some should just be in the queue

For the many who cannot understand why it's important to find your passion in life, trust me, it's important.

Someone, told me that you can either exist in your life or live it. I am sure I have mentioned this many times in this blog. And until we decide that we want to live life, we will never find the passion in living.

It may take me weeks before I could actually say I have defused my anger - but the good news is, I can only manage one emotion at a time and for the moment, my depression is on the back burner again. I do not feel as hopeless and helpless perhaps because nasty as my gf was yesterday, I wasn't about to let her be right. Perhaps this is my coping mechanism, because the low level energy gets charged with anger and it's directed outwards to the target asking to get shot at.

The one thing we should and must learn is, if a person is so inward-looking, then we should just walk away. There is no meaning in friendship if it's one-sided - friends should be around each other, when things are rough, if nothing, just to be there. friends should share the laughter as well and be sincerely happy if things work out fantastically for one of them. If we are not able to draw any kind of fair exchange in that friendship - it's not a friendship at all, but a game.

Why a game?

Well, when we are competing, we do our best to get to the finish line before the other competitor or we try to shoot more balls into the hoop. Whatever it is, a game is when there is a winner and looser.

My gf will never understand my academic life nor will she even try to, because she has not come to terms with herself and probably has many unsatisfactory moments. She is obviously bitter with her life and me, being in a depressive state, became a convenient target for her. What she doesn't know is, that no matter how deep into depression I am, I will never stand for unnecessary outbursts and unfair comments - irrespective of where it's being directed.

Sure, she got me really hurt yesterday but for a minute, because after that, all i could feel was simmering anger - and 24 hours later, the hurt has gone, anger subsided and disgust sets in.

Perhaps I should learn that unless a person sincerely cares about what happens to me, I should not bother about what happens to them, because i'm not a social services agency and even if I'm trained in this field - I'll learn to say, take a queue number and see the other counselor over THERE!