the blame is always on someone else

There are some people who take advantage of others given the slightest opportunity. I was faced with one such person today. This person was simply using his 'alien' looks, to go over everyone's head. And of course, when facts were laid out against his favour, he simply chose the easy way out - pleading ignorance and that the staff never informed him. Just weeks ago, he was bragging to everyone about how much experience he has had living in a condo in Singapore. If there are ugly singaporeans, then how should this alien be classified? English is his mother tongue, and having successfully bullied so many singaporeans, he probably decided to set up base here and be the 'chief' in his little condo den - as opposed to nit-picking with his own kind, where he originated from. Perhaps he's compensating for some lack lusture achievements in his life. He's seeking attention and obviously yearns for some 'importance'. Since he cannot fulfil this need on his own steam, he probably decided to go about it the only way he knows how - shifting the blame by twisting facts.But the irony of it all is - he has this huge copper tuling of Buddha's head at the entrance to his den - It may have cost him a fortune to buy, but until he learns humility, he can and will never understand what the image represents. Contrary to his present belief, he's not having the last laugh.

Take a Hike

I have always been the master of walking out. I used to detest confrontation not because I didn't like to put my point across, but that I prefer peace of mind. These days, I've gone to the other end of the continuum - the preference for putting the point across. I feel that sometimes it's to my detriment, but having grown older, the base truth is most important to me. I'm not rude or anything, just diplomatically blunt. I also believe that once something leaves your mouth, you can never, ever, retract it. Therefore, when dealing with uncertain facts, I'd take the less acute route and go for a wider perspective in the argument.And so, say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise, go have a cuppa and reserve your comments.
I used to take time to get into another lengthy discussion to explain that if you've missed your boat, it ain't coming back till it's scheduled to do so. In my case, never. It's not the once bitten twice shy syndrome, it's the 'I let you off once, don't think i'm nice'.
So, instead of opting for a lengthy discussion which would take mega ounces of my energy, I chose to turn on my ignore mode. Why go back to disgustingly awful circumstances when I have been deliriously happy ever since? I feel sorry for that person, but then, it's self preservation for me right now.

The shorter end of the stick

For most relationships to be successful, there must be a balance between the couple. In generations before, people stayed in the relationship no matter how unbalanced things are. In psychology, it's thought of as 'the inability to engage in a secure relationship' perhaps because of our own parents relationship. It's some sort of learning that probably created some fear, bad habits or just a gentle mix of both. It's not an easy task, breaking away from what we have witnessed as 'regular behaviour'. Yet what is 'regular' to one may not be that to another. We forget that sweeping it under the mat, is not going to get rid of the problem. We will continuously believe that what we did was right, and that the other party misunderstood. This is a very common perception amongst couples who seek counselling. With an enrichment of society, education and income, it's easier now to walk away, and take another shot at a better life. This is provided that we find the balance in another person, and that we do have TIME left in our life to do so. Unfortunately for most, we pass the 'bail out' time, and for whatever silly reason, we stay only to rationalise that, we just got the shorter end of the stick.

the accusing tone

Sometimes I wonder, how some people just shoot their mouths off without a second thought. Did these people ever take a class in social studies? Or did they completely miss the social skills class? But then, there are the other 'many' who are just courteous by nature. Is this really a part of learning or are people just born rude and obnoxious? I am not making references to a select group unfortunately. No matter how something is, that we want to express, there is always a better way to 'package' the comment. We should always keep in mind that if we were on the receiving end of a comment, we would like it to be subtle and less accusing. Nothing is always too obvious yet being explicit takes not mere diplomacy, but thoughtfulness. Between friends, we joke, we kid around, but when does it constitute going overboard? I believe that happens when the tension is high and one party chooses to use THE ACCUSING TONE. For me, when one does that and cannot substantiate the point clearly, then it's just pushing the buck. It's no longer a discussion, but more of a 'I want to bail out' conversation. Sure, we all come from different schools of thought, but at the end of the day, arn't discussions meant for improvements? We have discussions so that we collectively understand the current situation and we come up with suggestions to tackle the situation better. Beginning a discussion in an accusing tone, will not get anyone anywhere, because the discussion becomes a war of words and as in any war, there will be retaliation and for some, they would rather just sit it out. Where does that bring us then? Nowhere.

Time to move on

Another gloomy morning, but I appreciate the cool, soft breeze. It's almost like the weather took a turn for the better after the devastating crack on the sea-bed. Perhaps it takes a disaster for change, whatever the change might be. For most, we hope the change will be for the better. To put things in a parallel, the 'disasters' of my life, did propel me in different directions. I hear of many, who have given their time, money and person, to help in the aftermath of the tsunami, and I know how thankful many are to have been spared, yet guilty for not being able to help, because they were saving themselves. For these survivors, I hope that they will be able to find REASON enough to heal and plod on. There will never be an answer, good enough for them. Time is the best medicine, yet acceptance of a situation is the better therapy. When we are accepting, we stop beating ourselves up and somehow, the machinery will help us move forward. It may be just inches forward, but that's the start to committing to change. After all, there is much work to be done and every voluntary effort makes a huge difference to another's life. We may have to put our healing on hold, to help another, but that isn't so bad, is it?

moments

As the sunlight streams past the clouds, it ends right where you smile
A breath of sunshine, after a long long while
The birds have resumed their morning song
Everything is right almost where it belongs
Yet here I am, still soaking the moment, a moment that was queitly shared
Between friends, between lovers, the time they cared
When tomorrow comes, with the burst of sunshine, those moments will be gone
BUT dwell in the timelessness of our memory,
New moments, will be born
All's not lost, in the maddening rush, of lives entwined in time
At that moment, for the memory, all of it is mine