed sower? I'm sure there have been many similar situations where teenagers get caught like this - but to have covered this up so very well is something to talk about - although, if they did a damn good job, we must be better, since we found the bones.
Are people able to walk away from an unwed mother-to-be and get on with their lives like nothing happened, and not ever talk about it? Yup. Many do. Who should have been told of such information? I don't think anyone would appreciate finding out the ugly truth at the funeral.
I think relationships are all about putting things on the table - we all make mistakes - we move on. We cannot sweep it under the rug and hope for the best, because two wrongs don't make a right. First wrong - you walked away, shrugged your responsibilities. Second wrong - you didn't come clean with it in your subsequent relationships.
It does not equate to even half a Right.
Given this situation where after 35 years at least, you meet with old friends from the same kampong. Then people start talking about who's doing what - and reminisce on the good ole days. Then comes gossip about everyone's closet. Then comes the talk that someone's kid got pregnant and they had to send her away, but later registered that same child as their own child when it's actually their grandchild.
In this day and age, I would think that it's not possible to make such a declaration which is not just a simple lie - how could it have happened?
BUT the problem is not whether they paid their way out of their embarassing situation, but what happened to the seed sower? I'm sure there have been many similar situations where teenagers get caught like this - but to have covered this up so very well is something to talk about - although, if they did a damn good job, we must be better, since we found the bones.
Are people able to walk away from an unwed mother-to-be and get on with their lives like nothing happened, and not ever talk about it? Yup. Many do. Who should have been told of such information? I don't think anyone would appreciate finding out the ugly truth at the funeral.
I think relationships are all about putting things on the table - we all make mistakes - we move on. We cannot sweep it under the rug and hope for the best, because two wrongs don't make a right. First wrong - you walked away, shrugged your responsibilities. Second wrong - you didn't come clean with it in your subsequent relationships.
It does not equate to even half a Right.
June 24, 2008
consideration (again)
I am at my wits end.
I seem to be the only person in my household that runs with deadlines and schedules. It must be heaven, to just be oblivious to the entire revolving world. My housemate doesn't seem to have a problem with any problems that crop up, simply because he's lazy and just cannot be bothered. So I have turned on my ignore mode again. It won't be long more before I actually have a massive explosion and form another Lake Toba, after killing everything in my path.
It's only right, to offer assistance when we think it's appropriate to step in. It's being human.
How could one person watch another do everything and just sit and watch TV?
I have heard of women trapping men by having kids, but the reverse is certainly very rare.
For every problem there is a solution and mine is not about to go in that direction.
Relationships are about tending.
You need simple tools for that.
CONSIDERATION, CONSIDERATION, CONSIDERATION
I seem to be the only person in my household that runs with deadlines and schedules. It must be heaven, to just be oblivious to the entire revolving world. My housemate doesn't seem to have a problem with any problems that crop up, simply because he's lazy and just cannot be bothered. So I have turned on my ignore mode again. It won't be long more before I actually have a massive explosion and form another Lake Toba, after killing everything in my path.
It's only right, to offer assistance when we think it's appropriate to step in. It's being human.
How could one person watch another do everything and just sit and watch TV?
I have heard of women trapping men by having kids, but the reverse is certainly very rare.
For every problem there is a solution and mine is not about to go in that direction.
Relationships are about tending.
You need simple tools for that.
CONSIDERATION, CONSIDERATION, CONSIDERATION
June 16, 2008
remodelling
It's one day before my dreaded exams, after too many years and I'm pretty messed up. I do not detest exams, in fact I don't have any adverse reactions about it. Generally, I prepare well for exams although that doesn't correlate directly with the eventual grade - but I have usually been accurate in my expectations based on how much of work i have put in.
This time around, there are just too many variables for me to manage this added stress. I have a teenager who tries to escape doing his revision when I get caught up with my reading. I have housework that doesn't get done because the expectation is for me to do them, since I'm not employed full-time. Not that there is anyone else in my household that works to contribute to the household income.
Therefore, I guess it's understandable that I'm pretty much disheveled and upset - no one else to blame but myself, since I put myself in this situation. Yes, that's an example of a high internal locus of control - so I shall very soon attempt to set this right - once I clear my paper tomorrow.
The worse thing about being a person is when you know what's wrong but you also know that fixing it is similar to giving the house an entire remodel - which may take months, years to complete - and so, to actually decide on a start-date is quite tricky.
I know it's 'cleaning house' time, and clean the house I shall.
I shall draw out plans tomorrow, after my 3-hour paper.
This time around, there are just too many variables for me to manage this added stress. I have a teenager who tries to escape doing his revision when I get caught up with my reading. I have housework that doesn't get done because the expectation is for me to do them, since I'm not employed full-time. Not that there is anyone else in my household that works to contribute to the household income.
Therefore, I guess it's understandable that I'm pretty much disheveled and upset - no one else to blame but myself, since I put myself in this situation. Yes, that's an example of a high internal locus of control - so I shall very soon attempt to set this right - once I clear my paper tomorrow.
The worse thing about being a person is when you know what's wrong but you also know that fixing it is similar to giving the house an entire remodel - which may take months, years to complete - and so, to actually decide on a start-date is quite tricky.
I know it's 'cleaning house' time, and clean the house I shall.
I shall draw out plans tomorrow, after my 3-hour paper.
June 15, 2008
excuse or not
Is there such a thing as giving an excuse for not making a drastic decision?
It would depend very much upon how life changing such a decision would result in.
If it's a matter of not wanting to decide on a place to have lunch, then it's probably an excuse - we could have chosen not to volunteer a place out of politeness or consideration for another person's preferences.
If it's a matter which will affect another person, then I think taking time to consider and re-consider before actually deciding, is not making an excuse.
I have always recited this mantra that if a hand is bad, chop it off.
If a person is everything bad, then walk away - I don't believe in second chances because after time on this earth, a person's selfish state will become his underlying trait. Practice makes perfect - so when you are constantly selfish, it eventually ingrains itself into the personality make-up.
I have been in this state of limbo, for a very long time - more than 4 years - of deciding.
The reason I have been so delayed in executing this decision is because the ripple effect is going to be enormous - almost close to a tsunami. So, it's not that I have not made a decision - I have simply delayed the execution verbally, but on the technicalities, it's been done.
So, although we seem to be giving an excuse - we may actually not be doing that at all.
If there is one thing I have learnt in my life, is to be diplomatic and professional - but the end result is the same - it's just that I prefer a less confronting delivery.
Therefore, sometimes when we think a person is giving an excuse, we should think about whether it is really an excuse or just buying of time before it is verbalised.
It would depend very much upon how life changing such a decision would result in.
If it's a matter of not wanting to decide on a place to have lunch, then it's probably an excuse - we could have chosen not to volunteer a place out of politeness or consideration for another person's preferences.
If it's a matter which will affect another person, then I think taking time to consider and re-consider before actually deciding, is not making an excuse.
I have always recited this mantra that if a hand is bad, chop it off.
If a person is everything bad, then walk away - I don't believe in second chances because after time on this earth, a person's selfish state will become his underlying trait. Practice makes perfect - so when you are constantly selfish, it eventually ingrains itself into the personality make-up.
I have been in this state of limbo, for a very long time - more than 4 years - of deciding.
The reason I have been so delayed in executing this decision is because the ripple effect is going to be enormous - almost close to a tsunami. So, it's not that I have not made a decision - I have simply delayed the execution verbally, but on the technicalities, it's been done.
So, although we seem to be giving an excuse - we may actually not be doing that at all.
If there is one thing I have learnt in my life, is to be diplomatic and professional - but the end result is the same - it's just that I prefer a less confronting delivery.
Therefore, sometimes when we think a person is giving an excuse, we should think about whether it is really an excuse or just buying of time before it is verbalised.
June 14, 2008
gut feel
The funny thing about having a 'gut feel' about anything is, it sometimes carries a measure of truth. For me, my 'gut feel' is always correct.
My gf was very concerned about my situation, knowing very well that the burden of my entire household is upon my shoulders. She has also asked me, why I had extra furniture since it's not even being used. I have answered this question many times before, to the handful of very good friends that I have. My answer is always the same - I am extremely patient because it is required of me. BUT there will come a time, when I am exhausted and so, that's when no logical/valid or sympathetic reason will be enough to keep me from throwing in the towel.
Whatever decisions we make in our life, we must take time to weigh the consequences - to start afresh is the least of anyone's troubles - it's the upsetting of another young life that we must give grave considerations to.
That's why my patience seem to be unlimited. BUT it's really not. I have learnt to ignore whatever that's causing me indigestion for the good of another - and that is my responsibility which I am taking, very seriously.
My gut feel tells me that there is something I should look into - in terms of why a person does not seem to be a little bit anxious about any bills - that there might be a possibility that he wants me to be financially burdened - it's extra because of my postgrad programme - so that I will stop my learning. And so I did. I'm right. The reason may not be accurate, but I am right - the objective to burden me is spot on.
So, I have decided that this is the final straw of his having any hope that he's on the way out of my life.
My gf was very concerned about my situation, knowing very well that the burden of my entire household is upon my shoulders. She has also asked me, why I had extra furniture since it's not even being used. I have answered this question many times before, to the handful of very good friends that I have. My answer is always the same - I am extremely patient because it is required of me. BUT there will come a time, when I am exhausted and so, that's when no logical/valid or sympathetic reason will be enough to keep me from throwing in the towel.
Whatever decisions we make in our life, we must take time to weigh the consequences - to start afresh is the least of anyone's troubles - it's the upsetting of another young life that we must give grave considerations to.
That's why my patience seem to be unlimited. BUT it's really not. I have learnt to ignore whatever that's causing me indigestion for the good of another - and that is my responsibility which I am taking, very seriously.
My gut feel tells me that there is something I should look into - in terms of why a person does not seem to be a little bit anxious about any bills - that there might be a possibility that he wants me to be financially burdened - it's extra because of my postgrad programme - so that I will stop my learning. And so I did. I'm right. The reason may not be accurate, but I am right - the objective to burden me is spot on.
So, I have decided that this is the final straw of his having any hope that he's on the way out of my life.
June 13, 2008
people can be so strange
I think there are some people who just cannot adjust to the fact that there are people like me, who will just cut to the chase, get to the point with no empathy, if that means setting things right. To compound it, I have no confidence issues, no matter who I am speaking to - because if you know your stuff, what is the worry.
Today, I realise that I have almost totally reverted to my person, before my marketing stint. When I first walked into this industry, after years in social services, it was difficult. My first boss used to tell me....'you are not in social services' - because in marketing, everything had a price. It was my mantra for almost a year. Now, some 6/7 years later, I struggled to convert that thinking to align it with my academic major. I started this post-grad program lost - worse than trying to understand the LOST series.
A week of continuous reading must have really screwed my brains back in the correct alignment because of the non-verbal cues I picked up at a meeting. Strange thing is, this person seemed so insecure that I was wondering why he hasn't seen a shrink yet. He has so many unresolved issues within himself that looking and talking to me, probably brought that out.
I thought it over and felt that I will always be a misfit for some people - until my classmate called. That saved my day - same kind - no problems in relating stuff - no hang ups - just friends having a conversation - no need to tolerate another person's insecurity - i could be me.
AND so, we should remember that whatever the GPA, we are still regular people, who put in a lot of work to get ourselves labelled. A grade is a grade, it's nothing more than a ticket to another paper chase of our choosing. BUT we are still people who can function outside the text.
Today, I realise that I have almost totally reverted to my person, before my marketing stint. When I first walked into this industry, after years in social services, it was difficult. My first boss used to tell me....'you are not in social services' - because in marketing, everything had a price. It was my mantra for almost a year. Now, some 6/7 years later, I struggled to convert that thinking to align it with my academic major. I started this post-grad program lost - worse than trying to understand the LOST series.
A week of continuous reading must have really screwed my brains back in the correct alignment because of the non-verbal cues I picked up at a meeting. Strange thing is, this person seemed so insecure that I was wondering why he hasn't seen a shrink yet. He has so many unresolved issues within himself that looking and talking to me, probably brought that out.
I thought it over and felt that I will always be a misfit for some people - until my classmate called. That saved my day - same kind - no problems in relating stuff - no hang ups - just friends having a conversation - no need to tolerate another person's insecurity - i could be me.
AND so, we should remember that whatever the GPA, we are still regular people, who put in a lot of work to get ourselves labelled. A grade is a grade, it's nothing more than a ticket to another paper chase of our choosing. BUT we are still people who can function outside the text.
June 12, 2008
taking on more
It has finally dawned on me that it's difficult to actually find enough time to do a decent read. When I was working 9 - 6pm, it was impossible to even try an indecent read. Now that time is technically my own, it's not any easier, because I'm technically still working, just that I don't have a fix work-time. On top of all that, there are my household commitments, which is never-ending. Busy enough as I am, I still don't feel too busy to take on 'projects' because this morning, I committed to do a 'project' part-time in the social services (0f course), refusing their offer of full time.
I really don't know what's the deal with me - that would mean extra commitment of my day's time - yet I didn't say no.
To be honest, I started reading this module late in the semester - trying to get used to the portal and all that - not really understanding the dynamics of it and where the uni posts stuff for us. It took us a good 5 weeks before we understood what was where. Next semester should be easier, since I got past that portal and have even found my reading list already. So perhaps that would bail me out a little, leaving me time to pack in 'little projects'.
It's great to keep busy - because it keeps our minds busy with tasks and challenges to meet.
I've finished most of what I have to read, and I can honestly say I have a much better understanding of the material - this may be one MCQ that I'm actually prepared for - yet it's not going to return me an A because I'm not error-free in my judgement of what's the more correct statement in a choice. It's dicey sometimes, play of words.
I should be happy that I got this much of data digested in a short time - but if this is not enough then next semester will have to be excellent to ensure I keep my academic record on track. Maybe I just need to be a little busier to get my competitive nature going - so I'm going to take on the extra task...that is crazy but then, I was never known to be anything other than that.
I really don't know what's the deal with me - that would mean extra commitment of my day's time - yet I didn't say no.
To be honest, I started reading this module late in the semester - trying to get used to the portal and all that - not really understanding the dynamics of it and where the uni posts stuff for us. It took us a good 5 weeks before we understood what was where. Next semester should be easier, since I got past that portal and have even found my reading list already. So perhaps that would bail me out a little, leaving me time to pack in 'little projects'.
It's great to keep busy - because it keeps our minds busy with tasks and challenges to meet.
I've finished most of what I have to read, and I can honestly say I have a much better understanding of the material - this may be one MCQ that I'm actually prepared for - yet it's not going to return me an A because I'm not error-free in my judgement of what's the more correct statement in a choice. It's dicey sometimes, play of words.
I should be happy that I got this much of data digested in a short time - but if this is not enough then next semester will have to be excellent to ensure I keep my academic record on track. Maybe I just need to be a little busier to get my competitive nature going - so I'm going to take on the extra task...that is crazy but then, I was never known to be anything other than that.
June 10, 2008
Second Best
I was reading something some person posted about aiming to be the best but if you don't make it then settle for second best.
DUH?
That's the trouble with a lot of people living here. Everything they do is for the experience.
My rationale is simple - set targets that are within your reach i.e. it shouldn't be a ridiculous one because then how would you ever do an evaluation and figure out what when wrong when the parameters were not properly set in the first place.
Such people will have tendencies to brag because they have protected themselves from actually facing reality - so whenever they fall short of their target, they will still feel good about themselves and probably will throw themselves a celebration party because they almost made it. AND because of this, they will never be achievers.
One part of me will give credit to such people for always being so unrealistic that when reality actually sinks in, they will miss the whole picture.
It protects them from the bad news. But the greater part of me wants to shake them so hard, they think they're in the quake zone.
Life is not a competition, it doesn't have to be. We should make plans, have goals and try to be good at what we do. BUT to look at a million dollar income earner and then hope to make 10% of that in your lifetime so that you can feel proud of yourself, is really pathetic.
I'd rather we just forget the entire competition and move on to other areas. That's why we have heats in races. You must first demonstrate the ability before you are selected to compete for best placings.
Jeez - that comment really annoyed me.
DUH?
That's the trouble with a lot of people living here. Everything they do is for the experience.
My rationale is simple - set targets that are within your reach i.e. it shouldn't be a ridiculous one because then how would you ever do an evaluation and figure out what when wrong when the parameters were not properly set in the first place.
Such people will have tendencies to brag because they have protected themselves from actually facing reality - so whenever they fall short of their target, they will still feel good about themselves and probably will throw themselves a celebration party because they almost made it. AND because of this, they will never be achievers.
One part of me will give credit to such people for always being so unrealistic that when reality actually sinks in, they will miss the whole picture.
It protects them from the bad news. But the greater part of me wants to shake them so hard, they think they're in the quake zone.
Life is not a competition, it doesn't have to be. We should make plans, have goals and try to be good at what we do. BUT to look at a million dollar income earner and then hope to make 10% of that in your lifetime so that you can feel proud of yourself, is really pathetic.
I'd rather we just forget the entire competition and move on to other areas. That's why we have heats in races. You must first demonstrate the ability before you are selected to compete for best placings.
Jeez - that comment really annoyed me.
June 09, 2008
which date?
When you've been operating on tight schedules and live your life by schedules, it's like an itch u can't get at, when schedules don't fit.
I'm in this annoying situation where I'm trying to get myself to bkk. Forget that it's never easy to get the best available price for a morning flight, when u don't have too much to time to book ahead - to work around other parameters is nerve-wrecking.
There are people who would do the best they can - and they are probably better off. BUT ME?
No way. I am the type who will find the fit and I will not rest until it's done.
It doesn't make a difference to me, whether I fly budget or frills - but what time the plane lands is important. BUT to get that perfect timing, usually it's flying with frills - but when the flights are full on the required dates it pisses me off. I just do not land at night - i'm not a bat. Night time, is my nap time.
So I have to shift the dates - ah...then comes the tricky part, which date?
While I'm pretty much open, I need a room-mate who is available at that time too - because I do hate to be alone in a strange room. My overseas trips, vacation or work has always been traumatic and I end up coming home lagging behind in sleep. I could survive just hiding under the covers till daybreak, but why torture myself when I could actually drag someone along?
Which brings me back to the 'which date' syndrome because as with everyone, this very good pal has a schedule too.
By the time this other schedule gets firmed up, the preferred flights will be full again and I'll be back to square one.
This is not a huge problem - not even close to a crisis, but this is me we're talking about and I will squeeze a round peg into a square hole even if it kills me - but the task has to get done otherwise, it will stay on my priority list and nag me even in my sleep.
I think as functioning people, we need to get the job done but I think sometimes being me gives me added pressure. We don't have to be like this, like me, but because it's me we're talking about, it's easier said than done.
I'm in this annoying situation where I'm trying to get myself to bkk. Forget that it's never easy to get the best available price for a morning flight, when u don't have too much to time to book ahead - to work around other parameters is nerve-wrecking.
There are people who would do the best they can - and they are probably better off. BUT ME?
No way. I am the type who will find the fit and I will not rest until it's done.
It doesn't make a difference to me, whether I fly budget or frills - but what time the plane lands is important. BUT to get that perfect timing, usually it's flying with frills - but when the flights are full on the required dates it pisses me off. I just do not land at night - i'm not a bat. Night time, is my nap time.
So I have to shift the dates - ah...then comes the tricky part, which date?
While I'm pretty much open, I need a room-mate who is available at that time too - because I do hate to be alone in a strange room. My overseas trips, vacation or work has always been traumatic and I end up coming home lagging behind in sleep. I could survive just hiding under the covers till daybreak, but why torture myself when I could actually drag someone along?
Which brings me back to the 'which date' syndrome because as with everyone, this very good pal has a schedule too.
By the time this other schedule gets firmed up, the preferred flights will be full again and I'll be back to square one.
This is not a huge problem - not even close to a crisis, but this is me we're talking about and I will squeeze a round peg into a square hole even if it kills me - but the task has to get done otherwise, it will stay on my priority list and nag me even in my sleep.
I think as functioning people, we need to get the job done but I think sometimes being me gives me added pressure. We don't have to be like this, like me, but because it's me we're talking about, it's easier said than done.
June 08, 2008
getting right down to it
There are times we can actually put all our attention into reading and there are other times when its' almost impossible. As recent as 1999, I could sit for hours at home or in the library just to make sure I finish my readings - Now, some 9 years later, it's like a curse. When I'm reading, my phone would go off - if not, I have to rush for an appointment so better not try to get too involved in reading, lest I run late. Perhaps I had help then, my househelp who has since returned to the Philippines to get married. Her kid is at least 6 years old now and starting school - LIKE ME!
And so people wonder why I even bother to do a postgrad program when I have too many things moving around me, like meteors and comets, waiting to crash land somewhere on my tired body.
I need some intellectual stimulation - I need my brain cells to be fired up - but oh, the batteries are so flat, I need to be in the sahara to get them charged up.
I'm sure many working adults who are as mad as I am, feel the same way - the fortunate some, will have some form of support - but for me, it's solo season - have always been. The main difference is, I have an academic reputation to maintain - see, it doesn't always pay to be on this roll and that roll because the expectations just too much - and even if the whole world doesn't care, I do and it matters to me - my academic ego.
Is there such a thing - YES THERE IS.
It's not about having to pay so much - so let's balance that with super grades - it's me.
So, let me end this blog, before I loose another precious few minutes of brain food.
And so people wonder why I even bother to do a postgrad program when I have too many things moving around me, like meteors and comets, waiting to crash land somewhere on my tired body.
I need some intellectual stimulation - I need my brain cells to be fired up - but oh, the batteries are so flat, I need to be in the sahara to get them charged up.
I'm sure many working adults who are as mad as I am, feel the same way - the fortunate some, will have some form of support - but for me, it's solo season - have always been. The main difference is, I have an academic reputation to maintain - see, it doesn't always pay to be on this roll and that roll because the expectations just too much - and even if the whole world doesn't care, I do and it matters to me - my academic ego.
Is there such a thing - YES THERE IS.
It's not about having to pay so much - so let's balance that with super grades - it's me.
So, let me end this blog, before I loose another precious few minutes of brain food.
June 07, 2008
Tick Tock
Does anyone ever wonder if time actually moves at a faster rate once we get to June? I think so, because I had such a hard time just seeing through the first 3 mths of 2008 and now, we're almost at mid-june...and soon it'll be christmas all over again.
I have this clock just outside my head, like an invisible bubble - it reminds me of what i have listed in my To-Do list and like those beep beep beep things people attach to their rear bumper, this clock does that the closer i get to my deadline, be it my annual visit to bkk or any kind of deadline that matters to me.
Right now, it's going TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK - because the countdown to my first exams after so many years has begun. I have not finished reading at all - not because i'm lazy, but because I don't have enough hours in a day - it's almost like time short-changed me!
Like today, I had to do marketing, cook....then wash the dog....then read...then reply emails for whatever that's about to erupt, feed kiddies....take a breather with bollywood, then clean up, gardening, cook again, read, check email again..and it's already past 10pm.
its' amazing, because whether i keep a real job (by that I mean be an employee with fixed work times) or not, it doesn't make a difference to my household chores. I have been hired permanently, regardless of whatever the situation maybe, to manage all that!
Solution?
Well, TICK TOCK TICK TOCK is also reminding me of my pilgrimage to bkk - that would definately buy me some time out of this wicked cycle....some much required time away to re-charge my sanity.
I have this clock just outside my head, like an invisible bubble - it reminds me of what i have listed in my To-Do list and like those beep beep beep things people attach to their rear bumper, this clock does that the closer i get to my deadline, be it my annual visit to bkk or any kind of deadline that matters to me.
Right now, it's going TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK - because the countdown to my first exams after so many years has begun. I have not finished reading at all - not because i'm lazy, but because I don't have enough hours in a day - it's almost like time short-changed me!
Like today, I had to do marketing, cook....then wash the dog....then read...then reply emails for whatever that's about to erupt, feed kiddies....take a breather with bollywood, then clean up, gardening, cook again, read, check email again..and it's already past 10pm.
its' amazing, because whether i keep a real job (by that I mean be an employee with fixed work times) or not, it doesn't make a difference to my household chores. I have been hired permanently, regardless of whatever the situation maybe, to manage all that!
Solution?
Well, TICK TOCK TICK TOCK is also reminding me of my pilgrimage to bkk - that would definately buy me some time out of this wicked cycle....some much required time away to re-charge my sanity.
June 06, 2008
victims of circumstances?
Are we victims of our circumstances?
Reason I asked is simply because I have been thinking about whether we put ourselves in hot soup or that it's fate which brought us there.
As a person who respects a supreme being, commonly referred to as GOD, I still believe that we are very much victims of our circumstances.
I do not believe that families who struggle to make ends meet really enjoy being in that state - neither do I believe that families who have issues enjoy having them all the time.
I'm sure if they started their life on a fairer footing, things would work out for them overall - like being born with a silver spoon for instance, would automatically qualify them for the less rough ride.
We are allowed to choose if we prefer to be bastards or mother teresa - but circumstances would definately coax us into making the most of the situation, whatever it may be - we need to survive. Of course, if that meant causing ill or pain to another, then it's not just as simple as having chosen to be a bastard, coz that's wicked.
Circumstances can affect how we think when we are young, when our first schemas are being formed about our society and environment - and from that point on, it's going to either be positive or negative depending on how that schema gets edited along the way.
Scary isn't it?
BUT if you give it enough thought, it does make sense.
Reason I asked is simply because I have been thinking about whether we put ourselves in hot soup or that it's fate which brought us there.
As a person who respects a supreme being, commonly referred to as GOD, I still believe that we are very much victims of our circumstances.
I do not believe that families who struggle to make ends meet really enjoy being in that state - neither do I believe that families who have issues enjoy having them all the time.
I'm sure if they started their life on a fairer footing, things would work out for them overall - like being born with a silver spoon for instance, would automatically qualify them for the less rough ride.
We are allowed to choose if we prefer to be bastards or mother teresa - but circumstances would definately coax us into making the most of the situation, whatever it may be - we need to survive. Of course, if that meant causing ill or pain to another, then it's not just as simple as having chosen to be a bastard, coz that's wicked.
Circumstances can affect how we think when we are young, when our first schemas are being formed about our society and environment - and from that point on, it's going to either be positive or negative depending on how that schema gets edited along the way.
Scary isn't it?
BUT if you give it enough thought, it does make sense.
June 05, 2008
self-centeredness
There are some people who think collectively and some who are individualistic.
There is no good or bad - just that for anything that we are involved in, it's always more correct to balance everything out.
I have had first hand experience of a person who puts himself before anything else - and it is a trait that is consistent. Personality traits are rather consistent - they are relatively stable over time without intervention. So, are these people born like that or did something go wrong in how they developed?
It's difficult to be so self-centered in life - when one is single, you have your circle of friends to take cues from (sometimes). You tend to feel bad when you've upset them somewhat. When one is in a relationship, it's worse - because the other person can only tolerate a measure of self-centeredness.
Of all the negatives a person can express, self-centeredness is probably as bad as someone who is abusive. In an abusive person, the selfishness is expressed - but in self-centeredness, it's silent, but expressed in actions.
You would know how self-centered a person is when he decides that he has more problems which are more important than anything the household is going through.
There is no solution except to wait for a volcanic eruption, which will wipe this problem out permanently. For the selfish person, this will be a tantrum, for the person on the receiving end, this is overdue.
We should never let something rot, but sometimes, things just deserve to be put in the garbage.
There is no good or bad - just that for anything that we are involved in, it's always more correct to balance everything out.
I have had first hand experience of a person who puts himself before anything else - and it is a trait that is consistent. Personality traits are rather consistent - they are relatively stable over time without intervention. So, are these people born like that or did something go wrong in how they developed?
It's difficult to be so self-centered in life - when one is single, you have your circle of friends to take cues from (sometimes). You tend to feel bad when you've upset them somewhat. When one is in a relationship, it's worse - because the other person can only tolerate a measure of self-centeredness.
Of all the negatives a person can express, self-centeredness is probably as bad as someone who is abusive. In an abusive person, the selfishness is expressed - but in self-centeredness, it's silent, but expressed in actions.
You would know how self-centered a person is when he decides that he has more problems which are more important than anything the household is going through.
There is no solution except to wait for a volcanic eruption, which will wipe this problem out permanently. For the selfish person, this will be a tantrum, for the person on the receiving end, this is overdue.
We should never let something rot, but sometimes, things just deserve to be put in the garbage.
June 03, 2008
switching roles
The countdown to my exams has begun and every sunrise is like a huge tick-tock in my head. One part of me knows that dedication is crucial, other part of me knows that the business still needs tending to. AND so we end up having to do what we always have to do - switching roles.
Its' amazing how much of things I could actually pack into a 'working day', eventhough I don't have to 'report' to work. It's tiring no doubt, but I'm functioning at my optimum capacity at this point in my life, more than I have done in quite a bit. The best part is not completing the day's task, because I always complete the task ; it's about doing a whole lot more, a whole lot better with half the stress. Money is also halved for now, but that's secondary, because it happens to everyone who starts a business.
It's challenging to read the text, search for parallels on the internet, make notes, review the text and then switch to whatever business enquiries the phone brings and go back to my text. In between all that, I managed to feed, clean and play with the kiddies, clean house, cook and render any help to my teenager in his revision, unwind with some piano playing, ending the day with another read on anything not related to my text.
It's okay to switch roles numerous times provided we maintain our identity clearly and not have them crossed. So, putting things into little labelled boxes, does help - it's not a disordered personality type but that of compulsively organised person. Just hop from box to box, following the labels, which are probably color-coded for easy referencing.
The best part of it all, sleep comes so easily.
Its' amazing how much of things I could actually pack into a 'working day', eventhough I don't have to 'report' to work. It's tiring no doubt, but I'm functioning at my optimum capacity at this point in my life, more than I have done in quite a bit. The best part is not completing the day's task, because I always complete the task ; it's about doing a whole lot more, a whole lot better with half the stress. Money is also halved for now, but that's secondary, because it happens to everyone who starts a business.
It's challenging to read the text, search for parallels on the internet, make notes, review the text and then switch to whatever business enquiries the phone brings and go back to my text. In between all that, I managed to feed, clean and play with the kiddies, clean house, cook and render any help to my teenager in his revision, unwind with some piano playing, ending the day with another read on anything not related to my text.
It's okay to switch roles numerous times provided we maintain our identity clearly and not have them crossed. So, putting things into little labelled boxes, does help - it's not a disordered personality type but that of compulsively organised person. Just hop from box to box, following the labels, which are probably color-coded for easy referencing.
The best part of it all, sleep comes so easily.
June 02, 2008
A word, is a word
It's interesting to actually observe people, when it comes to sharing of money.
If a group makes an agreement to share some income, then it's only right for the income to be shared when it has been collected. No matter what happens after that agreement, it has to be honoured, after all, that's the reason for coming to any alliance.
I had a first hand encounter with someone who agreed then and after collection, decided that he didn't want to share, since that was some time ago. That irked me.
It's not that I had a share there, it was the 3 other people who did.
I felt that it was not gentlemanly. I felt that it was a matter of principle.
I blew my fuse.
Once such an agreement has been reached - it's wrong to backtrack, it's wrong to plea disagreement and basically, it tells on what kind of a lowlife you really are.
I know, the economy has gone downhill, but when we do that, we show that we are selfish and not a person who's word can be taken as the truth.
I basically told him that that deal was worth a hundred dollars or so to his colleagues and if he was going to shortchange them for such a small amount, then it would certainly be tough to include him in deals where the share runs into thousands, isn't it?
I didn't allow him to tell me otherwise, I just informed him that I expect the monies to be distributed to the rest; period.
We should honour our word. That's what makes us people with conscience and people with integrity. For those who don't believe in that, there's always karma, which when it catches up, isn't a pretty sight.
If a group makes an agreement to share some income, then it's only right for the income to be shared when it has been collected. No matter what happens after that agreement, it has to be honoured, after all, that's the reason for coming to any alliance.
I had a first hand encounter with someone who agreed then and after collection, decided that he didn't want to share, since that was some time ago. That irked me.
It's not that I had a share there, it was the 3 other people who did.
I felt that it was not gentlemanly. I felt that it was a matter of principle.
I blew my fuse.
Once such an agreement has been reached - it's wrong to backtrack, it's wrong to plea disagreement and basically, it tells on what kind of a lowlife you really are.
I know, the economy has gone downhill, but when we do that, we show that we are selfish and not a person who's word can be taken as the truth.
I basically told him that that deal was worth a hundred dollars or so to his colleagues and if he was going to shortchange them for such a small amount, then it would certainly be tough to include him in deals where the share runs into thousands, isn't it?
I didn't allow him to tell me otherwise, I just informed him that I expect the monies to be distributed to the rest; period.
We should honour our word. That's what makes us people with conscience and people with integrity. For those who don't believe in that, there's always karma, which when it catches up, isn't a pretty sight.
May 30, 2008
Panic
This is what happens when as students we are granted an unofficial extension for an assignment.
It's not a very good position to be in, especially it was a extension granted because of a technical error.
When granted this unofficial extension, everyone was obviously happy - 48 hours is a long time when you are trying to tie up loose ends on the paper. BUT, we forgot one little thing - for every assignment, there is an allocated cover sheet, which has to be downloaded and printed out.
We thought about everything (so we thought we did) - dates should be as per the deadline....rubber stamp should be as per the deadline....EXCEPT
we forgot to remind everyone that we should have printed out the cover sheet first because it's dated.....DAMN DAMN DAMN
So now, I'm not sure if that 48 hours is going to cost us deductions or not.
Bottom Line : We should always do things above board. It may be rushed, but then we don't have to deal with the unknown repercussions.
It's not a very good position to be in, especially it was a extension granted because of a technical error.
When granted this unofficial extension, everyone was obviously happy - 48 hours is a long time when you are trying to tie up loose ends on the paper. BUT, we forgot one little thing - for every assignment, there is an allocated cover sheet, which has to be downloaded and printed out.
We thought about everything (so we thought we did) - dates should be as per the deadline....rubber stamp should be as per the deadline....EXCEPT
we forgot to remind everyone that we should have printed out the cover sheet first because it's dated.....DAMN DAMN DAMN
So now, I'm not sure if that 48 hours is going to cost us deductions or not.
Bottom Line : We should always do things above board. It may be rushed, but then we don't have to deal with the unknown repercussions.
May 28, 2008
Extraversion vs Introversion
Some of us are introverts, some are extroverts.
What's the difference? In lay terms, the introverts may prefer quiet over noisy, silence over expression.
As a person who has almost completed a semester of Psychological Assessment & Testing - I can tell you that a person can feel he's introverted but he's not and vice versa.
In the Personality Assessment we did, I finally learnt how to actually evaluate the scales. Knowing your I or E isn't enough that's why the very minimum scale covers 5 personality traits.
Check this out: my E is almost = to my I
How should this not surprise me - I'm Libran - I cannot even decide on a simple thing as a trait!
From the scores, I was told that I'm not easily agreeable and would readily voice my disagreement without a second thought. Mind you, my lecturer didn't know whose scale she was evaluating. I'm a thinking person, placing very little weight on emotions when making a decision - oh man - that certainly didn't come out positively.
I operate on logic and practicality - my sun sign could have told me that!
This is another assessment that people pay psychologists for - I still don't see the relevance because in my opinion, we should know ourselves better isn't it? But it's cool to know that the scores are an accurate portrayal of me. No wonder it takes a whole lot of time to actually patent/copyright an assessment tool that's reliable and valid.
So, there's no good or bad for the results of the Personality Assessment.
The results will simply help us understand why we get mad, why we get irritated and basically why we are who we are. It's not easy to just have the trait replaced. Almost impossible - because remember, People Don't Change.
What's the difference? In lay terms, the introverts may prefer quiet over noisy, silence over expression.
As a person who has almost completed a semester of Psychological Assessment & Testing - I can tell you that a person can feel he's introverted but he's not and vice versa.
In the Personality Assessment we did, I finally learnt how to actually evaluate the scales. Knowing your I or E isn't enough that's why the very minimum scale covers 5 personality traits.
Check this out: my E is almost = to my I
How should this not surprise me - I'm Libran - I cannot even decide on a simple thing as a trait!
From the scores, I was told that I'm not easily agreeable and would readily voice my disagreement without a second thought. Mind you, my lecturer didn't know whose scale she was evaluating. I'm a thinking person, placing very little weight on emotions when making a decision - oh man - that certainly didn't come out positively.
I operate on logic and practicality - my sun sign could have told me that!
This is another assessment that people pay psychologists for - I still don't see the relevance because in my opinion, we should know ourselves better isn't it? But it's cool to know that the scores are an accurate portrayal of me. No wonder it takes a whole lot of time to actually patent/copyright an assessment tool that's reliable and valid.
So, there's no good or bad for the results of the Personality Assessment.
The results will simply help us understand why we get mad, why we get irritated and basically why we are who we are. It's not easy to just have the trait replaced. Almost impossible - because remember, People Don't Change.
May 26, 2008
Intelligence Test - Why?
It never bothered me not ever having my Intelligence tested. I'm an average person, having to do twice the work to get a decent grade. There was nothing special about me, in terms of my abilities - my piano playing is so-so ; my theory knowledge is so-so; my track and field skill is so-so; my grades till college was so-so.
I hear of people having this IQ and that IQ, without really understanding what that entailed. I know how to equate scores, because I'm a Psych major.
I have done free online 'personality tests', which are similar to real personality tests, but we can never really be sure how far off they really are - because for any scores to be valid, there must be reliability and validity that has been proven.
Today, I had a first-hand experience doing an IQ test. It was a disappointment, because I felt that whatever it measured, it still didn't tell me how those scores would improve my situation. The test took a really long time to administer and after all that, I found it to be a waste of time. So what if you know your IQ - is it going to change your life tomorrow? I doubt that very much, because it takes a whole lot more to make your life better - not a score sheet.
To think that people pay hundreds of dollars to get themselves tested! WHY?
If you're reading this, you might be thinking, that perhaps I'm trying to validate my score - but I'm not - I just wasted an entire day - doing the test, scoring it and tidying it up with a clinical report for nothing - I do detest having worked an entire day for something that couldn't help me a bit. I think it's labelling people and may not justify the person as a whole.
I returned a score of above average (+2/3 SD & 75th percentile) - how that's going to help me live the rest of my life error-free, is not something even a person with a higher IQ could answer!
Which brings me to the Personality assessment that I did.....perhaps they are linked.....that will be tomorrow's post.
I hear of people having this IQ and that IQ, without really understanding what that entailed. I know how to equate scores, because I'm a Psych major.
I have done free online 'personality tests', which are similar to real personality tests, but we can never really be sure how far off they really are - because for any scores to be valid, there must be reliability and validity that has been proven.
Today, I had a first-hand experience doing an IQ test. It was a disappointment, because I felt that whatever it measured, it still didn't tell me how those scores would improve my situation. The test took a really long time to administer and after all that, I found it to be a waste of time. So what if you know your IQ - is it going to change your life tomorrow? I doubt that very much, because it takes a whole lot more to make your life better - not a score sheet.
To think that people pay hundreds of dollars to get themselves tested! WHY?
If you're reading this, you might be thinking, that perhaps I'm trying to validate my score - but I'm not - I just wasted an entire day - doing the test, scoring it and tidying it up with a clinical report for nothing - I do detest having worked an entire day for something that couldn't help me a bit. I think it's labelling people and may not justify the person as a whole.
I returned a score of above average (+2/3 SD & 75th percentile) - how that's going to help me live the rest of my life error-free, is not something even a person with a higher IQ could answer!
Which brings me to the Personality assessment that I did.....perhaps they are linked.....that will be tomorrow's post.
May 25, 2008
Ambivalent
As I was collating and discussing my final assignment with my classmate, we found out that we both had similar scores on a Psy Assessment. We had to do an evaluation of the scores and I was rather confused, because after all the free online temperament sorters that I have done, I knew myself to score higher on the Introvert scale, however, I finally returned one point higher for the E scale than the I scale.
My classmate told me that he found out a new classification for such results - we are Ambivalents.
Now, I know how I am almost always on the fence about any decision that has to be made, but imagine that I could not even unconsciously decide whether I was an E or an I.
Because life is a continuous learning journey, I suppose it's never too late to understand something about ourselves. When I checked the Psy Dickie, it states Ambivalent as being originally derived from K Lewin's work in field theory and shows up most clearly in the research on behavioral reactions to various forms of conflict. It is a state where one is pulled in two mutually exclusive directions.
What is interesting about being Ambivalent is, I'm born under the sun sign of Libra - the sign of the scales - things should balance so that the scales don't tip on either side.
Question is, is this true of all Librans or am I just a coincidence?
I didn't ask my classmate if he's Libran like me, perhaps I should, and maybe that might give me some comfort.
I don't mind being different, but Ambivalent is a whole different ball-game.
Of course when I say that, it's not how the scores are actually evaluated - I'm merely stating the irony of things. Before any assessment is complete, there is a whole battery of scores to correlate and interpret. Ambivalent is just an isolated area of the entire assessment.
I just thought to bounce that idea, since there is some measure of truth when I'm actually conscious.
My classmate told me that he found out a new classification for such results - we are Ambivalents.
Now, I know how I am almost always on the fence about any decision that has to be made, but imagine that I could not even unconsciously decide whether I was an E or an I.
Because life is a continuous learning journey, I suppose it's never too late to understand something about ourselves. When I checked the Psy Dickie, it states Ambivalent as being originally derived from K Lewin's work in field theory and shows up most clearly in the research on behavioral reactions to various forms of conflict. It is a state where one is pulled in two mutually exclusive directions.
What is interesting about being Ambivalent is, I'm born under the sun sign of Libra - the sign of the scales - things should balance so that the scales don't tip on either side.
Question is, is this true of all Librans or am I just a coincidence?
I didn't ask my classmate if he's Libran like me, perhaps I should, and maybe that might give me some comfort.
I don't mind being different, but Ambivalent is a whole different ball-game.
Of course when I say that, it's not how the scores are actually evaluated - I'm merely stating the irony of things. Before any assessment is complete, there is a whole battery of scores to correlate and interpret. Ambivalent is just an isolated area of the entire assessment.
I just thought to bounce that idea, since there is some measure of truth when I'm actually conscious.
May 24, 2008
Psychological Assessment
I decided to assess myself - not that the results would be any different from what I know myself to be, but it's not a worthless thing to do. Assessing people involved with Psych is not an easy task, because most times we are able to see through the questions and have a reasonable idea of the causal effect of each answer - but as with any thing that we do, honesty will reap many benefits. If I chose to be dishonest in my choice then I am only cheating myself.
I must say, I've gone past the crossroads so I don't have major issues going on in my life except that there is always this dissatisfaction with some aspect. I'm a perfectionist - sure - but I'm also a realist and perhaps this tug-of-war is causing me some emotional distress which is seldom expressed and I need to find a solution for it.
Believe it or not - when I was the Administrator's role before, that was the recommended choice of work for me. Jeez. I left that behind some 7 years ago and have been hopping like a kangaroo in real estate making money to do my post-grad. No wonder I'm mildly depressed, i'm not quite doing what I am supposed to be doing.
It's interesting how researchers take so many years to come up with assessments which can actually tell you about yourself - provided you're honest with your answers. I did a battery of them and it's all spot on.
I don't have any bottom line statements except to say that Psych assessments can guide us through the foggy moments in our life, the crossroads - but most times we do have the answers within us. It's not that psychologists are redundant, but just that sometimes, having a third person believing in us, is what we really need.
I must say, I've gone past the crossroads so I don't have major issues going on in my life except that there is always this dissatisfaction with some aspect. I'm a perfectionist - sure - but I'm also a realist and perhaps this tug-of-war is causing me some emotional distress which is seldom expressed and I need to find a solution for it.
Believe it or not - when I was the Administrator's role before, that was the recommended choice of work for me. Jeez. I left that behind some 7 years ago and have been hopping like a kangaroo in real estate making money to do my post-grad. No wonder I'm mildly depressed, i'm not quite doing what I am supposed to be doing.
It's interesting how researchers take so many years to come up with assessments which can actually tell you about yourself - provided you're honest with your answers. I did a battery of them and it's all spot on.
I don't have any bottom line statements except to say that Psych assessments can guide us through the foggy moments in our life, the crossroads - but most times we do have the answers within us. It's not that psychologists are redundant, but just that sometimes, having a third person believing in us, is what we really need.
May 23, 2008
short-listing
Do people know what they want? I think most times, they don't.
In the case of buying a home - some of us work with budgets, some with a little extra would work on the size, some on location. Whatever our reasons for wanting to view a unit, it should at least have a 'shortlisted' start.
For example, if you have an aged parent(s), a lift landing has to be the criteria - after all, having been in social services, let's have some compassion for the ambulance drivers who have to manage the wheelchair with staircases.
So, if that was the case, why bother to even consider a non-lift landing unit?
I'm bringing up this point because looking for the almost ideal apartment would be less tedious, if you know what it is you're looking for in the first place.
Instead of looking at 50 apartments, you should basically shorten it down to 5 and make your selection from there. After all, time is not free and let's not inconvenience other people unnecessarily. By that I meant home owners who allow you to walk through their flat; you, a total stranger!
Buying a new home can be nerve-wrecking, but if we are sensible and work with what's possible, it can be almost like buying shoes. It either fits or not.
Next time anyone decides to go flat hunting, spare a thought for the sellers, who make time for you to visit and view their flat.
In the case of buying a home - some of us work with budgets, some with a little extra would work on the size, some on location. Whatever our reasons for wanting to view a unit, it should at least have a 'shortlisted' start.
For example, if you have an aged parent(s), a lift landing has to be the criteria - after all, having been in social services, let's have some compassion for the ambulance drivers who have to manage the wheelchair with staircases.
So, if that was the case, why bother to even consider a non-lift landing unit?
I'm bringing up this point because looking for the almost ideal apartment would be less tedious, if you know what it is you're looking for in the first place.
Instead of looking at 50 apartments, you should basically shorten it down to 5 and make your selection from there. After all, time is not free and let's not inconvenience other people unnecessarily. By that I meant home owners who allow you to walk through their flat; you, a total stranger!
Buying a new home can be nerve-wrecking, but if we are sensible and work with what's possible, it can be almost like buying shoes. It either fits or not.
Next time anyone decides to go flat hunting, spare a thought for the sellers, who make time for you to visit and view their flat.
May 22, 2008
What's in a label?
What's in a label?
Well, lots of money, bothways. By that I mean, the owner of the label would have spent lots to do branding and the consumer ends up paying a lot more for it.
Is there a difference between a non-labelled bag and one with a label?
Actually there isn't a difference when we compare functionality. A bag is a bag and will function as one. However, why buy a bag with a label?
My reasons are simply because a branded bag is probably made of a better quality material, which would probably survive the harsh changing weather conditions. I have bought $30 bags which do not last my careless dumping of it in the car, on the ground, anywhere basically. Those bags tend to have a shorter life, after days in the sun, rain and high humidity.
Although I am not extravagant ( I cannot afford to be ), my bags are at least a couple of hundred dollars - and it's not because of vanity - but durability.
Watches - again, guilty - I do not buy $10 watches, because my hands are busy all the time - the watch gets knocked about - and I prefer to know that with each passing year, my watch will still tell me the correct time, to the minute. Again, I do not spend thousands on a watch - in the mid-range of the hundreds would be right.
Clothes - that I'm not guilty of. I buy whatever fits and looks right. After all, all my branded clothes are dry-cleaned and I find that too troublesome for maintenance.
I'm not into what's in fashion or in season. I set the season for myself and as long as it fits me and my washer/dryer, it's enough.
So, I think it's important to understand why we spend on what we spend.
I would call this being an intelligent consumer.
Well, lots of money, bothways. By that I mean, the owner of the label would have spent lots to do branding and the consumer ends up paying a lot more for it.
Is there a difference between a non-labelled bag and one with a label?
Actually there isn't a difference when we compare functionality. A bag is a bag and will function as one. However, why buy a bag with a label?
My reasons are simply because a branded bag is probably made of a better quality material, which would probably survive the harsh changing weather conditions. I have bought $30 bags which do not last my careless dumping of it in the car, on the ground, anywhere basically. Those bags tend to have a shorter life, after days in the sun, rain and high humidity.
Although I am not extravagant ( I cannot afford to be ), my bags are at least a couple of hundred dollars - and it's not because of vanity - but durability.
Watches - again, guilty - I do not buy $10 watches, because my hands are busy all the time - the watch gets knocked about - and I prefer to know that with each passing year, my watch will still tell me the correct time, to the minute. Again, I do not spend thousands on a watch - in the mid-range of the hundreds would be right.
Clothes - that I'm not guilty of. I buy whatever fits and looks right. After all, all my branded clothes are dry-cleaned and I find that too troublesome for maintenance.
I'm not into what's in fashion or in season. I set the season for myself and as long as it fits me and my washer/dryer, it's enough.
So, I think it's important to understand why we spend on what we spend.
I would call this being an intelligent consumer.
May 21, 2008
what getting a CREDIT means
I received a CREDIT for my first written assignment after taking a 7-year break from school. Bad call.
Because I didn't grow up like regular people, I was late in doing my Bachelors - had to finish the school of hard knocks, before working on my academic qualifications, after all, I always did things in the reverse order. I remember Cross-Cultural Psych was the first module I had to do as a mature student, juggling work and home. I got a Credit for that paper - and I remember how I was ragged by my soul-pal - he was a doctor, no less, who did a minor in Psy. He went on and on about the shoddy work I probably handed in and that I deserved that awful grade. He didn't want to hear about how long it's been since I left school and that writing was a struggle. He just let it on - but that one session, made me more responsible, and I made it to the Honour roll after 3 years.
NOW, history is repeating itself again. I got another CREDIT for a start.
A very good friend told me to move on, and not to dwell. But I'm in Dwell Hell - because I handed in this work knowing very well it was deserving of only a CREDIT. My Professor left me a long love note - I was reluctant to read it, not wanting to know just how pre-school my paper probably came across to him - so I kept it in my bag, after flipping through the pages and making mental notes of his scribbles - having half the mind to email him to say that he should sharpen his pencil before insulting me, because at least I know he took the trouble to also be presentable!
BUT after a shower and coffee, I decided to grow up and face the scribbles.
To my surprise, he commended me on my supporting research materials and that I needed to hit the supporting argument RIGHT ON THE NAIL - what I didn't do was to wrap up the argument - I brought it up, but did a lousy job on the finish.
Although I'm still in DWELL HELL - it's probably hell on an elevated plane, because Prof did give me some insight into what I had forgotten & what I needed to oil so that the gears are working smoothly.
So, I'm not mad at him anymore, he's not on my hit list.
I deserved that Credit.
He did a good job setting it right and that's why he's the most talked about Professor in Psych school.
Bottom Line: This is graduate school and we should never submit sub-standard papers if we are expecting a good overall GPA.
Because I didn't grow up like regular people, I was late in doing my Bachelors - had to finish the school of hard knocks, before working on my academic qualifications, after all, I always did things in the reverse order. I remember Cross-Cultural Psych was the first module I had to do as a mature student, juggling work and home. I got a Credit for that paper - and I remember how I was ragged by my soul-pal - he was a doctor, no less, who did a minor in Psy. He went on and on about the shoddy work I probably handed in and that I deserved that awful grade. He didn't want to hear about how long it's been since I left school and that writing was a struggle. He just let it on - but that one session, made me more responsible, and I made it to the Honour roll after 3 years.
NOW, history is repeating itself again. I got another CREDIT for a start.
A very good friend told me to move on, and not to dwell. But I'm in Dwell Hell - because I handed in this work knowing very well it was deserving of only a CREDIT. My Professor left me a long love note - I was reluctant to read it, not wanting to know just how pre-school my paper probably came across to him - so I kept it in my bag, after flipping through the pages and making mental notes of his scribbles - having half the mind to email him to say that he should sharpen his pencil before insulting me, because at least I know he took the trouble to also be presentable!
BUT after a shower and coffee, I decided to grow up and face the scribbles.
To my surprise, he commended me on my supporting research materials and that I needed to hit the supporting argument RIGHT ON THE NAIL - what I didn't do was to wrap up the argument - I brought it up, but did a lousy job on the finish.
Although I'm still in DWELL HELL - it's probably hell on an elevated plane, because Prof did give me some insight into what I had forgotten & what I needed to oil so that the gears are working smoothly.
So, I'm not mad at him anymore, he's not on my hit list.
I deserved that Credit.
He did a good job setting it right and that's why he's the most talked about Professor in Psych school.
Bottom Line: This is graduate school and we should never submit sub-standard papers if we are expecting a good overall GPA.
May 20, 2008
Constructively Busy
There are some of us who are constructively busy, and some others who choose to look constructively busy. The difference is, when you are constructively busy, things get done; and when you look constructively busy, things don't get done.
Some people are more prone to laziness. It's a character trait, a personality flaw.
There should be some research in this area where studies are done to figure out what makes a person lazy. Some may think that it's easy to get into a lazy mode - like during a vacation when we do nothing but read a book and sun-bathe, but vacations aside - how does a person become so lazy that all he does is watch TV during official work hours? Even housewives have chores to finish during official work hours.
My theory is this:
A person chooses to be lazy because he's really screwed up.
Otherwise, he would at least have some goals or chores that he panned out for the day.
Unless we are bedridden, it's appalling to think that our day's calendar is totally void of chores. Even when we are bedridden, we have goals to set, like physiotherapy to get us out of bed so that we can go about our normal lives.
For these lazy people, doing nothing is part of their normal life.
If they had to do ONE chore, they would make sure the entire world knows about it, so that they can collect accolades.
BUT, instead of just letting their fats hang loose, they look constructively busy by focusing on the news on TV the whole day, doesn't matter if the news headlines are repeated throughout the day, then they read the newspaper, from cover to cover - hoping to get on the Honour Roll of literacy.
You know, when a person gets to this stage, it's best he just calls it a day.
Having him around is like wasting precious natural resources like O2.
After all, the aim of life is to draw our last breath, and see a colourful snapshot of our lives zip by us before the curtains fall.
I think I shall do a research paper on this topic because it's been biting me so much that I need to find a fix for it.
Some people are more prone to laziness. It's a character trait, a personality flaw.
There should be some research in this area where studies are done to figure out what makes a person lazy. Some may think that it's easy to get into a lazy mode - like during a vacation when we do nothing but read a book and sun-bathe, but vacations aside - how does a person become so lazy that all he does is watch TV during official work hours? Even housewives have chores to finish during official work hours.
My theory is this:
A person chooses to be lazy because he's really screwed up.
Otherwise, he would at least have some goals or chores that he panned out for the day.
Unless we are bedridden, it's appalling to think that our day's calendar is totally void of chores. Even when we are bedridden, we have goals to set, like physiotherapy to get us out of bed so that we can go about our normal lives.
For these lazy people, doing nothing is part of their normal life.
If they had to do ONE chore, they would make sure the entire world knows about it, so that they can collect accolades.
BUT, instead of just letting their fats hang loose, they look constructively busy by focusing on the news on TV the whole day, doesn't matter if the news headlines are repeated throughout the day, then they read the newspaper, from cover to cover - hoping to get on the Honour Roll of literacy.
You know, when a person gets to this stage, it's best he just calls it a day.
Having him around is like wasting precious natural resources like O2.
After all, the aim of life is to draw our last breath, and see a colourful snapshot of our lives zip by us before the curtains fall.
I think I shall do a research paper on this topic because it's been biting me so much that I need to find a fix for it.
May 17, 2008
it's enough
There was an article I just read, linking natural disasters to omens. I think that mother earth is not just creating this as a wake-up call for non-religious people, but that we have probably abused the very land we walk on because of selfishness.
A person doesn't have to show up at a place of worship to be religious - that's 'showing face'. Being religious is about our inner being - our soul - our conscience - a concept so abstract when compared to what's visible - material worth. Perhaps all the natural disasters are delivering a message to us - that we should stop thinking about getting ahead of each other, and just stop for a second to think about what we have done to our home - the earth. This is not a post about saving the environment - it's about saving us and our children's children.
We cannot go on contributing to increasing temperatures - melting ice - and a whole new climate shift into the unknown - we will end up starving - not from a lack of income, but the shortage of food. There will be a group whose answer would be genetically modified foods - and when that becomes a reality, we will be dished out with another situation we cannot solve.
This is not just about fearing GOD - it's about how we have set free an invisible plague that's causing one disaster after another. It may well be a sign that there is a greater power than us - it may not even be GOD - it could just be our karma saying that it's enough.
A person doesn't have to show up at a place of worship to be religious - that's 'showing face'. Being religious is about our inner being - our soul - our conscience - a concept so abstract when compared to what's visible - material worth. Perhaps all the natural disasters are delivering a message to us - that we should stop thinking about getting ahead of each other, and just stop for a second to think about what we have done to our home - the earth. This is not a post about saving the environment - it's about saving us and our children's children.
We cannot go on contributing to increasing temperatures - melting ice - and a whole new climate shift into the unknown - we will end up starving - not from a lack of income, but the shortage of food. There will be a group whose answer would be genetically modified foods - and when that becomes a reality, we will be dished out with another situation we cannot solve.
This is not just about fearing GOD - it's about how we have set free an invisible plague that's causing one disaster after another. It may well be a sign that there is a greater power than us - it may not even be GOD - it could just be our karma saying that it's enough.
May 15, 2008
in 6 mths time.......
The strangest thing about any situation is when you know the ending before the beginning plays out. I'm not talking about being inquisitive about results on the American Idol and checking the results online before the show is aired here - which I admit to doing. When reading a book, I never flip to the last page to find out how the story ends - it would take away the pleasure of reading. So, what happens when I find out something that may happen 6 mths down the road? Today, was that day - a day of reckoning, I suppose.
6 months is a long time, it's christmas season, 6 months from now.
If we all know what's going to happen, will we try to change the course of things? I asked myself that question too many times today - I have no answers, because if I took away that section of my life and attempted to live it differently, I may miss the bigger picture & we all need life changing experiences to grow and mature - that's what living is about.
Although the knowledge of a possibility of something happening in 6 mths has been told to me, I know that I still have responsibilities to see it through this time. We do not have any device that can fast forward time. So until December 2008, I shall continue with whatever I've started and let time take me there as planned.
Perhaps when I was younger, it would have affected me greatly - but now, with age, I know that with each event, we build our strength to take another step forward.
After all, isn't life about changes? When things don't change, we stagnate - and when that happens, we stop growing our souls, the very core of our being.
6 months is a long time, it's christmas season, 6 months from now.
If we all know what's going to happen, will we try to change the course of things? I asked myself that question too many times today - I have no answers, because if I took away that section of my life and attempted to live it differently, I may miss the bigger picture & we all need life changing experiences to grow and mature - that's what living is about.
Although the knowledge of a possibility of something happening in 6 mths has been told to me, I know that I still have responsibilities to see it through this time. We do not have any device that can fast forward time. So until December 2008, I shall continue with whatever I've started and let time take me there as planned.
Perhaps when I was younger, it would have affected me greatly - but now, with age, I know that with each event, we build our strength to take another step forward.
After all, isn't life about changes? When things don't change, we stagnate - and when that happens, we stop growing our souls, the very core of our being.
May 14, 2008
deadlines
Deadlines are useful - they keep us to a schedule of work which could otherwise pile up. Right now, I have approaching deadlines for two papers. Trouble with getting there is sitting down and digesting all that psych mumbo-jumbo and do a critique. How does one critique a paper written by a 'professional' who is probably 10 times more qualified than me? Talk about a tall order.
And so my deadline is slowly encroaching, and with each passing day, I feel like sardines being canned. I have handled this so well in the past - just shut out the whole world and focus. BUT life has changed so much that shutting it totally out is almost not possible.
There are no solutions to deadlines - that's why it's called deadlines. The line is dead, cannot be moved. Like a concrete wall - it's there to stay. Even if we walk away, it will still be there for us to cross.
The best solution will be, not to ignore it but to work on it consistently, as with everything else in life.
And so my deadline is slowly encroaching, and with each passing day, I feel like sardines being canned. I have handled this so well in the past - just shut out the whole world and focus. BUT life has changed so much that shutting it totally out is almost not possible.
There are no solutions to deadlines - that's why it's called deadlines. The line is dead, cannot be moved. Like a concrete wall - it's there to stay. Even if we walk away, it will still be there for us to cross.
The best solution will be, not to ignore it but to work on it consistently, as with everything else in life.
May 12, 2008
off the starting block
When we are chasing dreams, we have to always remember to keep our feet on the ground. Contradicting? Actually, no.
Dreams are great but it must be within reach. If it's within too easy a reach, then it cannot be classified as a dream, yet it mustn't be out of reach, because then it's not being realistic.
How do we balance that thought?
There is an article today about a lady who started her business with SGD1K. I'm sure she didn't start dreaming the impossible - but with determination and luck, her SGD1K company is now worth millions.
Let's begin with little steps, steps that we can manage - then with confidence, we take faster steps till we finally run.
Today, my dream got off the starting block - after 4 weeks - it wasn't an easy 4 weeks, because there were people who didn't understand cycles and timing. For me, patience is not my best quality, but the beginning of fulfilling this dream, took a lot of patience, faith and trust in my team. They had to find their feet, their working tempo all over again. With change, comes imbalance and the finding of the balance again. It's the same team, yet the dynamics are different - and it took us 4 whole weeks to get off the block.
How did I spend the past 4 weeks?
I spent a good part of that seeking for assistance and guidance to realise this dream - through prayers.
Because only prayers can give me such patience and the correct attitude to motivate the team. Otherwise, I'm just another person with another dream that's going nowhere.
Dreams are great but it must be within reach. If it's within too easy a reach, then it cannot be classified as a dream, yet it mustn't be out of reach, because then it's not being realistic.
How do we balance that thought?
There is an article today about a lady who started her business with SGD1K. I'm sure she didn't start dreaming the impossible - but with determination and luck, her SGD1K company is now worth millions.
Let's begin with little steps, steps that we can manage - then with confidence, we take faster steps till we finally run.
Today, my dream got off the starting block - after 4 weeks - it wasn't an easy 4 weeks, because there were people who didn't understand cycles and timing. For me, patience is not my best quality, but the beginning of fulfilling this dream, took a lot of patience, faith and trust in my team. They had to find their feet, their working tempo all over again. With change, comes imbalance and the finding of the balance again. It's the same team, yet the dynamics are different - and it took us 4 whole weeks to get off the block.
How did I spend the past 4 weeks?
I spent a good part of that seeking for assistance and guidance to realise this dream - through prayers.
Because only prayers can give me such patience and the correct attitude to motivate the team. Otherwise, I'm just another person with another dream that's going nowhere.
May 07, 2008
splitting hairs
It's been a month since I resigned and my ex-employers have yet to pay my pro-rated salary for the few days of work. Finally, after 2 back to back emails, they responded saying, that they did pay me already, on the same day as my 2nd email reminder. I wonder what their problem is. The last 2 months before my resignation, all I heard was BEST PRACTICE, like it was some kind of mantra. A no-reply on an email enquiry is certainly not BEST PRACTICE. That was what propelled me to walk away. People have this tendency to talk loudly about things they have little clue about. Imagine talking about BEST PRACTICE to someone who has been trained to do ISO internal audits! For me, business is always about key and lock system - find solutions that fit the job. For them, it's what superficial but if a simple audit were to be done, you'll find that they are not consistent in what they are preaching.
This is the sad state of that company - doesn't do much for anyone like me who actually believe that when you implement a system you apply it across the board. When you hire, you hire people who fit the job specifications, not because they are your stooges. And so this company continues to loose people who can do the job - one ex-colleague of mine joined a rival company and is doing very well, like all others who left.
At the end of the day, it's about sincerity.
I'm okay, if they want to waste time pitting their wits against mine - I have time to exercise my psychological prowess. This is the best part about leaving - you can let it all go in one verbal explosion.
This is the sad state of that company - doesn't do much for anyone like me who actually believe that when you implement a system you apply it across the board. When you hire, you hire people who fit the job specifications, not because they are your stooges. And so this company continues to loose people who can do the job - one ex-colleague of mine joined a rival company and is doing very well, like all others who left.
At the end of the day, it's about sincerity.
I'm okay, if they want to waste time pitting their wits against mine - I have time to exercise my psychological prowess. This is the best part about leaving - you can let it all go in one verbal explosion.
May 02, 2008
My Hands
These are my hands - Bilateral Simian Crease.
The bad thing is, I've spent more than half my life, figuring why people around me never see things the way I do - I seem to work with my own standards, and have the uncanny ability to work on anything I set my mind to with no room for mistakes. I get all riled up when people do not take the trouble to even form sentences correctly and end-up sending out all the wrong messages. It's like "just say what you mean, damn it"; what's so difficult? The good thing is, I know I'm not alone and that I can use the positive energy in me better from now on. I know that no one in my family has this although it's too late to ask my grandparents now, coz they are obviously in the happy hunting grounds. My parents were not alcoholics, neither am I.
I shall take this as a beginning of a new understanding of me and see how this knowledge will change the way I handle hot situations. By the way, for those reading, I'm a Libran - so far, I've read about an Aquarius, Virgo...let's see how many of us, I can find......
Simian Crease
My gf was asking me why my palms only had 2 lines and not 3. For 44 years of my life, I wondered, but never enquired - I know I'm missing a line, don't know which one (until now) and always was conscious about my palm. Because she's my gf who makes sense all the time and I do respect her opinions and take her advice, I decided to do some research on the internet.
So far, whatever information I got, is true about me.
Apparently about 1% of people have Simian lines on both hands. Such people see the world in black or white, no grey....a line I have used many, many times when I am in a discussion/argument. Such people are restless - like me, having the inability to be content, with underlying currents of dissatisfaction all the time.
The good news is, I now know and it's always important to know, because then we can learn to manage ourselves better. Yes, I'm a very intense person - I work twice as hard, I study twice as hard, but I can go on a tailspin too into the dark tunnel. I'm not afraid to do something entirely new - because feeding my boredom is more important to me than anything else. I can never even settle for where the furniture should sit in the house, moving things constantly. Yes, I am gifted - I have the ability to know what can/will happen if I give serious thought to it. I can almost read behaviour of people and pre-empt them without much effort.
I used to think that I'm wierd and I don't fall into any set category of people - I'm not a groupie and I'm very individualistic depending only upon myself to get things done.
When I put a point across, it's always factual, never emotional - people who are around me, do not like to have a discussion with me, because I can come across as being sharp and precise.
Surprising - nope, because I know me, long before, but at least now, I also know why.
So far, whatever information I got, is true about me.
Apparently about 1% of people have Simian lines on both hands. Such people see the world in black or white, no grey....a line I have used many, many times when I am in a discussion/argument. Such people are restless - like me, having the inability to be content, with underlying currents of dissatisfaction all the time.
The good news is, I now know and it's always important to know, because then we can learn to manage ourselves better. Yes, I'm a very intense person - I work twice as hard, I study twice as hard, but I can go on a tailspin too into the dark tunnel. I'm not afraid to do something entirely new - because feeding my boredom is more important to me than anything else. I can never even settle for where the furniture should sit in the house, moving things constantly. Yes, I am gifted - I have the ability to know what can/will happen if I give serious thought to it. I can almost read behaviour of people and pre-empt them without much effort.
I used to think that I'm wierd and I don't fall into any set category of people - I'm not a groupie and I'm very individualistic depending only upon myself to get things done.
When I put a point across, it's always factual, never emotional - people who are around me, do not like to have a discussion with me, because I can come across as being sharp and precise.
Surprising - nope, because I know me, long before, but at least now, I also know why.
April 29, 2008
being a better person
What makes a person different from another? In the good sense.
It has to be a person's ability to respect another person.
It could be at a formal meeting or even a social gathering - but sincerity and honesty must be the order of the day. People like me, see through the fake airs and dry grey matter and the harder they try to impress, the worse my opinion gets.
I do not make it a habit to ignore people, blame people for my ignorance or even try to outdo them in a conversation. I try my best to accept people for who they are - after all, many of us have hang ups which we do not wish to address or even know about. I can play along this pretend game, until it weaves itself into the personality of a person. When that happens, that's all you remember about that person - unpleasantness.
We should strive to become better people. People who respect others because each an every single life on this earth matters. Forget about the haves and have-nots - see beyond that. There are have-nots who are better people than all the haves. When they do not have, it doesn't mean they failed in life - it simply means that they are larger people - to be able to cope with putting food on the table. We do not trample on them - we should take our hats off to them for having the strength to do that. They are the CEOs of bitter life - the reality of it all.
We may feel like we made it materially - but when we are on our death bed, it wouldn't be our liquidity that we worry about.
It has to be a person's ability to respect another person.
It could be at a formal meeting or even a social gathering - but sincerity and honesty must be the order of the day. People like me, see through the fake airs and dry grey matter and the harder they try to impress, the worse my opinion gets.
I do not make it a habit to ignore people, blame people for my ignorance or even try to outdo them in a conversation. I try my best to accept people for who they are - after all, many of us have hang ups which we do not wish to address or even know about. I can play along this pretend game, until it weaves itself into the personality of a person. When that happens, that's all you remember about that person - unpleasantness.
We should strive to become better people. People who respect others because each an every single life on this earth matters. Forget about the haves and have-nots - see beyond that. There are have-nots who are better people than all the haves. When they do not have, it doesn't mean they failed in life - it simply means that they are larger people - to be able to cope with putting food on the table. We do not trample on them - we should take our hats off to them for having the strength to do that. They are the CEOs of bitter life - the reality of it all.
We may feel like we made it materially - but when we are on our death bed, it wouldn't be our liquidity that we worry about.
April 21, 2008
earning money, loosing elsewhere
The best thing about leaving a 9-6 job is getting more than enough sleep. I used to sleep by 10.30pm and up by 5.30am, but these days, I can manage sleeping around midnite and waking up around 7/8am. It's amazing - not that I deliberately chose to sleep late, my brain just reverted.
Although it's about the same number of hours of sleep per day, I wake up better rested than before. Perhaps it's the type of work that has caused me so much of stress. Although the main vocation did not change, the environment certainly has, and I cannot say it's for the worse.
Sleep is crucial to our well being, because that's when our body repairs itself. Yet, that same number of hours did nothing for me before. People I have not met in 2 years are shocked that I looked so different - not necessarily in the better sense. Apparently, I have lost so much of weight and my cheeks are not as chubby as before. I have lost the sparkle in my eyes.
For the salary I was paid, this was not worth it.
My life may have lots of stressors, but I was never this way.
We must always remember that when the job doesn't suit us, move on.
Sure, it's always about money, but at the end of the day, money can be made, but our health cannot be recovered after the damage.
Although it's about the same number of hours of sleep per day, I wake up better rested than before. Perhaps it's the type of work that has caused me so much of stress. Although the main vocation did not change, the environment certainly has, and I cannot say it's for the worse.
Sleep is crucial to our well being, because that's when our body repairs itself. Yet, that same number of hours did nothing for me before. People I have not met in 2 years are shocked that I looked so different - not necessarily in the better sense. Apparently, I have lost so much of weight and my cheeks are not as chubby as before. I have lost the sparkle in my eyes.
For the salary I was paid, this was not worth it.
My life may have lots of stressors, but I was never this way.
We must always remember that when the job doesn't suit us, move on.
Sure, it's always about money, but at the end of the day, money can be made, but our health cannot be recovered after the damage.
April 18, 2008
open book sharing
A gf called me yesterday. Haven't spoken to her in a year and a half. Haven't even conversed over the email. She just called. In between laughter, she asked me how was my bird....
That was the warmest question ever, because Frisco is very very dear to me. To think that someone, who isn't even in my inner circle, appreciated how dear he is to me, is simply amazing.
We have friends who represent different facets of our life, and what amazes me most, is that she took the trouble to understand what's important to me, although I do not even share a cup of coffee with her. Most times, we have always talked about work.
Perhaps that's why it's important that we do not assume to be someone we are not. When people know we are straightforward, there is some value to that acquaintance-ship. I like to think that I don't beat around the bush about work or anything that mattered. It doesn't make me an extrovert - I am not an extrovert - so the personality tests tell me. BUT I believe that when we are sincere, we sleep better. There will never be a need to be different.
As people walk in and out of our lives, we should try to be ourselves, and if they remember, then we know that we did make some impact in our meets. After all, life is not about pure enjoyment, it's about what we shared and what's to be remembered, by whoever that shares that moment.
That was the warmest question ever, because Frisco is very very dear to me. To think that someone, who isn't even in my inner circle, appreciated how dear he is to me, is simply amazing.
We have friends who represent different facets of our life, and what amazes me most, is that she took the trouble to understand what's important to me, although I do not even share a cup of coffee with her. Most times, we have always talked about work.
Perhaps that's why it's important that we do not assume to be someone we are not. When people know we are straightforward, there is some value to that acquaintance-ship. I like to think that I don't beat around the bush about work or anything that mattered. It doesn't make me an extrovert - I am not an extrovert - so the personality tests tell me. BUT I believe that when we are sincere, we sleep better. There will never be a need to be different.
As people walk in and out of our lives, we should try to be ourselves, and if they remember, then we know that we did make some impact in our meets. After all, life is not about pure enjoyment, it's about what we shared and what's to be remembered, by whoever that shares that moment.
April 16, 2008
being consistent
The best thing about 'doing your own thing' is, the opportunity to excel to limits only you can set for yourself.
The reason why some of us continuously move forward to explore different pastures, is boredom, but the driving force for such boldness is challenges.
It's never wrong to be content, but for a person like me, contentment is like brakes. I know there should be some slowing down with age, but for me, it will kill my interest to make a difference.
When I decided to leave the social services, it was because I found the task endless with a lot of solutions buried in the system, with no bridging answers. It was too huge a problem for a single person like me to solve and counselling was never something I enjoyed. I may have been trained to do that, but we are the authors of our life and whether we get out of the rut, depends very much on how helpless we think we are.
Today, years later, I still know it's the correct decision to have left.
That's the important thing for each one of us - to know what we are doing and to understand what we are doing. Once that is clear, we can move forward without looking back with regret.
To be blessed, is to know where we are and where we are headed.
That's the most important bit of all. I have left jobs for less valid reasons.
I may seem to have regressed - back to my 'throw in the towel' stage, but actually that's not it.
I have remained consistent in my behaviour - I am back. Good or bad, I'm happy, that matters the most.
The reason why some of us continuously move forward to explore different pastures, is boredom, but the driving force for such boldness is challenges.
It's never wrong to be content, but for a person like me, contentment is like brakes. I know there should be some slowing down with age, but for me, it will kill my interest to make a difference.
When I decided to leave the social services, it was because I found the task endless with a lot of solutions buried in the system, with no bridging answers. It was too huge a problem for a single person like me to solve and counselling was never something I enjoyed. I may have been trained to do that, but we are the authors of our life and whether we get out of the rut, depends very much on how helpless we think we are.
Today, years later, I still know it's the correct decision to have left.
That's the important thing for each one of us - to know what we are doing and to understand what we are doing. Once that is clear, we can move forward without looking back with regret.
To be blessed, is to know where we are and where we are headed.
That's the most important bit of all. I have left jobs for less valid reasons.
I may seem to have regressed - back to my 'throw in the towel' stage, but actually that's not it.
I have remained consistent in my behaviour - I am back. Good or bad, I'm happy, that matters the most.
April 09, 2008
no more salary
This morning, is the first morning in a long time, when I wake up and actually look forward to the rest of the day. Its' my first OFFICIAL DAY after my resignation. I managed to plod along for so very long, that being this free is such a welcome change.
I can actually get things done, without thinking about whether I should take leave or not.
I think that's the telling thing. If waking up for work means sighing and just forcing yourself to get it done, then it's time to move. The worst thing that could happen to anyone is to be burdened with having to go to work and facing the bunch of colleagues who are supposed to be helpful, but fall short in many selfish ways. Perhaps this applies to the Type A personality - but generally, I think it's dreadful for anyone when the job scene gets this bad.
Yes we all need a salary - but never in all my working life, have I tolerated so much for so long. I have left for much lesser reasons. Perhaps, I have grown older and become more patient. BUT the bottom line is this: If it's not working out, and all new measures are just making things worse - don't look for greener pastures - look for challenges that will make us more successful as people. The money will take care of itself. Money can buy a whole lot, but it cannot buy my book of ethics.
I can actually get things done, without thinking about whether I should take leave or not.
I think that's the telling thing. If waking up for work means sighing and just forcing yourself to get it done, then it's time to move. The worst thing that could happen to anyone is to be burdened with having to go to work and facing the bunch of colleagues who are supposed to be helpful, but fall short in many selfish ways. Perhaps this applies to the Type A personality - but generally, I think it's dreadful for anyone when the job scene gets this bad.
Yes we all need a salary - but never in all my working life, have I tolerated so much for so long. I have left for much lesser reasons. Perhaps, I have grown older and become more patient. BUT the bottom line is this: If it's not working out, and all new measures are just making things worse - don't look for greener pastures - look for challenges that will make us more successful as people. The money will take care of itself. Money can buy a whole lot, but it cannot buy my book of ethics.
April 06, 2008
waking up
If anyone out there is thinking about moving on, this would be a good piece to read.
I have been toying with the idea of leaving my job. For those who know me well, it's been going on for at least 2 years. It wasn't the money, because for the work I do, it's pittens. What got to me over time was the Management's zest to keep us all in the office daily yet gunning us down for sales income. In my opinion, sales people should be out there, wheeling and dealing, bringing in the bacon, not gossiping in the office.
Then there are situations where ball-carriers get away with inefficiency. It doesn't matter if you screw up, just be an expert in sucking up and you're all set.
Then there are people who are followers. Doesn't matter if the journey will end at the tip of the land, falling into the nether-world!
I threw in the towel because staying would mean insulting my intelligence.
Before, I was a slave to my gross salary, always thinking that every job will be the same.
After I started 8 weeks of post-grad school, I know what is more important, my future.
Perhaps after not reading (school) for sometime, I became complacent and comfortable. I wasn't an achiever anymore. I opted to have my professional ethics bashed over and over again. Waking up for work became a chore.
I'm more alert now, back on track to me, the way I know myself to be.
I have sent in my resignation and finally, I am really laughing and happy again.
We need money to survive in this world, but when our integrity is being compromised, then draw the line. Money can buy a lot, but never us, in totality.
I have been toying with the idea of leaving my job. For those who know me well, it's been going on for at least 2 years. It wasn't the money, because for the work I do, it's pittens. What got to me over time was the Management's zest to keep us all in the office daily yet gunning us down for sales income. In my opinion, sales people should be out there, wheeling and dealing, bringing in the bacon, not gossiping in the office.
Then there are situations where ball-carriers get away with inefficiency. It doesn't matter if you screw up, just be an expert in sucking up and you're all set.
Then there are people who are followers. Doesn't matter if the journey will end at the tip of the land, falling into the nether-world!
I threw in the towel because staying would mean insulting my intelligence.
Before, I was a slave to my gross salary, always thinking that every job will be the same.
After I started 8 weeks of post-grad school, I know what is more important, my future.
Perhaps after not reading (school) for sometime, I became complacent and comfortable. I wasn't an achiever anymore. I opted to have my professional ethics bashed over and over again. Waking up for work became a chore.
I'm more alert now, back on track to me, the way I know myself to be.
I have sent in my resignation and finally, I am really laughing and happy again.
We need money to survive in this world, but when our integrity is being compromised, then draw the line. Money can buy a lot, but never us, in totality.
March 24, 2008
updating, upgrading
Why do some people have a constant yearning to learn?
As a Psych major, I would have to say it must be deprivation at some pivotal point in life to have this impact. As a lay person, I'll say it's economic sense - yet, to constantly learn implies to constantly pay as well, since post-grad studies do not come gift-wrapped. And there is this saying that you do need money to make money.
Having said that, why leave wonderful office politics, monthly salary and the opportunity to power dress, to spend time we do not have enough of, cramming research papers into our tired brains and attempting desperately to write an academic essay without making it look like a marketing proposal?
Personally, since I just dug this hole for myself - it's satisfaction.
Interest aside - I need a more fulfilling life than buying shoes, which I have not enough closet space for.
The time I am investing here has somehow calmed me down and stabilised me.
It's not so much about discipline because I am already rather disciplined even in the organisation of my home - it's about reaching out for something more - for me, myself.
Learning wakes up the dormant mind.
It helps us expand the horizons of what we could spend hours mulling in thoughts about.
I get excited just thinking about what to cook - because I enjoy eating as much as cooking.
So, deciding to do this just adds on to this excitement.
We should keep learning - not to update ourselves, but to keep our minds from rusting and falling into the "I ALREADY KNEW THAT" trap.
Things will change, everything changes and with that, comes the need to update, to learn and to adapt.
Perhaps that's my contribution to evolution - but hey - in Darwin's theory, the fittest survived - whatever they didn't need they didn't replicate it....and doing any upgrade learning helps us do that. The worst thing for anyone is to be redundant, because that's not what living is about.
As a Psych major, I would have to say it must be deprivation at some pivotal point in life to have this impact. As a lay person, I'll say it's economic sense - yet, to constantly learn implies to constantly pay as well, since post-grad studies do not come gift-wrapped. And there is this saying that you do need money to make money.
Having said that, why leave wonderful office politics, monthly salary and the opportunity to power dress, to spend time we do not have enough of, cramming research papers into our tired brains and attempting desperately to write an academic essay without making it look like a marketing proposal?
Personally, since I just dug this hole for myself - it's satisfaction.
Interest aside - I need a more fulfilling life than buying shoes, which I have not enough closet space for.
The time I am investing here has somehow calmed me down and stabilised me.
It's not so much about discipline because I am already rather disciplined even in the organisation of my home - it's about reaching out for something more - for me, myself.
Learning wakes up the dormant mind.
It helps us expand the horizons of what we could spend hours mulling in thoughts about.
I get excited just thinking about what to cook - because I enjoy eating as much as cooking.
So, deciding to do this just adds on to this excitement.
We should keep learning - not to update ourselves, but to keep our minds from rusting and falling into the "I ALREADY KNEW THAT" trap.
Things will change, everything changes and with that, comes the need to update, to learn and to adapt.
Perhaps that's my contribution to evolution - but hey - in Darwin's theory, the fittest survived - whatever they didn't need they didn't replicate it....and doing any upgrade learning helps us do that. The worst thing for anyone is to be redundant, because that's not what living is about.
March 18, 2008
What's the difference between doing a presentation and giving a briefing?
Actually, it entails almost the same amount of homework, just in different context.
However, one will be graded, the other, not.
Grading changes everything for the presenter - it's no longer a fun thing or a job - it's a contribution to the future!
Some people are just better at presentations - whether it's for work or for a grade. Those people are probably never anxious and are less shy of pairs of eyes, trailing them for 20 minutes. They are the ones who would give a comment on camera, without batting an eyelid. They are probably able to do a sketch on stage as well.
I had to do that for a grade yesterday, after years and years.
It wasn't traumatic, but it was the longest 20minutes for the whole of the 2008 so far.
Q & A never bothered me - it's more about having to stand there - smiling.
Actually, it entails almost the same amount of homework, just in different context.
However, one will be graded, the other, not.
Grading changes everything for the presenter - it's no longer a fun thing or a job - it's a contribution to the future!
Some people are just better at presentations - whether it's for work or for a grade. Those people are probably never anxious and are less shy of pairs of eyes, trailing them for 20 minutes. They are the ones who would give a comment on camera, without batting an eyelid. They are probably able to do a sketch on stage as well.
I had to do that for a grade yesterday, after years and years.
It wasn't traumatic, but it was the longest 20minutes for the whole of the 2008 so far.
Q & A never bothered me - it's more about having to stand there - smiling.
March 14, 2008
he's gone!
There has been lots of talk about the prisoner who escaped from detention. People who mattered, made comments, apologised and left encouraging messages for the rest of the people who had to rely on what was published in the local media for updates.
I need to raise some points, because I feel that the issue has not been property addressed.
If the prisoner is dangerous, why was security not tight?
Point is, if security was tight, he wouldn't be missing?
Then the whole island was rallied to look out for this detainee's clothes.
Jeez, why were we not told on day one?
Also, when I flipped the papers, I read that someone thought she saw someone who was limping across a major road some half an hour after he escaped....well, she probably didn't know it then, because even the Mayor only had a news update some 3 hours after the escape.
Are our men in uniform, so complacent, that when they show up for work at a high security detention center, their focus is on killing time? If they were interested in the real aspects of their work, they may have picked up a clue or two about what the detainee was planning.
It's disgusting that a few people messed up and the whole island's operation is being disrupted.
We have uniformed personnel at mrt stations, walking around...what makes us think that if they cannot successfully contain this ONE person, that they will be of 'use' in an open space, against regular people? This detainee is not our regular 9-5 chap, and he isn't going to openly wave a penknife in the air and get himself shot!
Magic word - let's be less arrogant - perhaps, when we are, we'll make less mistakes and do more in the real sense.
I need to raise some points, because I feel that the issue has not been property addressed.
If the prisoner is dangerous, why was security not tight?
Point is, if security was tight, he wouldn't be missing?
Then the whole island was rallied to look out for this detainee's clothes.
Jeez, why were we not told on day one?
Also, when I flipped the papers, I read that someone thought she saw someone who was limping across a major road some half an hour after he escaped....well, she probably didn't know it then, because even the Mayor only had a news update some 3 hours after the escape.
Are our men in uniform, so complacent, that when they show up for work at a high security detention center, their focus is on killing time? If they were interested in the real aspects of their work, they may have picked up a clue or two about what the detainee was planning.
It's disgusting that a few people messed up and the whole island's operation is being disrupted.
We have uniformed personnel at mrt stations, walking around...what makes us think that if they cannot successfully contain this ONE person, that they will be of 'use' in an open space, against regular people? This detainee is not our regular 9-5 chap, and he isn't going to openly wave a penknife in the air and get himself shot!
Magic word - let's be less arrogant - perhaps, when we are, we'll make less mistakes and do more in the real sense.
March 10, 2008
not too long ago
I heard from a colleague today, that he has tendered and will be moving on. What is most interesting is, this colleague is not even from my department and our paths briefly crossed because of a situation, which didn't even involve me.
The fact that he took the trouble to buy me lunch and inform me, tells a lot.
That we don't need to be obvious friends to have a valuable friendship.
To watch another person move-on and approach his goals aggressively is a sight to behold, because not too long ago, I was like that too. The amazing thing is, he mentioned something that made me laugh, because that statement was my mantra, again, not too long ago.
"YOU KNOW IT"S TIME TO LEAVE, WHEN YOU"RE TOO COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR WORK"
I felt that he was put in front of me today, to serve a function - without him realising it. He was telling me what I knew all along and perhaps, hearing it from someone, from outside my circle, meant something.
For people who are happy just clocking in the 9am to 5pm, work is just work - they have no need to excel in their lives. There is nothing wrong if a person is like that - each of us is different - we need that for the world to balance. BUT if you're not operating at that level and you begin to, then it's time to move!
The fact that he took the trouble to buy me lunch and inform me, tells a lot.
That we don't need to be obvious friends to have a valuable friendship.
To watch another person move-on and approach his goals aggressively is a sight to behold, because not too long ago, I was like that too. The amazing thing is, he mentioned something that made me laugh, because that statement was my mantra, again, not too long ago.
"YOU KNOW IT"S TIME TO LEAVE, WHEN YOU"RE TOO COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR WORK"
I felt that he was put in front of me today, to serve a function - without him realising it. He was telling me what I knew all along and perhaps, hearing it from someone, from outside my circle, meant something.
For people who are happy just clocking in the 9am to 5pm, work is just work - they have no need to excel in their lives. There is nothing wrong if a person is like that - each of us is different - we need that for the world to balance. BUT if you're not operating at that level and you begin to, then it's time to move!
March 04, 2008
freedom
Freedom is the ability to do as you please, yet achieve your goals.
Freedom is not being afraid to say what you feel because honesty is the best way forward.
Freedom is not being shackled emotionally or psychologically.
Strange thing is, most of us have not experienced freedom in quite a bit. Perhaps keeping to social and work norms have compromised our right to enjoy freedom.
In the work place, we cannot really speak our mind, because there may be colleagues who cannot bear to hear the blazen truth, or worse still, there may be colleagues just waiting to pounce on your idea and make it his own.
In our social life, we are also guarded about what we say, lest others get the wrong idea of us. If we say we miss a person, most would think in the context of couples without realising that friends do miss each other's company too. If we speak our mind too bluntly, we tend to avail ourselves to being labelled something or the other.
BUT, when you've gotten your life together and been there and done that - freedom should be our daily mantra. After all, after 40 years of bull, we must already know who belongs to the inner circle and who doesn't.
So, to hell with norms - life is getting shorter and I would like to get the last part right....
Freedom is not being afraid to say what you feel because honesty is the best way forward.
Freedom is not being shackled emotionally or psychologically.
Strange thing is, most of us have not experienced freedom in quite a bit. Perhaps keeping to social and work norms have compromised our right to enjoy freedom.
In the work place, we cannot really speak our mind, because there may be colleagues who cannot bear to hear the blazen truth, or worse still, there may be colleagues just waiting to pounce on your idea and make it his own.
In our social life, we are also guarded about what we say, lest others get the wrong idea of us. If we say we miss a person, most would think in the context of couples without realising that friends do miss each other's company too. If we speak our mind too bluntly, we tend to avail ourselves to being labelled something or the other.
BUT, when you've gotten your life together and been there and done that - freedom should be our daily mantra. After all, after 40 years of bull, we must already know who belongs to the inner circle and who doesn't.
So, to hell with norms - life is getting shorter and I would like to get the last part right....
March 03, 2008
Raising a child
There will always be times when we feel that everyone around us, takes us for granted, assumes that the status-quo will always remain and because of the family unit, the word 'sorry' doesn't need to be said.
It's amazing how parents are able to raise children without imparting to them the importance of admitting to a mistake. As parents, we often have the tendency to believe that our children are angels and can do no wrong. The longer we live in this illusion, the worse off that child will be when he/she grows up - because other people who have raised their children, would expect an apology when it is due.
Apologising is not about admission of error as much as it is about sincerity and good feelings. Somewhere in some people's education of social graces, this definition went missing. The most shocking thing is, these are from families who go for mass every Sunday to be better christians. When they reach crossroads, they find an alter, say a rosary and expect GOD to help them. Yet, they forget that GOD only helps those who help themselves.
For parents out there who think supplementary classes are important, please also give a thought to bringing up a child right. Social graces may seem so cliche, but that trait alone makes us thinking beings. Even a pet dog knows when to go to the owner, tail between his legs, whining.
I rest my case. Even dogs are better brought up by bitches.
It's amazing how parents are able to raise children without imparting to them the importance of admitting to a mistake. As parents, we often have the tendency to believe that our children are angels and can do no wrong. The longer we live in this illusion, the worse off that child will be when he/she grows up - because other people who have raised their children, would expect an apology when it is due.
Apologising is not about admission of error as much as it is about sincerity and good feelings. Somewhere in some people's education of social graces, this definition went missing. The most shocking thing is, these are from families who go for mass every Sunday to be better christians. When they reach crossroads, they find an alter, say a rosary and expect GOD to help them. Yet, they forget that GOD only helps those who help themselves.
For parents out there who think supplementary classes are important, please also give a thought to bringing up a child right. Social graces may seem so cliche, but that trait alone makes us thinking beings. Even a pet dog knows when to go to the owner, tail between his legs, whining.
I rest my case. Even dogs are better brought up by bitches.
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