Peer Pressure continued

It must be difficult for teens to find their own identity - but just how difficult, is something that seems too far away in my distant memory - I have no basis to figure it out, simply because it's never was something that bothered me so much that I became maladaptive. I remember moments when I wished I was a little more like other girls - who wore party dresses instead of jeans and a shirt - girls who wore make up when I preferred to just go without, not because I didn't want to, I didn't know how to. And although I was different from even my best friend then, I always was still part of the group. Looking back, it could have been because I could hold my own - I was a an athelete, class captain, office bearer for the cca and basically wasn't failing in class.

The whole problem could be that our teens today do not believe in self identity anymore. There may be a need for some kind of membership. If we said that it's because most came from homes with 2 working parents, I would say that cannot be the only reason. If each and every delinquent kid has his own identity, he would know that whatever he choses to participate in had consequences and if the end result clashes with his belief/value system, he would abandon the idea and then realise that his membership has no value.

If we golfed, we would go for a club membership with greens - otherwise it's just a social membership to a kind of club for a distinctive group. If you paid $5 for a membership, you cannot possibly expect a $50000 value in terms of service and facilities - there isn't such a thing.

So kids need to formulate their self identity really quickly - which we know, doesn't happen. How do we help them get around this? I don't think it's about having more lessons on civic and moral education because it obviously isn't working for our kids here. I think it's in being interactive - we need to engage in conversation, let them learn by example and give them confidence in expressing their opinion. If we keep shutting them up, every time they have an idea, we are pushing them away - because their friends would listen.

They need to be heard and their opinions shouldn't be brushed off as childish or silly. If it is, then let's have a friendly debate with them - engage their thinking skills - help them form a value system. Once they have that - you can be sure, peer pressure to them is history.