luck of the draw

It takes all kinds to make up the world - and so the saying goes. And unfortunately, when two extremely different people are stuck in a situation, only the worst will surface.

If only people take on their responsibilities seriously and with pride, can all others be ensured that whatever it is that happened wasn't because of an oversight, laziness or couldn't-care-less attitude. I believe that if any justification can be reasoned out, then there wasn't a need to allocate blame and that it becomes a sincere problem requiring a level-headed solution. But when someone deliberately shrugs his responsibilities and reasons that with "I forgot" then that is carelessness and done with an ulterior motive, because just how many critical things could a person actually forget in their lives? We wake up in the morning with a mental list of things to do, and prioritise items - systematic people would do that - any person running a household would do that - or any person working will do that - it's part of life, to have some responsibility.

But there is that 0.1%, who somehow went to the washroom, whilst GOD was dishing out grey matter and so they were born without it. Because of this, they walk on earth doing nothing but destroying another persons sanity, openly. For a person who isn't lucky with lucky draws, this becomes really corny.

It doesn't matter what kind of a relationship we are in, when dealing with these people - they will screw up, regardless and take your sanity along with you. I am dealing with my being clinically depressed by keeping my focus on work - but now that work is approaching it's tail end, I find my outbursts more frequent and the symptoms are cropping up ever too often. The soon-to-be X is capitalising on this and I have been plagued with migraines and chest contractions. No one is ever worth all this pain, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I hate myself for putting me in this position. I hate myself for waiting this long to find a solution.

As a psych major, I know i'm walking on a very fine line but there is nothing much that I can do for myself right now except to quietly think and try to keep busy. No amount of therapy can fix me, since the object of this frustration is flaunting irritations daily in my general direction.

I never knew how it felt to walk close to the edge and be conscious when the light fades out, until yesterday. Perhaps it's not a bad thing, just to get rid of the source of the pain, once and for all.

I wanted to ask GOD, face to face, if I deserved this at all - picking the 'luck' of the draw.