State or Trait?

State or Trait?
We were discussing depression and this question came up - how did the discussion start, well, close friends picked it up during tea and because no one has had training, there was obviously much concern. Also, it's not an overnight thing, it's progressing in the wrong direction.

Depression is a state - not a trait, because it does not have any bearing on personality at all. It can affect anyone, at any time, for any duration. If a person is of a depressive nature, i.e. perhaps having a bleak outlook upon life and things, then that is personality based - and a trait.

I had to reassure her that I'm fine - and in my context, it's my responsibility to keep track of where I am so that I am able to self-cure. It's not something everyone can do, because there are limits unconsciously set by the mind. When the mind is in this state, it may not have the will to mend and most would require assistance to do so. But this is my mind we were discussing about and for that, no alarm bells are required.

In fact, I was joking about it to another gf a few days ago, about how much it must have taken for me to hit clinical, since I have never been this far up the scale. Over the years, my unhapppy state of mind was managed by coping and hanging on, making the best of the situation. Now, the dynamics have changed and I'm moving forward, which required a dissection of everything so that lessons are learnt, the truth swallowed and contingency plans put into place. When that happens, we have to admit our mistakes, find the source so that it never repeats in the future.
That was how I got here - the dreaded list of what i didn't do correctly.

I could well sweep this under the mat and move on. If I did that, then I would have made getting myself into this shit, a personal trait. I would much rather take my chances with being in a bad state of mind and manage it.

She was so worried, she made me stay till supper. I appreciate that since she has watched me move from one abusive marriage to another bad one, always doing this for the convenience of someone else - never because of love. She has never seen me walk down any aisle in a wedding dress. I have never worn one, because there was never a reason for me to.

Therefore, the state of mind I am in, is temporary, albeit worrying for all - my personality trait of always just existing doesn't worry anyone although that seems to be more permanent.

It's a double-edged sword for me, because either way it kills my spirit - but at least being in a less ideal state of mind is something I know I can fix over time, because I'm me - scary for people who care that I'm walking on this tightrope with no safety net that they can visualise. I am able to deal with it - I just need time.