is the storm over?

It would be safe for me to say that sometimes its easier not to care because when we don't, we do not subject ourselves to procrastinations about whether choice A is better than choice B, in terms of words and deeds.

Why is it, that when we decide to label something, it takes on an entirely different tone and viewpoint and responses need to be measured?

I have always believed that most people are unable to relate to any kind of arrangement, unless it's defined. Once defined, people will respond according to what is within their social expectation and measure the level of success by what has been pre-defined by their respective social circles

I find that to narrow for comfort, yet because we are social creatures technically, there is some level of conformity that cannot be denied no matter how differently we try to define ourselves and break out of the social mould.

In my life which had it's focus solely on raising my son and searching for the rainbow's end, I have come to a point where I'm in this whirlpool which is not overpowering, yet not allowing me to progress outside it's swirl. I'm not swimming in circles, that's for sure, neither am I stagnating at some point on the arc of this swirl - I am drifting outwards, but my progress is marked by unseen expectations as I reach towards the last curl - knowing that I am one stroke away from calm waters. Two things can happen:

The first is , the water is as calm as it seems and I'll be able to take a leisurely pace towards any direction that comforts me. The second is, the calm is just on the surface and the currents could be worse and I could loose myself there, unexpectedly.

There is a school of thought that says, we don't know until we try - but it's almost like saying, we won't know if we'll survive a 10-storey fall, until we try it. Relationships are like that - friendships are like that. Yet, the idea of dying doesn't scare a person as much as the idea of being permanently disabled - that is cause enough to pull up the hand brakes and stop dead in our tracks.

It's easy to say, a year from now, things will be better and things will be different.

What's more pertinent is, how do we know that to be true?

To get to better and different, entails not just logistics but a reconciliation of drips and drabs in our present state and use that to propel us in a direction, but to know the direction, we would require a map. Guess what, most of us are operating without maps - because there is no such thing as a map of life. One which will alert us of hills and mountains, lakes and seas. We just have to go with the sun-dial and wait for the rainbow, so that if all else fails, we would have inched forward with a beautiful view.

The rain hasn't stopped pouring yet. And until it stops, I will be slowly swirling around the the edge of the whirlpool, waiting for the sign - a rainbow, to tell me it's okay to venture out, because the storm is over.