Of the many things that bother me, the most bothersome is when I realise that someone I know fails terribly in the sincerity department. I consider myself pretty good at summing up a person - I'm seldom wrong about people. I do not judge a person when they fall short of some trait made popular by society - because I have my own set of scales. You cannot have every person on this planet, a photocopy of the next person - we need variety and mix, just so the world is colourful - it was meant to be like this. We take the good and the bad and we decide whether we can live with it. I'm fine with that, until that person becomes judgemental of others - that to me, is the ultimate sin.
This year alone - there had been 2 occasions when friends, who are discussing other people in our 'social circle', make references to some character of the person in question AND adds this statement : "I'm not a psychologist, yet I know that".
Question : Why must people say things like that?
Question : Why do people think psychologists read minds?
That is the poorest misconception about my profession which has existed for donkey years! I have been trained in this field, but certainly, no module ever covered HOW TO READ MINDS!
And why must they belittle themselves - thinking like a professional at work, that is telling me something about them - which they volunteered, yet if they got wind that I know their hang up, it's because I'm reading their mind! *duh!
Sometimes I think people think that we think that we are the cream of the graduating crop. Well, there is some truth to that, because this is not an easy field of work at all - because it has to do with abstracts and unknowns - it's not as specific as being a math major or an econs major - we deal with people and we heal people like doctors only our healing is with their mental state and doctors treat the somatic symptoms. I have not met a snobbish psychology major, we are all very friendly people - just misunderstood by the people who do not know about our profession.
A close friend told me this when she was talking about another gf of mine, disagreeing with how this gf is handling her bad situation with her kids.
I didn't want to get into an argument, so I simply brushed her off with a one liner
"I don't judge her, I accept her for who and what she represents. I've known her for too many years like you, and I have come to terms with her ways".
When we decide to share a friendship, especially with the few who have somehow touched our lives, we take them wholesale - lock, stock and barrel - good and the bad - that's friendship - it sees no boundaries and it offers a helping hand - even if that means going out on a limb. When we extend a helping hand, we expect nothing in return - that is friendship. When we have expectations of receiving some returns, then that's business.
It was at the tip of my tongue to tell her off, but because I also have known this close friend for too many years, I stopped. This rule applies to her as well.
I'm not perfect - I just accept people for WHO they are and I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm sure they accept my acid tongue sometimes and my lack of empathy all the time. But I felt sad, because I expected more from this close friend simply because it's sad to see how people guard their comfort so carefully that they forget to actually feel and think.
I know she's upset that I'm offering to foster my gf's kid - but that's my decision and I am compromising my comfort to accommodate this child - my sacrifice - not hers.
This childs mother needs my help and I have offered willingly. I have done it before for her other kid and I'm doing this for this kid too. I don't care if I have to cancel my australian holiday because I have an additional responsibility, because an australian holiday isn't going to mean I made it in life.
I would have made it in life, if I know I have done the right thing at the right time for the right person, in this case it's for a 13 year old kid, who used to camp in my home during the holidays, from the time she was a toddler. She needs me now, and so does her mother. My close friend expects me to just comfort her and walk away.
If that was me, I think I would rather just od on prozac.
Perhaps this problem came at the correct time - I'm so pre-occupied making this girl feel right that for now, I have put my own depression aside, because this child needs to be mended and she hugged me so tightly with tears rolling down her cheeks that her needs has to come before mine.
Someone told me that I'm made of 'sterner' stuff - he's right - and because I am, being clinically depressed is something I can switch off - it's gone onto the back burner - not really possible for regular people - but I draw my strength from that and hence my survival in one physically abusive and one loveless marriage. that, is another story
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