A darn good choice.
The story, reminds me a little about me. Its almost like my story, only that, I haven't come 'full circle' to loose my balance because of love yet.
I am not hopeful, since I am a firm believer of 'contentment' and not 'wanting' more than what is ever going to be available.
Through the tumultuous years of putting another's needs before mine - I have lost myself. His needs were always greater; his troubles always more severe; his time was always more precious than mine.
Since I rarely dwell emotionally - I reverted to WHO I am - a thinking person.
I dwell on how to manage people who have failed me; I dwell on how to move on without the emotional scarring. I dwell on how to better handle similar situations.
I needed alone time and I gave myself that time - not in Bali but at home, away from my social network and people in general. It helped me think clearly. The silence of hearing only my own voice.
One day, I will go to Bali - I have never been there before - Being a city girl, I felt that Bali would be too quiet, too holiday-ish for me to survive alone. In any city, I could get lost in traffic noise or the voices of strangers but on beach-front resorts, it can get lonely; so I always thought.
I am ready now to venture onto a different terrain.
All the broken relationships I have had, broke, because NONE of them, ever made me loose my balance even for a second. There has been no one, special enough for me to say 'you take the lead because I trust you will care for my heart'. NONE of them ever got even a portion of my heart. What I did for them, I did out of responsibility, never love.
So, if love has been so evasive all my life, till this point - what makes me think I will be able to find it?
Because now - I KNOW what I need. I KNOW what I want.
The freedom to be ME.
I used to feel that the years gone by have been wasted on people who didn't deserve my time.
NOW, I know that its their loss, not mine - and I believe in it.
Knowing is nothing IF we don't believe that.
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