hitting clinical depression

I'm at the end of my rope and i'm just hanging there.

I woke up this morning, my first day back from a jack-in-the-box bkk trip and was on the phone fighting fire from as early as 9am right through after lunch. I have half a mind to just chuck everything and walk away to the north pole, join santa to make toys for christmas, with the hope that nothing will mess up in the production line!

yes, i am fully aware that i have always done multiple things at one go, but somehow, this time, i don't have the patience to do it anymore - it's beginning to wear me down - some people are great just getting into the cycle of things, but i hate to feel like a washing machine.

Somewhere along the line, i lost my will to believe that this 'suffering' is temporary. That said, I have lost interest in basic things that used to give me an escape route - i don't even bother with chocolates anymore - my comfort food - that's telling - i never pass up chocs.

maybe just too many things crashed onto my plate and maybe i'm just too damaged to find my coping skills. perhaps i have coped for so long that i have no more inside me to want to do anything.
maybe i have hit clinical depression - finally.

perhaps if i admit it, i will find the will to cope - like what i did 10 years ago - was prescribed prozac, looked at the box and found a way out without the help of meds.
but i was less messed up then and i had more time, less work pressures.
i know i'm walking on a tight-rope, and i am going to fall somewhere and hurt myself - yet i do nothing about it and wait for me to fall.

for that reason, i know i'm clinically depressed - i'm not bailing myself out -

don't ever get yourself that way, unless you have the dsm-IV manual and are trained to read it. sure, being strong helps, but in this situation, people don't have the strength to understand anything anymore...they don't want to because they are through listening.

what i'm trying to say is, i have just certified myself - i have made it to all 5 criterias - and it doesn't bother me. 10 years ago, i made 3 criterias and was prescribed.

bottom line : if you hit 3 criterias, get help - if you don't, later, you'll be hit with another 2 and only god can help.