Independence Day

I shared with my team about the final date that has been scheduled and the corny thing is, everyone said the same thing - Independence Day. Perhaps that's why we work well together - they understand me quite well. They were tossing between Freedom and Independence and initially felt that Independence is not something new for me, since they felt that I'm independent already - freedom doesn't fit either, since i have always been free to choose what I wish to do. So, when they settled for Independence Day it was with the rationale that it defines a totality.

As individuals, we strive for independence, yet when we are in a legally binding relationship, it's never independence in totality because with anything that's legally binding, there is a trace of being chained somehow. I know people who live separately for too many years yet never take the final step towards Independence Day - some because of religious beliefs and others because it doesn't matter to them since one party already moved out. For me, it's drawing clear lines so that there is absolute clarity. I am not great with grey areas at all, preferring to either be just on one side. Some who do not seek this totality, think - why waste so much money on legal fees? Well, in business, we say that if you do not spend money, you cannot make money. Likewise for life's lessons. We need to pay to learn. I have now paid twice and hopefully I have learnt by now, that I am doomed to be in non-permanent relationships - like my job. I am not able to hang on to being employed, no matter how bad the economy is, once I have decided to move on. I have always mattered to me and because of my warped personality, it's best I walk this path alone.

I have dreams that I could be different and perhaps, finally be able to find someone who could be a superb companion - someone who cares for me and tells me so; someone who believes that I deserve to be cared for. But that is only a dream. Reality will sink in and I will know that it's not possible for that in this life because I need to live for myself lest I never get the opportunity to.

19 years in a binding relationship (both in total) messed up more than half my life (toddler years not considered). That is quite enough. If that is not empirical proof, I don't know what is.