missing you

In the depth of my soul and the darkest part of my mind
I remember you
In the folds of the grey and the brush of the wind
I know you
To turn time behind and undo this gap
Is impossible, the hours have lapsed
We have but once, to make the memories
The all inevitable mysteries
of life
of love
of joy
of pain............

superstition and me

Superstition. I have asked myself many times if it even exists. But when things don't go the way we planned, there is always this tendency to put the blame on something else. We externalise. That's human nature. We do that so we don't have to address the larger negative picture. Negative is such a bleak word. We like to believe that we are proactive and doing everything right. Yet, in order to finally fix a 'wrong', we need to first understand how it didn't go right and do the repair work from there. Perhaps we need some cosmic power somewhere to set the mood for a greater goal - pave the rocky way and remove all obstacles from our destination! If only life was so straightforward. Whatever we need to believe in, and whatever it may be called, it fuels our desire to get THERE. This may be the 21st Century, and superstition may not be the in-thing, but if I can get to where I want, minus the stress, then I would not want to take a chance that it does exist. Because right now, i'm sitting at the wrong place, with a wrong facing, having poison arrows and basically, a place even the master of feng shui couldn't fix.

Monday Blues

Many people dread Mondays - each for a different reason. It could be the start of a busy work, school week, or simply, the start of 5 days of being responsible in reporting for duty, not necessarily at our desired choice of location. The idea of having to drag our carcasses to be that responsible person weighs any good person down. There are no solutions because we will always be faced with some kind of situation which we would rather opt out of.
However, all is not bleak, because we still can change that - not by role, but by belief. I'm not saying we get all optimistic and become unrealistic. No. A reality check is good, but it should never be our desire to be perfect, because there will always be another hill to climb, another pothole to avoid - and we WILL fall sometime - and get all down trodden. Instead, we should be happy with how far we have come, how long we have stayed in the game, and how proud we are to just to be ourselves. We should be thankful that we are still able to render assistance, in whatever small way we can, to another person, to help them smile. It's never just about us because it's always greater to give - even when our world is caving in.

Is it enough?

When is having enough, really enough? There is always a need for something...or someone. For satisfaction, we trade in our competitiveness and dreams. We learn coping skills to curb the yearning for what is not enough. Then we try to be more thankful and grateful for how far we have come along and motivate ourselves to be happy.
The truly contented are the gems, the sparkling brillance radiates from within. I could say, then that how contented we can be, would depend upon whether the spoon we were born with was silver or not. But I find that unconvincing because there are silver spooners who still feel half-baked about how far they have come along. I guess, having enough is really enough when we stop trying to beat the clock or worse still, beat someone to something at some cost.
Perhaps as long as we are in a constantly moving environment, we become compelled to keep reaching out for the sky - never mind if we'll never get there - we just want to be proactive, reactive, constructive and everything a success story is about. Take a moment to think, will that be enough?

Being maladaptive

There are some people who are forthcoming. Some others who prefer to be elusive and yet some others who lurk just waiting for an opportunity to twist situations to their advantage. I'm all for 'the fittest survives' theory, but, shouldn't there be a decent limit, in the name of conscience, for a fair game? Adults should behave like adults, and be clear and outright about their intentions. There isn't a dire need to lie about anything - why is having an inflated ego so important? What happened to downright honesty?
Perhaps for these people, it's adapting to the environment - the money chase - paper chase - or even the tail chase - but someone ought to tell them that their very behaviour is MALADAPTIVE - not adaptive. I wonder which part of school they missed. They go around maladapting to this environment which is loaded with wonderful people and spread their venom to the unsuspecting. I think it's like the bird flu virus - we know the strain but we really don't know where it's residing till it's in our system - which by then is almost too late to avoid.

TRUTH

How does one begin to be honest, when the truth is always too difficult for anyone to swallow? In our lifetime, there will be moments, when we conceal the truth, lest we hurt another person. We try to be politically correct. In friendships, we expect some honesty from friends, yet most times, when they fall short of our expectations, we wonder, why? On the one hand, it's right to be polite and have no real opinions, on the other, we set a different expectation for people closest to us. The disappointment comes when we feel that our friends have 'withheld' the truth for reasons they try to validate, but never a REASON enough for us. Is the truth really important that a friendship gets 'put on the line'?
Truth forms the basis of a relationship, friendship. Ironically, it provides us with an emotional safe haven. It's a rare time when being honest is the key to bridging bridges between people. Truth helps us grow, grow to change, change to grow. With truth, we have trust and with trust, we have Care and Love. Truth is not about the competition of knowledge, it's caring enough for another to have this need to share.

The Crimson Sky

The crimson sky, in shades of orange-red, brings a smile to my face
The streaks of clouds, and shadows of storm, lines the sky like lace
The flicker of breeze like freedom of a child’s wish
Touches my skin, a butterfly, a kiss
The sun is setting……….
The booming sound of the highway, the sizzle of rubber and tar
The odour of fumes, the flashes of bumper red, too many cars
I look up in the sky, the contrast too great
I need some peace, this congestion I hate
In my mind and my space……..
Make the noise and people go far away, and bring the silence here for me
To treasure in solitude to feel, to be free
I wonder then if my smile is real
I wonder then if my pain will heal
I am missing……..

MoMents

As the sunlight streams past the clouds, it ends right where you smile.....
A breath of sunshine, after a long long while -
The birds have resumed their morning song....
Everything is right almost where it belongs -
Yet here I am, still soaking the moment, a moment that was queitly shared........
Between friends, between lovers, the time they cared -
When tomorrow comes, with the burst of sunshine, those moments will be gone....
BUT dwell in the timelessness of our memory, New moments, will be born -
All's not lost, in the maddening rush, of lives entwined in time ....
At that moment, for the memory, all of it is mine

My compass

For me this time of year is exciting because there's a fresh load of goodness to look forward to. Of course, life comes packaged with it's fair share of glitches, but that breaks the monotony of routine. I have never been a person that could be content with the simplicity of routine chores. Sure, it's a lot more difficult to juggle impromptu decisions now than before, but that goes with the present territory. But the silver lining would be when an opportunity doesn't get passed up but worked around the current situation. So although the most traumatic times of my life seem to bar me from moving on, it never really does. It stalls me, but for a moment. My life's compass points towards finding solutions and that it's up to me to make it work. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves and if we decide to be lost, we will be. So, set the compass right, read the direction and find a way out before the road ends. That has kept me going for years - sure, I have lost my sanity trying to understand the compass, hit the end of the road because I felt the compass wasn't working properly - but my life was heading in the correct direction - and as with all roads, it's never straight.