Which is more important, a self-identity or an identity that designated by social circles? Dumb question, but you'd be surprised how many are victims of their social circles.
Self-identity
A sense of self that doesn't depend upon what your circle of friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbours think. It's a person's trait which makes up the building block of how that person would react, what he would hold important and what is trival.
A person with a strong sense of self-identity, will be able to stand by his views even in the face of a majority with a varying view.
People should accept themselves for who they are - and be happy with what they see.
This attitude destroys friendship, because conversation becomes a quiz, where there is an underlying need to be seen as the more successful.
I met a good friend of mine after loosing touch with her for too many years - and lately she has regressed into this sad state. I have no idea why she has this need to constantly belittle people yet never failing to add that she is a simpleton and then goes on to say that she's not an academic (couldn't even pronounce that word, by the way), yet she has been enlightened because of her travels. She was referring to another person who's in her social group who is a law lecturer.
Then she goes on to say that another chaps daughter had to do a post-grad year because she wanted to get into some Art school in the US but her own daughter could enrol for a Master's programme right away.
I think it's wrong to think that of anyone - people do a post-grad year for many academic reasons - I took the time to explain to her, that especially when a student decides to major in a different field, it will be required - but she prefers to run them down.
The conversation was filled with what a good cook she is, what a delicious cake she baked, what a good mother she is, what a good wife she is.....what she needs is a Shrink.
she has issues and if she would just stop and listen to herself, she would know how she lost track of what life is about. It's really pointless to preach then do the direct opposite.
it's really also pointless to offer help to a drowning man yet when he stretches his hand to be pulled out of the water, you tell him you need to make a phone call and when he drowns, you say, if you cannot swim, why go into the water.
Then instead of beating yourself up for making an unimportant phone call, you decide to make reservations at a classy restaurant for you and your other friends. During the meal, you will tell them how this stupid friend of yours went into the water and drowned and that although you wanted to extend a hand, you didn't because he should have known better and after all, if you didn't make that phone call, there won't be a table for all of you.
I have volunteered to foster my other gf's child. You know what this other friend told me?
"don't forget that it's not your child and if the mother is irresponsible, it shouldn't be your problem"
she knows that at this point in time, I have to do this otherwise the child continues to stay in a shelter.
Are there really people like that?
Yes, you don't even need to look very hard for them.
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