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June 27, 2008

to stay or not to stay

Why do people stay on in unhelpful relationships? I will not use the word 'bad' because in relationships, people are either helpful or not - i.e. we either become better people or we stagnate. Relationships are about growth.

There was mention somewhere that it could be the old bedroom slippers syndrome but there is always more to it than just that. The very basic explanation is also helplessness - like when women stay on in abusive relationships.

I think that the fear of change is what we all dread. Before things can get better, it has to get worse. That's logic. There is also another saying about when you're at the bottom, the only other way is up. No one likes change - that word implies so many unknowns - like in math, don't we hate algebra, where we had to find the value of an unknown or two?

People like to deal with what they know or are aware of.
It's the devil and the deep blue sea syndrome - if you choose devil, your expectation is some horned wicked creature. As for the deep blue sea - we don't really know what's below a certain depth - what's below the safe level before we get nitrogen poisoning.

Change is not a comfortable thing - it upsets schedules - it rearranges everything we have known for sure in our lives. But sometimes, we need to make such changes to move forward. It may not help when we are almost alone with no family support, but if it has to be done, it has to be done.
I say that because this is the situation I'm in.
Do I stay and tolerate life or do I make a change and live life?
Do I stay because it's the less stressful choice or should I just disrupt everything and think for myself.

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