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March 22, 2014

Ear-marked for trouble - when one is ungrateful

In my life, the one thing that remains constant, is my ability to 'discount' personalities which generally are unhealthy.
As a younger person - I was more patient and polite when such people cross my path.
As I got older, I realised that people cannot 'improve' in the absence of 'lessons' - which was how it got me to 'burn bridges' even if it means some cost to myself.

It is so unfortunate that some people just don't deserve to be around other well meaning people.  Yet its almost ALWAYS that the well meaning people are the ones who walk away gaining nothing at all.

I have documented my story about a person I know who went ahead to disappoint not just me but people who are not even my closest friends, by swallowing all the help they gave during his time of need - NOT monetary, but a criminal matter where money wasn't going to solve it for anyone.  You do the crime, you do the time.

Unfortunately, the evidence was slow in coming in and eventually, it became a cold case only to be dismissed - but not after he sought help from high profile criminal lawyers and law-makers for his defence.

Never mind that he walked away without a thank you.  He walked away with his head held up high telling everyone, he did it all by himself and that he did not seek any help from anyone.

Now, he goes on to say that every other day via email.

Being an alcoholic, he goes off the bend by calling people on a weekday past midnight and expects the person to be available to hear his ranting on about his successes.  When ticked off, he gets upset and goes off the rails!

Frankly, what do people do about a person like that?
Let him continue being a nuisance?
I don't think so.

Someone needs to set this person right.
He doesn't just need a wake up call.
He needs another hard life lesson where NO ONE will help him again.

Is that terrible to wish upon a person?  I don't think so because to help ONE person in need because of the law, took a lot of resources and time....we all could have helped another genuine person who IS deserving of the help.  People who enlist help then shun the very people who helped deserve nothing but the full weight of the legal system.

This is why people stop helping.
What a waste.

March 12, 2014

MH370 - Was dissemination of information Chaotic?

The press conference today actually shed light for me on what the confusion was all about.

We need to reflect and consider that Malaysia was forthcoming in providing the rest of the world information, so much so that, they 'forgot' that people reading or following the updates will literally just digest that information at face value.

STRAITS OF MALACCA
After 5 days, I understand the reason Malaysia decided to look in that direction - a 180-degree angle from where the plane disappeared on a civil radar.  Their military radar picked up an unidentified 'bleep' heading NW (of Penang) coming from the South China Sea direction.
Malaysia was correct to just sweep the area.  They were being proactive in conducting the search by being exhaustive.
Had they released a statement to that effect, confusion could have been avoided.
Most of us, who follow the Nat Geo series on Air Crash Investigations would know that radars generally have identifiable 'bleeps' but not every one of us will know what the military radar picks up.

ADMISSION OF 'INEXPERIENCE'
I also applaud the Malaysian panel comprising of the respective heads in the press conference for sharing with the media that they sought radar recordings from Indonesia who willingly handed over whatever was requested.  Malaysia also informed everyone that the US experts are studying and analyzing all the data that they have at hand to try to establish the scene that fateful morning since the 2 black boxes have not been located yet.
The entire panel was calm although some questions from the press were more accusatory than information seeking.

What we now know is why Malaysia always used the statement 'POSSIBILITY OF A TURN BACK'.

Because no one knows for sure, if that 'bleep' on the military radar WAS MH370.  It could be another commercial aircraft or a private jet.  Authorities tasked to clarify this 'bleep' would have to search not just ONE radar equipment but ALL radar equipment surrounding that zone.

Yes, it is irritating, annoying and for the families of those on board, frustrating.  BUT what the whole world needs to do now is to provide relevant information which they might have OR help by asking correct questions which could open up another area for others to look into.

Questions should have a point and throwing blame is not going to help a press conference move forward.

If air crash reporters have ideas, then it should be directed to the panel just in case some past incident could shed some light or provide some idea as to where else to look for clues and/or a trail.

The initiative for a satellite website for the world to dump photos or data was commendable - and it was proven when the site crashed because too many were accessing it.

What we need are fresh ideas - but not players who are only interested in the blame game.

A plane is missing along with its crew and passengers.  Lets keep the focus on why so many nations are flying, sailing side by side for a search and rescue mission.

Each nation is culturally diverse.
Each nations' main language is also different from the next.
As anxiety builds, let us not forget that we are still all people who want answers.

If the world values instant sharing of information, the world must be prepared to seek further clarification on statements BEFORE coming up with conclusions of their own, because of their understanding of the statement by the standard of their national language and culture.

Chaotic it may seem - but being forthcoming means, the information is expected to be sporadic and brief.
Information will be chaotic only if we choose to comprehend it as such instead of seeking further clarification on what it was about or how it was derived.

March 11, 2014

Missing Plane : The bottom line is...?

4 days have passed - no news from satellites, sophisticated radars or anything.
Planes are fitted with more sophisticated tracking systems - aside from the 2 black boxes.

On land, vehicles can be tracked.  I am assuming, the aviation industry WOULD have the same for an aircraft which costs millions.

Yet, nothing has popped to-date.

Yes, I agree, we should not speculate. Yet, I doubt people can just read this as any other piece of announcement for cheaper electronic products because souls are missing.  Souls with names.

The longer it takes to get some signal, the more questions will be raised on just how efficient our state-of-the-art technology really is.

As with anything else that happens daily, no one will bother to question anything, until disaster strikes.

Does that mean we are reactive rather than proactive?
Looks like it.

This brings to mind how the human race has totally gone into the inverse mode in our thinking and behavior to that of the progress in technology.  Instead of focusing on the matter at hand, humans tend to have a need to blame someone or something OR better still, be 'creative' and come up with solutions which should have come up BEFORE any incidents.  Its so easy to share our solutions RETROSPECTIVELY.  Any person with half a brain can do that !

AND so, organisations continue hiring people who may seem to be towing the corporate line or safe people (people who will never say anything out of line even if the truth hurts) whilst the THINKING people go about their daily lives in jobs NOT in the spotlight.

I have met so many people who deserve a better job position but never will get it, because of some red tape somewhere.

Had this plane stayed on course and landed as scheduled, there will be no posts/tweets about immigration clearing 2 people using stolen passports OR that families were not informed earlier because the plane had enough fuel for another 5/6 hours.
What happened to ALL THE MOBILE PHONES that each and every adult passenger has? They also stopped working because of the 'might be total electrical failure'?

Bottom line is : don't blame the Malaysian Government - ask yourself why your family member DID not use their phone to call or text either? Governments do not and cannot announce unverified reports.

As easy as it may be to issue blame from coast to coast, I ask : did every single passenger/crew not pay their mobile bill to have it all disconnect at the same time too?   Even if the plane was in an irrecoverable dive, phones can be switched on and there are those who never even turn them off ! In the case of a hijacking, there is definitely time to send a short text like SOS.

Every search rescue volunteer/staff IS OUT THERE - doing their best to find something, anything.  Every Government personnel is also rallying their various departments trying to piece together the dribs and drabs they have collected from radar etc...

Too late for the blame game because everyone is equally baffled by the disinterest of all on that ill-fated plane to communicate.

All we can do now is pray for the search n rescue to find something.
That is the bottom line.


March 10, 2014

How could a plane disappear?

Seriously, how could a plane just vanish?

Strange thing is, most air craft accidents which I have watched over Nat Geo and read about almost always had the pilots communicating with their respective ATC.

For me, this would be the 2nd asian airline accident where there was NO COMMUNICATION.

WHY?

Has anyone actually wondered why pilots in this region DO NOT have the same protocols as their counterparts in the West?

Now, years after 911, cockpit doors have been kept locked and a slew of security measures have been implemented both prior to boarding and during flight.  This is why it baffles me, that there was zero communication.

Some people I spoke to thought that perhaps authorities in this region prefer to keep people in the dark until they confirm everything.  Well, THAT is really fair yet doesn't answer my question of why, south east asian pilots DO NOT think reporting back to ATC is the responsible thing to do.

Do they think they 'know it all' and that they can handle it?

WAKE UP.

Protocols are put in place for the obvious.  It cuts speculation and it allows investigators a clean shot at figuring out what went wrong.  A jet at cruising altitude doesn't just disintegrate.

If there was a malfunction - WHY NO COMMUNICATION?
If there was a hijacker(s) on board, WHY was no one informed as well?  I'm sure at about 40 minutes into a long haul flight, some refreshments were about to be served.  It cannot be that NO ONE could get to a phone.

OR were the hijackers just suicide bombers who blew up the plane without warning?  Yet, before the plane actually disappeared, another pilot managed to get a hold of the flight deck albeit the communication was unclear because of static interruptions.

In a tragedy like this, where it involves many nationalitites its best to disclose.  When people are left in the dark, emotions WILL run high and speculation will run amok.

Silence is not always golden.

Time for pilots in asia to come off their high horse and focus on whats more important - their real job - which usually only kicks in when a 'horrific tragedy' is about to unfold.  Pilots should be chosen not just by their ability to fly the plane BUT whether they have this 'god complex'.

They should keep to flying by the book - if there is a problem, REPORT BACK, no matter how small.  It is common courtesy to keep everyone in the loop at all times, because outside the flight deck are people, with families, loved ones and a future.  Pilots a paid so much in Asia and yet I wonder, when it matters to be a pilot, WHERE is the pilot?
Busy with his God Complex I guess.

My prayers go out to the souls on that flight - and I pray they will find peace eventually.  I pray for the families who might never know what really happened (since admission of error is usually not something that is done openly in a tragedy like this).  People don't want to admit to anything, because they fear they will be sued.

Have they ever thought that all the money in the world, CANNOT bring their family member back to the dining table?
Keep worshiping money, its no wonder, society is in this state of always not being forthcoming and always being evasive.

This should not be about saving the payouts.
It should be a wake up call for this region to stop this mentality of selfishness and start working for what you are paid to do.

March 03, 2014

Something's GOT TO give

We have heard that famous line : If it ain't broke....BUT what if it has broken?

Then comes the next line : Something's Got to Give

BUT WHAT?

NO one ever wants to 'give in'
because this society isn't 'giving enough' especially if NOTHING is in it for them.

For altruistic people, this is a horrifying revelation because such people, who are far and few, help for reasons specific to the helping cause;  their helping hand DOESN'T have anything to do with them at any personal level except to extend assistance.  They do not gain in whatsoever way.

BUT what if a person WAS altruistic then somehow drew the shorter end of the stick over and over again.  Even though such people will continue helping as if they fully contained the 'abuse', they will be less likely to continue on this path IF their personal space was compromised over time.

It is not their fault for not wanting to help all without discrimination any more.

The title of this post is that of the Jack Nicholson, Diane Keeton movie - I wish I could say the movie script is pretty much what I am blogging about, but it is not.  I enjoyed the movie terribly and I have re-watched it too many times over the years, whenever I wanted a laugh.

In the end, Jack N gave in to his awe of dating a woman about his age.  He gave in because a meaningful friendship is worth far more than one where he was always in control.  We cannot always be in control, because life isn't like that - many people do not get an opportunity to realise or learn that, until it's way too late.

So I wonder if all this bitterness about people seeing me as a meal ticket out will somehow diminish over time and I will be less hesitant about being me again.

Till today, people still try to push buttons - thinking, I will not retaliate.

Well they are so wrong.
I don't just retaliate.
I make sure I burn the bridge so bad that no one can ever rebuild it.

When someone lets you off the hook, just walk away quietly.
Don't try to outsmart someone who has 'fed' you.  Never bite the hand that feeds you.
Never also bite the hand that has kept you fed, because one tomorrow, there will be no more food for you, because everyone will know what a low life you are and they will say "YAYY, HE GOT THAT COMING"

Somethings' gotta give 
You pissed someone off - leave them be - apologise if you are big man - don't, if you think you are untouchable.
In life, NO ONE ever is untouchable.
What goes around, comes around.

March 01, 2014

Did you NOT read it?

The favourite line of a lot of self-imposed important people :
Did you NOT read the notification?

As parents of young school going children, reading a notification from school IS tiresome.
Not one week goes by without some sort of notification - which could come by way of the School Diary OR a printed A4 sheet.

School Diaries are easier to read since the message is usually TO THE POINT.
example : Dear Mr/Mrs X, Kindly sign the Spelling Book for your ward/child for handing up tomorrow.

NOTIFICATIONS - are lengthly and so far, I have YET to read one that gets straight to the point.

The writer goes on and on - as if to validate the message.
By the time the reader gets to the end of Page One, the attention span would have lost its gusto and parents who are like me, will just skim through the rest of the pages.

The last notification I read was FOUR pages long - about a school camp.

Teachers teach the importance of keeping to the point when writing a piece, yet they fail terribly when tasked to deliver the information.

There is no need to get into the WHYs IF there is already a school portal that provides the WHYs - what is critical is the programme venue, day and attire IF the activity is within the school grounds.

As such activities are repeated yearly, it would be more effective to actually have a kit that is given out in the form of a leaflet - which could be 3-fold and most definitely an easier read.

This is the state our educational facilitators are at - incapable of proper social contact with adults who are not their colleagues.

They become so accustomed to being the Gospel truth in their profession that they lack the ability to interact with the rest of the world who do not need to SHOUT and THREATEN to get their job done.

Yes, too much of shouting in classrooms and in school halls.
Too much of threats used in school halls like Keep quiet or you will have to stay with me in the hall.

Many times I felt like I was watching some bad movie.
Some psycho who is lonely kidnaps someone because his reality is warped.

I enjoy teaching - the imparting of knowledge.
I do not enjoy watching children having to listen to bad spoken English.
I do not enjoy watching children being threatened just so they obey.

As much as teachers expect parents to read notifications, they themselves should read the gospel on the qualities of a good teacher.

Give anyone, adult or child, a good read and THEY WILL READ IT.

Garbage in Garbage OUT.
You write garbage people like me will discard it like some flyer I do not need.

February 26, 2014

Consistency again

Impression Management
It is what we all hear about in the corporate world.
Which is also why executives n the like make sure they are dressed appropriately and always looking spiffy and neat.

This is a little like how we are personally - in terms of hygiene and grooming.

What is sad is, outside the corporate limelight, a lot of people just let themselves go.  Even if the 'audience' are children, I believe that a base personal grooming is important; after all, won't these same children grow up to hold jobs as well?

Unkempt people are generally not quite as organised since they obviously lag in the self-respect/self-pride department.
This also affects their colleagues who are neat and organised, since aren't colleagues people we also work as a team with?

There really is no need to spend tons on clothing - its never about the cost, but how tasteful the attire looks on us.  People pay others, to tell them what to buy - personal shoppers - personal groomers - personal hairstylist etc etc etc
There is a darn good reason.
If we are not willing to pay for such advice, then we should depend on others who are willing to be honest about whether or not we should dress in a certain way.

Generally, it is not difficult to know what really looks better.  There is google and many women's magazines.  Magazines also recommend a certain type of dress code for a certain
body type.

To be out there in the social world to be judged by anyone sounds traumatic.
BUT it is the truth that everyone judges; only difference is whether they say it out loud.

I rather someone appreciate that I took the time to look my best, bad hair day or not, than for someone to think I didn't care about myself and showed up for work only because I had to.

We expect our children to show up in school with uniforms all neatly pressed.
Our children deserve to look at teachers and know that the rules apply across the board.
Our clients in the corporate world deserve to know that they are important enough for us to show up for a meeting neat and groomed.
Impression Management - a lot have forgotten it exists.

February 25, 2014

social networking sites

I don't understand why people my age would be interested in social networking sites and be religious about it, since isn't our real-time lives busy enough?

Teenagers, young adults who are just jumping into the fast-track of life, might feel they need to be connected with every breathing soul they have met; but after so many years of the same ole' nonsense, one would think that people grew up and started to get real on what really matters in life.

The one thing I have learnt from the WWW is, that people take on a persona they definitely do not have or remotely own.  AND quite frankly, if that person is so adaptable and well adjusted to real people and the demands of the real world, there is no need to 'get lost' or allocate inaccurate qualities to themselves over their profile.

I have done a brief 'study' of randoms who post in such sites and unless they are really your friend in real time, its a toss up in the air on what their agenda really is.

The people who brag so much about casual sex and being all romantic are really quite lame and if not taken or ever taken, would translate to : something is seriously wrong.  If a person is such a hot-shot, why is that person still so available?

My single friends are never on sites like that and even refuse to chat tirelessly over the sms-text.  We set a place and time and date and meet; paying for overpriced caffeine to keep things real.  We do not need to meet strangers just so we could go over introductions and hopefully perfect them after the 100th try.

It is the new, soon to be old, hype - and the worst thing is when a self-proclaimed 'professional' goes on such a site.  Seriously.  What constitutes a professional? Even a cleaning supervisor is a professional because if you had a stained marble tile, you'd want him to tell you how to get that pristine again.

Everything is over-rated these days.
I have had a guy tell me how he is not sorry he has a large tool.
OMG
I am sure there are tons of others who would take him on that challenge.

Any person can equip themselves with tools.
Its not how large a tool is that will matter but what you do with it that counts.
Its also not how great an intro you can write, but whether or not, your intro eventually sells.
To sell it means, you must be whatever you say you are.

A lot of people choose to write something that is inaccurate, and when questioned probably will side-track or just ignore the question as if it was never asked.

So the theory I came up with in my 20s about people not being taken in any way is true - going by what I have uncovered of late.
Of course, its true to form, only when such people keep 'changing' bazaars to sell their wares when the real life bazaar becomes too transparent for them.


February 24, 2014

Lazy vacations

Well, the time of the year has come around again - to look for vacation spots.

Instead of going for a vacation and be rushing here n there even when we are not with any tours; I thought to experience a vacation in its rawness.

So, I started searching for beach resorts - away from shopping - self-contained - so that days and nights will be spent just on the beach - no sports, nothing - beach, sun, breeze and a good book.

It will give me some much deserved break from the city noise - noise of conversations - and basically - quality time with nature.

I have trawled the internet for beach resorts as far as Vietnam - which might be torture since the commute to the resort is like 3-5 hours from landing point.  So perhaps, I'll be more realistic and locate a resort that has vacation time from the get go.
Might cost a wee bit more though.

It looks like its going to be Club Med.
I do recall a movie set similar to the Club Med style - where they have activities etc - which is 'scary' for a person like me, who may go there to get quiet.

It will be a great experience I'm sure - to add to my collection of vacation places.

So maybe - Club Med in July.

February 20, 2014

If you can't beat them - REPORT

My lesson of the day is : IF YOU CAN"T BEAT THEM, REPORT.

That has always been my 'policy' actually - and having been an Internal Auditor for Organisational Procedures, its a difficult habit to shake off.

I do not subscribe to the 'close one eye' idea since it never teaches anyone anything.  If a behavior is unacceptable, one cannot expect the same to not be repeated in the future, until some corrective measures are in place.

This is the reason why relationships break down badly.
Relationships do not just mean a male/female relationship or a marriage since any ties that 'bind' us at any level to another individual, qualifies to be in some sort of a relationship.

A child NEEDS TO BE corrected so that he learns to mend his ways over time.
Adults who behave badly were children who either got away with behaving badly until they thought themselves to be 'unable to ever be caught' OR they are just born selfish and self-centered thus will not be able to stay in a long-term relationship unless the other party is always giving in.

People choose to think they are right even when societal polls (if ever taken) says they are wrong.  And instead of sounding pompous, they go on to use the phrase "but thats your perspective'.

They fail to understand that in some instances, 'collective perspective' overrides 'your perspective'.  Social norms exist because they supercede the minority norms.  If people do not walk on the street naked, its because social norms warrant some dress code.  The minority might love walking naked in the sun along Rodeo Drive yet they HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE to the majority social norms of wearing something.

There is no excuse for bad behavior or inappropriate retorts.

I have faced many situations I could opt to 'live with' yet for each one of them, I chose 'lesson plans'.  I don't see why I have to be 'supportive' of anything that is socially negative whether or not I benefit from it in the longer term.  This is mainly because I believe that people come into our lives either to teach us something or vice versa.  I have learnt many hard lessons from people who have been in my life only to realise years later that I'm thankful for them.

So its not about me having the desire to be the know it all either.
I'm constantly learning and making adjustments as society changes.
Its about me not willing to let people believe they are flawless because NO ONE is ever flawless.  People have a right to be delusional about how great they are, but sorry mate, not on my turf you don't. Try humility.  It always works better in any setting.

February 19, 2014

Consistency

CONSISTENCY - is lacking in our educators.

I do wonder, if someone should make some kind of recommendation to actually have appraisals done by an external person or someone not linked to the person being appraised.  I understand that teachers today, are required to 'do more' than teach in the classroom to chalk up points for extra performance bonuses.

With the implementation of this system of appraisal - the teaching standard has gone down the 'toilet' because teachers seem to be geared more towards 'poking their noses' where its not necessary just so they are 'seen' to be looking out for the school etc.

20 years ago, teachers were interested in teaching and took pains to ensure their class were motivated to learn.
Today, teachers have 'other interests' high on their priority list.

One teacher told me today : We are doing this back-checking just so parents don't call you to ask about it.
They had to back check because their colleagues (trained) apparently did not keep to some consistency in how work was being marked.
Now, why would they concern themselves with whether or not, parents call me?
Not unless there is something to hide.

Whether or not, a sum is marked the same way ie one tick two ticks or three ticks, doesn't really matter IF the child knows and its clear to the child, that the tick means he got it correct.

Why would parents be bothered if a sum required 3 ticks for full marks, IF full marks have been awarded, given that this is daily work AND NOT a term paper.  Parents would be concerned IF their child is confused by getting a tick but not the mark!

Also, teachers who suggested allowing students to erase incorrect answer for English scripts, are mainly teaching children, that erasing a marked question and filling in the correct answer is the RIGHT WAY.

At age 7, a child is not able to discern between a legal erase and an illegal one.
Why are teachers confusing them?

Educators have lost consistency in the meaning of TEACHING.
This is just one grievance - I haven't even gone over teachers' inability to actually send a grammatically correct sms-text message OR to be in-charge of the assembly and not sound ridiculous in how they address the children.

To have received training would mean clearing the basic in the ability to convey the message accurately as well as to be equipped with the dynamics of learning and how best to maximise the brains ability to absorb information.

It is time for everyone to demand consistency.
It is time for policy makers to ensure that our children are not the victims of GARBAGE IN AND GARBAGE OUT.
At the moment, its trash that still can be salvaged, but if left unchecked, it will be garbage.

Teach - what it actually means

It is sad, that for many years now, the teaching profession in my locality has gone downhill.
I witnessed a teacher say about 40-years of age, using her index finger, 'screaming' at an eight year old boy, because he thought (aloud) that another boy took his lunch money.
For a split second, I thought I was in a Mental Institution doing my internship.

Teaching - is a lot about role modeling.
It cultivates socially constructed behavior and it sets a standard for the little ones to follow.
It gives the child room to say "I DON"T KNOW" so that the knowledge can be shared.

Another teacher, when told that a donation card was handed in earlier than the collection date, yelled at another teacher.  She said loudly "If you can't tell them I can go into your class to tell them, do you want me to do that?"

One day, I should record it and post it on YouTube.

What happened to the careful selection of candidates for the teaching position?  I guess, as long as the candidate meets the base criteria - which is usually just a Diploma or Degree.  For the most, I have yet to witness Degree holders, behaving badly, perhaps because we do not need to prove anything to anyone.  Most of us who return to teaching, do so, out of the interest to teach.

Parents should be aware that these days, its not always the child that is lazy.  If the teacher fails at motivating the student, even I will get bored.

Yelling, screaming does not earn anyone respect.
AND I still firmly hold the belief that RESPECT IS EARNED.

A teacher should set good examples - in thought, word, deed.
A teacher should be able to laugh with students and listen to their concerns, just as teachers expect students to listen to them.
Teaching is not about that Diploma one obtains from the teaching institute/academy.

Unfortunately, most are there for the pay-check more than to actually teach.

February 15, 2014

To be Misled

Feb 14th - every year it slips by - just because I can let it slip by.  Yet, this year, I was surprised when a colleague came to my desk, hugged me and handed me a little box - full of cute, colourful stickers and wished me Happy Valentines' Day.
That was totally unexpected.
It mattered to her I guess, to include me, since I'm new in the common room. That meant a lot to me - because I am picking up the slack for them and for me, it's appreciation for the work I have done and more that I will be doing.

The day before, I received a probable auto invite from LinkedIn - a social networking site; I'm guessing similar to how FB works - auto goes through the contact list and does random invites. The auto invite was from the person who didn't know how to be grateful to a group of people who have bailed him out literally from an inevitable spiral to doom.  So I checked the site and apparently its a professional social site.  I laughed.

He, a professional?  What a joke.
A professional is one who knows ethical and moral boundaries; carries out the job task by task acknowledging the team and has high situational awareness.

This chap, doesn't meet the base requirements at all, yet apparently joined this site.  Of course he posted a picture of the flight deck, since that IS his only redeeming quality.

I trashed the invite, of course, since I have never had the need to be on any social networking sites, preferring to always remain private, when I am off work.  I do not even own a FB account nor do I Skype outside work.

Which brings me to the next point.
Such people have to resort to such sites, because its the only way they can expand their social network without really doing all the leg work.  People are more blazen over the internet and many negative traits are easily lost over the internet.  People need to read 'sweet nothings' to feel good - a false reality.

The traditional way of gathering personality data is still the best.
Little gestures, supportive body language and behaviour which corresponds to the circumstances are seldom wrong.

V-Day is just another calendar day.
Nothing matters, until it matters.
and THAT can happen on any calendar day.

So yes, some trawl the internet to find new friends.  Some find their soul-mates there.  BUT start off knowing that if there is ONE person I know, who is so self-centered, a user of people and one who expects help yet turns around to say he didn't ask for it - be careful.
Ask if that person ever had a long term relationship, why he never got promoted in his job since most designations are rather clear.  A decent man doesn't need to hold a pilots' licence or be in top management.  He is the man on the street, earning an honest living, he knows how to appreciate the fundamentals in a friendship and what being responsible entails.
Don't be misled, that a 'professional' is single on a social site.
He is single, because there is a huge problem with his personality.




February 09, 2014

Social Gamers - they ruin games

GAMING IS NOT A GAME!

People play games for many personal reasons : kill time; leisure/hobby; compensation tool; family bonding.

Gamers can be divided into : Social Gamers ; Serious Gamers (rated); Trolls

I jumped right into the virtual gaming world of MMORPGs thinking it is like playing Tetris or Bejeweled.  

Top-rated pay to play games are WOW (world of warcraft) and lately FFXIV (final fantasy 14) and of course there are the free to play games like Fiesta, ScarletBlade, Tera and so on.

From the forums I have read, Trolls reside mainly in WOW, which made it successful - to-date it has like 13million gamers.  Trolls are a specific breed of gamers.  People who are actually decent in their game aptitude so much so that they tend to be pests in a game.  Serious gamers mainly focus on the game content and that's what they log into for.  They do not get involved in general chats much except to organise a group to get the game content done. Social gamers are those who use the game arena to make friends and virtual friendship will take precedent over real life common sense sometimes.

It is the social gamers that break games.
These people tend to rally around like-minded social gamers.  Usually they do not have a real life that is exceptional and that drives them into the virtual world.  A world where they can assume another persona, to be someone they are not for real, yet occasionally brush with reality as they exchange Skype contacts or emails.  Social gamers depend on the bonds they have in-game to add value to their real life.  They become very distressed when caught out and when confronted, they become aggressive and will lie to maintain their virtual persona.

After 3 years, I know I am a troll.
I do not tolerate social gamers well and I certainly do not have the time to be a serious gamer.  I started gaming too late in life and I will never be able to have that split second 'situational awareness' that all rated gamers have.  They know how to read tiny icons (buffs or debuffs) that appear on the bars like a circuit board and they know just what it means.

So each time I log into a game, I wait for an opportunity to troll.  Trolling in a game is pretty much like how we are sarcastic in real life during a conversation.  Its the only thing that keeps me from getting bored, doing repetitive dungeons day in day out.  

Unfortunately, the social gamers always spoil the fun by either being too sensitive OR outright rude and obnoxious.  The famous words social gamers use always insult one's parents, making themselves sound like they are matured adults by calling one a KID or simply name-calling i.e retard (its a favourite insult word).  Social gamers like to feel like they know it all.  They are dead sure, they excel in the game, when in actual fact, they are just mediocre.

Lesson in point : as in real life, face facts squarely - no single person is perfect in every facet of life.  We can try to be, but it doesn't mean we are.  Gaming is the same.  I had to tell a group of self-proclaimed game elitists that people constantly join games and people need time to learn the game.  It doesn't mean they are better than the newbies.

People who game these days have an agenda - be popular since most won't know who they are anyways; its easier to be someone we are not over the internet.  Its easier to fib over the internet.  Just like how it is easier to proclaim love over the internet before conning them of money.

Social gamers should get their life in order and stop ruining game-play for others.  They paid for subscription so they feel they have the right to be there and be their virtual social self (which cannot exist in their real world usually).
News is, we trolls paid subscription too.  So next time we troll, try to 'fight back' with quickly thought out rebuttals, instead of name-calling.
Oh wait - they can't think up of a structured rebuttal quickly - if they did, they wouldn't be that desperate to have a social life in a virtual game.










The ME factor

For the first time, I found this movie available on my cable channel.  It is a lazy Sunday and I thought a 'soppy' movie is better than the hot sun out there.

A darn good choice.

The story, reminds me a little about me.  Its almost like my story, only that, I haven't come 'full circle' to loose my balance because of love yet.

I am not hopeful, since I am a firm believer of 'contentment' and not 'wanting' more than what is ever going to be available.

Through the tumultuous years of putting another's needs before mine - I have lost myself.  His needs were always greater; his troubles always more severe; his time was always more precious than mine.

Since I rarely dwell emotionally - I reverted to WHO I am - a thinking person.
I dwell on how to manage people who have failed me; I dwell on how to move on without the emotional scarring.  I dwell on how to better handle similar situations.

I needed alone time and I gave myself that time - not in Bali but at home, away from my social network and people in general.  It helped me think clearly.  The silence of hearing only my own voice.

One day, I will go to Bali - I have never been there before - Being a city girl, I felt that Bali would be too quiet, too holiday-ish for me to survive alone.  In any city, I could get lost in traffic noise or the voices of strangers but on beach-front resorts, it can get lonely; so I always thought.

I am ready now to venture onto a different terrain.
All the broken relationships I have had, broke, because NONE of them, ever made me loose my balance even for a second.  There has been no one, special enough for me to say 'you take the lead because I trust you will care for my heart'.  NONE of them ever got even a portion of my heart.  What I did for them, I did out of responsibility, never love.

So, if love has been so evasive all my life, till this point - what makes me think I will be able to find it?

Because now - I KNOW what I need.  I KNOW what I want.
The freedom to be ME.
I used to feel that the years gone by have been wasted on people who didn't deserve my time.
NOW, I know that its their loss, not mine - and I believe in it.
Knowing is nothing IF we don't believe that.

February 08, 2014

V-Day ?

FF14 lamp decoration
One week before Valentines Day and FF14 (final fantasy 14) is decorated with pretty lamps emitting hearts as illumination.  Its a wonderful thought and in-game it looks great and makes one feel the lovey-dovey-ness of it all!

I have never bothered about festivities and especially V-Day - because having been in a few long term relationships, its just too testy for me.

I find it pointless to be given over-priced flowers on a designated day, when money could be well spent elsewhere.  Also, I rather have 365 days of love and consideration without the bells and whistles than ONE DAY in a calendar year of commercial 'love'.

About 6 days ago, my neighbour had an 'internal' family matter - from the loud voices exchanging words, I made out that the wife and husband was apparently not in agreement about something and what made it suspicious was - a gurney outside their door with 2 ambulance aids.  

I always knew they had their issues, like a lot of families; but that seemed more severe than I had anticipated.  I found the wife to be insecure and a little haphazard at best.  As neighbours I try not to poke my nose into their affairs and chose to remain 'clueless' and polite.  

The sad thing is, the inability of the mother to feel secure transfers onto their daughter - who by the way, may be returning great grades at age 12 but will somehow be less adaptive to others as she grows.  She is already showing signs of this. My training does not allow me to turn off my antennae even when I'm being civil.

Anyways, my point is : people stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons.  People have babies for all the wrong reasons.  

A relationship is good, ONLY IF it brings out the best in you.
A baby did not ask to be born, so as parents, we HAVE to be there to nurture them.  How they turn out after that, is out of the parents' hand, but at least the tools have been 'imparted'.
Children look toward their immediate care-giver as role models.
If the parents have done their duty than its more than good enough.
NO one can forecast the trials and tribulations that may encroach upon that child, once he is an adult.

So, I chose to forget about petty celebrations, because in my search for my better half, I found disappointments.  People who either see me as a 'meal ticket' OR those who take advantage of my 'good nature'.  

As with all Valentines Day gone by, my day will start and end, like every other calendar day - full of laughter and thankfulness, for the blessings that GOD has bestowed upon me.  People have failed me but 
GOD gave me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change (people don't value kindness, they abuse it)
COURAGE to change the things I can - I did bail out on relationships that were unhealthy for me
WISDOM to know the difference - because in spite of all that, I am eternally grateful to GOD for never taking away laughter from my life.

Until we find happiness within ourselves, we will forever blame another for not allowing us to enter that state.  As the saying goes, charity begins at home - we cannot be happy, until we are happy with ourselves; we cannot feel secure with another person, until we are secure as individuals; 

So if some are alone on V-Day, not by personal choice - trust me, its not a big deal - All those people I walked away from, are the same ones who have bought me expensive lilies and roses year in year out.  
Where are they all now? 
In the numerous trash bins with the wilted flowers !
Because I refuse to hang on to relationships just because I need flowers on V-Day 

February 07, 2014

Plant a seed, watch it grow

Plant a seed, watch it grow.

This statement does not just apply to plants in the literal sense, but can be applied to our day to day lives.

In the case of nurturing - some think - what does that really mean.

Well, give a child boundaries to observe and it will be learnt.  As the child grows, the boundaries strengthen and form a part of his moral/ethical/social/civic make-up.

From day one, parents nurture the child - first few nurturing words (besides feeding) are : YES ; NO ; GOOD etc etc.  In the case of seeds, we give it enough water, sunshine and nutrients (of course some people talk to plants).

So as much as we like to watch it grow, it will not be able to do that if we do not provide the necessary conditions.

Children - no matter how busy we are - it is our responsibility to nurture them - just so they have the basic tools to adapt into their environment.  There can be no valid excuse for not having the instinct to do so.

Our time on this earth is to learn - learning is a continuous process.  With each new idea we process, we are being nurtured; our minds are being shaped - good or bad.

Therefore, each time, we dish our advice, remember that if the advice is good but still unclear, it means we need to nurture it, so that it has room to grow.


February 04, 2014

Facts - get it right

Mother Teresa
I hold the belief that facts must be explicitly conveyed to avoid unnecessary confusion or garbled comprehension.

Schools have Moral Education or Ethics or Catechism.  It was in a Catechism class that a Catechist (volunteer) explained to a class of 8-year olds that "Mother Teresa is Indian".

I find that 'disturbing' because Mother Teresa was of Albanian descent which does not make her Indian.  She may have had a few Permanent Residencies in the course of her life but it doesn't change the fact that she is of Albanian descent.

To have made such an impression on young minds is the beginning of saying 'facts don't matter' especially when this is during a formal instruction.  Yet even in informal discussions, facts should remain facts regardless of the age of the audience.  

Imagine the 8-year old going through years of Catechism before their First Holy Communion then Confirmation with this idea.  The oddest thing was, a student did say something like "She is not" yet the Catechist never corrected herself but chose to ignore the retort.

In this age of technology where almost any information that we require is easily found using the internet, I am surprised that there are people who still do not validate facts before attempting to impart information.  It goes to show that some people just do not bother about accuracy.  Horrifying would be the case if the reason for such disregard is : they are children what do they know.

As adults, it is our responsibility to be role models.  It is our responsibility to get our facts right.  When we don't, it reflects upon ourselves as lazy and not conscientious enough to be responsible or prideful in carrying out our tasks.

When I am 'sticky' about facts, some people think I'm just too meticulous and highly strung.  
Such people should attempt to qualify, what all that life experience is for IF we are not going to take things squarely and face it directly - good or bad.

If I have been lazy, then that is what it is - I am Lazy - no other excuse should be promoted to be a reason.  It is an excuse no matter how inside out we turn it.

Respect for the teaching profession, whether academic or lifeskills or just current affairs has to be earned, by the value of the teachers' and their due diligence.   When adults do not take that seriously, then the question falls upon those who hire by face value eg. A Catholic since birth SHOULD qualify enough for a Catechist.   I am not implying that Catechists should have a Degree in Bible Studies but that anyone who engages in teaching OR in imparting knowledge SHOULD at least have the pre-requisite of actually believing in what they teach to be true to fact or as far as current day research has that information to be.

It is like having a qualified school teacher address a class in grammatically incorrect sentences.
It happens a lot.
Yet, they have been certified to teach in their respective countries.
How so? YOUR guess is as good as mine.
  

February 01, 2014

Recycle - the best step forward

This cost me a dollar at a school fund-raiser.  There were like many bears in different poses, but none posed quite like this by the time I got to the lot.

Its not that I need another ornament to wipe down but that it was for a fund raiser and a dollar isn't really a lot at all.  In fact, a can of Coke at the coffee shop costs a dollar thirty!

I have always been very mindful of what pictures I have on the walls or what figurines are displayed - simply because years ago, a Feng Shui master (one of my gfs insisted I spoke to one for fun) was very specific about what I could or could not have in the form of 'deco'.

Is it about superstition? Perhaps, because most Asian culture is grounded deep with superstitions.  I may be very western in my thinking and execution of beliefs yet I will not deliberately do something that will upset the balance of energies around me.  This is also why I tend to steer away from people who are negative in their thinking to the extent that its psychologically unhealthy.  Its OK to feel 'down in the dumps' now and then, but to wallow in that feeling is another matter.

The other people-type I stay away from are the ungratefuls.  People who are retentive at the "MY ONE" "ITS MINE" stage of development.  People who have aged in years but remained irresponsible in their execution of civil behavior.

For example, someone is in dire need of help.
You offer your help.
Some will say "Nah, I can manage on my own" albeit reluctantly.  Some will use other lines like "you don't have to" - which doesn't really tell the helper anything definitive.  So does the helper help or not? What does 'you don't have to' really mean?  These are the ones we should look out for, because they are not likely going to fully comprehend what the help is going to translate into.

For the matured, adaptive people - help is extended from the heart with NO expectations of any kind of returns.  Its like when you loan someone $$$ you should have enough so that you don't expect to see it returned to the kitty.  Yet, in civil society, there is a minimum expectation of gratitude which should be expressed clearly.  In Asia, mostly people give 'treats' in the form of drinks or a simple meal - which is more than good enough between friends.

So I have reverted to being super cautious about traits and what they personify.  Its not a regression but progression since my weakness is to always help when I can even if its to my own detriment.
So no figurines of horses, rabbits, dogs or tigers for me - no posters or wall pictures of those either.
From here on, its either positive energy or into the Recycling Bin - people included.


January 31, 2014

Significance

The celebration for Lunar New Year began at dinner time today although the actual 'new lunar year' falls either on the 4th or 5th of Feb.
Anyways, I observe festivals BUT I do not go 'hog wild' since I know better (ha ha)

The little things I observe include having the popular cookies on the dining table, having MORE than enough rice grains in the rice container AND most importantly, this pineapple.

The belief is prosperity and wealth AND what I found out today, is gambling luck !  (Thing is, I don't gamble literally or otherwise)

AND so, I was wondering where to park this cute pineapple, since I didn't think about that before purchase.  Armed with pineapple in hand, I surveyed the home and finally thought to park it with the lucky bamboo.

Now that I am looking at the picture - its actually looking like its a perfect fit.

My life goes on pretty much the same after this last item that's lunar new year.  Hopefully, the significance of having this and that WILL make this year a little less dramatic.

Its strange how everyone observes Dec 31st as the last day of the year - perhaps that's keeping with the global celebrations.  New Year for me, has always been Lunar New Year.  1st Jan is not significant for me, except it means school-going children will be in Malls less during the weekdays and that air tickets will not have a holiday surcharge.

I don't get nostalgic about Lunar New Year because its always been about the faith I have which is technically my personal relationship with a higher-being or 'GOD' as we know Him to be.

For all that I have had to put up with the past year,  I hope that will be the last.  This pineapple should bring me wealth in intellect, mind and happiness besides being able to survive day to day.


January 29, 2014

Know what I know or too bad

A beautiful scene taken in Sri Lanka
Perhaps what keeps us going when we loose sight of the 'beauty in life' are snapshots like this.
Simplicity is always beautiful.
I am a city person yet the times I have been off-city have always been memorable - unfortunately, I didn't vacation with my best friend but she kept me in the loop with photographs.

Over the course of my life, the different phases of my life, I have many times lost faith in the human race only to bounce back because the far n few made a difference in an otherwise cliche society (to me).  There will always be someone, usually an acquaintance who would remind me (by way of deed towards another) that maybe I just attract the bad apples, people who know that the little ounce of empathy that I have should be exploited.

I have 2 very good pals - we've been pals for years and years ; through almost everything; No matter how bad our personal situation can be, we still had our customary meets/lunches or vacations - none of us tries to be the 'know-it-all' because we know that we are individuals who have chosen to walk different paths, yet managed to keep our friendship sane.

As the lunar new year draws near, I can feel myself getting nostalgic for the good ole days, when everything was home-made.  That meant, everyone was around to help out in baking, cooking, marketing.   The past week, I have done nothing but buy the lunar new year goodies, because I am far too lazy to bake.

No matter how 'evolved' my thinking have become over the years, the sense of the approaching new year always gives me hope.  Hope that I will have learnt to let people be; don't help them unless they really spell it out and that people deserve what they get most times.

Its not a harsh thought, but more one to keep me from being swallowed by people who just use use and use.  Thoughtless people.

Do I wish ill upon them?
Yes, to be brutally honest.
Because they would be in jail and jobless if not for the help my friends extended.
Where I come from, the alleged crime carries a sentence of caning - and sure, he would have been caned too.

What have I done?
I have contributed to helping this person through his darkest years (3 years) and he learnt ziltch from that experience.

SO, I feel terrible for not having thought that a person like that had it coming and that at least, a convicted killer has the gall to admit to his crime with pride, instead of lying about it after the fact.  BUT then, a convicted person has been convicted, its what he wants - acknowledgement; unlike this fail-case of a male who goes on prancing about the place like he was wronged.

Well, that's why this picture of a sunset is so apt for me.
Sunset is NOW - so if it is setting, it is setting.
I am not going to say 'look, that means sunrise is soon' - I'm just going to assume that if I know, they know.  I was told, I always expected people to think like me, so I tried to make minute adjustments and that worked out very poorly for me.

January 28, 2014

AGAIN - people never change

I have been thinking about a lot of things - but mainly more because I need to know why I chose to 'miss' blaring loud traits that would have saved me a lot of time, effort, disappointments and also, more importantly, my friends, circle of friends' helping hands.

Thing is, this ungrateful person dropped hints about his failed personality from years ago.  None of us picked it up.

First hint - he would drink senseless - usually with his own group of friends at the popular St James or some small pub along the East Coast where he has his 'bottle' parked at the bar.  What we know is, most times he gets pissed drunk and sometimes, he 'looses' his way to his unit in his apartment block.   What is baffling - he is able to recount the embarrassment that he was, as table talk and it doesn't bother him.

Second hint - he expects people to 'do favors' for him - like pick up his mail, send it to him - he never thinks for a second, that people drive out of their way to do it, only because friends help out whenever.

Third hint - for the many festivities that people celebrate here - he has never once offered to buy a cake for his neighbor or a bar of chocolate or anything.  Usually someone has to twist his arm to get him to agree to giving someone something and he never was included in the money pool.  We are the type of people who engage in simple social gestures and we don't really bother to count the pennies in our kitty pool.

Fourth hint - a few times, when he disagreed with his aged mother, he raised his voice and gestured with his finger at her.  Those few times, I was there, and I corrected him, to his disgust.

BUT when he got into trouble with the authorities, he bawled his eyes out and swore to get revenge on those who wronged him.  That alone was odd because if one is drunk, how would one recall, if one committed a crime?  Given that one had a history of being pissed drunk, till one would fall flat on the ground and then pass out.

As friends, we all try to look at the better side of another - in the hope that they learn - there is enough misery in the world.

I should have known, he would revert to his selfish self, where he is above all.  Many of us, went to our respective praying houses to offer prayers for him, throughout the 3 years, waiting for the investigation to conclude.  He never accompanied any one of us; not even once. 

Lesson in point : Follow your gut, especially when troubling behavior did catch your eye before.  People do not change - they adapt to survive - but once they are on the 'freeway' they will revert to their useless being.

January 27, 2014

Snob FLEEs after public comment

It only takes ONE disrespectful person or ONE self-centered individual or ONE snob to remind us how very 'sick' society really is.  This is one person, who just got 'too smart' and instead of silently gloating about his career success and wealth, chose to push his good fortune further by promoting himself to position of ROLE MODEL for the world by his insensitive remarks/posts and typical 'penny wise pound foolish' ideas.

http://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/singapore-showbiz/local-actress-oon-shu-ann-open-letter-anton-031951568.html
The culture here is to work hard, save what we can and spend usually only during the Lunar New Year.  Most of us live in public housing and use the public transport as a means of getting from point A to point B.

My aunt made cookies, baked cakes for the entire family from the 70s.  Every meal was home-cooked and everyone came home to eat.  We lived in an extended family - everyone was there for everyone.  We learnt to take what we can finish (to eat), we had chores for dishes, garbage.  We had to kneel before our elders on the first day of the Lunar New Year to seek forgiveness.   I continued that practice until my granny passed away.

Today, my aunt still doesn't work, after toiling after her sons, who are now, both professionals.  They still live in a 3-bedroom HDB flat but her cooking is still something I miss every time the topic of food arises.  I speak of her a lot, because my parents were working and my aunt and granny, fed me, kept me safe and well.

Never have I heard my grandparents or parents say that we were richer than our neighbours or that the people in our neighbourhood were less well-off than we were.

We keep busy, working till we cannot work anymore, because thats our culture.  There are retired uncles and aunties, who work because there is nothing for them to busy themselves with at home.  Working engages their mind and their body - we are physically and mentally engaged when we are working.  There is nothing wrong with working till we are past the age of legal retirement.  We come from hardworking roots and that isn't going to change too easily.

Expat means, they come over here to work but their wages are usually disproportional to that of the locals.  They are supposed to be our 'foreign talent' which are hired, to boost our economy, but well, looks like we need to include some degree from the School of Hard Knocks as well.  Perhaps such personnel should be interviewed more carefully about whether they deserve that employment pass here.  Oh wait, this senseless expat married a Singaporean.

You know what, I think we locals should actually be proud of our humble Asian roots instead of trying to integrate into another culture by forgetting where we come from.  Poor kid - to have to grow up in an environment where its OK to not respect others and its OK to be a snob. Also, right after we do something wrong - R U N !  That is what that man is role modelling for his kid.

January 26, 2014

Frozen Ground - the movie

This movie is based on the hunt for Robert Hansen, a serial killer.  I found the movie to be exciting and not as predictable as most crime-based serials/movies I have watched but perhaps its because the story line is real.

As we well know, life may seem to be similar, in that we live and we die; we have our fair share of joys and sorrows, sometimes even more than we can chew....the point is, its the little grievances, stressors and how we react that makes the story of our individual lives, unique to ourselves.

I will not 'glorify' the serial killer by discussing his methodology or victim choices not because I am not a qualified forensic professional, but more because any life form deserves dignity and to reduce any person or animal to the position of helplessness and/or hopelessness is not something I could stomach.


Movie Cover
I have always been intrigued by the mind of the psychopath because it functions devoid of empathy.
Perhaps it is almost similar to some subcultures, where inflicted pain creates excitement which causes adrenalin levels to increase.

Some sexual games that couples play include asphyxiation, needles that penetrate the skin, use of hot wax, use of low voltage electricity and usually its done with restraints.

Perhaps its just as well that such sub-cultures are thriving in our society so that people are able to 'act out' their 'fantasies' OR their 'dark side' more openly than before.  Also, there are such social groups dedicated to the practices not so much to encourage but more as a safety net as well by providing safety guidelines, toys which are safer to use etc etc.

That does not mean that I am able to understand how a person is able to be totally unmoved as life is being snuffed out of another person.
Back to how I would draw a parallel.

Perhaps, some of us have a need to exert total control over another.  Some of us do it by being domineering at home, at work; some traits could include making insensitive remarks or just using pure, blunt, hurtful innuendos directly.  When that isn't enough, some might become physically abusive - the power of being able to inflict physical pain, the ability to 'toy' with the other person's fear by being the decider of what's to come next.

Till today no one really knows, how the mind of a serial killer ticks.  What drove him to such darkness before he could feel alive.  It has been said that serial killers are not simply just made yet I do believe that the deeper into the dark the need becomes, is similar to the theory of marginal utility.

In this movie, there was a segment where the killer was shown to have let a victim go, only to shoot her down like a hunted game.

Well, whats the thrill in hunting game?  I have no idea, since where I come from, we do not have such sports.  BUT I will continue my reads and hopefully, be able to come back with a personal opinion on that.



Behind nicknames

Whats in a name?
We have heard that many many times.

Actually, a lot.

Whats in a nickname?
That is a really loaded question and possibly a lot more 'telling' than a name, since most times, our parents came up with our names.

Drawing a parallel with nicknames and the recent person me and my friends 'bailed' out, here is what I have found.

His email nick is XXXXXjock.
Let us focus on JOCK.

According to Wiki, it is a classical stereotype of a male athlete.  It includes negative characteristics like snobbish, self-centered, rude, arrogant, unintelligent, abusing alcohol, earlier and more casual sex and more popular characteristics like handsome, muscular and athletic; popular with girls.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jock_(athlete)
I do like the description by the Urban Dictionary though - the link is here:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jock

He obviously has now proven this little 'theory' of mine.

SNOBBISH/SELF-CENTERED
When he needed help, he was always available to meet up with the rest of the group, just in case someone has a fresh idea or a new lead which might help him in the case the police was investigating against him.  After everything blew over, he forgot who they were and celebrated his victory with his own group of friends, months on.

ABUSING ALCOHOL
The few months he was grounded because of this incident, he was drunk 23 hours a day.  It was so bad, he was almost crawling.  He goes to a nearby beach resort where the conversion rate is great, stays there for a drunken week and then flies back.

UNINTELLIGENT
When I first met him, he was insecure and I remember him telling me "You think I'm stupid".  Funny thing was, I never quite bothered because I was not in a lecture or among my peers discussing interesting research topics, so it never crossed my mind to check his IQ score.

CASUAL SEX
I always suspected him of doing this on the side - which is fine, since he is not someone I'm latched on to.  BUT its more the quality of females he HAS casual sex with.  Its never someone his equal but someone who is from a third world country or who is holding a work permit pass here.  That is degrading for the girls and its his ARROGANCE that allows him to do this without thinking that every girl has a sister, mother, aunt; in short a family, who cares for her and wants her to keep well.  His modus operandi is disgusting and degrading to women.

Is this guy HANDSOME?
He is your average Joe.
Is this guy Muscular?
Well, he is rather scrawny, except for his biceps, thanks to the gym.
Is this guy athletic?
He plays tennis now and then, but I don't think that qualifies as being athletic - when its just a social game and not even a match per se.  Also, he never was part of any school tennis team.
Is this guy popular with girls?
Only because of the size of his pay-check.  Most professional women have dumped him from what I have gathered from his past.

Nicks, short for nicknames does reflect what we would like to convey over the www.
Gamers would choose nicks like Death or Slayer for example - just so people have this idea that they are great at killing people in game.  
So XXXXXXJOCK = someone who is not just anal retentive but someone who is so insecure that he needs to hype up who he is to the rest of the world.

RPGMMO

I stepped into the realm of MMORPG or Massive MultiPlayer Online Role Playing Games about 4 years ago, on my crappy laptop.  Crappy because its not meant to support MMOs well since lappys are for work mainly.

This is my character in FF14 or Final Fantasy 14, my first paid to play MMORPG.

When I first started, it was with a 'free to play' (FTP) which means, anyone (unless restricted by regulations of the country) can download the game and play.

That is the upside.

The downside is, that if one wants to get better gear, better outfits or better everything, one has to upload real money (usually through PayPal or direct debit or game cards) and that could be expensive in the long run.

I have, so far, played 2 free to play MMOs; and I stopped playing once I have obtained the 'end game' gear and the content is no longer 'new' to me.  I never thought about going back to play - because in my book, its done, finished and there is nothing else for me to want to 'achieve'.

In this paid to play (PTP), FF14, gear is distributed more evenly and there is no way to try to outsmart the game play.  If you have obtained your special gear (end game as well) you just cannot get another.  It helps keep the game balanced and busy in a fair sense.  Real money will not save anyone who is not cut out to be great at gaming because the end game best in slot gears are never tradeable.

I have learnt a few things about gamer behavior in such games.  At first, it was baffling even for me, a Psych Major.  BUT as years went by, I began to draw parallels.

We tend to meet more 'impressionable' people in Free to Play games - people who do have serious real life issues and are basically stalking the game arena to either take it out on another or just to prey.  Most of the time, gamers are people who do not have the opportunity to take the lead in their real life and they try so hard to be the 'know it all' in such games.

There are similar people in pay to play games - only thing is, their preying is at a slightly higher level.  The idea is the same.  They have this need to make another gamer feel totally useless by usually being insulting and verbally abusive.  In game, its called "trolling".

Pay to Play games are different in that you do need to have more gaming sense to get to end game content/gear.  Given that adults do play both FTP/PTP games its shocking that adults behave worse than the average teenage gamer.

It is inaccurate to say that only maladaptive persons get into the groove of gaming because I have met my fair share of regular people, with no chip on their shoulder, playing PTP, only because they prefer to spend the evening at home gaming, instead of going out or watching TV.  These adults have children, hold professional jobs - you can suss them out because they are not the ones who troll badly in general chat and they rarely are insulting to others.

The few bad apples, who use games to bully others are a handful, not enough to totally turn me away from gaming, but enough for me to eventually move on to another game or server.

I used to type to such gamers to kindly seek professional help for their real life issues instead of being a bad troll.

So RPGMMO is a great way to spend a quiet evening - but again, be ready to bump into people who need attention or people who are just there to get sympathy.  I have come across a mid-20s gamer, who went on to Skype inappropriately with another gamer, only to have her husband log into the game to vent it all in general chat.
I have also come across gamers who have children with special needs, which is why one of them (the gamer) is at home gaming and minding the children; leaving the game to fetch them from school etc.

Its a great platform to socialise, yet until the platforms are cleaned out of bullies and elitist gamers, less mature young adults and teenagers could be swept up by this and pick up the bad habits a lot quicker; for isn't the bad always the first we pick up?

Sari Ater Hot Spring

Sari Ater
The next best thing to 'grab' besides a soak in a hot bath, is a hot spring.

It was chilly, not cold that morning in Bandung and we decided to visit this natural hot spring, a few minutes drive from our hotel.

It was mid morning and to my surprise, there were already locals and tourists getting their therapeutic dip.

Getting into the 'pond' to dip is tricky, since the 'rocks' can be a little slippery.  We didn't take a hot bath, instead, we sat at the side and had ourselves a warm foot bath.  Just knowing it would be the most enriching water from the ground somehow made it all the more a worthwhile visit.

The place was generally free of litter and its great to know that the people who visit this area are mindful and socially responsible.

Imagine a natural hot spring with its surrounding areas littered!  That would have ruined the trip.

I do recall having Physical Geography as one of my mainstream subjects in Secondary School (High School), how we read about geysers in New Zealand.

I have not been to NZ but at least our trip to Bandung has given me a first-hand experience of what it feels like to be a little cold from the higher altitude (above sea level) yet be in an open area, where there is a little warmth.

The water is warm, almost like when we are having a hot bath.  This park has other activities for visitors to engage in like horse riding or just repelling down to a lower level area.  It was too early, but I am sure, some people, like us, just enjoy the walk and the fresh air, this area offers.


January 25, 2014

Bandung Break 2013

Perahu
On our first day in Bandung, Indonesia, my best buddy from college decided to visit volcano peaks.  For a bum like me, scaling heights never means doing it literally!

We were not the only 'certifiable' ones up there to my surprise - the pungent of sulphur was sharp. From where we stood (where the picture was taken), there were visible fumes as well.

I enjoyed the cool breeze very much - a change from back home - then we were plagued by the haze.
Because I was really excited, being on the peak of a volcano which is dormant/active not extinct, we decided to hire a guide to walk the trail to another peak.  It took us 30 minutes to hike down hill on a heavily used clay path.  The trunk of trees were somewhat carbon coated from the last eruption some years back.  It does make the idea sound so intriguing although halfway down, I almost decided to go back up!
Anyways, my BFF refused to stop there because the next morning, I found myself in our hired cab, on the way to another peak.  It rained overnight and when we got there, I thought I was in Copenhagn in winter!  It was almost freezing cold for me.  She was fine - having lived in Minnesota for 10 years !

I forgot about the cold after robbing her of her winter coat (I AM THAT HOPELESS IN THE COLD).  Also, the now familiar 'aroma' of sulphur stung me enough to bring me back from the dead-cold.
What I felt was awesome, was the colour the crater lake reflected - As you can see, its actually a sight to remember.
Sulphur deposits were lined along the shore like artwork.  I have not seen anything as breathtaking as that.  This peak was less crowded, just us and another group of 6 tourists.  It was almost like the view was ours.

It was the best 4 days I have had in a long time.  Our last vacation was about 2 years from Bandung.  If anyone is planning a vacation in SE Asia, visit Bandung - hire a driver - and dare to go out there to experience what would otherwise just be information we have learnt from the media.