I had my gf's daughter for 4 hours yesterday. She has been living like a detainee for 3 months, getting a one hour visit from her mother weekly. No internet access, no handphone - one 3-minute call to her mother each week.
When I brought her home, she went straight for the computer to check her Friendster and Hotmail - then to Youtube. I shouldn't be surprised that a 13 year old is so bogged down by the internet, since that has been a social must for most adults and kids. It's one way of effortless interacting, pseudo or otherwise.
In between her pizza and chicken wings, she was busy clearing her mail - spoke to her mother who is away and I could hear her joking with my son, who is on another computer, gaming.
When it was time to send her back, she reluctantly changed, asked if she could use one of my bags. She didn't wear the same clothes she wore when I picked her up - she used one of my traditional outfits, my bag - brushed her hair, said her goodbyes and we left.
It was painful to watch and worse still to be a part of her 'detention' for a bit longer. But I'm sure it was the best 4 hours she had in 3 months - and her wanting to borrow my stuff meant a lot more than just borrowing. She clutched the rugsack so tightly in the cab and sat very close to me, as if not wanting to let me go. I hugged her tight at the gate and told her that I'll see her Wednesday with her Mushroom Swiss meal.
I may be strict sometimes, but I don't have what it takes to punish kids this way. At least when they are not wayward and are victims of their parents bickering. I don't believe in sparing the rod and spoiling the child either preferring to use reason especially when they are teenagers and if that doesn't work then I will let reality be their check and balances. If they mess up, they will have to pick themselves up and fix it - perhaps it's harsh, but learning things the hard way is sometimes better for them.
Next weekend, she will be with me.
I have no idea how we are going to make it more worthwhile other than having her and my son on their respective computers - which seems to be what teenagers 'live' for. What would we do if the world doesn't have the internet? Would we take more pains to spend quality time? The internet seems to have overtaken our personal space as well. I certainly do not wish to have her online for the entire weekend!
Well, there must be some other ways of spending time, right?
Or is there?
No comments:
Post a Comment