View from the TOP

These pictures were taken when my girlfriend had her face buried between her hands. We were all terrified of heights, although it didn't amount to 'phobia'.

When suspended, one could only think of falling and an ungracious landing, crushing the fresh grass, ferns and breaking each 261 bones in our body. Every time the car passes the pole - there will be this creaking sound of metal - it's frightful - for a person who hates horror movies, this was the ultimate.

BUT I managed to busy myself with the breathtaking view - me and my love for the very beauty I believe exists in every facet of this earth and our very being.

Many thoughts rushed through my mind - for one, I couldn't have found a better place to end the Y2006....to be reminded that amongst all the wickedness, selfishness, rudeness and all negative attributes that I have come across this year from people, there is a great Maker.

The people who do nothing but create unhappiness for others, simply got lost and started becoming weeds....not even grass, which is good enough for the cows to consume!

IN THE END, it will the be fauna and flora that will florish, because it grows taller, with each choking twine of the weed - The sun will provide the warmth, the rain washes the bitterness away and the death of the weeds will disintegrate into the soil.....

Pity those who make a career of making another's life miserable.

They do not realise that life is about helping each other grow.....

A borrowed Christmassy feelin

This was the most expensive Christmas Eve dinner ever for me! Yet, I went ahead because it's my personal tradition, like a yearly pilgrimage...
Because I'm not a festive person, I have to cheat i.e. soak in the external atmosphere so that I will feel a little bit more Christmassy.
I must say, dinner was really elaborate - but like all Christmas eve dinners, the decorations and carolling alone, will create that elaborate atmosphere!
I have no regrets, except that being a small eater, buffet spreads are a waste of money on me...
The spread included lobster, crayfish, prawns, meat selections....wonderful desserts, and the list goes on....and the atmosphere was glorious....punctuated with almost angels' voices echoing throughout the atrium....
To add to the festive atmosphere, the weather was cool and wet....almost like a snowless winter...
BUT, next year, I'm planning to spend christmas elsewhere.....I need to find the christmassy feeling on my own, without the frills.....I cannot be so hopeless that I can't do it on my own!

Am I ready for Y2007

I don't know because there are so many things left unsettled, work wise, that is.
The office is decorated and we have a buffet spread at our break-out area. In fact, everyone is so cheery today.......I am too, except...coming from me, what is a blog without an "except" rite?

I haven't done my deep thinking, neither have I made a check on my mental list - something like a new years resolution, but less complicated than that.
I am NOT READY to move forward into the new year...perhaps it's cold feet - coz I will be studying next year, time to hit the books.

I am not impulsive, but when my application went in, it was because I didn't want to fall into ranks of people who have dreams yet never making it a reality. I am a realist who have strayed away from the primary objective.

I am not ready to put on my thinking cap and split the load between my maddening job and the books. What if I am not dedicated enough and my grades come back embarassing, by my standards?

I guess we will always have times, when we feel so pressured because we need to perform in excellence. I have zero support - I have only me, my wits and me, to get me through 2007. I have lost contact with my soul-mate and he wouldn't be there to guide me through, like he was before.

So, very reluctantly, i'm inching my way towards 2007....hoping to tip-toe into the year!

Nothing Left to hang-on to...

What happens when there is nothing much to hang on to?
Thankfully, there are choices.
One can always plod along, like what most of us do, OR One could decide to make changes.
Which brings me to another crossroad : what are the changes and the costs?

Life is a maze of questions and crossroads. There will never be the perfect life, where we could just wake up each day and have no decisions to make. BUT that is not including the tidy group of people who CHOOSE not to make decisions albeit the sole decision of not taking responsibility at all. These are "I pass the buck to you" classification type.

I do not understand, how these people were even allowed to come to this world and wreck havoc to lives of people around them. But, they are here, and will continue to be here because that's life.

Back to the question of the day.
Well, if I have nothing left to hang on to, I will simply just get on with my life, ignore the irritation and make the best of what's left........of me.

No regrets, nothing.
I do not have to take the irritation personally, because I have given up, a long time ago.
It may come across like I do not care enough for myself to think about my happiness.
BUT then, isn't that a state of mind?

Heartbeat skippin' christmas

When does our heart skip a beat?
Usually it's related to matters of the heart - like when we're in the company of someone we care greatly about and the person probably doesn't have a clue.
I wouldn't say that everyone is dense to the power of infinity, but sometimes, it's just not too convenient to know - because it's not a means to an end.
There is nothing bleak about this observation, because it's true. It happens to everyone and especially now, during Christmas season. Christmas is after all, a season of love. Love means giving unconditionally - it doesn't have to come all wrapped, but it's the time we remember our loved ones and those who have nobody to give them the warmth of being cared for.
I failed terribly this year because I haven't had the discipline to do my bit for the Alone. YET, I have been blessed more than ever in the Year 2006, which I'm thankful for, but doesn't qualify as an excuse. I have lived through this maddening year and ended it on a good note.
To TOP it all, this morning, my day began with a little surprise, it came wrapped, of course.
My heart skipped a beat.

The weather and me

My favourite kind of weather - cold and wet.

It's great for sleeping in, but the damper is - it's a work day today!

BUT I enjoyed to ride to work, although the cars were bumper to bumper because I could watch water rushing fast on the road shoulder, the sound of the rain on the windscreen, the splash as tyres cut the water and the most awesome sight was when I saw the buildings, partly covered with 'clouds'.

THAT is awesome.

It made my day, I was very late for work, but it made my day.

Imagine if I were born in temperate lands, I'd probably be less grouchy and impatient, and a whole different persona would make-up ME.

Dumping TOP DOLLAR man

In the whole of my life, I have been labelled 'the dumper' as opposed to 'the dumped'. In my books, my valid reason is : my need to achieve my objective with the least possible trouble yet keeping to a book of codes.
This is my mantra, for my personal life, career, post-grad studies, buying choices - everything.

Back to topics of before : People do not change.
They may surprise us for that one rare moment, but believe me, it's always for another reason, probably to their advantage.

Therefore, I have learnt to think 3-steps ahead - to allow myself time to react in the corresponding yet face-slapping way, hence the dumper attitude.

Respect for others is so important. If we cannot respect another being, what does that make us? Definately nothing that's classified in the zoology index!

I do not enjoy dumping, but I definately enjoy keeping to my rules because at the end of the day, I decide who I want to talk to or deal with. Money cannot buy my time or patience, because I am not for sale.

what we are worth

When someone irks you and rubs you the wrong way, could you put a price to that? If we had to put a value-tag on every person and every experience, how much would it cost us to plod through a regular work day?

The saying is "$ TIME IS MONEY $", yet, if you go behind the actual meaning - it would sound more like "DON'T WASTE MY TIME". Why is time so precious? Because once it passes, it can never come back. This moment, will pass and become etched in our memory and archived in the museum as HISTORY.

I believe in hard work and sincerity.

BUT I would rather loose $2000 than allow another to say as they please, simply because they felt like it.

So the moral of the story is, treat each person with respect, because there will come a time, when your money is not worth the other person's time.

When that happens, you're more broke than the last person made bankrupt!

Friends, supposedly

What happens when someone you are supposedly close to just decides to loose it, and does something totally unexpected and hurts you?
I've seen it happen, watched it happen and even experienced that myself. It's not the anger that eats us up, but the disbelief. When it happened to me, I just took it in my stride and moved on. I am really good at being cordial that it's amazing how I keep my mouth from splurting the demand for explanations.
People who do that are usually insecure and need to make a statement.
Trouble is, when the parties involved are friends, then that is a really lame excuse. Friends see beyond weaknesses, but it has to work both ways. Close friends are supposed to go way beyond that, meaning, they look out for each other, not rob the other when heads are turned.
No matter how bad we expect another to behave, disappointment and disbelief will still set in. Why, because of the friendship.
It takes all kinds to make the world - so cliche
BUT we still have a choice on how we move on from there - not easy -
If we cannot find the strength to move on, then we should quietly move away and keep things at a distance so that another such opportunity will not present itself to totally destroy the friendship. It will, because for anything to work, it takes two.
If the effort to preserve the true meaning of being friends is left to ONE person, then it's not a friendship to begin with.

Story of the "top dollar" man

It's amazing how people love to think that they are UP-THERE in society. Most times, this happens to the 'wannabes', never to those who really have.
What do we do about such people, who think just because they have a different skin colour, that we will allow them to say and do whatever they want? I say, that we should not retaliate, but just move on and let karma take it's course. It may sound as the easy way out, but well, it's not, because I for one, do not let people get off that easily.
BUT these people, do not deserve my time or anyone's for that matter. They have downgraded themselves from irritating to just plain beach bum stupid.
Wherever we may be, respect should always be the order of the day. To begin with, they didn't have enough money to put down as security deposits on time and having gotten all that sorted out, they are now griping about the quality of the curtains, the brands of the dishwasher.......
Having had ENOUGH of their TOP DOLLAR shit, I told this TOP DOLLAR mans' son that I'm not giving him any referral fee, because I have decided not to claim any commission for this case from the Landlords agent.
No matter what we do, we should never allow people to step all over us.
To me, MR TOP DOLLAR and his son and wife can go eat my dust, because I may have found this apartment for them, but I certainly do not need my share of the S$4300 fees, whilst their son, even sent me an email for his fair share of the referral fee of $215.

TOP DOLLAR indeed.

I have given up $2150 but that's ok, because I would rather not be associated with such people - they just generate negative energy and bad karma.

So I am happy now that I am rid of them.

The insults they have spewed out about SINGAPORE makes me wonder, why the hell they decided to work here in the first place. They should have just stayed on their beach back home and make paper boats out of their TOP DOLLARS.

created or caused

Whilst soaking in the rural surroundings and breathing the salty air, I wonder if situations are created or caused. There is a difference -

To me, when a situation is created, it could well be beyond our control although we may have steered the ship. Ownership of the situation could belong to anyone or everyone collectively.

When a situation is caused, then someone is more likely to have been the one who took a stand, resulting in the situation.

When something is created, it could have been by divine intervention like Adam & Eve! OR by reporting in the press some news to create a hype.

Things do not become 'caused' - there will be other connecting facets as an explanation.

The words are almost interchangeable, yet it's not.

So, I would like to think that my work situation is more causal than created, although that would imply that somewhere, I let it happen, which I did, to a certain extent by doing nothing about it.

Therefore, as long as no one creates problems in terms of hygiene, mosquito-borne diseases etc, about this food-joint on silts, nothing can cause it to shut down. If it does, we will not be able to go back in time to appreciate the simpler things in life.

Getting it Right

My day started with curtains not sewn right. It was a 'sunday longer than monday' syndrome. The blackout backing was longer than the actual night curtain. The receiving party was obviously not amused - but it's not life or death, just not right.
Then the name card guy sends my name cards, with the corrected word, but wrong extensions, wrong fax numbers etc. This is after I sent him a copy of the wrong name card and circled the mistake which he should correct - only that ONE WORD.
For a person like me, that didn't look like a good start to the day BUT being the optimist that I try to be, I shall continue to look forward to the rest of the afternoon.
But what does it take to get something rite?
I think listening is important, and taking pride in your work, no matter how whimsical it may be (at that moment). We should do quality control, as long as we are required for some output. It's easier to sew then to unpick the sewn hem. It's also easier to check for the location before leaving for that destination, rather than get lost and then figuring it out. Most of all, it's like speaking. Think before you speak, because to retract that, may be impossible.
It does take a lot to get things rite, but it's worth the hassle, because not all undoings are easy!

What's the Bottom Line?

We are just about 21 days to Y2007 and I am STILL on the reverse gear. I have tried to be chirpy like my birds, optimistic by looking at a new car, sympathetic by not getting easily upset but this good-naturedness has got nothing to do with the Christmas spirit. It's my system, slowing shutting down for the hibernation!
Work doesn't seem so exciting anymore. I used to be so motivated by the idea of work that I can honestly be mistaken for the bumper sticker that reads "CAN'T CATCH ME!". Waking up at 5.30am was dreadful, but after the hot H2O hits me, I'm wide awake, like i've drowned myself in 20 cups of coffee. These days, even when I get 90 minutes added on for snoozing, I need a cold shower to wake me up.
So, What's the Bottom Line?
The festive bug bit me and I'm infected.

Time flying

Is it a good sign when time flies?
I thought I began this week on an even footing, planning my schedule properly, penning what I had to get done instead of relying on my ageing brain and smiling when i'm at work. No such luck. I'm at Friday, and I don't feel like a week's gone by.
It's understandable that December IS the shortest month of the year, not February, since no matter what you do, we're always nearer to the new year, but I am sure, this december 2006, somehow is a record holder for sprinting!
The plus side is, we have the new year to look forward to - different directions, better opportunities, more money and perhaps cleaner messes!
We should not regret because that's like admitting we didn't plan well. We should give ourselves a pat on the back and say, hey, we really have done our best and it's time to soak in the Christmassy feeling and enjoy the company of friends in this season of giving.
So for me, it's a good sign that time flies, because any more of this, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between furniture and me!

River Ride

At lunch-time today, we decided on a river ride to Clarke Quay. Not that we couldn't drive, but I guess my colleagues wanted to break the monotony of our 'schedule'.

This is certainly not the best picture of the river, but then, it goes to show that even during our lunch break, we think about real estate all the time. I took this picture, because a client was keen on this building.

Is it too late for me to go back to my major? Have I been wheeling and dealing for too long?

Imagine that, of all the wonderful skyline and rows of conservation shophouses with alfresco dining along the river-walk with colourful patio umbrellas, I took a picture of an uncompleted building.

THAT is so SAD!

Shuffling feet

As the year draws to a close, tiredness sets in - I think I'm in a marathon with no finish line ever. I'm trying to slow down and get into reverse gear, deliberately.
There are times and many times again, when we feel that we have taken a wrong turn, found the landscape interesting, decided to meander further, almost loosing our way in the maze, forgetting how we got there in the first place.
So, I need to use the reverse gear to get back on the main road.
I'm almost done with my objective for this portfolio and I have started looking around for another farm with milk-laden cows - fresh milk for me from now on, no more less fat, more calcium stuff. It's terrible when you're enjoying your milk and someone reminds you that it's the less creamy milk that you're consuming.
I know it's healthier and all that, but having one life to live, and half a life ahead, I want the half to be FULL - which cannot sound so bad, since, living is certainly better than existing.
So I'm still shuffling my feet on the sand but looking hard at where the wind would blow the dust. Perhaps, the wind would lead me onto this megafarm and perhaps when I am there, I will be able to just be irresponsible and move on.