so, i usually move on with what i thought was the correct turn and well, after a few correct turns, I came to this very busy junction - a real crossroad and now I'm parked in the middle of this yellow box, not being able to figure out where to turn.
At the back of my mind, I do know where my journey should end - yet getting there is really tough, because i have my luggages strewn all over the roads i have traveled on - and light is a great way to go, although it would be quite irresponsible of me.
I have observed a long silence, because i'm clinical again...i wish i could say in all honesty that I would be able to get out of this doldrum soon, but it doesn't look promising - in all my life, depression was always at the back-seat, because i busied myself with too many things - and being in my stock-taking season before my birthday, doesn't help at all. I haven't read back on where I was, a year back, because it may just set my off deeper into the darkness that has enveloped me - on the up-side, it may give me a clue - either way i'll find the courage to read back.
Perhaps for me, being depressed and emotionally damaged is the norm. After all, there never was a time in my life over the past fifteen years that made me think that i have recovered - i have managed it, but never dealt with it the way it should be dealt with.
When you've been this depressed for this long, it's all you know and it's all you wake up to. I'm sure it will pass, again when I busy myself with my research - and it'll just reside quietly under my skin.
I am a lot closer to completing graduate school - which should be an achievement in itself, since too many things changed over the past year - but somehow, that's not comforting me at the moment because when I finish, i know i'll be stuck again, because there will be more studying to get done and the question then would be, why, how, where.
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