Larger social network = higher pain tolerance?

http://www.nature.com/articles/srep25267


I first read about this on the bbc website and found my way back to the study the report was based on.

In my opinion, there will always be the herd - where most studies tend to be based on, even with a random sample.
It doesn't mean it applies to the rest, who do not make up that random sample.  Samples are as random as where the study originates from and even as our brain cells skew to a certain angle, we do not have to necessarily react that way, when and if given the freedom to decide, by way of culture, society and the blah blah blah.

I do not maintain a huge social network by choice.  I find people to be insincere and never helpful when they are called upon to be a friend.  Try recalling when you needed a small sum of money, say a months pay-check, and how successful that large network helped i.e. by giving the much required help financially.

I have never kept many friends.  Acquaintances, yes, only because of work.  But acquaintances are not people you celebrate your overcoming life's struggles.  Friends are friends, when they need something from you - no different from a business association.

I never insisted on an epidural during childbirth nor any form of painkiller - never wanted to feel numb because feeling it all makes us real people.  Yet, at any one point in time, the fingers on my one hand, can barely put a name on each finger.

I suffer from migraine and mostly, I sleep it off after drowning myself in hot tea.  When it's really bad, I take one aspirin and sleep.  Currently, an old injury on my feet started to bother me.  I still go to work and hardly walk with a wobble because I do not like to draw attention to my personal space. People tell me to see a podiatrist, doctor or whoever.  I still hobble about at home and walk just fine in public.

Perhaps I'm the oddball to this study.

Actually I doubt it.  There are many like me in the world. We do not have the need to have many friends, because our life is self-enriching.

I'm on summer break now and there are acquaintances who would like to catch up for lunch yet, I rather stay home and clear up my wardrobe, pack boxes to ship out to orphanages and eat a hot home cooked meal watching the telly.

Bottom line is, just because a study says it is, doesn't mean it really is.
Most random samples are either undergrads/interns and people in a similar cultural background.
Some may say, ah, we are asian so we have a strong family bond/ties, which may account for our 'lack of' desire to have many friends.  WRONG.

I am almost an orphan by choice.
If anything, the lack of having even ONE TRUE FRIEND makes me a better thinking person.  One who is self sustaining and one who is not dependent on any social network application to say, hey, I'm worth something.

Religion - the answer to all?

It's not a new phenomenon for people to turn to religion when they are unable to come up with a lucrative explanation OR when they feel a need to disguise the ugly, underlying truth of any matter.

Daily, we read news from everywhere - and sometimes, the guilty party is too obvious and for the discerning, his/her next course of action can be predicted.

Religion is never bad to have, yet, it's philosophy must be applied to modern day society.  Religious text of any denomination is said to have been written donkey years ago, where crime was less sophisticated and choices almost unheard of.  Such text was written when minds were not on over-drive and people did not do much except tend to the lands and procreate.

These days, religion has been reduced to being the answer to the unknown, the solution to all human created problems and the rock people hide behind.

Religion was coined so that people in a community could bond together as a community and live with utmost respect for one another.  But in a world where people are competing to see who blows the loudest trumpet, religion has been reduced to everything that has not been inferred to, when those scared texts were written.

It is inference after all - and there are many who will shout from the highest mountain that their interpretation is correct.

There is no correct interpretation - except that by society at large.  If civil laws say this is murder, IT IS, there is no other valid excuse for committing murder - not under any guise.

It's no different from dumping earth in the middle of the ocean, in international waters, then claiming that to be your personal island.  International waters has been marked so that everyone has the right to access it.

Similarly, one cannot impose a law under the guise of religion and say it's application is only for those who share the same religious belief.  It's like saying, we have 2 sets of rules, one for you and one for me.  That is divisive policy.

I am relieved that I have lived out most of my years on this earth.  Relieved, so I don't have to watch the world crumble under people who practise greed and selfishness but will never admit to any.

Singapore might be more socialist than democratic but our government has never been deceitful.  When our constitution reads, equality and more equality - the ruling party will always win because that is what they implement in our societal laws.

I may not have had the opportunity to earn more money than I can, had I migrated elsewhere, but I never have to deal with a whimsical set of civil laws, which changes because the person at the top feels like it.

To turn a blind eye

This is a trait many many people have.

The idea is, if it doesn't concern us personally, why bother to get someone else into trouble OR why bother to meddle.

In my book, meddling means, nothing good is going to come out of it.  I WILL meddle if it's for the general good.  It is in my nature to use my eyes for what it's supposed too be used for i.e. LOOKING WITH SCRUTINY.

Some might think that it's a 'quarrelsome' nature - yes and no - it depends on the perspective you are concluding that from.

I'm a stickler for order.  I like to know where things are.  I like to know that when we say we are on the same page, we are.  I don't like people getting away with things, because that's not what progress and improvement is all about.

If we want to get better, we take the good, the bad and the ugly and run with it.

My entire life, is almost about running from my 'social circle'. I run because I prefer never to have to tell another person how to be that person.  It's not that I operate from a moral high ground, it's just that we need to learn how to be accountable for our actions.  That is the bigger thing to do.  Admit to a huge mistake.

Professionals I have come across, people who earn tens of thousands of dollars a month, lack that trait.  They rather cower in their guilt, plead ignorance and keep drawing that pay-check which saves their behind.

Friends will tell me, why be the one who sacrifices.
I tell them, because I can.
The difference between people like me and people like that is, we don't need a huge pay-check to be who we are.  We are the few who believe that a square peg cannot go into a smaller round hole.  We do not subscribe to making that round hole larger so we can push the square peg through.

We do not lack intelligence to get us out of bad situations; we don't because it's not right.  No moral high ground here, just highlighting the ticks from the crosses.

We are not law makers, we are the ones who uphold the law and expect others to.  It doesn't matter which brand of law - societal law, criminal law, civil law....it doesn't matter.  Fact is, it's there for all.  No discrimination.  Applies evenly.

At least we like to think so.
Never turn a blind eye for someday, that eye will be blind for real.

If love is blind..........Song by Tiffany

I'm not sure if this song had a prior singer, but the first time I heard it, Tiffany was on the mic.

Nostalgia

For a person who guards my independence, it's strange to have a song which affects me at many levels.

For starters, to me, Love isn't blind - which is why the title is apt in my situation.  If Love is Blind, there will be so many failed relationships that would have been successes.  

If love is blind
I'll find my way with you
Cause I can't see myself
Not in love with you
If love is blind
I'll find my way with you

I have passed on many - many who have loved me and vice-versa - circumstances always forced me to use my head and it always sings Love ISN"T blind.

Are people like me, there are many of us, ever going to stop using our head and for once, make a decision with our heart?  I doubt.

Once you are a head person, you tend to skew that way.  There is no way, we can continue doing the same thing over and over again, and expect a different outcome - it doesn't happen.

The only way people like me can live in the moment for as long as the song plays - that love is blind...BUT THEN - the song title is IF love is blind...which means, Love isn't blind at all.

Sooner or later, whatever we are blind to, comes into our line of vision clearly.

If love is a state of mind, that is able to perpetuate for eternity, there will be less people breaking up, less people in divorce courts, less children growing up in incomplete homes.

It may have taken me a long time, to realise how much I value my independence but now that I have it, it's difficult to let go.

I try, to get blind-sided for a moment, but that's all the slack it can ever get - a moment.

Perhaps, my life took priority because of my responsibilities.  

Perhaps then, it's not my fault for being less blind!

Why the need to Preach?

Perhaps, I have grown up in a rote-learning medium, and repetition works for anything requiring exact recall.

So people PREACH.

I do not have a problem to read religious text or anything remotely acquainted with religion. BUT.  I have a problem when people try to do interpretation of a passage and cite examples from their life (presumably) and have the expectation that everyone will share their interpretation.

It's best to keep moral/ethical teachings simple.

Don't kill another person, because the law doesn't permit you to do so without repercussions on your present life.

There is no need to find a quote that is close to what you want to say and use that as a basis for arguing.

The more the compulsion, the more inaccurate the citations become.  I see it as a desperation to be right.

Every day, I have to put up with at least one person preaching.  It's annoying.

Chapter 3: 5 ¶Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

If a child comes to me and says, he failed his Math,  I'm not going to tell him that he missed the proverb above.  BUT I surely will tell him he didn't do enough Math worksheets to grasp the concepts.

I heard a preacher make this connection a few weeks ago (not at a church since I retired that activity).

I believe in GOD.
BUT I do not think that GOD will appreciate that I trust him to a degree of totality that I will sit pretty and do nothing.

My understanding is : GOD will help those who help themselves.
My understanding is : I cannot get a PhD unless I sign up for the programme and attain the grades for the degree to be conferred.

SO I trust in GOD yet I lean unto my own understanding of the situation so that I can better adjust to meet expectations.

These are the half-baked preachers who shoot their mouths off to kids who do not know better.  Where is GOD now? Someone is polluting the minds of His creation.

It's okay to dish out advice - do it from experience, do it by the civil law book.  Don't do it because you think you can get away with it.

Divine Intervention?

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/hindu-group-india-asks-gods-help-trump-win-094533349.html


I was amused but surprised that it's just not the Americans who are involved in the coming US Presidential Election.

The entire world is TIRED of reading reports on acts of terror.  Common folk can do nothing except pray for the politicians to do more, in terms of security so that children and people can go about their lives and perish when it is their time and NOT when some misaligned interest group decides their end.

Society is paranoid, but not enough.
A lot still think that it won't happen to us - which is why acts of terror is still rampant.

Does it matter if we all had to report earlier for flight?
Will it matter if Immigration takes forever to give clearance?

People don't want to be inconvenienced yet when tragedy strikes, they will be the first to protest.

I have supported Trumps nomination from the start because I believe that he has the balls to say what the world needs to hear.  This world has been too POLITICALLY CORRECT that the terrorists have taken us all to be jokes.

We don't want to single out any belief based group, but the occurrences have not helped us otherwise.

So I support the petition to the Divine - we need a fresh pair of eyes and a clear mind, free of bias to stand up for the rights of the world - the right to save the planet from global warming rather than trying to figure out when and where the next murder(s) will take place.

We have bigger issues on this earth than having to tolerate pockets of people who think killing another is their meal ticket to being a saint.

Easier said than done

Not much flurry but still, we are conducting a by-election here.

I wish POLITICIANS try their hand at growing up for a change.  I tend to see the worst in people/groups, during election rallies/speeches.

A journalist wrote about the results showing whether Singapore is a forgiving society.

Frankly, our policies are not, if and when looked deep and hard.  On the surface, it is.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE

Officials everywhere sign Agreements for climate change and still, it doesn't really translate as a one-minded Agreement when indiscriminate burning of crops still send the swooping haze to visit several times a year.

Likewise, our belief system teaches us to forgive and forget. But after a long term in jail, many ex-convicts still have problems integrating into society.  Some still struggle to get work.  Society has forgiven them, which is why they are out, but that doesn't mean that translates to reality actions.

Countries say, we will control foreigners holding top jobs, yet in the mall and high-end residential areas, we still see high-paying expats lumbering in their yard in their top-end cars.

It's not about whether this society is forgiving - it's about other peoples need to hold on to absolute power.  It's happening everywhere.  No one wants to vacate a seat for another and let him be the pin in your arse.

Trump bashed the media many times for being bias.  It's the truth everywhere.  Whoever has the gall to break their 'rice bowl' right?  But when he said it, people in that industry got offended.  Truth hurts.

We cannot build a first class world - because nations are far from being first-class in their heads.  Trump blasted his way because he's right and he knows it.  He had TIME advantage - time to be loud and prove he is right.  Only TIME can help support any truth.

Here, we don't have that luxury.  Everything must be done at a snap of a finger - so people don't have time to mull over anything and will be forced to use history as a yardstick.

If we still use history as a yardstick - what's the point of asking if people are forgiving.  History says, people never do that and people never learn.

So why ask a silly question.

If everyone just did their job and stop low-balling, perhaps society can really make progress.
I wrote months ago, that it's TRUMP and Clinton.  I am right.

But then again, for an average earning non-scholar person, I guess my opinions are not important.  My past is colourful and I certainly don't know how to play ball.  I am not a YES person.

So this little by-election we are having - frankly, it's just paying lip service to the constitution.
People are blind, deaf and don't like to take chances.

Result - we top all the lists that I cannot be proud of.  This city is not a land of opportunity.  It's the land of hard work until you drop dead.  All those covered walkways isn't going to make our life, earning a decent living easier.

Easier is easily said than done.

Stop bashing others.
People also have families.
People don't change, but they mellow with maturity.

Back anyone in a corner and see if they react.
High Profile siblings also bite each other - we just are not privy to it, because of some gag somewhere.

This society needs to grow up and develop that thinking skill.
It's not about forgiveness.
It's about being the bigger man.

Being an Introvert

One thing out, another thing in.
Isn't that the way things always are?

I just had a nightmare of a weekend with my supposed BFF and even as I was drawing deep breaths to keep calm, another calls to inform me that she's back and would like to have TEA this weekend.

I am booked with work all week.  Today is my only sane day this week and Saturday is supposed to be my other sane day until I confirmed TEA.

This BFF is different - because she has life really going for her and she doesn't need to prove anything to me.  Why my other BFF feels the need to, I don't know.

I am looking forward to TEA because quirky as I am, so is she.
She speaks her mind and prefers that I do the same.
We do not need to remind ourselves to be civil to each other, because we already established that respect long ago.

So I AM looking forward to having TEA with this BFF because I know I will feel better afterwards, because she will assure me by not stressing me out unnecessarily.

I spent the afternoon playing catch up with the latest season of Gray's Anatomy.  I found some truths there - I burn bridges.  Correction.  I don't just burn bridges, I cremate them with no apologies or regrets.

I declined a date today, because I wanted to veg out.  I chose the telly over a date with a guy.

Bottom line is : I'm so much a closet introvert that no one around me ever realises that.
After a bru-ha-ha day, after another day, I need that quiet - I need alone time - I need to re-charge alone just so I can remain sane and continue being the clown that I am in public.

When is enough, Enough?

We wonder how some people are just intolerant of others - they don't try to be nice and they certainly speak their mind.

Generally, when dealing with people I'm not familiar with, I am that polite only because I don't want to have to deal with their complaints and whining.

Just over this long weekend away, it occurred to me that my best friend from college has grown older in age but not in her thinking OR intelligence.

So I told her about this 'phenomenon' which was/still IS, the talk of the 'town'.  It's all over the social media.

She asked me how that animal was born with a human face.

Frankly, how does one reply to an obvious situation.  Given that the person I told this to has a PhD in BioChemistry and if we don't want to consider level of education, then she's past 50 years old.

I cannot believe she asked me that question so I refused to give her an answer.  

It's okay to be ignorant about somethings, but to be ignorant about something this basic is disgusting.  She kept asking me why and I made a face and said - I'm not even going to go there.

This after I told her, its easy to actually find out what happened, since we do have the science of DNA.  She still didn't get it.

Imagine my disgust, that I had to put up with this ignorance, coming from a person who doesn't allow me to smoke in the room or in her presence; a person who doesn't flush the toilet after she pees; a person who needs to sleep with all the night curtains closed and a person who thinks I shouldn't write a review on a restaurant on Trip Advisor because I didn't like the noodles.

So I decided that the weekend which just went past, is my last vacation with her, my best friend - provided of course, she will remain to be my best friend.

I give in because it's my nature to accommodate people's whims.   BUT if I have to do that at my every vacation, then it's not really my vacation is it?

So, farewell to my best friend who was my travel mate.  Will she remain to be my best friend - not sure, since I don't have tolerance for ignorance or selfishness.

So when someone is nasty, don't jump the gun and say they are - because when nasty people are nice, people take full advantage and go FULL THROTTLE on stupid.

Longest Journey Home

I spent the long weekend away in Malaysia, like most people. The weekend was long yet too short for a trip further out.

The coach ride to Malacca on Konsortium was decent.  No complaints - not even for the traffic at Tuas, because there was none.  H/e on the trip back, it was a journey of disgust.

First - the coach arrived very late. I was told to wait at the hotel lobby at 2pm, the ticket stated 230pm.

At 230pm, there was still no sign of the bus and when I enquired with Concierge, I was told there is a massive traffic bottleneck in the city - which is to be expected, because Malaysia is also having the Labour Day weekend.

The bus showed up at 2.50pm with a grouchy driver.  I was of the opinion that being a tour coach driver, they would already be used to the traffic but apparently, attitude was the order of the day.  Because they were so late, picking up the other passengers from other hotels had delays.  Passengers probably wandered about the lobby/surrounding area.  No one called to inform.  I guess the cheap coach tickets does not warrant us any rights to being kept updated by their office, although we did pay more to ride the coach over a public holiday.

Now, passengers over long weekends are also something else.

I had the pleasure of riding with fellow passengers from one huge extended family.  They were not seated together as a group, so I had to bear with them walking up and down the aisle.  Because they were overweight, they bumped into arm-rests without apologies.  The icing on the cake was a couple, both also obese, with a newborn of approx 4mths old.  The baby cried too many times and in a confined space, sounded like screams.  

I don't understand why and how, people decide to travel with an infant, who apparently wasn't adjusted to coach travel at all.  I'm not against new parents going for a vacation, but I think 'common sense' should always be exercised.  How can they expect others to tolerate their babies cries?  Am I supposed to be tolerant, just because they can't manage their infant?  This is probably where things start to go wrong.

At this stage, we are supposed to be considerate of their inexperience.  What happens when the kid goes to school?  Are we also supposed to give more consideration and excuses for adults who do not take the trouble to LEARN how to be a considerate parent?  If kids get into trouble in school, parents blame the teachers.  If they get into trouble right after, it's society.

Time to really take stock of the quality of parents these days.  I believe people are mass producing, because of government grants and not because they really want to be parents.

Parents used to be proud of a child's good behaviour.  These days, parents just wait along the sidelines and expect everyone else to make allowances for their unparented child while they make excuses for themselves.

The bus had a mechanic visit at Yong Peng and the grouchy driver did not even inform us.  He said, be back at 6pm and the engine compartment was still opened at that time.  The bus didn't push off till 645pm.  I could have had a meal in that 45 minutes.

So a journey that should have taken no more than 4 hours by coach, ended up to be 7 hours.

That is really way too long.  

First time I'm travelling on Konsortium and I guess they called themselves that because they consort to Murphy's Law at every opportunity.