Locus of Control

Some external, some internal.
When we have an internal locus of control, we are the captain of the ship, external means, the surrounding environment rules the seas.....
Most don't like to admit that our locus of control is external - because it is seemingly a weaker trait - but we are what we are and the sooner we come to terms with that, the better for everyone, isn't it?

Of course, there are degrees to this, as with everything. Moderation is always is the key word. But, this never does apply to me - because it's me, we are talking about and I'm much more complicated than any DSM manual.

The great thing about being very internal is, you control what you want to control - minimising disruptions and getting on with it. The bad thing is, there may be tendencies to fall into this black hole of blame and not get out of it. Again, knowing thyself is critical. That is the basis for life and love and whatever else that we set out to do in our lifetime.

Although this doesn't help me resolve my clinical situation, it was brought up because it's part of my self-therapy. I have inched away from hating myself for always getting me off the priority list of life and moved towards controlling what I can - which is my locus of control.

We all know that famous saying "make your bed, lie on it" - but the magical question is, did we actually make that bed so uncomfortable knowing jolly well we are going to lie on it - and if we did, why the hell did we not do a better job. It may not sound like I'm making much progress but actually, it's part of healing - get to the bottom line - find it, if you can't see it, find it.

The answer to why I didn't make the bed more comfortable for me is here ; I found it.

I thought I could manage a lesser thread count - I thought it doesn't matter if it's not Egyptian cotton sheets - I thought I could make do until I cannot - I never thought about what if I cannot, then what again...because I got engrossed in whatever it is I was doing that obviously, retrospectively was more important than this bed I just made....

It's not so bad to have a very high internal locus of control - it's management - and yes, we will mis-manage now and then and get into a clinical state of madness - which isn't the end of the road, because we can still fall back on this locus of control. Question is, getting down to it.