Bintan Lagoon Resort

I had a wonderful weekend at Bintan Lagoon Resort with my gf - managed to get work done, hardly slept of course but that's to be expected - you can never have it all.

I think the shocker was that I felt like I was at some tourist attraction in Singapore, because everything was in Sing Dollars. Ala Carte chicken rice - SGD18 excluding the taxes.

The room was recently renovated and it's more than comfortable. Toiletries were excellent.

There wasn't much to do there unless you're a golfer or a beach person, of which both of us weren't. That weekend was good for us both - we had time to talk as well and catch up, without being limited by having to hang on to the mobile or having to send out long text messages. My gf will be gone for a year, at graduate school.

If there is anything at all, that I came home with, after this weekend is: I'm not a beach person, I am most comfortable in cities and that if I ever go back to a resort, it will be with someone who would drag me to walk on the beach, watch the sunset and feel the breeze brush my skin.

On my own, the soaking in of the beach went on express service not for the lack of breathtaking views.

Yup, that is perhaps why I could not appreciate being in a resort at all.

No one was ever so special enough to flip the switch in my head yet.

no matter what - we survived

The good news as January is plodding to a close is, it's been a good month, although I have been working mainly from the home, via email. The Tiger year does not officially move into cycle until at least Feb 4th, so we are technically not in the tiger year yet. I am not sure, how that affects life in this new year in general, but I do know that I usually prefer to follow the chinese calendar when it comes to looking forward to new endeavors.

I got my drafts back - finally the lit review is right on track. My first draft for the actual research is lagging and I hope it won't take me 8 re-writes to get it right. January played out well for me, since i needed the time at home to work on the papers. It was a rest with a good outcome eventhough it was only one paper of two, which was cleared to be decently written by academic standards.

That is one sliver of silver lining.

I have no clue, how this year will play out, since I may be moving chess pieces onto an entirely different board. My game play for life will change a bit more as I move toward my ultimate goal.

Best case scenarios are usually the ones which happen with pieces falling right into place on time, but going by how my life has gone, it's never all the pieces, but one by one.

I have started to pack for my weekend in Bintan with my gf - and although i'm not thrilled about going away again, I'm excited because it's a new destination for me - never been there. Fresh air and some time away from my work desk would do me some good, since I was planning on the sydney conference next week actually, which is not going to happen - so this is the make-up trip.

The great thing about this upcoming trip is, I am not a beach person at all and I still agreed to go.

Well, it's sometimes not about the location, but the company that would make things different and less of a chore.

I hope to come back and start to work on my life's madness - and at least have some idea what 2010 should have in store for me. We all want things to be better but to what extent is better, better? 2009 was not a good year, but still, it wasn't a bad year for me. It was good enough that I survived the ups and downs with not a scratch. Yet, I wouldn't say it was a good year either.

Having said that, let's just hope for less surprising surprises or shocks and just be thankful that no matter what, we found a solution.

Tunnel vision

I'm still stuck with my placement. Can't seem to get any agency to say yes - to me, it's just 2 things: Either they do not have qualified Psy people for me to hang with OR they just are not really doing things above board and the last thing they need is to allow a 3rd party access to that information.

It's sickens me that we do not have a society that's willing to help graduate students learn and develop better skills through critique. I have another gf who is just trying to gather information about a social service agency's work with a select group for her graduate thesis and again, no one wants to help.

What is our society turning into?

It really shouldn't surprise me, since the culture here is, don't be a kay-po, unless you get some kind of media coverage - some 4D numbers to play - or some reward. It's no wonder I have grown to become bitter about helping people per se and prefer to work with animals or the seriously in need and by that, i mean seriously in need by the standards I have come to know in social services, like the destitute and the loners.

Well, I know this may not happen and don't know what my other options are.

What I can tell you is this - that if people like me, cannot even volunteer for 30 days as a visitor and onlooker, then we do have problems and operating under the radar. If there is nothing to hide, why not help a graduate student gain a perspective? Why this tunnel vision that if we can't benefit, why bother? Why must it always be about personal gains? Why can't it just be about helping another person in a very non monetary sense?

Because our society is not matured enough. Period.

recovering but not recovered

Finally, things are getting back to normal levels - i'm less tired now although pushing my limits would be unwise. Thankfully, work is easing off for a bit, because clients are all travelling and so, will not be around to hassle me much.
The worst thing that could happen to me is to be stuck in bed resting half the day - it's not just boring, but more lame. I can imagine how the aged sick must be feeling, stuck in bed with failing eyesight and limb functions - which is why most are depressed. I am not a good patient and will never be - it's not in my nature to just do nothing and watch TV or read a book or play internet games in bed.

I am travelling this weekend and since it's a place i've never been to before, it may just perk me up. My body's recovering from fatigue and general weakness and as my doctor said, works like a clock - i don't do the unnecessary and it won't give me hell. So i'm just taking things slow and light just so it won't ruin my weekend. My gf is bringing her paper along and so will I - it will be a weekend we both need, just to finish our respective papers and get ourselves off the hook from being chased for drafts.

With everything that's going on, sydney won't work out now, because I don't think i could last a full day schedule during the conference - so i'll skip it now and attend the next one. I am recovering but not recovered which when translated, means, continue with whatever, just don't push your luck. People always said, having a high BP is a killer, but hey, there are meds for that - try having a low BP - all you need is for the sugar levels to drop and total black-out is inevitable with no warning except for a slight light headedness before the lights go out. So i have reverted to having chocolate bars with me again - have not done that in years, but call it going full circle - at least i don't have to worry about calories, which is defiinately an upside to this down situation.

Medically unfit

This is Rusty - the latest addition to counter-balance my stress.

He's 4.5mths old and really a sweet boy.

I'm so stressed out with my medical situation that it's driving me up the wall.

Never mind I can't work for long hours, I get breathless - it's just that I am not a good patient and I detest taking things slow and resting in between.

The good news is, I should be back on my feet soon - how soon, would depend upon how fast my body adjusts - the other good news is, my body works like a fine-tuned clock, which makes it much easier for any doctor to treat - no surprises, just rather straight-forward.

If this is any indication of life in the twilight years, then I have had it. I would probably want the light to permanently go out then. This moving on reverse gear is distressing and causing me migraines. I do not know how to move slowly, or just do one thing at a time - I remember talking about having to do that, simply because I have a paper to complete - but perhaps, this is just GOD's way of making me do what I must - one thing at a time - burning the candle at both ends might have worked for me before, but right now, something's gotta give and I cannot continue at this pace. I'm medically unfit for burning it at both ends.

So, there.

Forced to a corner.

Forced to comply.

Thankfully, we are not in the new chinese calendar yet - otherwise, I wouldn't want to imagine how 2010 will turn out.

White and Me

These are the 2 rabbits I will be bringing home soon. Actually, my first choice were 2 black ones, but somehow these 2 seemed to respond to me better and are somewhat less shy - and as I have read, older rabbits are easier for toilet training and probably more sure of themselves - something I do need since I have a samseng in Frisco.

White was never a choice colour for me, either for clothes or pets. I would always go for black coloured clothes, because black is the basic colour of most suits - makes everything look smaller than it actually is, including ourselves and we certainly do not have to worry about the fabric getting stained. I also go for black coloured cats - simply because people have this belief that black cats are unlucky and very witchy - which made them targets for abuse and unpopular to be picked for another home.

I never liked to paint the walls of my home white - never have done that, ever - I preferred either pastel yellow or just bright bold colours - never chose beige or taupe either.

So, for me to actually go for a pair of white rabbits is really something new - I really wanted to pick the black ones, but somehow, I was drawn to these 2. They are your typical local rabbits - nothing spectacular except that they were huge.

Perhaps in this new year, I'm just making a change - 2010 will definately see me continuing with the slew of changes in my life and going from black to white, isn't all that bad. I'm sure there are many who wonder, why I would bother to make space for a pair of rabbits, a totally different species with a stark difference in temperament - I can't answer that, except to say: once an 'animal' rescue person, always an animal rescue person - these pair have been in the boarding house for more than a year and perhaps, it's time for them to see a brand new year too - being safe in a safehouse, is better than being abandoned on the streets, but if I was wormed toward them (started with my search for research materials) and I do have a large enough utility space unused, since my dog passed away months ago, why not. I'm sure my late Lucky won't mind, since she was a rescued dog too, 17 years ago - and it wouldn't be right to go out and buy a pet when I could shelter another rescued case.

So white it is, to start off 2010.

Leaving Mumbai

These are the last shots of Mumbai that I took, before boarding the flight home. The barriers are there so that only passengers are allowed into the terminal building. I took the picture on the right because there was a man standing on top of the vehicle, unloading bags - I have always been fascinated with this idea of using every part of the car possible.

We ordered sandwiches and coffee when we arrived there and although there wasn't a proper place for us to sit and eat, we managed to enjoy the meal anyways - which just told me that when there is a will, there is way - that when we are hungry, it doesn't matter if we had a comfy place to sit or not - it doesn't matter if we were consuming our sandwiches/burgers whilst the vehicles were just footsteps away from where we were standing. What mattered was, we made use of every second to bid our Hindustani friends goodbye.

Isn't that the bottom line?

That sometimes, we don't need controlled lighting or comfortable seats to make the moment memorable. All we need is the right attitude.

I left Mumbai and came home with one lesson learnt - always make the best of a situation - even when things don't go to plan, make adjustments and get the most out of the situation. Our experiences are as good as we want them to be.

of fibroids

I finally made my way to have a consult with my OBGYN on monday. I have not met him since he delivered my son 17 years ago. There never was a need to.

Anyways, with everything going bonkers lately, I decided to have a consult and find out what's causing me stress - and lo and behold, as I suspected, it was fibroids.

Women know about fibroids and cysts - it's common, yet the very thought of it is rather annoying, because it does cause problems and discomfort. From what I know about fibroids, it's usually benign but whether we remove them or not, would depend very much on how we wish to proceed on with life. I have gfs who just leave them there as long as they don't cause pain and hopefully, it vanishes over time or will be removed at the next c-section. Most of my gfs, do that without complications.

I have no idea what is best for me. Obviously it's being a nuisance now and its still too early to even think about what can be done, since I'll only be going for a proper scan on friday. In the case of fibroids, size does matter and location tool. From what I saw, it was somewhere on the side and I didn't notice it to be protruding.

Whatever it is, I think it may have to be removed either way - because if it's been there for awhile and only decided to be troublesome now, would imply that it's time to get it out.

There is no bottom line for fibroids - it's just there -

Without actually knowing what's going on inside, I am sure that it needs to be removed, simply because my body is intolerant historically and one can only imagine how bad I could end up feeling, long term, if I left it there as if it wasn't there. Already, i'm feeling drained and exhausted - my normal low bp doesn't help the situation and the fibroid putting pressure on the uterine wall doesn't make things right either. This may be just one way for me to run a slower pace but I doubt I could keep up the snails speed for long.

Sheds for cows

I used to see similar sheds in the Tamil movies and I was excited to find some myself, during the road trip back to Mumbai.

One would think the shed is for the people tending to the cows, buffalos and goats, but no, it's for the animals to take shelter in the hot sun.

In an arid land like this, I do wonder what they were picking to eat from the ground, but they all looked well fed and healthy.

According to what I was told, northern India is a bit arid, but if you went south, there will be more greenery. I don't remember doing India for Geog so my knowledge about it's geography is a little unclear.

I wish I could have taken a better picture, but we were rushing to get back to Mumbai before nightfall so this was the best I could do from a moving vehicle.

Ghandi's Residence

I visted Ghandi's residence on the 27th of Dec. It was filled with books (his library).

Got a book on his philosophies for 200Rp which is quite inexpensive since the book was printed on recycled paper. I was impressed, the paper quality was the best I have felt.

I suppose this is a must visit place and no regrets really. The house was like a conservation unit here, except that it had more than 3 floors and it was very well maintained, wooden floors and all.

There were many people hogging their wares outside, nothing related to Ghandi, but just people who know that tourists will visit and it's an opportunity to sell handmade little bags and stuff.

bullock carts

My fascination with buffalos and cows didn't end that easily. We were travelling from Mumbai to Nashik and Shridi and I just couldn't help myself.

The buffalos were just there on the road, like they belonged - part of the vehicular traffic. It must be so fun, travelling on a bullock cart - the buffalos were not slow, but travelling at a decent speed, which is why there are 2, pulling one cart. I saw some with coloured horns - never found out why, but perhaps it's about ownership.

approaching Mumbai

I thought the hills and contrast of the dry land and greenery makes this a pretty sight. It does give us an idea of what to expect in the city - a more arid nature.

What struck me looking out the window was the mountains and hills which seemed to be displaying contours - so different from the flat plains of rice fields (which I am quite used to flying over).

Later, I was to discover that to build roads, the hills had to be blasted otherwise.

Elephanta Caves, Mumbai

This was what greeted me when I arrived at the Elephanta Caves - a handsome buffalo. I have always been fascinated with their horns - it's so primitive yet it's regal somewhat.

They were roaming free on the island, probably belonging to the islanders there, who were paddling wares all the way up the caves. Although the caves are quite worn by erosion, we could still find some good carvings left, like the one on Lord Ganesha - the outline is quite clear.

The place was very crowded, and almost impossible to take a leisurely walk uphill, but we made it there.

Shree Siddhivinayak Temple, Mumbai

I decided to take a snapshot of the temple as we were pulling away in the car.
The temple was too crowded for me to take any decent pictures. We were all too busy trying to get into the correct queue to buy the offerings and to actually get in front of the altar, which could take as long as 45 minutes - it's crazy but that's how things are at this temple.

It was our first stop, right after we unpacked from the airport. I must say that I probably didn't do a good job seeking for blessings, but I am certain that no matter what, having gotten there was enough.

With 2 kids in tow, and people jostling like in a can of tuna, no one could even pray properly. Before you can actually focus on the altar, the back line is already pushing to get in front.

Anyways, it was an experience to have been in the most miraculous temple of all.

Welcome to Mumbai

This was what I had to post, because I watch Bollywood and Tamil Silverscreen movies and always see them having bags/boxes on top of their taxis.

I was travelling with my gf and her two kids - she had a very huge luggage, which the taxi driver loaded into the trunk. And nothing else could go into it afterwards, because there was also a CNG tank. But we just got off a long flight and I wasn't really paying attention until I was in the cab and we were on the way to the apartment. When i looked around and didn't see my luggage, I started to panic but I was told it's in the cab - but I really couldn't recall. When we arrived at our destination, I jumped out, to find that my dearest luggage arrived safely too.

I thought this to be really interesting, since, I have been to many places and have never had my luggage travel exposed this way.

Bottom line is, whatever works - I must give it to the taxi driver - doesn't matter if the cab is this old ambassador type vehicle - we find solutions and if that meant dumping the bags on top, then so be it - it's creativity at it's best.

Mumbai Bridge

This was what I saw driving into Mumbai city from the airport. The most talked about bridge in Mumbai.

An amazing architecture, I believe it's one of the longest bridges in the world - i'm not certain of the facts but it took them a long time to build, a lot of money but it's definately worth it.

The bridge ends along Marine Drive, a high end district.

Haji Ali, Mumbai

This the Haji Ali seen from 'mainland' Mumbai just before you step onto the 'causeway' footpath.

Apparently, during the monsoon season, the causeway footpath is accessible only during the low tide. My trip there was during winter, so we were not affected by the tides, thankfully.

I was there the same day I arrived in Mumbai, on the 26th of December 2009.

There were many goats there - looked cute too and I couldn't resist taking a snapshot of them with my mobile phone camera.

The Haji Ali was packed and all women had to be 'covered' before allowing entry into the shrine. I saw many visitors, muslims and non-muslims alike.

For me, visiting Haji Ali was amazing, because it's like a huge kramat on an atoll - one would wonder how it stood the test of time and weather - it could do with a good upgrade, but importantly, it seem to be able to upgrade the humanity just by the beliefs and faith that the believers had.

I felt that, this was good enough for us all.

To have faith, to have hope and to believe that no matter how bad things may be, there is always something to look forward to.