A new road is being paved

The time has come for me to actually do the paperwork for my divorce. It's been a year actually, not of procrastination, but a year spent tidying up whatever loose ends that could be tidied up outside the legal framework. I am now ready for the legal paperwork.

Most lawyers expect delays, because even when divorces are amicable, they feel that people need validation before they are able to actually proceed. With divorce, comes division of matrimonial assets and custody, maintainence and alimony - things which if not settled prior, could drag on the divorce case into chambers, which means, more time and more money - money I am not willing to invest into something that has given me nothing but regret. I didn't need any sort of validation - I needed to secure matters that could be adjourned to chambers so that it doesn't.

My gfs are happy - very happy that finally, paperwork will get done. I do not have patience for lengthly tussles, preferring to sort things out, come to some sort of settlement and then finish it. I am a creature who likes things organised and although it took me a whole year to do it, it wasn't time not well spent. The only validation I sought was that of recovering my contributions to the upkeep of the home for many years. I wasn't going to walk away with nothing because this marriage sucked up too many years of my life - which I have equated to missed opportunities for my personal development. Crude way of looking at things, but there isn't any other way, if we are dealing with reality.

I have no last words, except that, when we decide to get into a permanent relationship, we should know we are doing it for ourselves, not for the sake of anyone else.

I have grown up much, the past 12 months - and most have seen me, the way I am, as a person in my own right. I have been using my own name for a year now and it feels great. It's time to permanently close the book and burn it.

It's just the legality of it all that makes it stressful - and people cannot understand that if a marriage is dead, it's dead - doesn't matter what it says legally - but in our society, it does matter to some. I could save a bundle in legal fees by just existing as an individual but legally still tied - but that is not ideal. I will always be burdened. I know many who do that. Couples who are estranged and live separate lives. I do not want to be like that. I want to be free, karmic encumberences and all.