divorces

It must be the year for divorces - by that I do not mean just marital - I have had clients who have 'divorced' their parent, their job, their matrimonial home i.e living separately and those who actually divorced their spouses, including myself. This morning, I met another client, who has filed for divorce and is disposing their matrimonial home.

Perhaps it's not a year for 'divorces' but one of a fresh start.

It's really strange, but perhaps because my situation is similar, I tend to be more attentive and hence noticing the trend is not surprising. Perhaps marriage is really not necessary because if I actually went through my contact list, I'll be able to find many who have at least filed for divorce once and is actually in a 2nd marriage, or still single.

For the many reasons that people cite to get the divorce, the most common would be irreconciliable differences - in lay terms, it means they have grown apart, which happens to the best of couples simply because although people do not change, our expectations will change over time as the dynamics changes. When that happens, our coping mechanisms are stretched and again, if we feel that its too much of a compromise, then we decide to throw in the towel - if we feel that we are ok to stretch our patience and keep the peace, then we do.

Therefore, whether we actually decide on a new course of life for ourselves, would depend upon what we hold to be most important. Some do really great and make-do. Some others like myself, are just not prepared to make-do and prefer a life on our own, which isn't a bad thing, if you're seriously independent and frankly, what else can a marriage offer besides compromise after compromise.

I am not speaking because I am jaded about marriage. I am not. I have come to terms with who I am. I have gfs who are unhappily married yet hang in there for years - I respect that decision. I was once there, hanging on until I felt that the time was correct i.e. the changes will affect a least number of people who are connected to this marriage. So although I hung on, I had a mental deadline - and when the deadline was crossed, everything just got set into motion.

It's not that marriages are bad, it's just bad for some people.