Goodbye Ash

Ash died today 30th May 2006. Suddenly too. I was at work. Nobody knew what happened.
He was making strange sounds, like he was hiccupping - I tried the vet, but he was in surgery - I left him a panic message and on the way there, he died.
I cannot begin to explain what that felt like. I was more angry than hurt. Angry because I just came back from a three day trip to KL and Ash was part of my family. I never really wanted a Grey, because they didn't seem attractive like the Macaws or even the Eclectus. BUT I gave it a shot knowing that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether he was colourful or not, and that he would keep me company. I have lost a companion - no matter how tired or long my day was, I made sure his cage is clean for him to go to bed in - I couldn't go home to nothing. I would just seize to function.
There are theories, that Ash probably died because he could have tried to fly and probably went crash into something (unlikely) OR that he ingested something he wasn't supposed to (also unlikely) OR the chinese belief that pets close to us, just die because something bad was going to happen. You know, I still don't get it. He hasn't had a fall, he doesn't eat rubbish, because he's just learning how to crack the sunflower seeds on his own, when he crash lands (trial flight) he lands on the thick carpet.
I didn't have the heart to see him one last time. I said good night to him last night, and thats it - that is how I will remember him.
I will never recover, because boring as his colour was, he was what I went home to.