if a limb is bad, chop it off

When a limb is bad, cut it off.
That was told to me a long time ago, when I was 20+ and did not know much it entails when it concerned hacking up a part of the body.

Today is 080808, the opening of the Beijing Olympic games and the local big Toto draw.
But today is a day full of disgust for me.

I finally found legal representation for my divorce. It's not easy to appoint one, simply because not all lawyers are as helpful. Lawyers tend to be indifferent because for them it's just a process of words being exchanged on paper and as long as they stick to it, they would have done their job. Also, a lot are charging an arm and a leg for this process - making the saying true that it's cheaper to get married than to get divorced.
I thought that was a good way to end my day (got this brainwave at about 4pm) until I broke the news to the soon-to-be-ex.
He asked me why bother to divorce if it costs so much.

And so, my peaceful day overturned and volcanic me erupted.

I didn't want to get into another lengthy discussion, so I reminded him to thank god that he just began his depression, because I have been depressed for more than 6 years now - almost went on prozac - and although I never was near suicidal, all other limits were crossed.
People don't change and for that reason we mustn't have any expectation that they would. After every disagreement, couples will give in for a bit, but this is never permanent and everyone will get into their ole comfy bedroom shoes and the rig-ma-role will begin all over again.

I took this opportunity to tell him that for this very reason, he's being divorced - that we are never on the same page of the book at the same time - he expects me to cut him slack - at the time when we are discussing terms.

I, on the other hand, manage my emotions so well that unless I choose to allow those emotions to be shared, it will be kept pretty much locked up unlike him, who gets upset and tells me he's not - which to me is a lie - I will say i'm upset when I am - and leave it at that - life goes on.
We cannot change everything and definately not everyone.
So when we cannot get the better of a situation, we just have to deal with it.
A show of upset ain't going to fix it.
And if after so many years of life, a person cannot relate to that equation, then it's obvious that they are on some planet which allows for such control that's why they have this hope.

This marriage failed because I married someone who thought he married someone who loved him more. He admitted that to me before when I asked for a divorce.
What he didn't realise then was the fact that I didn't love him - I cared about what happens to him - I cared a lot. That got muddled up with love - after tons of explanations years ago, he agreed that we didn't marry because of love, it was circumstances that made it happen. Now, I'm back to before that explanation and agreement.

I decided to end my day with a PERIOD and told him:
For this reason, we should not have married, because when I say something, I mean it, when you say something (like understand something) you don't, simply because your mind doesn't and cannot retain information and it becomes my problem at a later date.

So, never wait till the limb goes bad to chop it off - because gangrene spreads and before you know it, you'll have to chop off your head.