One Door Closes Another Opens

Is that really true?

I think I need a reference point - since to some extent its true (for me) and to some extent its not so true.

TRUE

Well, as usual, just when I feel like moving forward, something happens to hold me back, then something happens again and I feel compelled to move forward again, but right into a traffic junction.  THAT is what has been 'trending' the whole of my life to-date.

FALSE

What if the last door that closed (by my own choice) is the last door? What if, by my own choosing, I closed the door that takes me out to this field where there are no more doors for me to open but to just float in the wind? 

I do not feel like it is the last door, yet I am not convinced that there is a blurry vision of one ahead either.  Its like I see lots of buildings but no doors enticing enough for me to want to turn the knob or even recognise its presence.

Its almost like I have lost any shred of believing in finding some friendship which gives me depth yet without the suffocation of being shackled to a stagnant relationship.  Relationships/friendships should remain dynamic since we evolve with the changes that take effect either directly or indirectly to our person.  

So even as I close that door (used to refer to it as a book) I hesitate.

I see the outline of another door (its in my line of vision) but I still hesitate.

Is this the Libran dilemma? 

In a perpetual state of unrest - to always need more, want more - of what? we usually do not know.

BUT even as i have my hands on the door I am about to shut, I have my eyes trained on the door ahead.  

So I guess yes, One Door IF and WHEN it closes, CAN and DOES open another door.

Do we see whats in front of us?

Sadly, most times, we don't.
Perhaps we are busy micro-managing our needs and wants and whats missing, that we miss the very essence of what we actually have.  Its a human flaw across the board.

Seems like my entire life has been punctuated with 'throwing in the towel' and moving on.  It almost feels like dropping anchor is a very bad idea for me and that its not written in my life path for it to be so.

BUT moving forward is not a bad thing - after all, that means taking me to a different space with the hope of having refreshing experiences instead of the same old predictable song.  So, we need to be adaptable to changes, to better survive.

I am a survivor - although very much scarred, still a survivor.  I do not relish huge dreams of ever being blissfully happy, but I know that I will find that balance sometime soon because as messy as my life is, it is getting some order.

Strange - an ordered mess -
So, as I have said many times - we can't keep doing things the same way, expecting a different outcome.  Therefore, I am not.  I am going to change the way I do things.  AND at least, when the dust settles, there might be a surprising end result.

I never believe in a WIN WIN situation, simply because someone always looses, but perhaps if i may, I could skew my thinking to make it about me and less about other people to obtain that WIN WIN.  View the end result from a personal perspective, instead of from a whole perspective.  That might fix the overall picture.

Yeap. The only way to ever be in a WIN WIN situation is to look at things selfishly.  This is what we have been reduced to.
Problem is, is that in me, to be totally selfish, so that I can say I won?  Well, keep the eye on the ball - see what's in front, not whats around it - and write a closing squarely on what we are staring at.
That solves the problem, doesn't it?

Is 'sharing' accidental?

I never believed in labelling relationships.  Perhaps its from the belief that when we define something, it means there comes with it, some kind of 'refinement'.
For example, people could stay totally committed to each other without having to legally wed, and on the flip side, people could be legally bound, yet still not mutually exclusive mentally, intellectually, physically, emotionally or a combination of either/all.
To say that only a perfectionist would dare walk this path, may not be far from wrong.  If I believe so much in my ethical standing and sincerity, there would be no reason why I must define that relationship in terms the society can understand.  But in all honesty, how many of us are really brutally honest about having the conviction to stay and not to stray just by being our ethical self?

FAR and FEW.

The justification would be that there is a likelihood, people need to be given 'rules' to follow or social mores to use as a yardstick for how they should behave.

BUT idealistic as I am and a perfectionist as well, I have been more committed in a 'yet-to-be committed' relationship than I ever was as someone's girlfriend or wife.  I would have 'cheated' to fuel my intellectual starvation.

So what happens in an open yet committed relationship, when we receive a text message meant for another person?  Do we even have the right to get upset or feel annoyed and irritated at any level?

Yes.

My bottom line is : just because you can, it doesn't mean you should be flippant about discretion.  It is not about 'not wanting' to know - its about respecting the person you are with, to not offend.  Open relationships can remain open only when there is mutual respect for what will still hurt an otherwise extremely understanding person.