being real

When a relationship ends, two things can happen.

FIRST - the person who was hurt, ends up being emotionally affected

SECOND - it was mutual and no one is really emotionally affected

I know there will be some people who think that both parties are mutually affected - but realistically, that's rare. People are creatures of habit - preferring not to deal with changes and a change in the status of a relationship is not a small matter but a big deal.

The person who has the most, riding in the relationship, will be the most affected.

I find it difficult to believe when a person tells me that someone chose to end a relationship after many years and then spent 3 days crying - when she has been procrastinating this break-up for almost a year.

Perhaps I do not expose myself emotionally that I misunderstood - but that again is not true. As 'cold' as I can be, I do feel like anyone else - I just manage my emotional state, outwardly better. In all my relationships before, I was the one who walked away - there were times, when it wasn't because of a lack of affection, but just I just felt that it wasn't a relationship that I needed - and when I walked away, I didn't have to ball my eyes out - I just moved on.

Some would say, that's really cold and perhaps it wasn't even real - but no, it was real because I do not indulge in an exclusive relationship because it's fashionable.

So, yes, I was a bit disgusted that my gf wasn't truthful in filling in the gaps - and expected me to be sympathetic. But, I understand that she has to preserve her sense of having done the right thing because she's talking to me, yet I don't understand why she bothered to share that with me, if she wasn't prepared to totally unload.

If we need advice, we need to come clean.

If we need counseling, we need to come clean.

We cannot get help, if we hold back - because the story is incomplete and until there is complete understanding of any situation, the correct amount of 'help' cannot be rendered. It's like having this building collapse - if the report said the roof caved in it certainly would trigger a different alarm from a report which said the entire 25-storey building crumbled like a pack of cards.

The bottom line : Don't expect sympathy if we are not ready to totally unload. And even when we do, we need to be real - we cannot expect people around us to be real, when we are not.